Overtaxed Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 You are wise beyond your years on this topic. Also what happens is the wife becomes a WW cheats and divorces her BH most of the time and replaces him with her F' buddy/OM. Well, I'm almost 40! But I've had plenty of sexual experience; which has given me the perspective, all of it has been very hard won! It take a lot of time and effort from a man, even an attractive man, to find a woman to sleep with. At best, a few hours in a bar. At worst, day/weeks of calls/txts, time spent e-mailing, etc. And if you're trying to swing with someone you just "meet" in a bar? Good luck with that; probably 1% of women are open to that idea; you'll be the rest of your life finding that needle in a haystack. Compare that to an attractive woman. Walk into any bar (or shoot, Starbucks!). Find a man without a wedding ring. Chat him up for 5 mins, give him your number. You can be sleeping with him within the day if you'd like. And, even if you're totally straight with him; "I want to sleep with you and my husband at the same time", a LOT of men are going to be OK with that, a whole lot. Frankly, a woman's success rate asking a random man to be part of a threesome is probably about the same success rate a man would have asking a prostitute for that kind of activity. It's just not an equal playing field, not even close. I don't see any way it works out for the man without pros involved unless, of course, he's famous and/or fabulously rich. That's the only way a man will ever have the kind of sexual access most women enjoy for much of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Life lessons Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 I also believe like most others....if she is asking for an open marriage, there is probably someone already lined up. You don't seem to be too comfortable in this idea so be honest with her regardless of if you think you will lose her or not. Many people co parent successfully, so staying married and together for the children seems moot in my opinion. Also, what affect will this have on them to see mommy and dad dating others while living together as a married couple?? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Hi OT, while I agree with your assessment that men in general do not have much luck with the ladies whether married or single as compared to women looking to hook up, there is, I believe, a small category of men who are termed 'Bulls' in the alternative lifestyle world who seem to attract women whether married or single and who, generally would be very circumspect in who they associate with, who get drawn to these guys like bees to nectar. All these guys have to do is drop hints that they are interested in them and they are able to draw them in. I have read about these guys and they are different from the player types who concentrate on a single married woman to get her into bed. These guys are usually single and not the kind looking for commitment. There is just seyhing about them, maybe pheromones of a special variety, that gets the ladies all worked up. I may be wrong but there may be other posters who can confirm this. Of course the OP certainly does not seem to fall in that category. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I sense a lot of projection in this thread. (Nodding) As a wife of almost 15 years who wanted an open marriage, I can say I not only was not "already" cheating, I didn't even have someone to pursue in mind. And I had not had any EAs or cyber affairs, sexual or romantic or both. My husband refused the open marriage and I have not had an affair despite that or anything, as implied in this thread. I WANT it but my husband has a say and so far that say is no. As for cake eating, often as not the husband wants to stay in the marriage for convenience and economic reasons too. In fact these are frequent reasons many unhappy, not in love husbands do stay in marriages and even fight for them tooth and nail. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 My point stands ... you don't babysit your own kids whatever their mother is doing. When a man wants to open the marriage, this term is never used. I'd understand if they were stepchildren, but not when the kids are his. Would she be called the babysitter if he was out fuc***g another woman? Not a chance. I hear a few men say this "I'm on babysitting duty". No your not. Your just looking after your children. Some posters say this to get a reaction from the husband. I see it quite a bit. I'm with you, Sandy. And yes, it is to humiliate the husband and make him react the way the poster wants him to react. Link to post Share on other sites
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