dangerzone1011 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 I'll try to make this brief as possible. I met a guy on Tinder. (I know, I know.) We'll call him Joe. He was at my school from out of state because he plays baseball. We matched (on the day he was leaving, the day I returned from spring break) and he messaged me a compliment. I said thanks, then looked at his profile and saw two different schools listed--schools close to where I'm from back home. (I'm an out-of-state student at this school.) We figured out we live close to each other back home, which we thought was cool and kept talking! I asked for his number and we started talking like all day, everyday. We started talking on the phone relatively quickly too. This continued on for like 2 months, and we would keep talking about how cool it was going to be to hang out when we got home. Well, my school year ended a week before his. But he wound up having to stay an extra week due to baseball and playoffs. Around this time however is when things begun to change...the texts were coming less, so were the phone calls, he wasn't being as cute as he was before when we did talk...I felt us dropping off. At one point, he went like a week without texting me. Then at another point, he went two. At this point, I was like whatever, he's obviously not into it anymore and just started minding my own business...here's where it gets interesting. I have a very good friend named Adam. Adam is gay, but if you didn't know Adam, you'd think we were dating. Just because of our dynamic. I posted a screenshot on Twitter of me begging Adam to bring me Chick-fil-A and come hang out, to which he agreed. He already knew what I wanted. And I just Tweeted something to the effect of "when they know your order". A friend of mine, who DOESN'T know Adam, replied back, "is that your man?" I responded, "he wishes!" (And those who do know Adam and are in on our dynamic just liked my response.) So...who texts me about an hour or two later? Joe. "Hey how are you? We haven't talked in a minute, I miss you." Something like that. Now me and my friends are texting about it cause he obviously thinks something is happening with me and Adam. I ask him how he feels, and he tells me that he likes me but has just been busy (over the summer he was playing more baseball, and had an internship). We eventually pick up communication, hang out and hook up a couple of times, blah blah blah, we're talking a little more again. We both go back to school and now we're snapchatting more and he regularly FaceTimes me a couple times a week. His birthday just passed and is a couple days before mine (October 5). This was the day I flew to San Diego to spend time with my best friend for my fall break/birthday. I had planned out and sent him a super thoughtful present, (a blanket of his fave baseball team, a phone case with his favorite food on it, and a baseball with 22 reasons why I like him written on it) and texted him to open it when I was in the airport. He did, said thanks and told me "you're too good to me" and "I can't match that." A couple days later, Saturday, at 2 am my time and 4 am his, I'm woken up in my hotel room with my phone going off. He's FaceTiming me. I get up and go to the bathroom so my best friend doesn't get woken up. I answer him. "You're in California right?" Yeah. "I won't keep you long then." We talk for a moment. And then...it happens. He says, "I love you." He's obviously drunk off his ass. And there was a separate occasion where he had come home from the bar (not as drunk as he was this time) and had said "love you," and "I'm in love with you." I didn't pay it much mind. But this time...just the way he said it, and the way he was looking at me...I thought wow, does he really mean that? I said something like, "wow, you're drunk" and then he said he took it back. He also kept saying things like, "you're so beautiful, you know that?" "How did someone like you get stuck with someone like me?" It was crazy...he also said in the same FaceTime that he wasn't my boyfriend! So I told him, if he wasn't my boyfriend, he couldn't get mad if I saw other people. He did get upset, and said "don't talk about that s*** to me," and then, "if you do what you gotta do I'll be here waiting for you when you're done". We hung up...and he texts me at 2 am on my birthday (October 11) Saying happy birthday...and called me his friend! I read it and didn't respond. Partially from being drunk, and partially from me deciding not to deal with that at that moment in time. Because unfortunately, that was midterms week for me. Midterms week is over now...so now I'm ready to approach the conversation I need to have--what the hell is happening? I guess I just want to know what I'm going into here...like prepare myself for what he may say. At this point, I'm not really interested in dating him anymore. I guess I just want some answers. Like, what does he actually feel? Was I being played from the beginning? I have asked him once what he considered this to be, to which he told me "we would be together if we went to the same school". I do know that he had an ex-girlfriend who he had been with for like 3 years, and I think they've been broken up for about a year. I think maybe that whole thing shook him up and now he's scared of commitment or whatever. Or is that a cop-out? Is he just not that into me? Also, I want to add that we have been talking for nearly six months at this point. TL;DR: Met someone online, we vibed, then he started dropping off. We talked and picked communication back up, and he's recently told me he loves me. But he was drunk, and was also sure to tell me that he wasn't my boyfriend. What is going on? Is he afraid of commitment because of his ex or is he just not that into me?
mikeylo Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Just read the tldr version ! Don't believe what is said when a guy is drunk. Call him out on it when is sober.
basil67 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Yup, don't believe what a person says when they are drunk. If he does it sober, THEN he means it.
preraph Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Two things: When he's drunk, he's horny. What he meant to say is "I love sex." If they can't say it sober and not during sex, it doesn't mean anything except that they aren't in control of themselves.
Popsicle Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 In vino veritas. Maybe he does love you and meant it but it's a problem that he can't say it sober, so I would tell him that I won't take it seriously until he can say it sober.
Author dangerzone1011 Posted October 16, 2016 Author Posted October 16, 2016 Yeah, I've definitely heard that whole 'in vino veritas" reasoning before, but also the "he's just drunk and horny" thing too. Thanks, everyone, for giving me your two-cents about this. And for not being unnecessarily rude about it as some people are apt to do. Keep 'em coming. I'm definitely confronting him about it soon. Like I said, this isn't so much about me still wanting to date him, but more about closure. I don't wanna be two years down the road wondering "what happened" or "what did I do wrong", you know?
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 Why not just ask him. No one but him can answer that.
Author dangerzone1011 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 Update on this situation: I asked him about it and he said he didn't remember saying it. *wishes I could insert that upside-down smiley face emoji* He apologized and I asked the question of what the hell are we doing and he just basically blamed our distance as to why we're not anything more. But he tells me he has feelings for me.
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