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Is continuing a relationship from HS while in college odd?

sektor

By sektor
in General Relationship Discussion

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Herbalist Established Member

Herbalist

Posted
Posted

Issues with age difference has to do with power dynamics that make the younger partner vulnerable and can thus be used to take advantage of the younger person.

 

These aspects can include things like:

1. Neurological development

2. And therefore psychological/emotional development

3. Adult life experience

4. Financial independence

 

And so on.

 

This is why most people with an ounce of personal ethics would be disapprove of say a 25 year old dating a 15 year old. The 15yo is still developing physically, neurologically, psychologically, emotionally. They are vulnerable in certain ways, more easily manipulated. They also don't have financial independence, they can't even drive, they have no adult life experience. All compared to the 25 year old who could take advantage of these vulnerabilities in the teen. It also speaks a lot to the intentions of the 25 year old, why they are going after someone who less developed, less experienced in life, not independent, etc. As opposed to someone who is on the same level as them in those regards. All of this is what makes it sketch as hell.

 

So a 17 year old and a 19 year old. So the 17yo is what a junior in high school? She is not independent yet. She has no adult life experience yet. What about the 19yo? And what are the intentions there? For example can the 19yo pump the breaks for about a year and give the 17yo a chance to graduate from high school and begin transitioning into more independent life? Or is there a rush for sex? I think there might a little leeway in terms of ethics there but again the age difference issue, if it's an issue, is due to vulnerability differences. Not because there is something magically bad about the numbers themselves. So give it some thought.

  • Like 1
DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

Posted
Posted
Issues with age difference has to do with power dynamics that make the younger partner vulnerable and can thus be used to take advantage of the younger person.

 

These aspects can include things like:

1. Neurological development

2. And therefore psychological/emotional development

3. Adult life experience

4. Financial independence

 

And so on.

 

This is why most people with an ounce of personal ethics would be disapprove of say a 25 year old dating a 15 year old. The 15yo is still developing physically, neurologically, psychologically, emotionally. They are vulnerable in certain ways, more easily manipulated. They also don't have financial independence, they can't even drive, they have no adult life experience. All compared to the 25 year old who could take advantage of these vulnerabilities in the teen. It also speaks a lot to the intentions of the 25 year old, why they are going after someone who less developed, less experienced in life, not independent, etc. As opposed to someone who is on the same level as them in those regards. All of this is what makes it sketch as hell.

 

So a 17 year old and a 19 year old. So the 17yo is what a junior in high school? She is not independent yet. She has no adult life experience yet. What about the 19yo? And what are the intentions there? For example can the 19yo pump the breaks for about a year and give the 17yo a chance to graduate from high school and begin transitioning into more independent life? Or is there a rush for sex? I think there might a little leeway in terms of ethics there but again the age difference issue, if it's an issue, is due to vulnerability differences. Not because there is something magically bad about the numbers themselves. So give it some thought.

 

Yes, yes, yes... I 110% agree. Scratch my insights and further enlightenment. This justifies what I would have said anyway.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

No, doesn't sound that weird. Most girls like dating older guys. Sure for the next few months she'll be in high school and he's already done, but it really isn't that big of a deal someone from college dating someone from high school.

 

Some people are making it sound like a completely different lifestyle, but i'd say for most 17 and 19 are pretty similar, school, work, parties.

 

It's different if your talking about someone who is in their mid 20's done school and living on their own.

  • Like 1
understand50 Established Member

understand50

Posted
Posted

Well, I have some experience with this type of age difference. I was 16, and my G/F 18, when we started dating. I moved in with her at 17. We have been together for over 40 years. Yes, at the time we were dating, and getting together, most everyone thought it was odd, with her taking most of the heat, on why she could an would not date a "child" and not a guy of her age. Myself, not so much, but my parents and family were against us dating. This age difference is a huge gulf at this age, and you should be aware of it ,and acknowledge it. Because, I was the guy, and the young one, many did not think that I was being used, but that she was dating "below" her. In some ways, we should have never been a couple. The whole situation, did add some "spice" as we were us against everyone. There were other pressures, as I am sure, her cheating and ONS, were directly from pressure from her friends to find some guy her age. I forgave her, and we moved on.

 

So my advise, from experience, is to go slow, and remember that you have a whole life ahead if this is real, and can be lasting. The age difference will work out in the end. At our age now, no one cares, but at the time it was an issue. Also, the fact we "made" it helps, or helped, drowned out all the doubters. There are good reasons and good advantages to getting married early, and here is a link that may help.

 

The Benefits of Getting Married Young

 

 

Now, I am not saying this is for everyone, but marring early, or dating a teenager is not the road to doom, many make it out to be. You need to ask yourself, if she is the one, or just a conquest. If she is joust going to be a "good lay" or you have a virgin thing going, I think you need to step back, and see yourself as a user. If your attentions are honorable, then go forward, but remember, you are asking her to settle and choose you early, what are you bringing to the table?

 

MY 2 cents.....

Wookin Pa Nub Established Member

Wookin Pa Nub

Posted
Posted

I don't think it is unusual. I was 19 and my first real gf was 17 when we met. She was actually more sexually advanced than I was and had a serious bf before me.

Ginyuforcerules New Member

Ginyuforcerules

Posted
Posted
Issues with age difference has to do with power dynamics that make the younger partner vulnerable and can thus be used to take advantage of the younger person.

 

These aspects can include things like:

1. Neurological development

2. And therefore psychological/emotional development

3. Adult life experience

4. Financial independence

 

And so on.

 

This is why most people with an ounce of personal ethics would be disapprove of say a 25 year old dating a 15 year old. The 15yo is still developing physically, neurologically, psychologically, emotionally. They are vulnerable in certain ways, more easily manipulated. They also don't have financial independence, they can't even drive, they have no adult life experience. All compared to the 25 year old who could take advantage of these vulnerabilities in the teen. It also speaks a lot to the intentions of the 25 year old, why they are going after someone who less developed, less experienced in life, not independent, etc. As opposed to someone who is on the same level as them in those regards. All of this is what makes it sketch as hell.

 

So a 17 year old and a 19 year old. So the 17yo is what a junior in high school? She is not independent yet. She has no adult life experience yet. What about the 19yo? And what are the intentions there? For example can the 19yo pump the breaks for about a year and give the 17yo a chance to graduate from high school and begin transitioning into more independent life? Or is there a rush for sex? I think there might a little leeway in terms of ethics there but again the age difference issue, if it's an issue, is due to vulnerability differences. Not because there is something magically bad about the numbers themselves. So give it some thought.

 

1. So if I read right, you are saying the issue is not due to age, but circumstances right?

 

2.25 and 15 is weird, I don't think its comparable to 19 and 17.

 

3. I guess to be specific, 19 year old freshman in college and 17 year old hs senior.

Ginyuforcerules New Member

Ginyuforcerules

Posted
Posted

I was wondering,is it normal at face value. I mean for example, people don't have an issue with two 17 years old dating, so I wonder if people have an issue with 19 and 17?

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

You need to know what the legal age of consent is in your state. Two years' age difference is just fine, but if the one of you that is 17 is still "illegal," then you should avoid any potential problems and just wait it out until they're 18.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

I think it's fine.

  • 5 months later...
Sasori New Member

Sasori

Posted
Posted

So I'm an 18 year old HS senior and I have a girlfriend who's 17 years old and she's a junior. Next year I'll be a college freshman and she'll be a senior and the college isn't too far away. Anyway, with this, I was wondering, would it be weird for us to continue or relationship if I am college freshman and she is a HS senior?

Drinkingoutofthecups Member

Drinkingoutofthecups

Posted
Posted

Why would that be weird?

O'Malley Established Member

O'Malley

Posted
Posted

It's certainly not weird, but a) if you are relocating for college, long distance relationships are difficult to sustain even in the best of circumstances and b) even though you may care for each other, you might find yourselves maturing incompatibly as you enter into your twenties and wanting different things out of life.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

It's not weird at all. However, statistically it's unlikely to last. That doesn't mean it won't but a whole new world is about to open up to you.

 

 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

 

Some people have made it work. Nothing says you can't. It will simply be outside of the norm, but that's not weird.

  • 2 weeks later...
Gundam Member

Gundam

Posted
Posted

So I'm an 18 year old HS senior and I have a girlfriend who's 17 years old and she's a junior. Next year I'll be a college freshman and she'll be a senior and the college isn't too far away. Anyway, with this, I was wondering, would it be weird for us to continue or relationship if I am college freshman and she is a HS senior?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

It's not odd, but the odds with be against you to stay together.

  • Like 1
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Not odd. Lots of people do that.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Lots of people try it. Few people succeed.

 

 

You are about to embark on all sorts of new adventures. If you still feel connected to her, great. Just bear one thing in mind, when faced with temptation & there will be all sorts of beautiful coeds away from home for the 1st time just like you -- break up with your HS GF rather than cheating on her. She deserves that level of honesty.

mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

Posted
Posted

My parents met when they were 16 and 17. They celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary last week.....now that's odd these days!!

  • Like 1
2nd tyme Member

2nd tyme

Posted
Posted

I think 51 was always considered odd.

  • Like 2
  • 3 weeks later...
GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted

It seems like every time I come to LS there's another one of these threads.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/621757-continuing-relationship-hs-odd#post7291388

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/577701-should-i-continue-relationship

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/583948-what-your-thoughts-college-hs-relationships

 

 

FFS, no, there's nothing weird about his type of relationship, but I'm beginning to think that there's some kind of weird fetish with posting about it.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

I don't think it is....but by today's standards I couldn't tell you....I'm not in HS/college.

TheParadox7 Member

TheParadox7

Posted
Posted

I don't see why it should be, especially if you really love each other.

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