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Best Friend Dated Abuser


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Hi guys,


This is going to be hard for some people to read - if you are not comfortable reading about physical abuse I would advise you turn back now.


Here's my story:


- I was best friends with this girl called Elizaveta (Lisa for short) since third grade. Went on family vacations together, changed schools together, etc. etc.

- 3 years ago, Lisa went over to France to study at one of the best business schools in Europe. I went to visit her, and a guy I was seeing, Nick* (who works at Google in Sydney) decided to go over too, at the same time

- While we were over there we were decided to go to Spain for a weekend. We were hanging out in the hotel. Basically he started poking me and I told him I didn't like it. I poked him back and he slapped me in the face. Lisa witnessed it.

- I ultimately expected after this that Lisa would have my back

- Instead she started telling me that what I thought happened had never actually happened, I was being "ridiculous" and how dare I make "such huge accusations", I needed to "seek psychological treatment", etc etc

- Flash forward six months and I hear Lisa and Nick are dating (Lisa always liked that Nick had "security" aka tonnes of cash)

- Every time I reach out to Lisa she reinforces that she thinks I'm insane


It's now three years later and the two of them have broken up. I hear this. Lisa is finally able to admit to me she knows what happened and that yes he did hit me. I call her after a few drinks and it starts off as me saying I wanted to be friends and ends with her telling me the friendship didn't mean much to her and me yelling at her for putting me through all of this. It's too awkward now for us to be friends but in the end I don't want us to be.


I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading.


*Name changed

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So you are mad at her for putting you through this?


Well, erm, it's time to let that go and either stop talking to her or work on moving past it.


She dated the abuser. She was collaborating with it, it sounds like and now she's out of that, you need to decide of you can trust her or not and leave it at that.


Freaking out on her isn't appropriate at all.

It's like she gets to be abused all over again for making the absolutely stupid choice to date this arsehole.


Either you all move past him, or you see that that is who she is too, and you move past her.


I wouldn't accept being called crazy by a friend after her date slapped me. Not at all. I would be done with that friend very fast. I have no issue with that.

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