AnnaBananax Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I've been seeing this guy for 1 year and 9 months now, I am now 22 and he is 27. We started off just having sex and I didn't think we would end up having a relationship. I honestly thought we wouldn't make it past 3 weeks. Things gradually got more serious and we fell in love last year. I haven't been seeing any other guys or talking to other guys. Loyalty is important to him and I respected that from day 1. BUT about 3 months ago when we were at dinner he said he liked how we were just "friends" and had no title. This completely threw me off because we'd had the what are we conversation long before and we acted like a couple, all my friends saw us as a couple and we are committed to each other. Since then I haven't been able to enjoy our relationship. I feel so disrespected that he he calls himself single when I'm so loyal to him and have put so much energy into this relationship. I take his son for days out, he borrows my car, we recently went on a holiday together and we discuss having kids and a house etc. Every time I try opening up to him about how much this upsets me he shrugs it off and says we are good. In general hes so comfortable ignoring my feelings it scares me. How can someone that loves u not care when u are so clearly upset? I've even questioned his idea of loyalty at times. The last 3 months I've really tried to see past it. But it bothers me that I'm in the same boat as all his other female friends. I feel like he's keeping his options open. I recently told him I can't continue seeing him because of those reasons. Have I made the right choice?
Miss Peach Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 IME if a man won't give you a title it means he's stringing you along. 2
pteromom Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 You made the right choice. What you had - no strings - worked for him. He had no desire to change it. Now that you've broken it off, if he doesn't come back ready to commit, that tells you that his freedom is more important to him than being with you. You should have had the 'what are we' conversation about 6 months in if you hadn't beforehand, so you wouldn't have wasted another year on him.
Author AnnaBananax Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 Thanks. I definitely agree with you. And we had the talk about more than a year ago. That's part of the reason I was so thrown when he'd called me a friend.
leogirl876 Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Thanks. I definitely agree with you. And we had the talk about more than a year ago. That's part of the reason I was so thrown when he'd called me a friend. If the talk consisted of you both agreeing to be an exclusive relationship and then he pulls the "I'm glad we're just friends and I'm single" then he's a total douche without any balls! You definitely made the right choice, don't waste another second with this guy! 1
Gemma1 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 What was his reaction when you said you couldn't keep going? A man who loves you would have broken down and done whatever necessary to keep you. If he let you go over this, he definitely does not love you. 1
Jammer25 Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 I feel like he's keeping his options open. Pretty much what it is. He probably went along with the feelings of it, but subconsciously, deep down still wanting a casual thing between you two. If the talk consisted of you both agreeing to be an exclusive relationship and then he pulls the "I'm glad we're just friends and I'm single" then he's a total douche without any balls! That's my other question. OP- was "the talk" super clear about exclusivity?
BluesPower Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Yes you have. If he does not think that almost 2 years is worth a title or think of it as a real relationship, wow. You need to lose him and consider yourself lucky that you have not wasted more time than you have with him. What a creep.
Author AnnaBananax Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 What was his reaction when you said you couldn't keep going? A man who loves you would have broken down and done whatever necessary to keep you. If he let you go over this, he definitely does not love you. He got pissed off and pretty much said well if that's what u want to do I can't stop you. I wasn't really expecting him to fight for me at this point anyway cos he's the type of person that doesn't like showing his emotions. Itwill take him at least a few days I think to come round IF he does at all.
Author AnnaBananax Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 Pretty much what it is. He probably went along with the feelings of it, but subconsciously, deep down still wanting a casual thing between you two. That's my other question. OP- was "the talk" super clear about exclusivity? Yep it was super clear. At the beginning we had fights cos I felt like there was the whole double standard thing. Even though it was early and we weren't sure of we would lead into anything I talked to him about it and we decided to be exclusive. One of his points as well is that we're exclusive and we're going good so why does a title matter.
Miss Peach Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 He got pissed off and pretty much said well if that's what u want to do I can't stop you. I wasn't really expecting him to fight for me at this point anyway cos he's the type of person that doesn't like showing his emotions. Itwill take him at least a few days I think to come round IF he does at all. Yep it was super clear. At the beginning we had fights cos I felt like there was the whole double standard thing. Even though it was early and we weren't sure of we would lead into anything I talked to him about it and we decided to be exclusive. One of his points as well is that we're exclusive and we're going good so why does a title matter. I had an ex that sounds like this. He could never tell me he loved me too. In my case, he had lost someone as a kid and wasn't willing to let anyone close enough to hurt him again. All his relationships his whole life were like that. I don't know if he was emotionally unavailable or just not into you enough but in either case it sounds like you did what you needed to by walking away.
JewelD Posted October 14, 2016 Posted October 14, 2016 Yep it was super clear. At the beginning we had fights cos I felt like there was the whole double standard thing. Even though it was early and we weren't sure of we would lead into anything I talked to him about it and we decided to be exclusive. One of his points as well is that we're exclusive and we're going good so why does a title matter. That doesn't sound clear at all. We're exclusive but you're not getting the title of girlfriend? I'da nipped that right then and there.
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