Should Me And My Ex-GF Go To Couples Counseling?

[Sunkissedpatio]

I think you misunderstood what I mean buy get a rental property and then get a place together you can both call your own. And I thought you said you'd be buying a property outright?

 

So, meaning you buy one property now and when you decided to move in with her you get a second place and rent out the first house and with that rent money you can use it towards the combined mortgage of the marital home. That would still keep the property under your sole possession and your own asset.

 

But I dunnow... before you even worry about that stuff, I read the last few pages of your second thread and quite frankly it sounds like you have a lot of issues, and so does she.

 

 

I mean you are confiding in a woman that you dated that is now your friend, about your relationship issues and even your guy friends told you that is highly inappropriate. From a female perspective it would drive me bonkers knowing that my partner is confiding and sharing all our dirty laundry with some chick whom he dated and stayed friends with all these years.

 

Whether she is interested in you or not, the idea of my man getting advice from some woman who was a romantic interest at some point is not my idea of something I want any part in. I mean put yourself in her shoes, what if she had some guy hanging around she dated a while back and was getting advice from him every time you two have problems. No thanks!

 

Then there's the whole issue of her expecting to get all these things paid for and not contributing back. I mean is she doing it because you are SO over the top about protecting your finances, or are you being over the top about protecting your finances because she takes advantage? Which comes first?

 

Also, I see that you told her you'd pay for the wedding instead of her getting a loan and you asked her just to pay you back. Dude seriously? You are SO not ready for marriage, you don't trust this girl and you would have to do so much work together to overcome all these issues I am not even sure it's worth all that work. Not to mention you seem to have HUGE issues with your financial expectations.

 

Besides your family wanting you two back together, what reasons do YOU have to want to work this out in therapy?

 

I mean look, I get it, you want to protect yourself but if that is the mindset you are going to embark in a marriage with, then you really shouldn't be getting married yet.

 

That's just my observation reading all this.

Edited November 10, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. I actually do not want her to pay me back for the wedding. I just said that out of frustration cause we were having problems. I wanted to protect my finances to a degree, but I was told by others that she was being vindictive and manipulative in the process.

 

As for whether or not I got advice from a man or a woman, I personally don't think it matters when it comes to friends. I sought at advice from the friend who I thought would give me the best advice. Also, I don't quite see how I am being over the top in protecting my finances. All I wanted to do was draw a prenup that protected both of us, and asked her what she would want out of it, and she wasn't even willing to have that conversation.

 

So me asking her to have that conversation "over the top"?

 

My main concern is that I was told in the other threads that she was manipulating me, which is what lead to the break up, after the money issues just kept being a problem with her.

Edited November 10, 2016 by ironpony

[Gaeta]

No it isn't! Everyone has enough to buy a place these days.

 

If it's going to make him that paranoid he can buy the house before they are married or living together and can leave with the exact amount of assets he had prior to the union if they were to get divorced. Marriage doesn't make her entitled to his house. Especially if it's all under his name only and purchased prior to the union

 

Gees it's not like we are talking about protecting his multiple assets and millions!

 

I wouldn't sign a prenup unless I was marrying a millionaire. That's offensive and unnecessary for the average person. Nor would I ever make a guy sign one. I own a place too with a ton of equity that will be paid off in a few years.

 

Maybe we are speaking from different countries but if this man has enough money to buy a house cash it means he has close to 300K to 500K in the bank. If you are from a place where everyone has that type of cash in the bank you're very lucky.

 

Again, even if he buys the house first than get married, no the house does not remain his for life. If it's the house where they will live as a married couple and the house where they raise their children she will be entitled to it.

 

Depending where OP is from he should get legal advice.

[Gaeta]

Asking her to sign a prenup for a home you buy on your own is like asking her to agree to have a life with you but to walk away empty handed. That's irrational and not what marriage and trust is about.

 

Unless I am not understanding the purpose of a prenup in this case, not sure what other reason you would have to have her sign a prenup or how that would look?

 

That is why I said she should be given the opportunity to purchase her half of the property. If she does not have the cash down to buy a house with him he should advance that part for her, put everything in writing. As she makes payments on the house she becomes % owner of it.

 

My friend had 50K cash to put on a house, her boyfriend didn't have cash. She bought the house and they both make 50% payment. With each his payment he becomes owner of the house. First year he is owner at 2% then 5% then 20% and so on as the years go by. If they divorce they will both get their investment back.

[Gaeta]

Well I thought she could still have a place to call home even though it is mine.

 

It doesn't work that way. For men and women. I own my home and my bf wouldn't move in with me and consider it his home that's why next year we will shop for a house to buy together.

 

Give her the opportunity to become part owner of this house. You pay your half and she borrows her half that's all. You'll both be owners.

[ironpony]

Plus after going to her for her advice, my gf didn't want me to be friends with her anymore, after not approving of her advice, and so I asked a guy friend for advice, and he said that I have been close friends with my friend for 8 years, and I shouldn't give up on a 8 year friend ship, just because my gf doesn't like my friend, because she gave advice that didn't agree with her. So that lead to the break up as well, my gf wanting me to leave a close friend.

[OatsAndHall]

One of the major factors in my divorce was money. I don't want to trash my ex-wife over a website but she was horrible in managing finances. We had many disagreements over this and I wanted to open up separate bank accounts to solve problems. We'd make sure bills were split evenly and then she could spend her money as she saw fit. But, she wanted nothing to with that and it was miserable. There's nothing worse than fighting over money as it's important but I don't feel that it should be a deal breaker for a marriage. I, personally, would not have asked for a pre-nup but I would have discussed finances, expressed your concerns and asked that you keep separate bank accounts.

 

Couples counseling can be a very good thing if partners are willing to listen to one another and what the therapist has to say. Her and I did marriage counseling and it absolutely did not work as she did not like his view point on things. He did point out several things that I needed to work on and it was hard to hear but I accepted it and moved forward.

 

But, trashing someone over Facebook or social media is absolutely unacceptable. Especially if she is making allegations of abuse: that is serious. I have a friend that is going through a divorce right now and she is airing her dirty laundry out there for everyone to see and it's just not right. Your girlfriend needs to be talking to YOU about these issues, not posting private information for the world to see.

 

This is not a woman that I would continue a relationship with.

[Gaeta]

Plus after going to her for her advice, my gf didn't want me to be friends with her anymore, after not approving of her advice, and so I asked a guy friend for advice, and he said that I have been close friends with my friend for 8 years, and I shouldn't give up on a 8 year friend ship, just because my gf doesn't like my friend, because she gave advice that didn't agree with her. So that lead to the break up as well, my gf wanting me to leave a close friend.

 

Honey you really need someone else to tell you it's not ok to ditch a friendship of 8 years over a manipulative girlfriend? Most people would come to that conclusion in a split second on their own.

 

I think you need counselling on your own to become more assertive. When you grew up were you given space to make your own decision? Or your parents never let you develop a critic mind?

[VeveCakes]

No it isn't! Everyone has enough to buy a place these days.

 

 

What world are you living in??

 

She will absolutely be able to claim part of the house if they marry and then divorce.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking for a pre nup.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Plus after going to her for her advice, my gf didn't want me to be friends with her anymore, after not approving of her advice, and so I asked a guy friend for advice, and he said that I have been close friends with my friend for 8 years, and I shouldn't give up on a 8 year friend ship, just because my gf doesn't like my friend, because she gave advice that didn't agree with her. So that lead to the break up as well, my gf wanting me to leave a close friend.

 

Well she isn't just "a friend" she is a female you dated several times and then stayed friends. If you can't see how this would be threatening to your current girlfriend then you have no business getting married because you are not compatible. She has expressed concerns about this friendship to you, and has seen something that has led her to believe this woman is still interested in you, you talk about this clearly in the thread you posted in the OP. So, if this is incompatible with your expectations of your relationship you are not right for each other then.

 

Your girlfriend has asked you not to discuss your personal problems that involve her as well, with this other woman, that is not an unreasonable request.

 

I also don't get what you expect her to include in the prenup in terms of what she would want out of it. What do you envision when you say that? What do you mean by "I asked her to tell me what she wants out of it"

 

The whole idea that you are being SO protective of your house leads me to think this woman just isn't right for you. When you trust someone and are in love with them and believe they have your best interest in mind then you are not thinking like this an being paranoid and over-protective.

 

Maybe we are speaking from different countries but if this man has enough money to buy a house cash it means he has close to 300K to 500K in the bank. If you are from a place where everyone has that type of cash in the bank you're very lucky.

 

 

 

Or he could be living in a place where you need 180K to buy a place outright. The value is irrelevant, unless we are talking millions in assets was my point.

 

And he still hasn't made clear if he has the money to buy the house outright or a significant downpayment. Most people in my city can afford a downpayment for first time home by the age of 30. Sorry if that was unclear in my last post. I meant that most people these days buy places one way or another it isn't uncommon. It's like buying a car. A prenup for a place you live in to me is like a prenup for a car. If you are planning on marrying someone you have such little trust for then why do it?

 

I'm in the same country as you, that's why I suggested they get a second home together so that the rental property is not the matrimonial home therefore he would not have to split that. But expecting her to move into his home and call it "home" not expect to split that that in the event of the divorce that is a different story. That's why I suggested he turn that property to a rental property and they get a place together.

 

 

 

What world are you living in??

 

She will absolutely be able to claim part of the house if they marry and then divorce.

 

There is nothing wrong with asking for a pre nup.

 

Read what I wrote before you answer in knee-jerk fashion.

 

And there is also nothing wrong with seeing a prenup as offensive and off-putting when you have no major assets other than a property to protect.

 

Clearly his ex got offended by that so she isn't the right woman for him. He needs to find someone who will be fine with that proposition.

Edited November 10, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[VeveCakes]

Even a significant down payment, hardly anyone where I am can afford that on their own - most have to have a partner and two incomes. I'm in Ontario though, maybe it's very different where you are.

[Gaeta]

I don't think people should protect their assets only if it's worth millions of dollars. If he has 100K in the bank it's his 100K and he shouldn't have to lose it to a woman that may want to divorce after 18 months marriage.

 

Where I agree with you is that no woman (or men) want to live in someone else's home. Having her sign a pre-nup that the house in which she will be living in and reason their children will never be partly her is unfair. I don't think though that he should just hand her half a property for free. That I totally disagree. She needs to do her shares.

 

If he meet with a notary they are used to these types of arrangements. They will suggest him a solution so they both become owners at their own speed.

 

That being said if I had lets say 180K in the bank I would not put it all on a property. It's a bad financial move, I would pay half cash and I would finance the other half, this way his mortgage payments will be very small, he will build a good credit at the bank, and interests are ridiculously low. Also he won't be departing with the total of his liquidity, liquidity he may need in difficult times. Paying cash for a house, a car or any other assets isn't smart for your credit.

 

This young woman does she work? If she does she can go to the bank and finance her half of their home. Problem solved.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well ladies, we agree to disagree.

 

I am offering the opposing perspective to the prenup situation and I wouldn't sign it and would be offended if the man I am about to marry asked me to sign a prenup for his house.

 

I'd also be offended if he offered to pay for the entire wedding but suggest I pay him back for half of the wedding.

 

I also would not want my man confiding our relationship problems in a woman he dated and is now friends with.

 

Too many red flags for me in this relationship.

 

He is asking is it worth it to go to counselling? I don't see how counselling with settle these great incompatibilities.

[Sunkissedpatio]

That being said if I had lets say 180K in the bank I would not put it all on a property. It's a bad financial move, I would pay half cash and I would finance the other half, this way his mortgage payments will be very small, he will build a good credit at the bank, and interests are ridiculously low. Also he won't be departing with the total of his liquidity, liquidity he may need in difficult times. Paying cash for a house, a car or any other assets isn't smart for your credit.

 

I agree with your strategy. There are so many ways to keep his money to himself that doesn't require a prenup for a home.

 

Prenup aside, marrying a woman and suggesting she come and life with you in your home and call it and make it her home but technically it isn't her home at all if they split, seems like starting a marriage on very unequal footing. That alone wouldn't work for me.

 

I feel there are much deeper issues here than the split of the home. I think the OP is generally not secure with this woman because of all the issues they had. I would work out those problems in therapy if they really want to be together and once they feel like they can trust each other I suspect there won't be a need for a prenup talk.

[Toodaloo]

ironpony.

 

Your ex is [manipulative], she lies, she refuses to discuss important subjects such as finances and just expects you to open your wallet at every opportunity. On top of this she is vindictive, vengeful and tells lies and gets nasty when she doesn't get her own way. She makes threats and is dramatic and overly sensitive. This is not good. Your mother does not want this as a daughter in law.

 

This is a rubbish foundation for a marriage.

 

Stay single and go find better. No way should you waste any more time, money, energy or emotion on that one. And yes emotions are just as valuable as money in the bank.

 

Go get better.

Edited November 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~6

[Sunkissedpatio]

My ex-GF has been posting about how I was abusive towards her in the relationship, and during the break up. She also called my best friend and went crying to him saying that I 'slapped her in the face', during the break up, as he quoted her, when that never happened

 

I talked to my ex-GF about this and she said that did this out of anger cause I broke up, but she wants to get back together now, and says she will apologize to everyone for lying about me. She was just angry, she says.

 

Well, something happened there that was unsavoury. Perhaps she is exaggerating but if this was a flat out lie and fabricated story with absolutely no merit why in the world would the OP even consider getting back together with someone willing to defame him like this?

 

I think there is something to what happened otherwise the OP would be insane to try to get back with someone like that.

[Gaeta]

I agree with your strategy. There are so many ways to keep his money to himself that doesn't require a prenup for a home.

 

Prenup aside, marrying a woman and suggesting she come and life with you in your home and call it and make it her home but technically it isn't her home at all if they split, seems like starting a marriage on very unequal footing. That alone wouldn't work for me.

 

I feel there are much deeper issues here than the split of the home. I think the OP is generally not secure with this woman because of all the issues they had. I would work out those problems in therapy if they really want to be together and once they feel like they can trust each other I suspect there won't be a need for a prenup talk.

 

I agree with everything you said but not so much for the last part.

 

As someone who was married 15 years and divorced I can tell you the trust you feel at the beginning of a marriage can be challenged and lost along the way. You don't go in a marriage with no protection because you 'trust' your gf or your bf he won't take you to the cleaner if you split.

[Sunkissedpatio]

As someone who was married 15 years and divorced I can tell you the trust you feel at the beginning of a marriage can be challenged and lost along the way. You don't go in a marriage with no protection because you 'trust' your gf or your bf he won't take you to the cleaner if you split.

 

Ain't that the truth! It is SO not the same thing when you split up and people's true colours can really surprise you in the end, especially when emotions are flying high.

 

I'm just fundamentally against prenups, I feel they cause a divide and psychologically set a relationship off on a bad foot. But that's just me, and I have assets to protect so it isn't like I would be entering a marriage empty-handed.

 

I mean even in my first place I owned, I was living with my then 7 year relationship and by the time my place was move-in ready we were already living together and so decided to live there together.

 

I asked my lawyer what I needed to do to protect myself at the time and he offered to draft something up for my ex to sign in the event of a common-law dispute after the split in court (of course the law is different for common-law) but technically we were both contributing towards the mortgage at the time so he could have claimed part of what he contributed very easily if he wanted to.

 

I felt funny about asking him to sign anything and I just went with my gut. We had a fair split and there were absolutely no issues at that time. But add kids to that scenario and a marriage, things could potentially have been quite different. I guess I've been lucky.

 

That's why to me, inviting a woman to share in your life and build a family in your home and then exclude her from the property seems so wrong. That woman will be caring for and looking after that home and the kids just as much as he will and she will also want to invest her working money on a property she can call her own. Why would she invest her energy and time to make him wealthier one day and walk away empty handed? *what an odd proposition to start the foundation of a marriage on...

Edited November 10, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[Gaeta]

Why would she invest her energy and time to make him wealthier one day and walk away empty handed? *what an odd proposition to start the foundation of a marriage on...

 

Absolutely agree.

 

If your ex had shown some resistance to live in a house you owned 100% what would have been the solution?

 

This is my current case. I own my home, my boyfriend does not want to live officially under my roof as he feels he's not building equity for himself so we worked a solution that we are both happy with. Actually it's no different than OP's problem. His GF doesn't want to live in a home and not build some type of security out of it for herself.

 

OP has a situation he wants to solve his own way but he is not working on solving it for both of them to be satisfied. I still don't understand why they can't buy a house together.

 

So finally my conclusion remains the same, they both lack maturity to embark on a life together.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Absolutely agree.

 

If your ex had shown some resistance to live in a house you owned 100% what would have been the solution?

 

This is my current case. I own my home, my boyfriend does not want to live officially under my roof as he feels he's not building equity for himself so we worked a solution that we are both happy with. Actually it's no different than OP's problem. His GF doesn't want to live in a home and not build some type of security out of it for herself.

 

OP has a situation he wants to solve his own way but he is not working on solving it for both of them to be satisfied. I still don't understand why they can't buy a house together.

 

So finally my conclusion remains the same, they both lack maturity to embark on a life together.

 

 

That's good that you were able to work out a solution with your man Gaeta, even above the equity issue from a psychological standpoint moving into someone else's space is conducive to an imbalance of powers of sorts. I've learned that the hard way and will never move someone in with me again. We will get a neutral place we can call OUR home. Not for financial reasons but for psychological ones.

 

The solution would be exactly what you proposed earlier:

 

open up a potion of the ownership for her to contribute to and then split at the time of divorce/buy her out and he can still keep the house. This is going on the assumption she can pay her way and able to contribute financially even if 3/4 of what he would be able to contribute

 

The other option is that since she will be living rent free because he owns the place and is keeping the house, that she use her earnings towards her own property. If will take her a few years to save up for a downpayment but if they are married and she is not paying rent she can totally do it.

 

I mean these are pretty complicated solutions and sound more like a business partnership that a marriage but there are fair ways of doing this other than "give up your life and make a life in my home together and if we split you are back to square one with nothing but a suitcase of stuff and the kids"

 

I fully agree as well, they simply don't have the maturity for a marriage given all that's been shared here.

[No_Go]

Hey OP,

 

I'm in a very similar situation to you - BF and I broke up last month, among other reasons, it was because of huge amount of fights regarding money: I have saved a decent amount for a downpayment, whereas he just recently payed off debts and start saving a bit.

 

I wanted to square away before getting engaged if he's going to contribute for the house, how much etc but he took these discussions as flat rejection if not worse - he said he felt emasculated, looked down on etc.

 

Now, relationship had potential in my opinion and I'm seeing a counselor to see how to proceed. I haven't brought him in because we're technically not a couple now, but if we ever get back together - I'd like to bring him to counseling AND financial planning sessions with me. I just feel so vulnerable - I've saved for a house for many years, and I'd basically scrap away a six figure number for down payment, initial repairs etc... and get left just with an emergency fund if that.

 

What did you have in mind to do with your ex - add her on your housing purchase or let her live with you without contributing? What kind of counseling help do you expect? Is she willing to get back with you (sorry if I missed this info somewhere in the thread)? Are you going to individual counseling as well - seems like there are communication issues that you've experienced with her that can be worked on..

 

I recently broke up with my GF because of what some people have been saying. I asked other people's opinions on our problems before, in these threads before:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/getting-married/577101-wrong-jerk-ish-me-ask-my-girlfriend-pre-nup-if-we-got-married

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/544812-my-girlfriend-too-much-about-money

 

After breaking up with her, my family disagreed that I should have done that, and they all like her. They kind of had an intervention for me, saying I could be losing the love of my life, and we should at least try couple's counseling instead, before leaving her forever. What do you think? Do you think that it's worth it from the problems we were having? I am open to it, if so, but what do you think?

[No_Go]

What is the solution that you've come of with your BF, Gaeta? I mean I've read about your current arrangement that he's keeping his lease etc, but is that the long-term solution?

 

In my case a similar situation to OP's provoked huge relationship issues and ultimately was the main reason for the end of the rl...

 

Absolutely agree.

 

If your ex had shown some resistance to live in a house you owned 100% what would have been the solution?

 

This is my current case. I own my home, my boyfriend does not want to live officially under my roof as he feels he's not building equity for himself so we worked a solution that we are both happy with. Actually it's no different than OP's problem. His GF doesn't want to live in a home and not build some type of security out of it for herself.

 

OP has a situation he wants to solve his own way but he is not working on solving it for both of them to be satisfied. I still don't understand why they can't buy a house together.

 

So finally my conclusion remains the same, they both lack maturity to embark on a life together.

[ironpony]

Well it wrong of me to ask my ex-gf to pay me back for some of the wedding. I apologized to her way back. I just was feeling that way at the time cause she was having issues with how I was spending money on her. So at that time, it lead me to become stand-offish. But I apologized back then, and I am totally up for paying for a wedding myself.

 

As for buying a house together, she couldn't afford it. Basically before me, she owned a business with her ex-boyfriend before me, years ago. When they broke up, all the money in the business went to him when she left, and she didn't have any money. She was busy taking care of her dad who is in ill health, and doing well, while we were dating. So a lot of her money went towards that.

 

Last time I checked, she had 24 dollars in the bank literally, because of the money that goes to her dad's medication and treatment as well as the money she lost to her ex-bf's business before me.

 

So she cannot afford to by a house with the amount she has. But I want to buy a house. So if she could not by one with me, than was it unfair of me to ask for a pre-nup on it? Especially when I was willing to come up with an arrangement that was fair for both of us in the pre-nup, but she wasn't willing to have a discussion about it at all?

 

As for not needing a prenup in this case, I went to lawyer and got some information before, but we were not able to go over much since my ex-gf refused to have any type of discussion about it.

 

As for how she has behaved towards me on social media, for my family, relatives and friends to see, my Mom and my sister thinks I should give it another shot with her, with counseling, cause they can see she really loves me they say.

 

And as for the friend of 8 years who I asked an opnion on, we only went out on a few dates back 8 years ago, it didn't go well, and we found out we were in compatible. We decided to remain friends, and saw other people throughout the years. She even has a long term boyfriend now, so I think my ex was being too paranoid, or too spiteful, when she was constantly bringing up that she didn't want me talking to her, even though we just talked about things like work, movies, nothing threatening towards my gf at all. My gf hung out with her all the time, until I asked her for some advice, and then my gf had a problem with her being my friend from then on, after she gave me an opinion, telling me my gf had some red flags. My gf red the text messages and didn't like that, so my gf kept constantly arguing with me to not talk to her anymore, and that's part of what lead to the break up.

Edited November 10, 2016 by ironpony

[Gaeta]

What is the solution that you've come of with your BF, Gaeta? I mean I've read about your current arrangement that he's keeping his lease etc, but is that the long-term solution?

 

In my case a similar situation to OP's provoked huge relationship issues and ultimately was the main reason for the end of the rl...

 

When he gets his permanent residency in my country (14 months) we will buy a house together. We will do it pro-rata. If we split we will get back what we respectively invested. The home l already own will be put in a trust for my only daughter in case of death. As for bf and l mutual life insurance.

[Gaeta]

Well it wrong of me to ask my ex-gf to pay me back for some of the wedding. I apologized to her way back. I just was feeling that way at the time cause she was having issues with how I was spending money on her. So at that time, it lead me to become stand-offish. But I apologized back then, and I am totally up for paying for a wedding myself.

 

As for buying a house together, she couldn't afford it. Basically before me, she owned a business with her ex-boyfriend before me, years ago. When they broke up, all the money in the business went to him when she left, and she didn't have any money. She was busy taking care of her dad who is in ill health, and doing well, while we were dating. So a lot of her money went towards that.

 

Last time I checked, she had 24 dollars in the bank literally, because of the money that goes to her dad's medication and treatment as well as the money she lost to her ex-bf's business before me.

 

So she cannot afford to by a house with the amount she has. But I want to buy a house. So if she could not by one with me, than was it unfair of me to ask for a pre-nup on it? Especially when I was willing to come up with an arrangement that was fair for both of us in the pre-nup, but she wasn't willing to have a discussion about it at all?

 

As for not needing a prenup in this case, I went to lawyer and got some information before, but we were not able to go over much since my ex-gf refused to have any type of discussion about it.

 

As for how she has behaved towards me on social media, for my family, relatives and friends to see, my Mom and my sister thinks I should give it another shot with her, with counseling, cause they can see she really loves me they say.

 

And as for the friend of 8 years who I asked an opnion on, we only went out on a few dates back 8 years ago, it didn't go well, and we found out we were in compatible. We decided to remain friends, and saw other people throughout the years. She even has a long term boyfriend now, so I think my ex was being too paranoid, or too spiteful, when she was constantly bringing up that she didn't want me talking to her, even though we just talked about things like work, movies, nothing threatening towards my gf at all. My gf hung out with her all the time, until I asked her for some advice, and then my gf had a problem with her being my friend from then on, after she gave me an opinion, telling me my gf had some red flags. My gf red the text messages and didn't like that, so my gf kept constantly arguing with me to not talk to her anymore, and that's part of what lead to the break up.

 

 

Love is not enough.

 

My ex-husband loved me a great deal. When I left our marriage he was destroyed and wanted to end his life for a long time. Was I suppose to remain in a dysfunctional relationship because he loved me? no. He loved me but his love was manipulative, selfish, and abusive.