Guy goes MIA after sex.. need encouragement to just move on

[Nofairydust]

Then he should stop contacting me and asking me to hang out, most recently yesterday.

[Toodaloo]

Then he should stop contacting me and asking me to hang out, most recently yesterday.

 

Because he is to much of a skin flint to pay a prostitute travel expenses.

 

You turn up, he gets laid and you may even make his bed for him in the morning.

 

Ditch him.

[stillafool]

Stop chasing this guy. It's clear he's not interested in you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings; but he is. I can't believe you put up with this behavior. You should have blocked him and moved on along time ago.

[Zahara]

Then he should stop contacting me and asking me to hang out, most recently yesterday.

 

He asked you to hang out yesterday but you showed up with terms and expectations and he decided to ditch seeing you. Too much work, when all he wants is to have some sex -- minus the drama.

 

Time to go date others and kick this one to the curb.

[Toodaloo]

Classic case of "he will fall in love with me if I spread my legs"...

 

News flash - no one has a vagina that special...

 

Don't call him. Ignore he when he does call. Quit playing stupid mind games with men.

[Sara1989]

He is just not that into you.

 

THIS. You are just an ego boost, they say girls like play games but guys are just as bad.

 

Next time ditch a guy straight after the first incident, it is hard but honestly if a guy likes you, you will know and there is no game playing, no second guessing.

[kmack513]

If he was really interested he would make time and set plans with you.

[Jejangles]

Whenever you feel yourself getting frustrated in early dating, it's time to move on. You're angry because you know this guy is lukewarm on you, but you feel attracted to it because he's making you feel uncertain (which can up interest).

 

I feel you - I remember many times in the past I would feel so angry at how I was being treated, and yet because I liked the guy / saw so much potential in him, I would put up with it for far too long. Then last year I dated a guy who treated me well, never left me guessing, never made me put me the phone down in frustration and I realised - I was giving crappy guys too many chances! An interested guy will clearly act interested.

 

The guy who made me see the light was not ultimately the right one, but he set me up to meet my now boyfriend. My boyfriend has never once left me feeling uncertain or frustrated in the 10 months we have dated. It is so clear to me now how a guy acts when he is into you.

 

This guy just isn't into you in the way you want him to be. Move on and open yourself to someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[GunslingerRoland]

I agree he either isn't that into you, or he just doesn't know how to treat a woman at all. Either way, why bother at this point?

[stillafool]

To say the least, I am pissed off this morning. I texted him last night "I'm over this" and I can see he read it at 4:30am, which is strange in itself.

 

This is probably when he was available or got home. If this is that younger guy he is more than likely seeing others. You didn't want anything serious anyway so ditch him if he's aggravating you and get a more mature FWB. This guy is doing what a young guy does so just move on.

[kendahke]

I am not really looking for him to be my boyfriend. It is nice to have male attention and affection. BUT I do want open communication and CONSISTENCY.

 

Then you are looking for a boyfriend. Communication and consistency are two prime expectations in relationships. So first off, be truthful with yourself.

 

I thought guys liked no-strings-attached sex?! It is just surprising to me that he stuck around for over a month WITHOUT sex and then after one time he is done?

 

You want him to keep up consistency, though---so this is strings attached sex.

 

But hey--sometimes, people change their minds after they've had a taste of what/who they think they want. Might be the case with this guy. Your best bet would be to gather up your dignity and leave the guy alone. He doesn't want what you want.

[Nofairydust]

Thanks all for the feedback. Going radio silent on him.

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds to me like he is dating someone. And you're maybe a fun side distraction.

 

Forget about him.

[Versacehottie]

This is probably when he was available or got home. If this is that younger guy he is more than likely seeing others. You didn't want anything serious anyway so ditch him if he's aggravating you and get a more mature FWB. This guy is doing what a young guy does so just move on.

 

yeah reading OP's message at 4:30am is a no brainer. I typically don't jump to the "he's seeing others" but if he was with his friends or alone, he'd have read the message. He's treating it like it's casual (all along). Safe to say with all the clues combined, he's seeing others & you are a low priority that's losing steam for him.

[Nofairydust]

I was casually seeing this guy but that recently ended. (fyi: Guy goes MIA after sex.. need encouragement to just move on - LoveShack.org Community Forums) After I had posted about how things had been consistent at first but then after sex he became more inconsistent even standing me up twice, I went radio silent and ghosted him for three weeks. Then we started talking again but still we did not meet up. Last time we talked was about a month ago. I have not reached out to him at all since then.

 

I guess I just need to vent a bit since I feel embarrassed to even share how I am feeling with friends/family as this was a casual relationship and nothing substantial. I am sure others have encountered guys who fade after sex; I have read some on here! I am just still kicking myself over what happened and I don't know why I can't get closure--and I mean within myself as outwardly and with him I have been done for a month.

 

This is really the first time a guy has faded on me. It is also the first time I slept with someone without 100% clarity on where the "relationship" was going (lesson learned). I have never experienced this type of rejection, and my self-esteem has taken a hit. It does not help that it all happened right before the holidays and it certainly doesn't help that this guy is very attractive (probably why I stuck around for longer than I should have, even though I knew he wasn't relationship-material; but at the time I wanted the excitement and novelty - I had always been in a relationships). I thought our physical chemistry was great but maybe it was just one-way? Or maybe he just liked the chase. Who knows.

 

And I know I should say to myself who cares and move on. But this has made me feel like I am not attractive or good enough? I know logically that is not true and that nothing I could have done could have changed the outcome of this situation, but it is just hard to get over it, especially since there was no closure but just a fade (which I know I should take as closure). Our last conversation he was still saying he wanted to do things with me but of course no action. I stupidly took his words to heart though. I just don't get why guys (and girls) can't be more honest and just say not interested anymore. I try myself to let guys know I am not interested when I am not.

 

I have been trying to find new guys to be interested in but I just can't because I think deep down I feel crappy about this past situation. I also find myself wondering if he will reach out again, which is once again stupid and holding me back from being open to dating others. I think I have a pretty strong resolve, so I won't contact him again, but I need to let this situation roll off my back.

[winny]

I was casually seeing this guy but that recently ended. (fyi: Guy goes MIA after sex.. need encouragement to just move on - LoveShack.org Community Forums) After I had posted about how things had been consistent at first but then after sex he became more inconsistent even standing me up twice, I went radio silent and ghosted him for three weeks. Then we started talking again but still we did not meet up. Last time we talked was about a month ago. I have not reached out to him at all since then.

 

I guess I just need to vent a bit since I feel embarrassed to even share how I am feeling with friends/family as this was a casual relationship and nothing substantial. I am sure others have encountered guys who fade after sex; I have read some on here! I am just still kicking myself over what happened and I don't know why I can't get closure--and I mean within myself as outwardly and with him I have been done for a month.

 

This is really the first time a guy has faded on me. It is also the first time I slept with someone without 100% clarity on where the "relationship" was going (lesson learned). I have never experienced this type of rejection, and my self-esteem has taken a hit. It does not help that it all happened right before the holidays and it certainly doesn't help that this guy is very attractive (probably why I stuck around for longer than I should have, even though I knew he wasn't relationship-material; but at the time I wanted the excitement and novelty - I had always been in a relationships). I thought our physical chemistry was great but maybe it was just one-way? Or maybe he just liked the chase. Who knows.

 

And I know I should say to myself who cares and move on. But this has made me feel like I am not attractive or good enough? I know logically that is not true and that nothing I could have done could have changed the outcome of this situation, but it is just hard to get over it, especially since there was no closure but just a fade (which I know I should take as closure). Our last conversation he was still saying he wanted to do things with me but of course no action. I stupidly took his words to heart though. I just don't get why guys (and girls) can't be more honest and just say not interested anymore. I try myself to let guys know I am not interested when I am not.

 

I have been trying to find new guys to be interested in but I just can't because I think deep down I feel crappy about this past situation. I also find myself wondering if he will reach out again, which is once again stupid and holding me back from being open to dating others. I think I have a pretty strong resolve, so I won't contact him again, but I need to let this situation roll off my back.

 

Life is just reflecting back at you your weaknesses.

This is an opportunity for you to learn and become stronger. You are linking your worth to some guy to whom you were just a piece of a$$. Really? Can such a guy even have the intelligence to know your value? It takes one amazing person to respect and value another amazing person. As long as you attach your worth to such a**-holes, you will feel crappy. Never ever rely on anyone else to validate you - by texting you or complimenting you or having sex with you or giving you closure etc. Your validation should come only from within you.

 

I have been thru what you did just before holidays too and it wasn't even casual... I have spent a week or so crying and not eating... I promise you it will get better. I feel so strong now - I pray and meditate every day and focus on only positive things. I don't hate him for not valuing me, I forgive him for being stupid... ha ha... life is reflecting back his insecurities at him... why else would he let go of an amazing person like me or in your case you

 

Hold your head high, once you clear this challenge life has thrown at you and not attach your value to anyone else, you will discover the right people.

 

Cheer up!!

Edited January 4, 2017 by winny

[lakerman34]

Forgive me, I didn't read the WHOLE thing, but I've got the gist.

 

Sometimes people (tends to be guys, but girls do it too) really just are in it for the sex, and there's NOTHING wrong with that.

 

You wanted it, he wanted it, it happened, it was fun.

 

I think intentions weren't set though, you both had different ideas for each other, and I think he started to feel that. Honestly, my thoughts are that he doesn't have the courage to let you down (unfortunately, something else a LOT of people do -- people aren't very forward with this nowadays and it sucks). I think he just wanted a physical relationship and he may start feeling that you are having feelings for him -- and there's NOTHING wrong with that from your end.

 

I just think, in the future, make sure you and the guy want the EXACT same things and make sure you set up an environment where things won't get messy.

 

For what it's worth, I believe I'm in a similar situation -- and I'm a GUY. A girl right swiped me on Tinder, we've had sex a couple of times. Now, I LIKE companionship. I'm not into the whole "relationship" thing. I like taking girls out for dinner, to movies, walks in the park, all that.

 

She sensed that I want to hangout outside of the bedroom, and like your man, she's gone MIA.

 

It happens. It sucks, it happens, it's going to sting for a little bit, but life will go on sooner than you know it. You just have to allow yourself to move on.

 

I've grown pretty jaded because it has happened to me a couple of times, so my thing is I post a thread on here, get a few responses, sometimes get emotional (only on anonymous forums), cuss her out even, and then I'm over it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

So... I think deep down I know this guy's intentions are pretty clear, but I might just be in a little bit of denial because I actually have some type of feelings for him? Anyway, the low-down:

 

-Met him at a bar at the end of August, hung out all night, he kissed me, asked for my number and I gave it to him

-We then hung out 5 more times, basically every weekend, with one dinner date (the 3rd time we saw each other) and the rest just meeting up at a bar. All times ended up with him sleeping over at my place or me sleeping over at his place. Hooked up but NO sex.

-He never pressured me into sex but it was obvious we both wanted it. I was holding out a little just to get clarity on what his intentions were.

-The physical chemistry is undeniable but not much else. He is cute with me when we are together but I do not sense much effort when we are not.

-He is younger than me and I am not really looking for him to be my boyfriend. It is nice to have male attention and affection. BUT I do want open communication and CONSISTENCY.

-There is a pattern: he won't text much during the week. All our contacts are on the weekends. But I got used to it. Again, consistency.

-Two weekends ago, we didn't meet up which was unusual. But on Monday he texted me during work which was also unusual and asked me to hang out. We decided to watch the Monday Night Football game at his place (so 6th time hanging out). His roommate was there and he introduced me. (I had met his friends and other roommate before at various times before)

-We ended up having sex (my willpower did not last )

-Last weekend, I asked him if he was out (we are the types that go out every weekend) and he responded yes. But no attempts were made to meet up.

-Last night, I texted/called him (albeit late at night). And he has not responded. He also has read-receipts on on his phone, and he hasn't even READ the message.

 

This is obviously driving me bonkers. I don't know how to feel. On one hand, I know it was casual and not leading to anything serious (not that I wanted it to anyway), but on the other hand, I think I do like him and expected him to stick around for a while. It doesn't help that he became MIA after we had sex.

I have a crazy urge to text clingy things, like "Why are you not responding?" or "You got what you wanted and now you're MIA?"

 

I know I shouldn't, but I am feeling a little bit hurt/rejected/embarrassed I guess? There is a part of me that wants to have the last word.

I just need encouraging words...anyone? :/

 

You used, "hanging out" in a sentence, that's where you went wrong.

 

hung out 5 more times

All FIVE times, and you can't refer to each one of those times as a "date"...really?

 

I don't get this 'hanging out' crap, is this a Millennial thing?

[Cookiesandough]

I was casually seeing this guy but that recently ended. (fyi: Guy goes MIA after sex.. need encouragement to just move on - LoveShack.org Community Forums) After I had posted about how things had been consistent at first but then after sex he became more inconsistent even standing me up twice, I went radio silent and ghosted him for three weeks. Then we started talking again but still we did not meet up. Last time we talked was about a month ago. I have not reached out to him at all since then.

 

I guess I just need to vent a bit since I feel embarrassed to even share how I am feeling with friends/family as this was a casual relationship and nothing substantial. I am sure others have encountered guys who fade after sex; I have read some on here! I am just still kicking myself over what happened and I don't know why I can't get closure--and I mean within myself as outwardly and with him I have been done for a month.

 

This is really the first time a guy has faded on me. It is also the first time I slept with someone without 100% clarity on where the "relationship" was going (lesson learned). I have never experienced this type of rejection, and my self-esteem has taken a hit. It does not help that it all happened right before the holidays and it certainly doesn't help that this guy is very attractive (probably why I stuck around for longer than I should have, even though I knew he wasn't relationship-material; but at the time I wanted the excitement and novelty - I had always been in a relationships). I thought our physical chemistry was great but maybe it was just one-way? Or maybe he just liked the chase. Who knows.

 

And I know I should say to myself who cares and move on. But this has made me feel like I am not attractive or good enough? I know logically that is not true and that nothing I could have done could have changed the outcome of this situation, but it is just hard to get over it, especially since there was no closure but just a fade (which I know I should take as closure). Our last conversation he was still saying he wanted to do things with me but of course no action. I stupidly took his words to heart though. I just don't get why guys (and girls) can't be more honest and just say not interested anymore. I try myself to let guys know I am not interested when I am not.

 

I have been trying to find new guys to be interested in but I just can't because I think deep down I feel crappy about this past situation. I also find myself wondering if he will reach out again, which is once again stupid and holding me back from being open to dating others. I think I have a pretty strong resolve, so I won't contact him again, but I need to let this situation roll off my back.

 

 

Give yourself some time to heal from this before you start dating again. Don't rush it or you won't be your best self. It is normal for our self esteem to take a blow after being rejected, but remember no matter how attractive and awesome you are, some people are just not right for you. There are better guys out there who will appreciate you.

 

I think what is learned here is most important. From the beginning I saw what I see too often - women who have feelings for a man convincing themselves they can handle a NSA/casual arrangement. Once you have feelings, I don't think sex no matter how good is worth the pain and the horrible hit on self esteem when you realize that guy isn't as into you. I think a lot of times they hope it will lead to a long term commitment but it doesn't. If you want something serious with respect, consistency, commitment, then don't settle for less in the beginning. Once they start to do that..NEXT them. They aren't what you're looking for. Good luck.

[stillafool]

I was casually seeing this guy but that recently ended. (fyi: Guy goes MIA after sex.. need encouragement to just move on - LoveShack.org Community Forums) After I had posted about how things had been consistent at first but then after sex he became more inconsistent even standing me up twice, I went radio silent and ghosted him for three weeks. Then we started talking again but still we did not meet up. Last time we talked was about a month ago. I have not reached out to him at all since then.

 

I guess I just need to vent a bit since I feel embarrassed to even share how I am feeling with friends/family as this was a casual relationship and nothing substantial. I am sure others have encountered guys who fade after sex; I have read some on here! I am just still kicking myself over what happened and I don't know why I can't get closure--and I mean within myself as outwardly and with him I have been done for a month.

 

This is really the first time a guy has faded on me. It is also the first time I slept with someone without 100% clarity on where the "relationship" was going (lesson learned). I have never experienced this type of rejection, and my self-esteem has taken a hit. It does not help that it all happened right before the holidays and it certainly doesn't help that this guy is very attractive (probably why I stuck around for longer than I should have, even though I knew he wasn't relationship-material; but at the time I wanted the excitement and novelty - I had always been in a relationships). I thought our physical chemistry was great but maybe it was just one-way? Or maybe he just liked the chase. Who knows.

 

And I know I should say to myself who cares and move on. But this has made me feel like I am not attractive or good enough? I know logically that is not true and that nothing I could have done could have changed the outcome of this situation, but it is just hard to get over it, especially since there was no closure but just a fade (which I know I should take as closure). Our last conversation he was still saying he wanted to do things with me but of course no action. I stupidly took his words to heart though. I just don't get why guys (and girls) can't be more honest and just say not interested anymore. I try myself to let guys know I am not interested when I am not.

 

I have been trying to find new guys to be interested in but I just can't because I think deep down I feel crappy about this past situation. I also find myself wondering if he will reach out again, which is once again stupid and holding me back from being open to dating others. I think I have a pretty strong resolve, so I won't contact him again, but I need to let this situation roll off my back.

 

So basically what you are saying is your a EGO won't let you forget about this and move on? You are not the first person who has been rejected nor will you be the last. Imagine how men feel getting rejected all the time. This guy was just a FWB, much younger than you and is doing what young men do. It was a fling. If you start looking at this as what it was - a fling - maybe you will be able to put this behind you. Most people are uncomfortable telling another they are no longer interested in seeing them anymore. That's why they say things like "someone is on the other line, I'll call you back" but then they don't. This is when they hope you get the message that they are no longer interested. It sucks but that and ghosting is the way people rid themselves of those they no longer want to be bothered with these days. I doubt you will hear from this young man again. He's too busy sewing his oats.

[stillafool]

It does not help that it all happened right before the holidays and it certainly doesn't help that this guy is very attractive (probably why I stuck around for longer than I should have, even though I knew he wasn't relationship-material; but at the time I wanted the excitement and novelty -

 

He's good looking and probably you aren't the only girl trying to get his attention. He's more than likely a player and has many options. You know and knew when you got involved with him he wasn't relationship material and yet you feel hurt because he does not want sex with you again. Well now you've got the excitement and novelty of a Player. As you can see it isn't so great. Block him and mean it this time.

[Nofairydust]

Thanks, everyone. Yeah it's true, I think it is mostly my ego speaking here. Like I said, it was casual, and I honestly don't even know that much about him even though we saw each other for a couple of months. So, it isn't about losing an emotional connection or a potential relationship. I enjoyed being "wanted" by him, and when he "didn't want" me anymore, my pride was like "why? was it me!?"

 

 

Weird thing is that I didn't have high expectations for him (let's call him A) thus I never pushed for anything more and let it stay a casual relationship--which, looking back, conveyed the idea that I was ok with just hooking up. And probably gave him the impression that he did not have to put in much effort and could back out whenever he wanted.

 

 

But anyway I had kept my options open--actually I had been on a date and was talking to someone else (B) at around the same time. It was just that I had met A first, so I was partial towards A. Both guys are attractive, but A definitely had more of my interest - probably because he seemed 'unattainable' and a 'challenge'. There was one night that both guys asked me out, and I remembered it was hardly a tough choice picking A over B. The thing with B fizzled too, but I also let it-- I had not shown him much interest; he would kiss me and I would pull away, etc; he would ask me out and I would decline. I have NO issues with B not working out, so I don't think I attach meaning to every fade, fizzle, or thing that doesn't work.

 

 

With A, it is a combo of him fading after sex and my ego not letting that go. I keep telling myself he is just the type of guy who is looking for sex and that it has nothing to do with me--I don't know why that is not enough for me to move on. I play devil's advocate with myself: like why would he stick around for a month without sex? He is a good looking guy and could have gotten with another girl sooner? If I had not slept with him would he still be around?

 

 

Like I just can't find the 'perfect' answers and I know I never will. And that is what bugs me about the whole situation. Him being a player or not interested anymore is somehow just not good enough.

[stillafool]

like why would he stick around for a month without sex? He is a good looking guy and could have gotten with another girl sooner? If I had not slept with him would he still be around?

 

A month is not a long time; plus I doubt he was seeing you every day during that month. Your not having sex with him would not have kept him around.

[Kamille]

You're struggling to let go because you lost a hook up buddy you liked. It's normal to feel let down. Don't spend too much time trying to analyze the feelings away. Try to accept that it's okay to feel sad and hurt. Feel those feelings away.

 

That said: congrats on landing an attractive hottie.

 

Here's to hoping another one walks into your life soon!