My story as the OW

[drypuddle]

Sooo... he's at work this morning and he sent me a text telling me we needed to talk. I asked why and he said about what I told his wife. I was like ... so you want to talk about the truth? Okay. So I told him I would find him in a few minutes. Herein lies the conversation ...

 

MM: you didn't have the right to do that.

Me: you know what I went through with my marriage.. and while what my husband did do wasn't as bad as this, I thought that I would want to know and didn't really care how that happened.

MM: it was still my truth to tell.

Me: you never would've told her the truth and she deserves to know what lies and deceit you're capable of producing.

MM: maybe, maybe not.

MM: she wants to work on the marriage so she asked me to to ask you to never talk to her or me again.

Me: I will if she contacts me.

MM: she won't

Me: I figured. But that's fine. I don't want to talk to you again. You do know I didn't tell her in hopes that she'd leave you and you'd come crawling back to me right? That I knew when I sent that text that I had sealed the deal in this?

MM: I figured.

Me: and you do know that you're responsible for ruining your marriage? I get that I'm responsible for her knowing, but you're ultimately responsible for what you've done to the marriage?

MM: yes.

Me: okay.

 

And then I walked away. Forever.

Edited December 1, 2016 by drypuddle

[HeCantBreakMe]

Sooo... he's at work this morning and he sent me a text telling me we needed to talk. I asked why and he said about what I told his wife. I was like ... so you want to talk about the truth? Okay. So I told him I would find him in a few minutes. Herein lies the conversation ...

 

MM: you didn't have the right to do that.

Me: you know what I went through with my marriage.. and while what my husband did do wasn't as bad as this, I thought that I would want to know and didn't really care how that happened.

MM: it was still my truth to tell.

Me: you never would've told her the truth and she deserves to know what lies and deceit you're capable of producing.

MM: maybe, maybe not.

MM: she wants to work on the marriage so she asked me to to ask you to never talk to her or me again.

Me: I will if she contacts me.

MM: she won't

Me: I figured. But that's fine. I don't want to talk to you again. You do know I didn't tell her in hopes that she'd leave you and you'd come crawling back to me right? That I knew when I sent that text that I had sealed the deal in this?

MM: I figured.

Me: and you do know that you're responsible for ruining your marriage? I get that I'm responsible for her knowing, but you're ultimately responsible for what you've done to the marriage?

MM: yes.

Me: okay.

 

And then I walked away. Forever.

 

Funny, he is so adamant to work on his marriage - is this the same man who lived in guest room because his wife was his 'roommate'? You would think you would have been doing him a favor. I mean he loved you so much and couldn't figure out what to do- he had an easy out here.

 

Hmm, makes you think most of that was a lie - typical. Are you saying MM are lying to their OW?! NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

thanks for sharing your story- it is helpful. Keep moving forward and not looking backwards. Talk about blowing up the bridge as you walk away .

[drypuddle]

Funny, he is so adamant to work on his marriage - is this the same man who lived in guest room because his wife was his 'roommate'? You would think you would have been doing him a favor. I mean he loved you so much and couldn't figure out what to do- he had an easy out here.

 

Hmm, makes you think most of that was a lie - typical. Are you saying MM are lying to their OW?! NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

thanks for sharing your story- it is helpful. Keep moving forward and not looking backwards. Talk about blowing up the bridge as you walk away .

 

Hahahaha right??? Looking back, I was such a fool. I never would've been in the relationship if I thought he was going to stay - even gave him an out several times "I will step aside and leave you be if you want to work it out with her" and he always said he wanted to leave, just needed time.

 

He never ever said he wanted to work on the marriage until after he found out I texted her. Damage control!!! Even just hours before, we were out for drinks with coworkers and he was slyly touching my leg beneath the bar. Even just an hour before I texted her and we were arguing on the phone, he was telling me how much he loved me and was going to leave.

 

I was at a hockey game when I texted her. A barrage of phone calls from MM ensued and I entertained him for a bit. He wouldn't stop calling and this guy who was with our group finally took the phone away and told MM to quit calling. This morning before he went into dutiful husband/want to save my marriage mode, he had the nerve to ask me who that guy was that answered my phone.

 

Your life is shattered and you need to know who answered my phone?? WTF!!!!

[notmyselfnow]

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the same poster that bragged on another post about how you slept with your MM in their home, and you stole the batteries out of his BW's vibrator as, what, a lark?

 

If I'm wrong about this, I sincerely apologize.

 

If I'm not, don't pat yourself too hard on the back. What you did was two breaths short of evil, and you did this to a woman and two babies whose lives you were actively involved in destroying.

 

It's good that you told. That does not make you innocent in this story though. Your glee is a bit hard to stomach.

[drypuddle]

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the same poster that bragged on another post about how you slept with your MM in their home, and you stole the batteries out of his BW's vibrator as, what, a lark?

 

If I'm wrong about this, I sincerely apologize.

 

If I'm not, don't pat yourself too hard on the back. What you did was two breaths short of evil, and you did this to a woman and two babies whose lives you were actively involved in destroying.

 

It's good that you told. That does not make you innocent in this story though. Your glee is a bit hard to stomach.

 

No, let me apologize to you. My intention was not to be gleeful. The entire situation just strikes me as absurd. How i strayed from my own beliefs and values to engage in the relationship, how easily I fell for his lies, all of it, even this morning when he questioned who answered my phone.

 

I did do that with the battery removal. That was also not a post of glee but more to illustrate what the OW may do. That was me.

[eye of the storm]

Drypuddles occasionally we OWs post things that do not show us in a good light. This is a forum for support. And sometimes to learn, grow, heal, make better choices we need to confess the depths we have lowered ourselves to.

 

If all OWs just posted the rose colored things we did then we would never get honest feedback and see in black and white the things we are doing.

 

For me, posting here got be to see the lies I was telling myself.

 

Take the good advice, read the harsh advice (sometimes it hurts but helps you see how your actions can be viewed), learn, grow, and move to a better place.

[BTDT2012]

No, let me apologize to you. My intention was not to be gleeful. The entire situation just strikes me as absurd. How i strayed from my own beliefs and values to engage in the relationship, how easily I fell for his lies, all of it, even this morning when he questioned who answered my phone.

 

I did do that with the battery removal. That was also not a post of glee but more to illustrate what the OW may do. That was me.

 

I'm glad you clarified since the way your recounted it sounded gleeful and vengeful. What made you want to torment her?

[minimariah]

And then I walked away. Forever.

 

i doubt it.

 

it's been what... a WEEK since your original post? and in ONE WEEK you managed to reach the point of feeling NOTHING for him and being done? he went into a full panic mode, typical after a D-day.

 

no worries - he'll come back.

[drypuddle]

i doubt it.

 

it's been what... a WEEK since your original post? and in ONE WEEK you managed to reach the point of feeling NOTHING for him and being done? he went into a full panic mode, typical after a D-day.

 

no worries - he'll come back.

 

I think if I went to feeling nothing, I wouldn't be here. This process of ending it with him has been in process for a few weeks, finally coming to a head a couple of days ago. I do anticipate it changing and being harder in the next couple of days as reality sets in.

[drypuddle]

I'm glad you clarified since the way your recounted it sounded gleeful and vengeful. What made you want to torment her?

 

It was kind of a spur of the moment action. I can only say that I was hoping when she would find it, he would be caught and there would still be a chance for us. So gross thinking back on it.

[whatatangledweb]

Why haven't you blocked his number?

[drypuddle]

He is blocked now. We work together though so I'm not sure how to handle that without getting HR involved.

[drypuddle]

Really struggling today with feelings of guilt and remorse for my role in the whole grand scheme of things.

 

I feel so stupid. How easily I was manipulated and bought into his crap. How easily I put aside my values to be in the relationship, knowing full well it was wrong even if his intentions to leave were true.

 

But mostly...

 

Remorse for the irreversible damage I have inflicted upon her. My exH didnt have an "affair" but he did have some sort of relationship for 10 months with a stripper. I never knew what lines he crossed, but I do clearly remember the pain and anguish that followed that discovery. I'm ashamed to have been a willing participant in causing someone else that pain.

 

I told her I was sorry in the email I sent her, and that I truly am. I only wish it came sooner.

[eye of the storm]

Drypuddle, this is a roller coaster. You will have ups and downs. You will want to crawl back, you will want to carpet bomb. Just keep yourself under control. Write yourself notes reminding yourself to try to be better every day.

 

There are days where I am so angry at my xMM. And somedays I want to call and beg. Its natural.

 

Don't get cocky on the highs, don't let the lows beat you. Stay focused.

[drypuddle]

Drypuddle, this is a roller coaster. You will have ups and downs. You will want to crawl back, you will want to carpet bomb. Just keep yourself under control. Write yourself notes reminding yourself to try to be better every day.

 

There are days where I am so angry at my xMM. And somedays I want to call and beg. Its natural.

 

Don't get cocky on the highs, don't let the lows beat you. Stay focused.

 

Thank you. this forum certainly helps keep things in perspective for me. I haven't felt like reaching out to him at all since DD.

[drypuddle]

Real quick background... exMM and I work together. I'm full time but he only works Tuesday and Thursday, half days in the morning.

 

We haven't talked since last Thursday when he confronted me about telling his wife.

 

I saw him out of the corner of my eye earlier and noticed he's wearing my favorite shirt and I couldn't help but wonder if that was on purpose. SO STUPID, right??? And I'm so curious to see if he's wearing his wedding ring again.

 

But most of all ...

 

I just don't want to care about any of it anymore. I want to see him out of the corner my eye and not care. I don't even want to acknowledge to myself that he's even there. He's just another person in this building with about 150 people and I just want his face to be one in the crowd.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Real quick background... exMM and I work together. I'm full time but he only works Tuesday and Thursday, half days in the morning.

 

We haven't talked since last Thursday when he confronted me about telling his wife.

 

I saw him out of the corner of my eye earlier and noticed he's wearing my favorite shirt and I couldn't help but wonder if that was on purpose. SO STUPID, right??? And I'm so curious to see if he's wearing his wedding ring again.

 

But most of all ...

 

I just don't want to care about any of it anymore. I want to see him out of the corner my eye and not care. I don't even want to acknowledge to myself that he's even there. He's just another person in this building with about 150 people and I just want his face to be one in the crowd.

 

My XMM did this too. If you think he is doing it on purpose he probably is.

 

It takes time not to care and distance. You two still working together is not a good thing for either of those things.

[drypuddle]

My XMM did this too. If you think he is doing it on purpose he probably is.

 

It takes time not to care and distance. You two still working together is not a good thing for either of those things.

 

I'm pretty sure it's on purpose. He would sometimes accuse me of doing things out of vindication, such as hanging out with a male friend after fighting with him. That idea is so foreign to me - acting out of vindication - and he accused me of it often enough that I think that's how he lives his life. Acting out of vindication.

 

Fortunately our jobs are not related at all and there is no need for us to interact here. Just really ready to be past it.

[eye of the storm]

drypuddle, time. All this takes time. Time for the wounds to heal, time for the anger/shame to mellow, and time to move on. Just keep looking forward and let time do its work. You will get there. Don't agonize over it still stinging right now. Accept it, move on. Fighting it, beating yourself up over it just keeps you focusing on it. Eventually you won't notice it.

 

You got this.

[Maddieandtae]

Remember drypuddle you walked away forever. It shouldn't matter what shirt choice the married man made this morning and curiosity is what got you into this situation with this married man which didn't have such a great outcome. Focus on you! He's not your business:)

[drypuddle]

drypuddle, time. All this takes time. Time for the wounds to heal, time for the anger/shame to mellow, and time to move on. Just keep looking forward and let time do its work. You will get there. Don't agonize over it still stinging right now. Accept it, move on. Fighting it, beating yourself up over it just keeps you focusing on it. Eventually you won't notice it.

 

You got this.

 

Thank you! I always appreciate your contribution!

[drypuddle]

Remember drypuddle you walked away forever. It shouldn't matter what shirt choice the married man made this morning and curiosity is what got you into this situation with this married man which didn't have such a great outcome. Focus on you! He's not your business:)

 

Ah yes! It shouldn't matter and it's so frustrating that that's where my thoughts go. this hasn't derailed me from moving on. Still NC. I've had two appointments with a therapist and I'm very fortunate to have friends and this forum for support through the struggles. Thank you

[Matahari007]

Darling don't you see that he basically has you on standby. He's married, going to school, and trying to maintain a balance with everything so he places you back on the shelf and when he's ready to "play" he'll contact you. Does that even sound fair to you? No, because for starters he's married and they will always be his main priority. You're single and don't owe him anything. Why promise him that you'll remain single upon his return next year? Why do you give him so much power over your actions. Own your life sweety! He shouldn't run things in your life. You are making it so easy for him to do what he wants and where is your worth darling? You deserve better than the scaps of an unavailable man.

Edited December 6, 2016 by Matahari007

[drypuddle]

Darling don't you see that he basically has you on standby. He's married, going to school, and trying to maintain a balance with everything so he places you back on the shelf and when he's ready to "play" he'll contact you. Does that even sound fair to you? No, because for starters he's married and that will always be his main priority. You're single and don't him him anything. Why promise him that you'll remain single upon his return? You are making it so easy for him to do what he wants and where is your worth darling? You deserve better than being put on time out until he's ready.

 

 

Continue reading my story and you'll find that I told his wife. We are now NC, permanently. Moving on with my life the best I know how. but thank you for your support and contribution!

[Birdies]

A couple sayings that people told me when my life was falling apart, that really helped me:

 

"The only way to get past it is to go through it"

 

and

 

"Let time do the heavy lifting"

 

This will get easier with time! You're doing well! Keep up the NC as best you can.