Author TheSea Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 He is using for sex and also enjoys manipulating you, hence "miss me?" even though he knows damn well that you do and that it's because you're nuts with obsessive infatuation and desperation. You are there to give him orgasms and ego strokes. This isn't a good guy you are with though your perception and judgement are obviously clouded AF. Otherwise he would have cut things off with you a loooong time ago. The whole story reads like some terribad yaoi manga that glamourizes dysfunctions as sexy. No Herbalist, I promise you, he is not like that, from day 1 he has been honest with me and his intentions, I do agree that he LOVES the attention and ego boost i give him but he is not a bad person.
Herbalist Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 No Herbalist, I promise you, he is not like that, from day 1 he has been honest with me and his intentions, I do agree that he LOVES the attention and ego boost i give him but he is not a bad person. So would you take advantage of someone like that? The person clearly has mental health problems as they have been desperately pursuing you from the first time they met you despite not knowing you at all and you making it clear that you are not interested. But since you think they are hot and want to **** them you try to persuade them to still be fwb with you, and then you like to taunt them with texts and keep enjoying them for sex even though you know they have issues and are becoming increasingly worse. You would feel comfortable using a disturbed person for sex and ego boosts, you wouldn't feel that it's a generally wrong thing to do?
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Gay or straight....your story is not unusual. He's playing ya. He likes the sex and knows what to say to keep you around. Your feelings are clouding your better judgement. Best of luck to you. 1
Buddhist Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Really if you have to go to these kind of lengths to manipulate someone into being with you, it's just not worth it. I understand your frustration because well men are frustrating to date. They have a host of neurosis to negotiate and a lot of negative perceptions of partners to dodge as well. This guy sounds so uninvested it's not funny. He hardly seems like a longterm potential at all. Save your loving for someone more worthy of you. This guy is not it. He will happily screw your brains out and tell you little tidbits to keep you on his hook but he isn't likely to become boyfriend material anytime soon. Bottom line - if you can't be real with someone then the potential for a relationship with them is zero.
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 oh no. I'm going to be honest: those were some really really really needy texts and actions on your part. They are a complete turn off, even if you look like a supermodel and have perfect romantic and friend chemistry, doing stuff like this will kill every chance you have to have a relationship with this guy. Usually there is almost no way to turn it around because an opinion has been formed (and a pattern). You can't keep doing this with a new guy or with this one. Your best chance is to take a step back from seeing and spending any time with him. Make sure he knows why: tell him that you are afraid you both fell into a pattern of something that has some of the makings of a relationship but really isn't one. Tell him that you are a relationship person & then tell him you wish him the best but for now you are going to have to not be in contact so you can move on with your life. If he is going to step up and give you what you want, he will need this time and space to realize it. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to focus on yourself (job first, I guess; then some self exploration to work on your neediness) so that you will be ready for the next one or if this guy comes back. Focus on yourself. Make new friends so you will not be so needy. I would put dating on back burner until you get the other things under control. This is not healthy--the stuff you were saying and how you were acting. I'm sorry. Good luck! You can do it. 1
Author TheSea Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 oh no. I'm going to be honest: those were some really really really needy texts and actions on your part. They are a complete turn off, even if you look like a supermodel and have perfect romantic and friend chemistry, doing stuff like this will kill every chance you have to have a relationship with this guy. Usually there is almost no way to turn it around because an opinion has been formed (and a pattern). You can't keep doing this with a new guy or with this one. Your best chance is to take a step back from seeing and spending any time with him. Make sure he knows why: tell him that you are afraid you both fell into a pattern of something that has some of the makings of a relationship but really isn't one. Tell him that you are a relationship person & then tell him you wish him the best but for now you are going to have to not be in contact so you can move on with your life. If he is going to step up and give you what you want, he will need this time and space to realize it. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to focus on yourself (job first, I guess; then some self exploration to work on your neediness) so that you will be ready for the next one or if this guy comes back. Focus on yourself. Make new friends so you will not be so needy. I would put dating on back burner until you get the other things under control. This is not healthy--the stuff you were saying and how you were acting. I'm sorry. Good luck! You can do it. Versacehottie thank you for your advice. When i told him i needed to step back and stop seeing him we met to say good bye and he said I was emotionall blackmailing him, like if he didnt give me a relationship i was gonna stop seeing him, wtf? I wanted to stop seeing him because this was hurting way too much. I finally ended up not doing it back then. Anyway i can send you a Private message versacehottie? Thanks everyone!
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Versacehottie thank you for your advice. When i told him i needed to step back and stop seeing him we met to say good bye and he said I was emotionall blackmailing him, like if he didnt give me a relationship i was gonna stop seeing him, wtf? I wanted to stop seeing him because this was hurting way too much. I finally ended up not doing it back then. Anyway i can send you a Private message versacehottie? Thanks everyone! Well, why do you need to "meet" to say goodbye????!! You'd both be lying to yourselves. You'd still be hoping to have a last chance to get back in and he to keep string you along--that was the real purpose of the meeting. Be honest with yourself. It looks like he won that one. How is it emotional blackmail when you are not getting what you want and need to remove yourself from the situation??? You don't owe him anything. If anything he's telling you that you might have some leverage with a comment like that but not if you roll over and just do what he wants (hang around without a relationship and everything on his terms). It's gonna hurt you if you stay this way and hurt you initially if you leave. But it will be your best chance to get what you want from him (or someone else) if you leave. You can def private message me but I think if it's not working it may be because you have to have a certain amount of posts before the site allows you to. Keep posting here if you can't yet and I will see and respond for sure Good luck 1
Author TheSea Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) Well, why do you need to "meet" to say goodbye????!! You'd both be lying to yourselves. You'd still be hoping to have a last chance to get back in and he to keep string you along--that was the real purpose of the meeting. Be honest with yourself. It looks like he won that one. How is it emotional blackmail when you are not getting what you want and need to remove yourself from the situation??? You don't owe him anything. If anything he's telling you that you might have some leverage with a comment like that but not if you roll over and just do what he wants (hang around without a relationship and everything on his terms). It's gonna hurt you if you stay this way and hurt you initially if you leave. But it will be your best chance to get what you want from him (or someone else) if you leave. You can def private message me but I think if it's not working it may be because you have to have a certain amount of posts before the site allows you to. Keep posting here if you can't yet and I will see and respond for sure Good luck Yes, he said he was 110% sure I wasnt going to leave him and it was just a trick from me (or emotional black mail as he called it) to make him date me, like you date me or you lose me. [] Edited November 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator private information ~6
Versacehottie Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) Yes, he said he was 110% sure I wasnt going to leave him and it was just a trick from me (or emotional black mail as he called it) to make him date me, like you date me or you lose me. [] See? the main problem for you is that he knows you are going nowhere. Therefore, he will continue to do what he wants (and guilt trip you about it if you speak up). I'm afraid you are going to have to make a stance with your actions and let the chips fall where they may. If you lose him, so what? He is not respecting you. This is not a balanced relationship at all. If someone told me I was trying to "trick" him, i would probably be out of there for good. He is basically showing you that he currently has NO respect for you and isn't going to budge. There is no point STAYING to try to get him to change his mind. He will continue worse treatment. Your only real option is to leave. I think you should stay away but you can determine that if he comes back to you with a REAL OFFER AND REAL EFFORT, i.e. don't bite until he has really proven it to you. And you yourself need to be on much more stable ground for yourself. ok, here's the problem with that is that you won't really be able to delete what you post here. I don't think you need to be afraid to post whatever you want to ask--other people will probably have good ideas of what to do too. Hang in there Edited November 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited quote ~6
Author TheSea Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 Started an antidepressant, i really hope it will help me cope with this situation better
niji Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) Started an antidepressant, i really hope it will help me cope with this situation better It will most likely work, just give it 4-6 weeks, antidepressants don't exert full anti-depressive effects short-term. It's unfortunate that people play these games all the times. I once told a friend I liked him more than friends and knew he didn't have these same feelings, so I was going to stop contact because it hurt too much. He then gave me the whole nine yards of "that's unfair to me, why do I have to lose a friend?", and started talking to me every day since I said was going to stop contact (before that we talked once a week or less often, each time being a long conversation; as friends you just don't need to talk that often). It took me about 2-3 months trying to convince myself (we all do it) that maybe he liked me but just "hasn't realized it" Luckily I had my best friend who called me out on my imagination and his BS for saying such things to keep my hopes up, and with her help and brutal honesty (because she loves me too much to see me get hurt), I was able to stop all contacts after 3 months and moved on with my life. As far as I know (still have him on Instagram), he's living just fine and dandy Edited November 1, 2016 by niji
Author TheSea Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 It will most likely work, just give it 4-6 weeks, antidepressants don't exert anti-depressive effects short-term. It's unfortunate that people play these games all the times. I once told a friend I liked him more than friends and knew he didn't have these same feelings, so I was going to stop contact because it hurt too much. He then gave me the whole nine yards of "that's unfair to me, why do I have to lose a friend?", and started talking to me every day since I said was going to stop contact (before that we talked once a week or less often, each time being a long conversation; as friends you just don't need to talk that often). It took me about 2-3 months trying to convince myself (we all do it) that maybe he liked me but just "hasn't realized it" Luckily I had my best friend who called me out on my imagination and his BS for saying such things to keep my hopes up, and with her help and brutal honesty (because she loves me too much to see me get hurt), I was able to stop all contacts after 3 months and moved on with my life. As far as I know (still have him on Instagram), he's living just fine and dandy Yes, I've been on sertraline before and I know it takes around a month but then I become like a zombie and I don't give a f*** about anything. Today after I sent him the message telling him I needed to move on because this was hurting so much I feel so much relief and that i have my life back, Im sure this feeling wont last long tho and tomorrow or the day after i will be missing him terribly.
Author TheSea Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) he just read my messaged where i said i wanted to stop contact and he replied: I will do anything you want me to make it easier for you Ok sorry if I'm causing you pain it was never my intention... I understand what you're going through and I will give you as much space as you need even if it will take long time Think he has finally realised how this is damaging me and he is ready to let me go (im a bit sad) Edited November 1, 2016 by TheSea
Author TheSea Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 See? the main problem for you is that he knows you are going nowhere. Therefore, he will continue to do what he wants (and guilt trip you about it if you speak up). I'm afraid you are going to have to make a stance with your actions and let the chips fall where they may. If you lose him, so what? He is not respecting you. This is not a balanced relationship at all. If someone told me I was trying to "trick" him, i would probably be out of there for good. He is basically showing you that he currently has NO respect for you and isn't going to budge. There is no point STAYING to try to get him to change his mind. He will continue worse treatment. Your only real option is to leave. I think you should stay away but you can determine that if he comes back to you with a REAL OFFER AND REAL EFFORT, i.e. don't bite until he has really proven it to you. And you yourself need to be on much more stable ground for yourself. ok, here's the problem with that is that you won't really be able to delete what you post here. I don't think you need to be afraid to post whatever you want to ask--other people will probably have good ideas of what to do too. Hang in there Versacehottie, what do you think of my last post? thank you! these days are going to be really hard....
olivetree Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 he just read my messaged where i said i wanted to stop contact and he replied: I will do anything you want me to make it easier for you Ok sorry if I'm causing you pain it was never my intention... I understand what you're going through and I will give you as much space as you need even if it will take long time Think he has finally realised how this is damaging me and he is ready to let me go (im a bit sad) Good for you! I hope you follow up those words by actions (don't respond and get into a convo or go crawling back), and move on with your life. Maybe one day when you've moved on you can be friends, but you likely won't care at that point. I think this is the first step to building up your self-worth. In the future, even relationships like this won't make you need constant reassurance, because if you feel that way, you will walk away.
Toodaloo Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 VWhen i told him i needed to step back and stop seeing him we met to say good bye and he said I was emotionall blackmailing him, like if he didnt give me a relationship i was gonna stop seeing him, wtf? Sea. This is called having boundaries and that guy has been stomping all over yours for ages... It will take some adjustment to get used to the fact that you are not just going to throw yourself under a bus for him. Keep learning about healthy constructive boundaries. It will do you the world of good and also help you find a much better class of guy. The guy that will stick by you and give you your "happy ever after" with out treating you like this. Enough with the games. You knew he was playing you and you allowed it because you hoped it would go somewhere despite being told by him it wouldn't. Rose tinted goggles my dear and its time to take them off so you don't get yourself into these pickles! Respect yourself and don't throw yourself at just any guy! You are worth more than a quick fumble! Treat yourself as such! I know these are really difficult lessons but they are so important. 1
Author TheSea Posted November 3, 2016 Author Posted November 3, 2016 I am a bit upset this time I could feel he definitely felt pity for me and did not hetistate to let me go
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I am a bit upset this time I could feel he definitely felt pity for me and did not hetistate to let me go STOP CONTACTING HIM THEN! Look. I know it is hard but you are being very dramatic about this and all that drama is doing is causing you more hurt and pain and preventing you from going out and meeting all those gorgeous men, one of whom may well adore you! Quit sabotaging yourself! Quit holding yourself back! Follow all the usual break up/ get over them advice and you will do great!
Author TheSea Posted November 3, 2016 Author Posted November 3, 2016 Another thing I haven't mentioned here when I told my story..... I think one of the reasons why he doesn't want me as a boyfriend is because I was made redudant from my previous job last April and I fell into depression (I have a tencendy to depression, had many episodes in my life) plus I met him so my life has been so chaotic and I haven't had the chance to look for a new job, I think that put him off big time since i came across like lazy. And he is 4 years younger than me and has an important position and works so much he is VERY ambitious and ultra materialistic. But also he has living here in this country for 10 years, ive moved here a year and a half ago and he is only 2 hours away from home (we are in the UK his family lives in Poland) and my family is all the way in Argentina i haven't seen them since ive moved here... I told him in one of our last chats, you know why i haven't got a new job, because i suffer with depression and its really hard and he said , well you are coping quite well LOL and then he said "im very upset about many aspects about my life but i can't afford myself to be depressed" this j*erk doesnt understand that depression is a mental illness its not that you afford yourself or not to be. Im hating him honestly now....one time he even dare to say (before i told him i suffered with depression) "depression is for losers" :S
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Instead of taking action you are beating yourself up again...
Author TheSea Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 to make things even worse, ive found out he is dating a greek model....that couldn't even compare to me, im a average looking guy, not ugly, but far from hot or good looking. My self esteem is destroyed more than ever. I am pretty sure he didnt want anything else than friends with benefits because im not good looking enough....
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