Breaking up after fight on birthday

[rantravee]

Hello,

 

I would greatly appreciate some feedback/action steps for the following story.

 

A couple of weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend after a heated fight on her birthday. A few days previously to that she announced she was planning to celebrate this occasion in a club with some of her girlfriends and that she wasn't considering to invite me as well because there would be only girls. I had no reaction to this news as this wasn't the first time this was happening and it didn't bother me before . However as I was spending the day before this event helping her with shopping, cleaning, cooking (by myself) and other preparations I began to realize that this fact is hurting me, but nonetheless I failed to communicate it (mainly not to upset her). As the small home party to which only I , my girlfriend and her friends were participating come to and end it felt absolutely painful and humiliating for me to understand that I am to come home while seeing the girls enter a cab and leaving without further a-do.

I waited until the next day and just told her that I had a problem with the way things happened and that I was made to feel unimportant. She kept insisting on the fact that I ruined her birthday and that is something she would not forget me for. I was shown the door and I left with a 'No' for us continuing as a couple. We were almost a year together.

 

I called her after a week but nothing had changed in her perspective. However she mentioned that if there was a reconciliation chance I would have to find it, considering I know her well enough and by no means she was going to help me figure it out what I am supposed to do.

 

Now being rational I'm having a hard time accepting that only I am to blame, and I'm thinking that since it 'takes two to tango ' , she also needs to work on the reconciliation part. But on the emotional perspective ... I just want her back.

 

 

Thank you

[LD1990]

She sounds like an immature drama queen. If you waited until the day after to bring anything up, how could you have ruined her birthday? And then she tells you that you have to find a way to reconcile, if there even is one...wow, if that doesn't put in perspective how little she cares about you, I don't know what will.

 

Don't let her treat you like garbage just because you want her back. You were right to bring up how you felt, you were just wrong to wait. If I'm in a serious relationship and my girlfriend tells me she's going to spend the night of her birthday clubbing and it's girls only, we're not going to be in a relationship much longer.

[basil67]

I completely understand you being hurt at her spending the night with her friends instead of you. And while I agree you should have raised your concern earlier, it doesn't sound like she would have been open to considering your point of view anyway.

 

You are right that if there is to be a reconciliation she should work on it too. The fact that she's not shows that she doesn't really care about getting back together. And prioritising her friends over you on her birthday doesn't bode well either.

 

You are way down on her priority list. Don't seek a relationship with someone who places you so low.

[darkmoon]

she just sounds like a crap girlfriend anyway, move on

[Redhead14]

Hello,

 

I would greatly appreciate some feedback/action steps for the following story.

 

A couple of weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend after a heated fight on her birthday. A few days previously to that she announced she was planning to celebrate this occasion in a club with some of her girlfriends and that she wasn't considering to invite me as well because there would be only girls. I had no reaction to this news as this wasn't the first time this was happening and it didn't bother me before . However as I was spending the day before this event helping her with shopping, cleaning, cooking (by myself) and other preparations I began to realize that this fact is hurting me, but nonetheless I failed to communicate it (mainly not to upset her). As the small home party to which only I , my girlfriend and her friends were participating come to and end it felt absolutely painful and humiliating for me to understand that I am to come home while seeing the girls enter a cab and leaving without further a-do.

I waited until the next day and just told her that I had a problem with the way things happened and that I was made to feel unimportant. She kept insisting on the fact that I ruined her birthday and that is something she would not forget me for. I was shown the door and I left with a 'No' for us continuing as a couple. We were almost a year together.

 

I called her after a week but nothing had changed in her perspective. However she mentioned that if there was a reconciliation chance I would have to find it, considering I know her well enough and by no means she was going to help me figure it out what I am supposed to do.

 

Now being rational I'm having a hard time accepting that only I am to blame, and I'm thinking that since it 'takes two to tango ' , she also needs to work on the reconciliation part. But on the emotional perspective ... I just want her back.

 

 

Thank you

 

She is an insensitive, petulant, spoiled, selfish brat.

 

if there was a reconciliation chance I would have to find it, considering I know her well enough and by no means she was going to help me figure it out what I am supposed to do. - That is manipulative and complete horsesh*t. I bet she's thinking you'll show up on one knee and propose.

 

I am a woman and I feel like kicking her a*ss to the curb myself. I am embarrassed as a woman by her behavior.

 

You pick up the phone right now and tell her that you are not going to try to be some kind of mind reader or show dog working for a treat. Tell her that you hope her next birthday is a good one, but you won't be around.

 

You can do much better and deserve better, go find a woman and leave this "girl" behind.

 

I am struggling to understand why you are not incensed by that string of BS she threw at you.

[Poutrew]

What do you think she does at those bars with all those horny girlfriends, eh? Also, are they really bars, or are they sex clubs? Sounds like she wants you around in the same way a single person wants a pet - so they don't come home to an empty house. That she is officially dumped is a good thing - you don't have to do anything else except find a new girlfriend who also is a human being. Good Luck

[rantravee]

Thank you all for for the feedback . It puts things into perspective and it helps me feel less guilty for the way things turned out . It's been a little more than two weeks since I've entered NC and currently I'm using this time to gain some healing and peace of mind . I haven't decided how long the NC is going to be or what I'm going to do at the end of it . I guess I'll see what's the best thing to do when I get there.

 

Also in my mind there is uncertainty when I'm asking myself " What if she contacts me ? " , but I have a feeling this won't be the case. So one worry less

 

Again, thanks for the input guys/girls !

[picnicinthepark]

Don't be so hard on yourself, brother. I was in a similar situation. It's been 2 months since my LDR ended -- we were together for a year. We had trouble communicating and she ended things. But all the while she was playing games and wanted me to do this grand gesture to "prove that I loved her". This wasn't my first breakup so I respected her decision and did not chase her. I tried to work things out a couple weeks later but it was too little too late.

 

Looking back now, I see that she didn't have the relationship or emotional experience to want to work things out together. Like you I blamed myself for the outcome. You're still in the thick of things and right now it's easier to blame yourself than someone you're still pining for. Going NC is a smart choice and is something you should stick to no matter how difficult it may seem. We all deserve someone who won't give up, play games, and is willing to work things out. I know how crushed you are but things will get better. Work on yourself and use what you've learned for your next relationship.

 

I still think of her often and care about her very much. I haven't heard from her and I've been NC for over a month now. Rest assured that your time together was not in vain and that these beautiful memories will stay with you forever. Everything is going to be okay -- I promise you. Hang in there and I wish you the best life!

Edited November 15, 2016 by picnicinthepark

[niji]

However as I was spending the day before this event helping her with shopping, cleaning, cooking (by myself) and other preparations I began to realize that this fact is hurting me, but nonetheless I failed to communicate it (mainly not to upset her). As the small home party to which only I , my girlfriend and her friends were participating come to and end it felt absolutely painful and humiliating for me to understand that I am to come home while seeing the girls enter a cab and leaving without further a-do.

I waited until the next day and just told her that I had a problem with the way things happened and that I was made to feel unimportant. She kept insisting on the fact that I ruined her birthday and that is something she would not forget me for.

 

As a female, I had to exclaim to myself, What.the.actual.f***. So insensitive inconsiderate rude brats like these actually exist?

 

I assume that she has many qualities that made you stay with her for close to a year (maybe something like winning a beauty pageant while working part-time and graduating summa cum laude double majoring in physics and math). I give you mad props because I can't imagine her being pleasant and kind and considerate in other situations either.

 

You sound like a kind man There are many women out there who would desire just that. Be glad it was under a year and not more; you deserve better.