Ex got back in contact, texting all day everyday for a month.. now what? **UPDATED**

[Blossomingbelle]

My ex and I didn't speak for around 6 months. He emailed me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and I replied saying thank you. He then kept the convo going asking what I'd been up to etc. After around 10 days he suggested to text instead.

Anyway a month on we are still texting all day everyday around 100 messages a day, I said to him that I think it would be best if we didn't talk everyday as I find it difficult as it brings back feelings etc and he said that he thought we were getting on well so we carried on as normal. The messages can be flirty but nothing about getting back together and he does like other girls photos etc on social media.

I find it difficult to understand his motive, if he didn't want to talk I have given him a number of opportunities to stop talking and it not be awkward. He is so confusing.

[MsJayne]

He sounds like a 5 Star Jerk. Ignore him and get on with your life. You deserve better. Sorry, just being honest.

[basil67]

You told him that you didn't want to talk every day as it would bring feelings back. And he completely dismissed your concerns for your own well being. Not very thoughtful is he.

 

So who was the dumper in the breakup? If it was him, feel free to bluntly ask his intentions. "So why are you spending all this time texting me lately? Have you got nothing better to do?". If he doesn't give the answer you want then insist he respect your need for No Contact so you can forget about him.

 

Take a bit of power back.

[elaine567]

Is this the guy who was having an affair with a married woman and blamed YOU for him dumping you, or is it a different one?

[Blossomingbelle]

Yeah that's him! I know that he obviously doesn't care about my feelings and they've definitely ended it so he probs was just feeling lonely I guess I've always just hoped things would go back to how they were.

[Blossomingbelle]

My ex contacted me a month ago and we have spoken all day everyday since however we still have not seen each other and he is still liking other girls pics etc on social media. I'm not sure whether he is bored and I am just my an option among others or whether he wants it to go further and is nervous about seeing me. We have talked about seeing each other but nothing materialised.

How do I ask him if he just wants to be friends without sounding needy?

[scarnface]

I've learnt that the best way is to be direct. Ask him what he wants from you.

[Blossomingbelle]

So if I just message him and say hey can I ask if you just want to be friends or if you want more?

[Blossomingbelle]

What about: Can i ask you a question? Why are you talking to me again? Do you just want to be friends or is there maybe a chance of more? It's totally fine either way I just need to know.

[scarnface]

I think it would be better asked in person, that way you can gauge his reaction and get a better feel for his response.

[lauri]

Honestly, why are people so concerned with how they will come off to an ex?

 

You just need to be direct. Are you scared of him not talking to you anymore because you ask him a legitimate question? If anything, I'd be relieved as that means you know what his intentions are and you won't waste anymore time.

 

As a word of advice, Getting back with an ex rarely works out. You feel like you're walking on egg shells once you get back together and there is too much history. You're much better off finding someone new and starting fresh and in a less toxic environment.

[Kelley]

He is just using you, no doubt just someone to talk to and when someone comes along that becomes his priority he will stop texting you. There are so many threads here where it happens. You stay in love and cling to hope, he gets what he wants. If he is not saying lets get back together and is trying to make you see it will work, he in not interested. I also agree I think getting back with an ex is a mistake are rarely works out due to the outstanding history. It's so much better to learn a lesson and start with someone new. Put yourself first and grow a backbone, get your self respect back come on you owe it to yourself.

[Blossomingbelle]

I may be being naive but surely he wouldn't be messaging me all day everyday if he didn't want to have another go? Like why would he bother I have said to him a number of times I'll let you go you must be busy etc he could have easily stopped talking without it being awkward?

[lauri]

I may be being naive but surely he wouldn't be messaging me all day everyday if he didn't want to have another go? Like why would he bother I have said to him a number of times I'll let you go you must be busy etc he could have easily stopped talking without it being awkward?

 

Just because he's messaging you doesn't mean he wants to get back together. Have you ever heard of someone messaging you to just get action / sex?

 

Also, if you're so convinced of this, why isn't he just straight up doing the things that most people do when they want to be together? I haven't heard you once say anything that would convince me otherwise. You need to listen to your gut...your gut is hardly wrong when it comes to things like this (instinct). I think the simple fact you're scared of saying anything to him just shows me exactly what your gut is telling you. Your gut also was screaming that something is fishy, which is most likely why you ended up posting here.

 

This whole situation is a waste of time and you're just going to end up more hurt. You have the ability to end it, you don't need him to.

Edited October 30, 2016 by lauri

[ChickiePops]

I may be being naive but surely he wouldn't be messaging me all day everyday if he didn't want to have another go? Like why would he bother I have said to him a number of times I'll let you go you must be busy etc he could have easily stopped talking without it being awkward?

 

Here's an idea. Instead of torturing yourself and asking strangers on the internet about it, why don't you just ask him directly?

 

Although I can't imagine why you'd want him back..he sounds like a douche.

[scarnface]

I may be being naive but surely he wouldn't be messaging me all day everyday if he didn't want to have another go? Like why would he bother I have said to him a number of times I'll let you go you must be busy etc he could have easily stopped talking without it being awkward?

 

I don't know the full details of your situation but it sounds similar to something I've been through lately and trust me, he is most likely using you.

 

My ex and I started talking again after a messy break up. He was texting me every day, we hung out at least once a week and even did stuff like go to dinner with his parents, go on day trips together. Then all of that stopped, just out of the blue, and I found out that he went back to his ex. All this time I thought I actually meant something to him and he chose to go back to someone that's cheated and lied to him so many times in the past. That really says it all.

[elaine567]

Although I can't imagine why you'd want him back..he sounds like a douche.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

OP

Try to concentrate on this, this is how this man operates, do you really want to go back there?

 

#32 Well I have now found out that he did end it with me to start an affair with the other woman. I am so angry that he made out it was all in my head and I was crazy and blamed it all on me when all along I was right. This makes the break up a little easier to get over now I am sure he is a liar and can sit there and let me apologise for thinking things when all the time it was the truth.