fromheart Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Don't do it. Remain NC, this will help your healing and hers. Contacting her will set the process back. Remember, she must contact you first or she's never going to hear from you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 Don't do it. Remain NC, this will help your healing and hers. Contacting her will set the process back. Remember, she must contact you first or she's never going to hear from you again. Thanks for the comment. I resisted contacting her and I am the better for it. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 If you can't move on, maybe you should contact her. Most chances that you end up feeling very bad after this. But maybe you must get a slap on your face in order to move on. Maybe you need a realistic horrible experience with her, to convince your heart that it's done long ago. Go a head, call her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 I am still thinking about her but not all of the time. I am keeping myself busy and socializing. Exercise and a good diet is really helping. Beginning to see she isn't perfect and neither am I. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 In what ways did you take her for granted?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted November 30, 2016 Author Share Posted November 30, 2016 In what ways did you take her for granted?? I let us become distant and didn't do anything about it She was busy and I was ill and needed an operation. I was putting everything to the other side of recovery after my operation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Over the Christmas period I will probably bump into her if I go out to meet up with friends. We have mutual friends/small town. I am afraid of how I will react to seeing her. Should I do my best not to bump into her. As in avoiding places and days I know she is more likely to be around. Link to post Share on other sites
Andaaz Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Give her space establish "NO CONTACT" for sometime, if she really loves you, she will miss you and try to reach out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I've gone through something similar last week (check my latest thread). Nothing you can do, I don't think it's a lack of interest per say, more that she needs to be alone to fight her demons so to speak. As someone previously mentioned being in a relationship with someone who has mental health troubles will most likely end badly, the individual needs to address it before getting involved in anything. Relationships can be stressful and if you're already dealing with a lot of stuff it's just something else added on top of the pile. Just go no contact and give her space as that's basically what she is asking for, if she reaches out you can respond but just keep it short and try and act indifferent. She might come around, she might not...sticking around her won't do you any favors though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Over the Christmas period I will probably bump into her if I go out to meet up with friends. We have mutual friends/small town. I am afraid of how I will react to seeing her. Should I do my best not to bump into her. As in avoiding places and days I know she is more likely to be around. Tough one because you shouldn't have to sacrifice places you like to visit and be on edge constantly having to plan your days and route carefully - thus ruining your personal life in the process. If you bump into her just say hello and keep it short and sweet, wish her well and be on your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 Give her space establish "NO CONTACT" for sometime, if she really loves you, she will miss you and try to reach out to you. We haven't spoken in 10 weeks now. I am afraid of how I will react to seeing her. Well I know I will be on edge and then if we do bump into each other I will probably panic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 Tough one because you shouldn't have to sacrifice places you like to visit and be on edge constantly having to plan your days and route carefully - thus ruining your personal life in the process. If you bump into her just say hello and keep it short and sweet, wish her well and be on your way. Yea I'm worried I'm not in a place to see her. But yes if I see her I could say hi and wish her well. And then I would have to be on my way out of there I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Hi Just an update. I kind of expected to hear from her over christmas and new year but i didnt. I didnt see her on nights out over the festive period. I am feeling better about the situation but still I dont think i could feel comfortable in her presence. So it was good not to be in that situation. I am keeping busy by eating well, exercising and doing hobbies. Thanks for all the replies they helped me see things differently still healing to do but I am in a better frame of mind Link to post Share on other sites
SerPundnes Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Keep up the good work! Don't look back and don't wait around for her to call/message you. You're prob a bit bummed out because you didn't hear from her in the holidays. Think you got your answer, mate. Now, 100% focus on you! Keep hitting the gym! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Hi Just an update. I kind of expected to hear from her over christmas and new year but i didnt. I didnt see her on nights out over the festive period. I am feeling better about the situation but still I dont think i could feel comfortable in her presence. So it was good not to be in that situation. I am keeping busy by eating well, exercising and doing hobbies. Thanks for all the replies they helped me see things differently still healing to do but I am in a better frame of mind In the long run you will be thankful she didn't reach out. My ex didn't reach out for the holidays or my birthday. I did send her a text just to make sure it wasn't her being too afraid. Never responded to me. Nice. After being best friends and lovers for 7 years she couldn't even respond with anything. I would respond to a wrong number lol. It's been 4 months and change since we last spoke. She had issues as well and I realized that if she did love me she would not have left. Her contacting me would have further confused me. At least I know how important I am in her life which is zero. It actually helped because I opened the door and feel like I've done everything I could. Moving on isn't easy but it's the only thing you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 In the long run you will be thankful she didn't reach out. My ex didn't reach out for the holidays or my birthday. I did send her a text just to make sure it wasn't her being too afraid. Never responded to me. Nice. After being best friends and lovers for 7 years she couldn't even respond with anything. I would respond to a wrong number lol. It's been 4 months and change since we last spoke. She had issues as well and I realized that if she did love me she would not have left. Her contacting me would have further confused me. At least I know how important I am in her life which is zero. It actually helped because I opened the door and feel like I've done everything I could. Moving on isn't easy but it's the only thing you can do. Best thing an ex could do for you is not reach out. It sets you back in ways you would never imagine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Best thing an ex could do for you is not reach out. It sets you back in ways you would never imagine I totally agree. It was only that some people thought it could be she was too afraid. And hopefully I blew up her New Years with my text lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Let's hope she's really going to work on herself and that this isn't some weird excuse to break up. But either way, do not put your life on hold, but neither should you discuss your dating life with her unless and until she is ready to see you again. Do NOT push for communication with her. Ask her if she would like you to check in once a month or not and then don't keep trying if she doesn't respond. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Let's hope she's really going to work on herself and that this isn't some weird excuse to break up. But either way, do not put your life on hold, but neither should you discuss your dating life with her unless and until she is ready to see you again. Do NOT push for communication with her. Ask her if she would like you to check in once a month or not and then don't keep trying if she doesn't respond. Chances are slim to none she will come back. And don't ask her "If it pleases Your Highness, is it ok if I check in once a month?" Kill that noise man. She dumped him and he's supposed to check in? When and if she is ready she will reach out. In the mean time you vanish like a ninja and act as if she's dead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KSPCM2000 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 (edited) First of all, her attraction level for you will go down the more you try to text her or call or contact. You want her attraction level to go up right or at least not decrease?? Stop any contact. Our stupid "man brain" wants to do the opposite and call but it don't work like that with women. Guess what?? Do this for a SOLID 4 months. Ignore her. I guarantee if she at all is attracted to you she will wonder what the hell you are up to and probably call you first..then its ok to talk, but DO NOT initiate contact. Edited January 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator prohibited link removed ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 As weird as it sounds, if you contact her at ALL it could basically eliminate any slim chance there is for reconciliation down the line. She must truly, deeply feel and experience the loss of you in her life. The could take months, years, etc., maybe it will take her dating other guys... but one things for sure, you must NEVER contact her and must wait for her to come back to you, if you ever want any chance of getting back together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DownNtOut Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi Thanks for all your comments. I have been struggling lately. A couple of my friends have told me that my ex owes me a better explanation as it is now 5 months since she said she couldn't be with anyone/me due to mental ill health. I am kinda annoyed at myself for listening to my friends as it has me thinking now that maybe i should have checked in with her. I have maintained no contact. But i cant stop thinking she hasn't contacted me because she feels too embarrassed/bad about dumping me. Please tell me I am doing the right thing maintaining N.C. Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hi Thanks for all your comments. I have been struggling lately. A couple of my friends have told me that my ex owes me a better explanation as it is now 5 months since she said she couldn't be with anyone/me due to mental ill health. I am kinda annoyed at myself for listening to my friends as it has me thinking now that maybe i should have checked in with her. I have maintained no contact. But i cant stop thinking she hasn't contacted me because she feels too embarrassed/bad about dumping me. Please tell me I am doing the right thing maintaining N.C. You are doing the right thing maintaining NC. If she wanted to contact you, she would. Embarassment from dumping you? What about embarassment from being dumped/rejected/etc. It is her responsibility, and she would if she wanted to reconcile. You have to assume she isnt interested in re conciliation at this time, which is why you have heard nothing. Keep giving it time. If she will ever reconcile, it is going to take time. You must have faith in NC and realize its the only move you have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 You're just making excuses to contact her. She does owe you anything. She hadn't reached out because it's over and was from the beginning. Why are you so codependent on her is the question you should be asking yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ms1506 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hey, I'm basically in an almost identical situation. I just thought it might help you to know that you are not alone! It sounds like a tricky situation for you with deciding whether to get in touch with her... so if it helps you, here is what I've been doing (although bear in mind my breakup is only from this month)... basically I have not initiated any contact with her, but whenever she has contacted me I've been sure to respond to her and re-assure her basically along the lines of 'that I promise I'm not ignoring you, you can contact me any time, I am always here...' I think really only you can decide whether you should maintain NC. Go on your gut. I think what's most important is that she knows that she can reach out to you any time - I'm sure she knows this, but if you haven't told her that maybe it will help her to not feel embarrassed/ashamed about reaching out to you after dumping you (I was dumped also). Maybe this is also the same for you/her, but I know in my situation (at least at the minute) my ex would feel awful/anxious if I never responded to her. Given that my ex is also in therapy and going through a lot of complex things (that even I'm not fully in the know what it's all about) I know that ultimately she's going through a rougher time than I am - not necessarily with the breakup (although I'm sure it's hard...), but just in growing more in her own internal life (which I think is painful at times, especially in therapy situations)... so for me it's impossible for me not to want to be compassionate towards what she's going through. At the end of the day we're all humans and I think as long as someone shows you love and kindness, it's valuable to not lose sight of that and find new ways to express that to those in your life - that includes an ex. Although of course some people are truly horrible/insensitive in relationships (and breakups) and can be truly very damaging (in which case it's best just to walk away, I think)... but it sounds like you and her treated each other good/cared for one another. So really just follow your heart, do what you need to do for yourself - if that means reaching out to her, just go for it. Anyway, I hope that helps. These words are as much to you as they are to myself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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