Bigmess2 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Hello!! So long story short, I started dating someone new about 3 months ago. We met through a mutual friend at a BBQ. I'm 28 and he's 33. We clicked immediately and we both seem to be equally invested and excited about each other and the relationship. Within the past few weeks some things have been getting bumpy tho... and I know it's normal for relationships to have ups and downs and that they require work but I feel like the bumps we've faced so far are not make it or break it situations... he's a very sensitive man. In touch with his feelings and emotions and expressing them which is great but I feel that even the most minor things bother him and it turns into an argument and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it... Our first argument: I was taking care of my parents cat while they were away on vacation. One day I went to work and he stayed at my parents house. He took my dog out and told me he thought the cat got out (she's not an outside cat) so I was worried and thinking about my moms reaction of coming home to her missing cat of 10 years. I was at work and he texted me she got out so I said you need to go find her now. He got upset with me by my reaction and said I should've said "ok, can you please go find her for me?" Maybe the way I reacted was sharp so I apologized and he ended up finding her in the house 45 minutes later... Second argument: a song came on his playlist and I said I don't like this song the guys voice bothers me. This turned into an all day 24 hour argument because to him, I was being a b*itch and was "rude" when I didn't think I was, I was just voicing my opinion on the song. I didn't mean for him to get upset by my tone and so I ended up apologizing. Third argument: I have a bulldog and she's pretty much like my child. I've had her for 2 years. He is not a dog person at all, he's a cat person. She can be a little hyper at times which can be annoying but I always try to push her away when he's with me not to bother him. Yesterday she was chewing her bone laying on my lap and he ended up getting up and leaving and saying that she was giving him anxiety. She was nowhere near him. So Again, I apologized for him feeling anxious because of my dog and he told me that she's coming into between our relationship and that if she doesn't get trained this isn't going to work. I just feel very confused because these little things that are bothering him seem very minor to me but to him they are very big situations. I'm trying to compromise with him and work with him in order to make things work because of the positive in our relationship. I always seem to be the one apologizing tho, to defuse the argument because I don't feel they are things worth arguing over. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells because no matter what I do he seems to find something wrong. It makes me worried what his reaction would be if we actually did face a larger issue... I'm just not sure what to do.. the relationship is great other than these bumps in the road.. Am I being insensitive? Or is he being too sensitive? I just don't know...
imaginarium Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 That's not sensitive. That is picky and intolerant. If you have to think about the "tone" of your texts all the time, can't comment on your likes and dislikes, and your dog can't just exist in his own doggy way around this guy, is that what you really want? It's only been 3 months. I'd cut my losses on it and find someone I was actually compatible with if I were you. How do you not love a bulldog anyway?! 10
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Agreed ^^. You will be walking in eggshells if you continue to date this guy and I for one, would never chose that for myself. He is intolerant and rude to you. His behavior is childish and immature. Next... 5
EveryWomanJ2911 Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 It sounds like you are on the fence because of the time you invested and how silly the arguments are that have already happemed. I want to highlight something important here. He never conceeded the point, or tried to work with you to bring about a solution for the both of you. Its his way or the highway. This is extremely unhealthy, and already has you anxious and nervous. These are indicators of an abusor. I have had many encounters with family members and friends who married manipulators and/or abusors. Please strongly consider ending this relationship. Its not healthy already and these are just the "previews" portion of the relationship "movie." You are not being too sensitive, you are being observant and smart here! Think of your pet as your child, how is he acting towards a person ypu genuinely love right now? Of course your doggie is not your child, per se, but its a good indicator that how he is acting towards your loved ones, you, and other living beings as nuisances is NOT good. Please really consider what is important to you and what your relationship goals are, and then act accordingly. Please don't let things go any farther when you are already "walking on eggshells" and apologizing constantly for living. There ARE healthy men out there who will consider you, love you well, and not make you bend to their every whim. These "bumps" you described are what make a toxic relationship a dangerous one. Just make it a clean break with no contact going forward for your safety. It sounds drastic, but please know that its really important as many abusors are MASTER apologizers and manipulators to get the control back in a relationship. He's not worth this drama! You WILL find someone who has your values and relationship goals, and who is a good match for you. You are worth more than what this guy is putting you through. I found a good guy to marry who loves me well, my sister did too after dating and ditching an abuser, and my mom found a good guy after leaving her abuser. ~Blessings and Peace to you Friend!
TheTraveler Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Our first argument: I was taking care of my parents cat while they were away on vacation. One day I went to work and he stayed at my parents house. He took my dog out and told me he thought the cat got out (she's not an outside cat) so I was worried and thinking about my moms reaction of coming home to her missing cat of 10 years. I was at work and he texted me she got out so I said you need to go find her now. He got upset with me by my reaction and said I should've said "ok, can you please go find her for me?" Maybe the way I reacted was sharp so I apologized and he ended up finding her in the house 45 minutes later... Haha this got me. He's the dope who possibly let the cat out. It's his damn job to go find it. Your text was totally fine. Seriously, you need to dump this guy. 1
Larryville Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 These are indicators of an abuser. Big time, move on quickly! Why are you tolerating this? Either: You are not happy single, You are not happy with yourself, your standards are too low, and you have taught yourself to put up with too much. Never, ever be afraid to demand respect from your partner. You deserve to be treated well. A good relationship makes your life easier. He is NOT sensitive this dude is a jackass! 1
smackie9 Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 You got me at "he's not a dog person" This is a huge incompatibility if your dog is like your child. It's only been a few months dump the guy and move on. 2
MarkIVSteel Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I can see where he's coming from when it comes to dogs. I got attacked twice by dogs when I was a kid. One by a bulldog and another by a German Shepherd. It's why I can't stand being around dogs to this day. They make me anxious and nervous. He might have had a bad experience with dogs.
Buddhist Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 He's not a sensitive man, he's a child that never grew up. Sorry but knee-jerking like that over trivia isn't something you should be walking on eggshells over. Don't pander to this any further, expect him to be adult in his reactions and when he isn't ignore it. 1
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 He is not a dog person at all, he's a cat person. but I always try to push her away when he's with me not to bother him. Yesterday she was chewing her bone laying on my lap and he ended up getting up and leaving and saying that she was giving him anxiety. She was nowhere near him. So Again, I apologized for him feeling anxious because of my dog Relationship would be over right there. He's not a dog person and you are a dog owner: OUT You have to push your dog away to make him happy: OUT Dog gives him anxiety: OUT You find yourself constantly apologizing for your dog: OUT For this, and all the rest you have described, you are dating a jerk, a big jackass that's a pain in the neck. This should have never made it to 3 months. 1
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I can see where he's coming from when it comes to dogs. I got attacked twice by dogs when I was a kid. One by a bulldog and another by a German Shepherd. It's why I can't stand being around dogs to this day. They make me anxious and nervous. He might have had a bad experience with dogs. Then you don't date dog owners right? Instead this man dates a dog owner and makes her, and her dog's life a living hell walking on eggshells. 2
HangnTN Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Dump this narcissistic twit and get a real man. Don't invest any more time in his "sensitive" shannigains. . 2
MarkIVSteel Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 Then you don't date dog owners right? Instead this man dates a dog owner and makes her, and her dog's life a living hell walking on eggshells. I wouldn't say I actively don't date dog owners but none of the women I've dated so far have had dogs. I wasn't actively filtering them out though. It's just happened that way.
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I wouldn't say I actively don't date dog owners but none of the women I've dated so far have had dogs. I wasn't actively filtering them out though. It's just happened that way. With your deep fear of dogs what do you think you should do if you meet a woman that is a dog owner? Do you think that she should pick you over her pet? 1
dispatch3d Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I'd nope the hell out of this one. No way would I date someone that is sensitive, this guy is extreme. These are good things to break up over as far as I'm concerned.
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