BluesPower Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 You are doing the right thing and you need to keep doing it. She just wants you as a meal ticket and that is all. She can be the OM's problem when you divorce. Don't listen to any of her words, not any. She will say anything to keep you in her pocket, so she can still screw around. Of course, anything except stop messing around and be remorseful. You just stay strong and get your ducks in a row... Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 You have to be willing to follow through with your promise. You cannot back down. Go see a lawyer and get the ball rolling and have her served. You can always cancel the petition later on if she caves and gives you what you want and starts working towards real R. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 I think she's trying to be extra loving to me in hopes that I will sweep my doubts under the rug. I think your assessment is spot on. She thinks she can love-bomb her way out of this. Don't be surprised if she tries to initiate sex more often to manipulate you now that "let's get a divorce" is no longer working. You're handling this really well. I think her armor is starting to crack. You already know this, but you should remain distant, polite, and get your ducks in a row. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted October 17, 2016 Share Posted October 17, 2016 you have been more than patient. She is still cheating. do go see your attorney and file. Until she writes you a timeline of the affair, exposes the OM, confesses to her parents and yours, pays for an std test and DNA tests, she is not remorseful. I do not see any real effort on her part. Her actions are what is important. she is not doing anything. she does not respect you or care for you. Have her prove she has stopped all contact. I do not think she has. If she is not begging you for another chance, and trying to initiate after her tests are clean, she is not remorseful and still in love with the OM. get out while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful_day Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I think I may be a lone voice here, but I think Joseph's letter and the 180 are complete and utter nonsense. I remember clinging to them like a raft as I drowned in post discovery day anxiety. I get it. But I think they are tools used by the betrayed to help them swallow the **** sandwich they are being offered. No thanks. I think I'll pass. I am so furious on your behalf that she cold heartedly holds divorce over your head every time you dare ask for simple truth How dare she! My ex husband used to do that too. He used to shut me up by saying he thought it might be better if we separated, because I was never going to get over it. Or he would get furious - he called me a spineless sack of **** once, which really took my breath away because no one had ever spoken to me like that before. And then when I tearfully relented, he would love bomb me. Well after about 4 years of this nonsense, I found a Facebook conversation between him and his girlfriend, which showed that they had continued the affair. And I STILL tried to figure out how to put my marriage back together ..... for about 48 hours .... I wrote him a long romantic letter about how much we loved our little family, and that he must go to therapy, and that we would get through this together .... and then he called me and said something about how his girlfriend had said she'd wait for him. And something snapped. All of a sudden, I thought BD what on earth are you doing?! I put the phone down and sent him a text. It said "I'm not playing this game anymore. I'm done" And that was it. I just ended 4 years of pain with that tiny little text. That afternoon, I drove my daughter back to college and it was like a great weight had been lifted. She played me her music, and we sang and laughed all the way there, and it was like I'd pressed the reset button to before I'd ever met him. I was shaky and frightened for a while, but I never looked back. That was in 2013. Almost straight away things started to get better for me, and now I live with an honest man, in a little tiny house by the sea, and I work a job I absolutely love. It's always darkest before dawn. Don't let her do this to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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