Picking up personal belongings - how/when?

[newheart]

I think you're making excuses. Your son is already involved. Having him pick up the stuff gets all this over and done with. It's just one final step. Get it over and done with.

 

With all due respect because you have given great advice during this, this is absolutely not the case. It is not an excuse, for multiple reasons: Son and I had a talk about his FB message and I asked him not to intervene in the future, which he agreed, but he also said he felt like he was too involved from me discussing the argument with him, and we both agreed that going forward he wouldn't be involved when it came to things like that. That is my fault, and I already feel terrible that he felt that way. I do not now want him to be responsible for picking up the kayak. Further, he has never driven anything larger than his small 2 door car, and sending him off in my Jeep for the first time to do this doesn't sit well with me.

 

He can drive separately to help me lift it, but at this point, I have a friend who is available and I'd rather her help me, so she is on standby. If need be, he could help lift it. Either way, there won't be any confrontation.

 

I asked XBF to leave it in the driveway when he wasn't home. That makes it impossible to have any contact. To me, that is the final step.

 

If he refuses to do that, then I will have to consider it the cost of the relationship and move on. I want to say I can't imagine he'd do that, but I guess I never imagined we wouldn't break up like adults, so I guess nothing surprises me anymore!

[newheart]

Sadly, it's kind of the norm anymore when folks split up, one or the other simply becomes nasty. Who knows why and at this point with him, it's a waste of energy to figure it out.

 

I have to gently say that I think you were hoping to see him when you picked up your items. When you finally connected, it went directly back into the drama of this now failed R/S. All that crap and drama needs to stay in the past. It would have been better had you not gone down the road and kept it professional and business like and ONLY discussed collecting your things in your communication.

 

My thoughts are you need to stop contacting him, period. Your son already inserted himself in this. So why not simply have him and one of his friends just stop by his house when he's likely to be home. Knock on the door, and collect your things.

 

If he refuses to release your items, do some research on your rights and the appropriate steps you can take. Again, I'd have no further contact with him at all. Let your son or family help you collect your items. Don't let him keep them and use them as a tactic to be an ahole. He'll give them to your son.

 

Yeah, I do get that apparently this seems to not be a unique thing anymore. I've only been through two breakups from my marriage and a long term relationship, and despite both being difficult, there was no hate, we were respectful, etc.

 

Initially, you are right, before his most recent text, I wanted to say goodbye - I had written about that, because I didn't see the harm in it. I guess it's all so weird to me, I've never had a relationship end this way.

 

Anyway, I will see if he will leave it in the driveway and be done. I don't want to pursue any additional steps. They are expensive items, but like Zahara said, maybe not worth my emotional health at this point.

[marky00]

I've never had a relationship end this way.

 

Try being thrown out of another country with your family when you were expecting to have a fun holiday.

 

 

Terrible things happen.

 

 

Sadly as we get older, these things become more common.

[stillafool]

You can also hire someone to pick the items up for you. It's worth the money and if he doesn't live that far from you it shouldn't cost much.

[newheart]

Try being thrown out of another country with your family when you were expecting to have a fun holiday.

 

 

Terrible things happen.

 

 

Sadly as we get older, these things become more common.

 

Yikes, that's awful. I am very sorry to hear that!

[NuevoYorko]

Wow. I'm sure sorry it's come to this. I guess it's for the best that he's shown his true colors so blatantly.

[Toodaloo]

Yikes, that's awful. I am very sorry to hear that!

 

Or being left for dead in a hospital with doctors trying to get a heart beat...

 

Some on here have had a really tough time...

 

Even tougher than what Mark and I describe... So newheart just go get your stuff and be done with it.

 

If we can get through it then you can to... You will be fine...

[Zahara]

With all due respect because you have given great advice during this, this is absolutely not the case. It is not an excuse, for multiple reasons: Son and I had a talk about his FB message and I asked him not to intervene in the future, which he agreed, but he also said he felt like he was too involved from me discussing the argument with him, and we both agreed that going forward he wouldn't be involved when it came to things like that. That is my fault, and I already feel terrible that he felt that way. I do not now want him to be responsible for picking up the kayak. Further, he has never driven anything larger than his small 2 door car, and sending him off in my Jeep for the first time to do this doesn't sit well with me.

 

He can drive separately to help me lift it, but at this point, I have a friend who is available and I'd rather her help me, so she is on standby. If need be, he could help lift it. Either way, there won't be any confrontation.

 

I asked XBF to leave it in the driveway when he wasn't home. That makes it impossible to have any contact. To me, that is the final step.

 

If he refuses to do that, then I will have to consider it the cost of the relationship and move on. I want to say I can't imagine he'd do that, but I guess I never imagined we wouldn't break up like adults, so I guess nothing surprises me anymore!

 

Fair enough. If he ignores this last request or responds with anything other than what time to pick up your stuff, it would be time to accept that you have to call this a done deal. As I said before, he's doing this because he has lost control. He's not liking the fact that you're not chasing him or giving him the response he needs. Likely trying to provoke you. Don't bite.

[newheart]

I am picking up my stuff tomorrow.

 

He texted me today that he is sorry it took so long, been incredibly busy, made a joke about keeping my items because he thinks my life vest looks good on him. I said: okay, when? He then said that he felt it was unsafe for me to take my kayak but I apparently I hate having my stuff at his house (I didn't bite on this comment). I reminded him that we transported my kayak home in my vehicle, so it will be fine. He said I was right, and said he'd text me when the stuff was ready tomorrow afternoon. (I presume he is leaving it in the driveway as I requested)

 

So - yay. I am getting my stuff back. He will leave it there, I won't see him.

 

I know this is the right thing to do, don't get me wrong. But ... I am still heartbroken. Heartbroken as to how we get into a silly argument and literally never, ever spoke again. Heartbroken as to having had a good year of my life with someone I cared for and respected, who I thought respected and cared for me, and not understanding why he couldn't treat me respectfully in the end. The whole thing makes no sense, and now that I know the final step is here and that I will never know why or make any sense of it, it is just as difficult.

 

So, wish me luck tomorrow.

[anna121]

Good luck newheart. I'm sorry.