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She left me for her ex and now wants me back

Felapton

By Felapton,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Bromeo

Bromeo

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She wants to be with her ex but for some reason it doesn't workout.

You get back togeather and she will eventually run back to the ex if she thinks it can work. The ex is always going to be in her life until he meets someone else.

I once dated a woman like yours. Dumped me 6 times for her ex and always would run back to me at the first sign of trouble. Don't be me.

 

Jesus, Been, that must have been rough. Mine left and came back three times, and that was painful as hell. Online fist bumps to you for going through that.

 

My problem was I always think the best of people, and the worst of myself. When mine finally left, starting seeing someone after three weeks of NC (righhhhht), I still thought I was the problem.

 

Here's the best part, when I was in it long enough, you begin to think that its normal, and that compassionate, empathetic women are the crazy ones, and that my exs punishing behaviors, and silent treatment was normal and deserved. Only after explaining mine and her faults to about a dozen women, and EVERY ONE OF THEM said our issues were not that serious and could be resolved did I start to listen.

 

Distance, growth, and support are the keys to getting right.

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Felapton

Felapton

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Update: she came to my place last night unannounced so we talked for an hour. She poured her heart out to me and started saying things like she made the biggest mistake of her life. I admit I just wanted to kiss her and take her to my room but I resisted. In the end I decided to test her by telling her that she needed to be by herself and that I didn't trust her yet. I told her I needed time away from her and maybe a couples of months later I might consider talking to her again. I think she is scared of being single and doesn't know to handle it so if during the time apart she doesn't go running back to her ex or someone else, I might be willing to work on us.

 

I will keep you posted! Ty for your feedback, you guys give me the strength I need!

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Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

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Update: she came to my place last night unannounced so we talked for an hour. She poured her heart out to me and started saying things like she made the biggest mistake of her life. I admit I just wanted to kiss her and take her to my room but I resisted. In the end I decided to test her by telling her that she needed to be by herself and that I didn't trust her yet. I told her I needed time away from her and maybe a couples of months later I might consider talking to her again. I think she is scared of being single and doesn't know to handle it so if during the time apart she doesn't go running back to her ex or someone else, I might be willing to work on us.

 

I will keep you posted! Ty for your feedback, you guys give me the strength I need!

 

You handled it really well! What did she say when you said that?

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Felapton

Felapton

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I was kinda mentally prepared for the conversation since I expected it to happen eventually. She asked me how could I be so calm about it and if I still loved her. I told her I wasn't sure how I felt about her anymore and that I needed space to sort things out. She then asked if I was seeing someone else so I told her that she didn't get to know about my life since she decided to leave mine when she cheated. As a matter of fact I have been meeting and going out with other women but nothing serious because I know how much it hurts to be the rebound and I don't wish it to anyone.

 

In the end, she respected my decision and told me that she knew I still loved her deep inside my heart. I just said goodbye to that and that was it.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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My advice, after what I've been through. If you really do love her, and care about her, don't drag this out. She is heartbroken over you and anxious. By you dating others, and leading her on for 2 months (because that is what you are doing now by telling her to wait), she is going to feel worse and worse and worse. It will drastically harm your ability to have a functioning relationship with her in 2 months.

 

If you do love her, take her back now. If you know you aren't sure or don't want her, then cut off ALL TIES. Do not lead this woman on. She may have hurt you but she is hurting badly I am sure.

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Felapton

Felapton

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My advice, after what I've been through. If you really do love her, and care about her, don't drag this out. She is heartbroken over you and anxious. By you dating others, and leading her on for 2 months (because that is what you are doing now by telling her to wait), she is going to feel worse and worse and worse. It will drastically harm your ability to have a functioning relationship with her in 2 months.

 

If you do love her, take her back now. If you know you aren't sure or don't want her, then cut off ALL TIES. Do not lead this woman on. She may have hurt you but she is hurting badly I am sure.

 

I do love her and she probably does mean the things she said but I have doubts about how unpredictable and fickle her feelings are. This time I have to put my emotional well being first because last time I put hers first it ended really bad for me. If she can't go 2 months hanging on just like I did then it was not meant to be.

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Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

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My advice, after what I've been through. If you really do love her, and care about her, don't drag this out. She is heartbroken over you and anxious. By you dating others, and leading her on for 2 months (because that is what you are doing now by telling her to wait), she is going to feel worse and worse and worse. It will drastically harm your ability to have a functioning relationship with her in 2 months.

 

If you do love her, take her back now. If you know you aren't sure or don't want her, then cut off ALL TIES. Do not lead this woman on. She may have hurt you but she is hurting badly I am sure.

 

I disagree, she's messed him around plenty, I'm not saying he should wait to 'get back at her', but going by their history it hasn't worked in the past when she's gone from him to her ex etc. If she's serious she will respect the space and understand its needed if they want to be serious again.

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Sweetfish

Sweetfish

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My advice, after what I've been through. If you really do love her, and care about her, don't drag this out. She is heartbroken over you and anxious. By you dating others, and leading her on for 2 months (because that is what you are doing now by telling her to wait), she is going to feel worse and worse and worse. It will drastically harm your ability to have a functioning relationship with her in 2 months.

 

If you do love her, take her back now. If you know you aren't sure or don't want her, then cut off ALL TIES. Do not lead this woman on. She may have hurt you but she is hurting badly I am sure.

 

Are you kidding me?

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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My point is that two wrongs do not make a right. Just because she dragged you along doesn't mean it's the right thing to do the same thing to her. It's hurtful. I get you were hurt but this sets up a terrible dynamic. Be the better person. I'm serious.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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That's why I said if he isn't sure, he should just cut it off now and not lead her on. It's not right and it will make things worse not "even stevens".

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Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

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My point is that two wrongs do not make a right. Just because she dragged you along doesn't mean it's the right thing to do the same thing to her. It's hurtful. I get you were hurt but this sets up a terrible dynamic. Be the better person. I'm serious.

 

And how did it work out for him last time? He said himself her feelings are on and off like a tap. He is doing the right thing being cautious. He's not 'dragging her along', he's being smart.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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She isn't suddenly going to become "not fickle." She is who she is. You take it or leave it. Don't drag the thing out.

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Jimmyjackson

Jimmyjackson

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She isn't suddenly going to become "not fickle." She is who she is. You take it or leave it. Don't drag the thing out.

 

If he runs back to her instantly like a lost puppy with open arms she'll probably toss him to the side again.

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Sweetfish

Sweetfish

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My point is that two wrongs do not make a right. Just because she dragged you along doesn't mean it's the right thing to do the same thing to her. It's hurtful. I get you were hurt but this sets up a terrible dynamic. Be the better person. I'm serious.

 

 

No, the wrong was dumping the OP

The Right is protecting his well being.

 

It takes time to build trust and if she loves him... she waits...

 

if she doesn't...she'll find another dude.. no problem

 

Its not the fact of even stevens.. its that men are not revolving doors or tree branches.

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Felapton

Felapton

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How is him seeing other women building trust with her?

 

I was seeing other women when she suddenly popped back into my life so it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong. She can't expect me to be waiting for her while she was trying things out with her ex.

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Sweetfish

Sweetfish

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How is him seeing other women building trust with her?

 

 

How does seeing other men build trust?

 

He is probably seeing other women because he is trying to displace the feeling of loss and looking to fill the void. Lucky the OP is smart and is thinking and reflecting. The OP has strong ego strength and reflecting upon his and her actions.

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Felapton

Felapton

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How is him seeing other women building trust with her?

 

I understand that you might have been in a similar situation to my ex, but you don't know exactly what is going on in her mind and neither do I. Until I can be certain that I can take her back, I won't take the risk to get my heart broken again.

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Ilovepizzalady

Ilovepizzalady

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I understand that you might have been in a similar situation to my ex, but you don't know exactly what is going on in her mind and neither do I. Until I can be certain that I can take her back, I won't take the risk to get my heart broken again.

 

In my opinion, basically she broke her own heart, by going back to what she thought was a more secure situation. However, she was not in love with her ex anymore and she was in love with you. So right now when she gets upset, cries and says how can you be so calm? She is going through heartbreak, we almost all beg and cry when we are heartbroken. She is experiencing it the way that tons of people on this forum are. It hurts, very badly. So she is wondering why it doesn't hurt for you (maybe you already went through it?)

 

And you seeing other women (which of course you can if you are single) to her feels horrible, because she is in love with you.

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