My girlfriend has ended our relationship.

[keiji]

Hi

Thanks for all your comments.

I have been struggling lately. A couple of my friends have told me that my ex owes me a better explanation as it is now 5 months since she said she couldn't be with anyone/me due to mental ill health. I am kinda annoyed at myself for listening to my friends as it has me thinking now that maybe i should have checked in with her. I have maintained no contact. But i cant stop thinking she hasn't contacted me because she feels too embarrassed/bad about dumping me. Please tell me I am doing the right thing maintaining N.C.

 

I think she gave you a good explanation. I don't know if your friends suspect that she lied, but that's her responsibility, not yours. The hard truth is that she hasn't reached out during these months, which means she's still struggling with her mental health or she's moved on, or perhaps both.

 

It's perfectly fine if you contact her just to ask how she's doing when you've fully healed, but doing it now is too risky and you'd probably be hurt.

[DownNtOut]

Recently I had a bereavement in the family.

My ex contacted me and sent a couple of supportive messages over a few days.

I thanked her and didnt ask her anything about herself. She sent a card a week later.

 

This has made me think about her again.

Help

[basil67]

Recently I had a bereavement in the family.

My ex contacted me and sent a couple of supportive messages over a few days.

I thanked her and didnt ask her anything about herself. She sent a card a week later.

 

This has made me think about her again.

Help

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

She was being polite. Move back into no contact.

[DownNtOut]

Cool

I will maintain N.C.

[fieldoflavender]

I think it depends. If the other person really is just working on themselves but you could see being with them if things changed for the better, then you can offer support. But it's a question to you if you think this person is worth it. Doesn't mean you beg for them to come back, but just saying - I am here if you need me. That is if you do care about them in this way. Or if you feel you need time to be alone or date other people, that's fine too.

 

But only you know how much this person was worth to you and completely losing them may feel. If they are being completely honest, and not as a facade to be with someone else or unhappy with you and they are just having trouble with issues in their own life and mentally, then they won't forget your support and love during a difficult time and if they put the work in, they can and will get better.

[DownNtOut]

I think it depends. If the other person really is just working on themselves but you could see being with them if things changed for the better, then you can offer support. But it's a question to you if you think this person is worth it. Doesn't mean you beg for them to come back, but just saying - I am here if you need me. That is if you do care about them in this way. Or if you feel you need time to be alone or date other people, that's fine too.

 

But only you know how much this person was worth to you and completely losing them may feel. If they are being completely honest, and not as a facade to be with someone else or unhappy with you and they are just having trouble with issues in their own life and mentally, then they won't forget your support and love during a difficult time and if they put the work in, they can and will get better.

 

 

Apart from the messages she sent me in relation to the bereavement we have not communicated since last september.

I dont know if I should attempt to reach out to her. It could put me back alot in getting over her. I dont know how she is or if she even would like to hear from me.

Edited July 1, 2017 by DownNtOut
spelling

[FailedFirstLove]

Apart from the messages she sent me in relation to the bereavement we have not communicated since last september.

I dont know if I should attempt to reach out to her. It could put me back alot in getting over her. I dont know how she is or if she even would like to hear from me.

 

 

 

If you've already come a long way, I wouldn't contact. It would just set you back cause you haven't fully healed yet. I hate the feeling of breakup and how they don't want you. I think she knows she can contact you if she wanted.

[SevenCity]

Apart from the messages she sent me in relation to the bereavement we have not communicated since last september.

I dont know if I should attempt to reach out to her. It could put me back alot in getting over her. I dont know how she is or if she even would like to hear from me.

 

Not knowing is the best thing for you. She knows she can reach out (and has), and if reconciliation is on her mind it's her responsibility to reach out to you.

 

Healing is a process and any attempt to reach out or hearing from her will set you back. It's just gonna hurt more.

[DownNtOut]

If you've already come a long way, I wouldn't contact. It would just set you back cause you haven't fully healed yet. I hate the feeling of breakup and how they don't want you. I think she knows she can contact you if she wanted.

 

 

Not knowing is the best thing for you. She knows she can reach out (and has), and if reconciliation is on her mind it's her responsibility to reach out to you.

 

Healing is a process and any attempt to reach out or hearing from her will set you back. It's just gonna hurt more.

 

It has really surprised how intense my feelings are for her still. I thought I was getting past it. I know I have to move on but it is so hard. I am feeling low now due to it too. I am keeping busy and exercising loads to keep myself sane.

[DownNtOut]

cant seem to keep her out of my mind.

resisting contact still tho, thankfully

[jamili]

cant seem to keep her out of my mind.

resisting contact still tho, thankfully

 

Its been 9 months since my breakup and i think of my ex all the time still. You probably wont ever stop thinking of them from time to time, if they meant something special to you. If you are anything like me, if you loved someone, you will never forget them. The pain fades, though. But that takes time... and lots of it.

[SevenCity]

Its been 9 months since my breakup and i think of my ex all the time still. You probably wont ever stop thinking of them from time to time, if they meant something special to you. If you are anything like me, if you loved someone, you will never forget them. The pain fades, though. But that takes time... and lots of it.

 

Very true. It's had to see it (even for me 10 months post) but I know it will come as it has in the past.

 

This one is different than the others though so it may take a few years. She reached out a few weeks ago about something logistical and disappeared when I asked if she wanted to get together.

 

It is apparent she is not over things as she was far from indifferent. I was really hoping to get a "I don't think it's a good idea" so I would know for sure but didn't get that curtesy.

 

In the mean time I've resumed NC and my life as if she is never coming back. The good news is there is no decision for me to make. NC is my only course of action. Though I would be lying if I said it didn't set me back.

 

But it speaks to the immaturity of someone to start a convo after dead air for 10 months and then stop responding with n the middle. Selfish really.

[DownNtOut]

i am trying hard not to contact.

for months i believed i had gotten past it.

this last week all i can do is think about her.

replying things over in my head

[jamili]

Very true. It's had to see it (even for me 10 months post) but I know it will come as it has in the past.

 

This one is different than the others though so it may take a few years. She reached out a few weeks ago about something logistical and disappeared when I asked if she wanted to get together.

 

It is apparent she is not over things as she was far from indifferent. I was really hoping to get a "I don't think it's a good idea" so I would know for sure but didn't get that curtesy.

 

In the mean time I've resumed NC and my life as if she is never coming back. The good news is there is no decision for me to make. NC is my only course of action. Though I would be lying if I said it didn't set me back.

 

But it speaks to the immaturity of someone to start a convo after dead air for 10 months and then stop responding with n the middle. Selfish really.

 

Glad to see you are still around, brother. Sounds very similar to what my ex had been doing to me back earlier in the year. Goes to show that proffering the "meetup" isnt always fruitful. That sucks about the setback

[jamili]

i am trying hard not to contact.

for months i believed i had gotten past it.

this last week all i can do is think about her.

replying things over in my head

 

Pretty normal to do this. For me the pain didnt stop fading until around the 6 month mark. Even now, at 9 months, the pain is still there.. just reduced. Good job with the NC - stay the course!

[Joga_31]

Its been 9 months since my breakup and i think of my ex all the time still. You probably wont ever stop thinking of them from time to time, if they meant something special to you. If you are anything like me, if you loved someone, you will never forget them. The pain fades, though. But that takes time... and lots of it.

 

=( I hope you heal.

[DownNtOut]

Still keeping N.C.

Had a good couple of weeks but today I was thinking of her alot.

[SevenCity]

Glad to see you are still around, brother. Sounds very similar to what my ex had been doing to me back earlier in the year. Goes to show that proffering the "meetup" isnt always fruitful. That sucks about the setback

 

You too brutha. I sent you a PM about it.

 

Still keeping N.C.

Had a good couple of weeks but today I was thinking of her alot.

 

This will happen. I'm at 11 months now and I still think about her daily. Some weeks are easy, others are hard. But staying NC is the best thing for you.

 

Moreover, it's really the only thing you can do. I have no idea how long it will take before I stop thinking about her but I tell you it's so much easier now than it was previously. I was crippled with her thoughts initially and now they aren't as painful (but still suck). Having other women to focus on has helped tremendously and if you aren't dating I suggest you do.

 

In another year I'll be even better and so will you. Funny, that made me just realize something. I think the worst part of pain from a breakup (or any emotional pain) is so difficult because you don't know when it will end. If I knew when this would be over I could just bide my time until then.

 

My worst healing period was 2 years. I sure hope this one doesn't take as long....and this RL was A LOT longer and more of a connection.

[DownNtOut]

You too brutha. I sent you a PM about it.

 

 

 

This will happen. I'm at 11 months now and I still think about her daily. Some weeks are easy, others are hard. But staying NC is the best thing for you.

 

Moreover, it's really the only thing you can do. I have no idea how long it will take before I stop thinking about her but I tell you it's so much easier now than it was previously. I was crippled with her thoughts initially and now they aren't as painful (but still suck). Having other women to focus on has helped tremendously and if you aren't dating I suggest you do.

 

In another year I'll be even better and so will you. Funny, that made me just realize something. I think the worst part of pain from a breakup (or any emotional pain) is so difficult because you don't know when it will end. If I knew when this would be over I could just bide my time until then.

 

My worst healing period was 2 years. I sure hope this one doesn't take as long....and this RL was A LOT longer and more of a connection.

 

Hey thanks for your comment. Still feeling down about the whole thing this week. Shes on my mind a bit. Staying strong remaining N.C.

[SevenCity]

Hey thanks for your comment. Still feeling down about the whole thing this week. Shes on my mind a bit. Staying strong remaining N.C.

 

Stay strong man. Last week was particularly difficult for me as I had two dreams one night after the other. Both involving her having moved onto another guy (I know nothing about her now, nor have I since we broke up).

 

This week has been different. I think for the first time I really felt as if she is not coming back. It's been liberating to say the least.

 

One thing I have found on this board is that many of the people who were dumped were with people who were terrible. Although my ex had her issues, she was the best person I have ever met. I think it would have been an easier (shorter at least) recovery if she was a psycho.

 

But, all the stuff she said about "maybe" getting back together one day, how she wished she could fast track her therapy for her jealousy issues so we could work had an expiration date for me it would seem.

 

I won't claim I am over her, but for the first time in a long time I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.

 

I'm no longer hoping she contacts me, and I look forward to the day when she is a distant memory.

[sour_pikle]

dude, I still have dreams about my ex from 10 years ago from time to time. It's normal. If you want to keep progressing, delete her number, any and all emails letters memento etc from your life. Get in the gym if your not already, and tell yourself she's not coming back....but mean it.

 

 

She probably just broke up with some guy and was feeling down and wanted an ego boost so she thought she'd check in with good old plan B...Sure enough...you were still waiting and she knew it the second you asked to meet up.

 

 

Next time she tries to contact you ignore her and feel good knowing your a god damn man not a door mat.

Edited July 28, 2017 by sour_pikle

[DownNtOut]

N.C. is the path to keep

[DownNtOut]

N.C. is the path to keep

[Marc878]

Yes, you haven't faltered. You'll be fine