mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hi everybody! This is my first time here and I just thought I'd get some outside perspective advice re: a guy that I quite like. In a nutshell, we had a great first date we both agreed with one another that we felt comfortable and open with each other. We had such a good time that we organised a second date on the spot for the following Tuesday. Unfortunately I had to reschedule, and as he was busy and needed to check his availability he said he'd get back to me with some available dates. I texted him the day after to ask if he had an idea of some available dates as I was doing some scheduling for my week ahead (I'm quite a busy person, and I really need to book everything in advance otherwise I end up double booking and then chaos ensues). I let him know that I was keen to meet up again so that we can get to know each other better, especially after the great time we had earlier in the week. He replied a day later, apologising for the late reply and said that he hadn't recieved his work schedule but that 'maybe' we could go out later in the week, if I was down. I agreed and told him that I had the weekend free, but I wasn't encouraged by the 'maybe' part of the message so I just decided to keep doing my own thing, wait a bit and see what came of it. The next day he texted me, asking if I was free for the following evening after he finished his soccer practice. I told him that I was busy but that he was welcome to join me for said event. He said he probably wouldn't be able to attend as he had some things to take care of at home after practice, but then proceeded to ask me what time I would be finished. I told him an approximate time and asked him what he had in mind but he never responded. He didn't call or text the next day so I just went ahead and made other plans, but I'm wondering what his deal is. I tend to date a few people at once, but I'm uncertain as to how interested he is and whether or not to proactively ask him out after the recent turn of events. We never made any concrete plans so I'm not angry, I'm just wondering what the next step is. I'd like to see him again and see if the second date is as good as the first. I know you can't really decipher much through text, and I'm not one to text a lot either. I've made my interest in further dates clear, but I'm getting a hot and cold vibe from him. Any thoughts?
hippychick3 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 His interest level sounds pretty low. I would not reach out to him again and just see if or when he contacts you. Just keep dating others.
devilish innocent Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I think he ghosted on you. I'd probably still send a message just making sure there weren't any accidentally missed messages but be prepared that you probably won't hear from him again.
Author mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks for the advice, I'm preparing myself for the possibility-it's just confusing as he seemed incredibly enthusiastic to begin with, and I wonder why he would even bother trying to make plans just to ghost on me. I was just going to wait a few days and then send him a message asking him out for coffee. If he doesn't reply then I've got a concrete answer, at least. It makes me glad I don't put all of my eggs in one basket! Dating can be so confusing, lol.
ChickiePops Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Maybe he was a little more insulted than he let on that you canceled the Tuesday date and so he had to soothe his ego by being busier than you. I have no idea if that's it..it's just something I've seen before. 1
Author mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 God, I hope not. I apologised for cancelling Tuesday, hopefully he's not just trying to get the upper hand... that would make me reconsider even wanting a second date, lol.
ChickiePops Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 God, I hope not. I apologised for cancelling Tuesday, hopefully he's not just trying to get the upper hand... that would make me reconsider even wanting a second date, lol. Yeah, I hope not too..it's really unappealing when someone does that! But again, it's just a thought so definitely take that suggestion with a grain of salt. I think you have the right attitude. Give it one more shot and then move on. 1
Author mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Will do Thanks! Hopefully it works out but if not I'll just move on.
babylonsfire Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I don't know, it sounds like even if a second date works out, you'll be hitting this roadblock a lot, and its not something you want. It seems like his time management and communication skills aren't up to the same par as yours, and unless he steps his game pretty hard, that's going to be a constant point of frustration for you. I'd move on personally.
hippychick3 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 It really sounds to me like you've made yourself VERY clear about your interest in him and any further pursuit would come across as chasing. Guys usually don't go from lukewarm to hot (they can easily go from hot to lukewarm though), and he seems pretty lukewarm. If you ask him for coffee, he may respond with a yes or something else that's vague enough to keep you wondering and hanging on. The only way to gauge his interest after all your attempts to meet up is to do nothing and wait for him to reach out to you. That will give you a concrete answer.
Author mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Yeah that's true. It's so tempting to want to try and get him to go from lukewarm to hot but I know it's not usually how all of that works, unless anybody has a barrage of tricks up their sleeves that they want to share
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 IMO all this sounds pretty discouraging...if you both are so busy and your schedules doesn't match up, what's the point of pursuing anything....he probably thought if it's this hard to get a date together then it's not worth the hassle. 3
katiegrl Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 IMO all this sounds pretty discouraging...if you both are so busy and your schedules doesn't match up, what's the point of pursuing anything....he probably thought if it's this hard to get a date together then it's not worth the hassle. This^^.... 1
Bialy Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 IMO all this sounds pretty discouraging...if you both are so busy and your schedules doesn't match up, what's the point of pursuing anything....he probably thought if it's this hard to get a date together then it's not worth the hassle. Agreed with this. You are single, but don't have any flexibility. Also: If you are so busy, why are you even dating multiple people to begin with? Date one person at a time. If it doesn't work, then move on to someone else. Your busy schedule makes you susceptible to being a serial first dater.
Author mintyqueen Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks for the perspective everybody, I appreciate it! It's definitely given me a lot to think about. I sent him a message letting him know that if he's still interested in catching up I'll make time for it (I'm seriously paraphrasing here, lol) and that my busy-ness is not indicative of my level of interest. Maybe it was a bit of a faux pas, but I do feel better just messaging and being honest. If he messages back great, if not, then I have an answer at least. I think part of the problem was that I met someone who's schedule was as busy as mine is, so it hasn't quite meshed, lol. Thanks again for all the advice, it's been very helpful!
Shining One Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I'm not sure how you both organize your schedules, but have you considered sharing calendar free/busy information? When I worked an on-call job and I was dating a woman with a similarly busy schedule, we had a rough time planning things. We shared our calendars (free/busy only) and it made organizing things a lot easier. You guys are still in the early dating stage though, so it may be too early for this. 1
Author mintyqueen Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 That's a good idea! He replied back and we've made concrete plans for dinner on Tuesday, so it's all worked out well and hopefully the second date is as good as the first! If it progresses past that point then I think sharing schedules is a really good idea. 1
babylonsfire Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 That's a good idea! He replied back and we've made concrete plans for dinner on Tuesday, so it's all worked out well and hopefully the second date is as good as the first! If it progresses past that point then I think sharing schedules is a really good idea. Definitely, best of luck on the second date! Calendar sharing has worked great for me in the past for a lot of things, not just dating; I've used it to organize game nights with friends and everything, it eliminates a lot of those roadblocks. 1
Author mintyqueen Posted October 14, 2016 Author Posted October 14, 2016 Thanks babylonsfire! I'm definitely going to get into calendar sharing, it's such a great idea!
Recommended Posts