BryanSmiley Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 Do something that'll take you out of this mindset, change your environment, maybe go for a swim, dive in, feel alive, free. It might just be that some time periods where your thoughts are empty, enjoying something, that it free's your mind and shows you...you can break free from this, gradually. That'll give you encouragement to drive on wards! Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 16, 2017 Author Share Posted March 16, 2017 Do something that'll take you out of this mindset, change your environment, maybe go for a swim, dive in, feel alive, free. It might just be that some time periods where your thoughts are empty, enjoying something, that it free's your mind and shows you...you can break free from this, gradually. That'll give you encouragement to drive on wards! I've already had hundreds of desperate attempts to get my mind of things, but that just doesn't work. Either I just keep on focused on this, no matter what I do, or it gets better for a couple of hours or so and drops down afterwards again. That just doesn't seem to be the way to go anymore. Plus, right now I am really stressed because of school. I'm either busy with school or busy thinking about this, which I know is not healthy but okay... At this point I'm just really not sure if this is something I can break free from... Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 Hi Here I am again. I know nobody really reads this, but still I want to update how I am doing. Everything is still a wild ride. Too wild. At this point I am really, really, really desperate. I don't understand what's going on with me. The extreme wave pattern of feeling good and feeling bad is just not stopping and I have no idea why it's happening. Right now there are a thousand things I am feeling really depressed about, but I don't think it's of any use to share it here. But I am not doing well at all. I think that this is more than just the heartbreak, which is what I wanted to believe at first, Maybe that triggered it or something, I don't know. But what I do know is that it isn't stopping and I am absolutely done with it. At some moments I just feel like I'm going crazy or something. My final attempt to fix things is to start talking to a therapist again. Maybe it's extreme, and it's never going to work, but it's all I see what I can still do. At this point it's really keeping me from doing things that I need to do and I'm just really depressed. If there was anyone who read this, thank you for making it through. I know my posts are long and foolish, although this one might not be too long. Sounds like you are suffering from low self-esteem and codepedance. You should seek more therapy and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Sounds like you are suffering from low self-esteem and codepedance. You should seek more therapy and find out. Looked it up and that might very well be what it is, but it course I can't say that myself. I will indeed be checking out of therapy is the way to go but that will be in a month or so. I hope it's not something incurable Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Title says enough. I'm broken. Even after this much time. Someone, please tell me I'll find someone like that again. Someone who makes me as happy as she did. Someone I can talk to at 4 am when I can't sleep. Someone with who J can have so much in common. Someone who is always there and lets me know that. Someone who I can love as much as her. Someone who loves me back that way. Someone who I could hug whenever I want. Someone who I can be with all the time. Someone who is as nice as her. Please tell me that's gonna happen. Please. I know I'm only 16 and probably acting rediculous. Will I ever have someone like that, even with my problems? I'm so shy, I'll never be able to approach anyone. Never. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 You know, sometimes I just don't know where to go from here. The past six months I've been stuck. I had the time of my life during the summer with her. I still can't explain how happy I was. I just can't take missing that. Sometimes I just think the best part of my life is already behind me. Compared to anything else I've experienced, this was perfect. Maybe I've got to give up the hope and start being realistic. Even though that hurt a lot. I'm a shy guy. Anyone knows how that's gonna turn out. People say it's about getting experience, but I'm just too scared. That way I'll never get anywhere. I got lucky this girl started taking to me. For some reason everything seemed to go amazing between us. That kind of luck I don't think I'll see ever again. I'm sitting here hoping that something like that will happen again, but the reality is that I'll probably be alone forever. Let alone feel like that ever again. I'm gonna be stuck on this girl forever. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I'm always available to PM and give you empathy and guidance, if you seek it. Darren. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 I'm always available to PM and give you empathy and guidance, if you seek it. Darren. Thank you I don't feel like I have anything logical to say now, but still thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 So... Been awake for 4 hours now. For the 3rd day in a row. I guess exhaustion isn't making me feel any better. Tell me, why am I still stuck with this girl? After six months there even still is a part of me that just wants to go talk to her. She has a new boyfriend now. She has been friends with him for forever. I initially even thought they were in a relationship but that wasn't the case. She once told me she liked him, but he already rejected her once. She said she had given up on him a long time ago and that they're just friends. It's only now that he became her boyfriend, so I don't think that's the reason she dumped me. I guess I should be happy for her, as this is the guy she's been looking at for ages, and I believe he's just a great guy in general. But I think you can guess that I'm not really happy about it. I haven't talked to her in six months, yet this still hurts a lot. That's what I meant with the hope. It's like a part of me just doesn't want to give up. Even now, with this guy, there still is a part of me that just wants to go talk to her. Why can't I just give up?! Six months of being depressed. Now I'm seeking help at a psychologist, but I don't know if that's gonna help. Knowing me I probably won't even be able to open up there. And there's nothing that can be done. Sure, I can talk about it, but that's what I've been doing six months now. I just feel like there might be no fixing to do here. This is just my final desperate attempt. This is the last thing that came to my mind. I'm not sure whether still to hope for better days. People always say it's gonna be fine, but how true is that? Without hope I wouldn't have made it this far, but things haven't improved either. Are people just saying that to make you feel better? Maybe things get better, but for all I know that could be in 20 years time. I've barely even survived these six months. What I'm hoping for? Rediculous stuff. I'm hoping that I'll meet someone who will take her off my mind, but that won't happen. I've just got to let go of that, because this is going to make me really disappointed if I see the reality. And I know, happiness shouldn't depend on someone else, yet it's all I want. Which is rediculous. I've started in NC this entire time, bit I feel like it's only making things more difficult. It she would be in the same school as me, maybe seeing her sometimes would heal things. Right now I'm clinging on to this mental image of her, which is not working well for me. But this is probably another one of these wrong ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted April 14, 2017 Author Share Posted April 14, 2017 I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, I've finally got over her in a way. Mind you, I'm not over her, but in a way I am. The months after the breakup I still felt something like a connection. To me, it felt more like it was temporary. Like I wouldn't be able to speak to her for a while, but after that everything would go back to how it was between us. Right now I feel like that's fading more and more. The urge to still seek contact seems to go away. But that's the tricky thing about this. One day I feel like this, but for all I know tomorrow could be a day full of heartache again. But for now it's time to fight of this depression. This breakup was just one element of my depression, so I've got to work on it. I'm going to go to a therapist soon as well. There we'll decide whether I really need that or not. But all I know is that sometimes I really just almost feel like not wanting to live anymore, which is quite bad. But other days everything is fine. It really changes a lot. So let's hope things get better from here on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eliturbo Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Hello again, This will most likely be the last update on this post. Things haven't gotten any better for what I feel. I even think I might be feeling worse and worse. However, right now it seems it's not about that girl anymore. I feel like the depression has really gotten to me and it's not only because of this subject anymore. That's why I don't think it's anything to talk about on this forum anymore. Two weeks ago I started having seeing a psychologist. I really hope that I might finally get over this depression, but I'm really not sure if I can ever be fixed anymore. Life honestly feels like torture to me. The only reason I continue is because I have no other option and I do have a little hope it will get better, although it's fading away. I really do keep on feeling worse. Stupid that this all started with a stupid girl. But anyways, I don't think that this is anything that fits on this forum or at least this topic. So thank you everyone who has ever replied here. Link to post Share on other sites
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