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Everyone is telling me I should break up my girlfriend

Terry94

By Terry94
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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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Hey, new to this forum. Pretty much my question is I'm currently in a new relationship with my girlfriend and I like her a lot and trust her but all my friends and parents are telling me I should break up because she is best friends with her ex and his mum and she stays round there a lot (but different rooms) To be fair I'm not bothered about this at all even though they talk a lot and she does hang out and they did date and she loved him, I trust her and don't think anything will happen but everyone is telling me I should dump her. What do I do? Dont get me wrong I'll rather she didnt speak to him at all but I wouldnt ask her to do that.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Sounds to me she isn't really ready to let go of her old relationship. It's one thing to be friends with an ex, say hi to each other once in awhile, but it's another to still be like they are dating, hanging out one on one, staying together under the same roof, chat everyday.

 

If you wish to keep seeing her, she needs to change her situation. If she isn't willing to move on from her ex, then I agree with your family you need to move on. If a relationship is to stay true, everyone needs to cut ties from the majority of their past, and make your new GF/BF your main focus. IMO you are letting her have her cake and eat it to. She needs to cut the cord or else.

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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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Sounds to me she isn't really ready to let go of her old relationship. It's one thing to be friends with an ex, say hi to each other once in awhile, but it's another to still be like they are dating, hanging out one on one, staying together under the same roof, chat everyday.

 

If you wish to keep seeing her, she needs to change her situation. If she isn't willing to move on from her ex, then I agree with your family you need to move on. If a relationship is to stay true, everyone needs to cut ties from the majority of their past, and make your new GF/BF your main focus. IMO you are letting her have her cake and eat it to. She needs to cut the cord or else.

 

Well he currently has a girlfriend and they get on well because they work together. I know what you mean though, I might mention it soon.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Did l understand well ..she sleeps over there?

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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If you don't step up, she's going to walk all over you.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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What smackie9 said.

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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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Hey everyone. What do I say to her then? I want to say it without seeming desperate and jealous.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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Well what you say is... it is over dear.

 

What??? she says.

 

Yes, I am done, you need to go back to your x. You have been sleeping with him any how. Might as well keep it up.

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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Tell her how you feel about. If her love for you is real then she'll understand and make some changes. Basically she'll do what is needed to keep this loving relationship strong, in much the same way you would do if the situation were reversed. If she doesn't, then you need to think where her priorities lie.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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She is not over her ex, and if she continues this habit of being around him and his mother and staying over, then she will never get over him.

 

I know you want to be all "adult" and trust her, but it is YOU who is going to get very hurt here.

She will either leave you to go back to him, or will realise that you are NOT him and dump you, or you will find she has been cheating on you all along with him.

 

Best to stay away from people who haven't processed and moved on from their last relationship, and this girl obviously hasn't.

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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she is living in the past, to an extent, at any rate

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Hey, new to this forum. Pretty much my question is I'm currently in a new relationship with my girlfriend and I like her a lot and trust her but all my friends and parents are telling me I should break up because she is best friends with her ex and his mum and she stays round there a lot (but different rooms) To be fair I'm not bothered about this at all even though they talk a lot and she does hang out and they did date and she loved him, I trust her and don't think anything will happen but everyone is telling me I should dump her. What do I do? Dont get me wrong I'll rather she didnt speak to him at all but I wouldnt ask her to do that.

 

Why Oh why do people insist on getting themselves into such messes?

 

This is bad, bad, bad...

 

1. She LIVES in the same house/apt as her ex and mother?!

2. BEST friends with her ex?! She doesn't have any other non-ex friends?

3. She loved him???? They broke up, but she is okay living in the same house/apt????

4. You trust her b/c you are smitten, being naive and/or worse, don't get it

 

The temptation for the both of them to slip into a FWB relationship is very high. GF or BF or not, their close proximity physically and emotionally will make it very tempting. I hate to say this as well, but I would have an issue how she view boundaries. I suspect she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her current status. As smackie9 said...she likely thinks you're a push-over.

 

Ugh.

Edited by simpleNfit
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phineas Established Member

phineas

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no fricken way would I GF up a woman in that situation.

I won't even date separated women.

 

FWB at best.

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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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Okay, I have one last question I want to ask everyone. Basically, this makes things even worse I work with her and her ex, yes. We all work together, how do I avoid awkwardness and embarrasment at work if I break up with her. Thanks.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Okay, I have one last question I want to ask everyone. Basically, this makes things even worse I work with her and her ex, yes. We all work together, how do I avoid awkwardness and embarrasment at work if I break up with her. Thanks.

 

Don't make a big drama when you break up with her. Just tell her it's not working, and you hold no grudge against her and to take care of herself.

 

You just do your work and be civil with everyone around. A lot of people work with their ex, I do, and everything is normal. It was just not meant to be and life goes on.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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It will only be fleetingly awkward, especially if the break up is done in a calm and rational manner. I figure if you go in there accusing her of sleeping with him and accusing him of stealing your gf, then it could become messy real fast.

Just say you do not think you are right for each other and you want to end it, do not mention the ex or how you hate her going up there to see him.

Keep all that under your hat if you are going to have to work with them both. Keep things civil, and do not get involved in any fights, especially at work.

If you really cannot handle it, then ask for a transfer to a different dept/branch or just get a new job.

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Okay, I have one last question I want to ask everyone. Basically, this makes things even worse I work with her and her ex, yes. We all work together, how do I avoid awkwardness and embarrasment at work if I break up with her. Thanks.

 

Oh, dear me!......and you work with her AND her ex!??? What were you thinking??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope neither have any influence over your position there. Ugh.

 

Just be frank about the situation. Be prepared for ridicule and back-biting as they are 'friends.' But, in the end, anyone who knew the truth would be on your side for breaking it off.

phineas Established Member

phineas

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Okay, I have one last question I want to ask everyone. Basically, this makes things even worse I work with her and her ex, yes. We all work together, how do I avoid awkwardness and embarrasment at work if I break up with her. Thanks.

 

Seriously dude?

what were you thinking.

 

Only one solution. Gotta go the teen angst prime-time series WB route.

 

Tell her she can't have it both ways and you don't want to be with someone who cant let go of her ex and that you can still be friends.

 

Then go find another woman ASAP.

And a new job while you are at it.

There is no way this won't turn into a fuster-cluck of a work environment.

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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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I don't know what I was thinking. I was happily single I love being single but this girl was after me for months and months was always flirtirting with me and talking about me, how she likes me a lot. I never had a girl be that into me before, normally I'm the one who likes the girl first, I thought I'll take a chance and don't get me wrong I'm happy with her there is just a lot of problems. I mean before I broke up with her she was meant to come to mine today but 4 times! she changed plans.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Just end it.

 

Now I know that you work with her and her ex, I can't help wonder if her aggressive approach was not a scheme to make her ex jealous...just speculating. Perfect situation, right? Ex breaks up. Ex works in the same place as target BF and she gets to continue to sleep only a few feet away from the bedroom where she's spent intimate time with ex. ALL TOO MESSY.

 

Also, do not get back together with this lady. Even if she moves out and finds her own place. Her other issues/connections with her ex and working in the same place will not make things much safer (relationship-wise) with her being more independent.

Edited by simpleNfit
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I don't know what I was thinking. I was happily single I love being single but this girl was after me for months and months was always flirtirting with me and talking about me, how she likes me a lot. I never had a girl be that into me before, normally I'm the one who likes the girl first, I thought I'll take a chance and don't get me wrong I'm happy with her there is just a lot of problems. I mean before I broke up with her she was meant to come to mine today but 4 times! she changed plans.

 

Trust your family.

 

The people that knows us the most, the people that want our happiness the most, is our family. If your family says this girl is being ridiculous than believe them, your family has your best interest at heart.

 

When my family didn't like a guy I dated they were always right at the end! They have the ability to see things we don't.

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Terry94 New Member

Terry94

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She just texted me a photo of her. She is going out tonight with literally all her boob on display, doesn't even seemed bothered.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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She just texted me a photo of her. She is going out tonight with literally all her boob on display, doesn't even seemed bothered.

 

Ack. Classless. Just another sign that you need to end it imho.

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

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Okay, I have one last question I want to ask everyone. Basically, this makes things even worse I work with her and her ex, yes. We all work together, how do I avoid awkwardness and embarrasment at work if I break up with her. Thanks.

 

By getting a different job.

 

Are you kidding me? You not only work with her, but the ex she spends time with as well?

 

Are you a telemarketer or something? Sounds like a Call Center Drama Soap Opera.

 

You need to examine the risk/reward ratio of remaining not only in this odd relationship, but getting into one with a work colleague.

 

Some people can navigate those waters pretty well, but they are few and far between. And you ain't one of em.

 

Go get another job and be rid of both of em. This will eventually blow up in your face and probably end up in a fistfight at the Christmas Party in a couple of months.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I don't even date people who are still friends or "BFF's" with their exes. As in, they still chat/text with them or see each other platonically (so they claim :rolleyes:). You don't argue with these people, as they have their minds made up, nor do you get into a hair-splitting conversation about how there's nothing going on anymore between them and their ex. This is like talking to a wall. Once you see that they have something still going on with their ex, you just tell them that the R is not working out for you and wish them well. Keep it simple and nondescript so you can just end it and move on. And of course, once it's over don't continue to be "friends" with them!

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