DKT3 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I'm thinking they have never stopped being involved beyond friends, maybe the truth is your the guy on the side. It really shouldn't matter at this point azzholes and elbows is all you should show her at this point, run bro.
Redhead14 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 No reason to think that would be okay. I was just surprised that she was trying to blame me for not letting her see the ex and I needed to talk with somebody... In every other situations, I'd have closed the conversation immediatley, but it's hard when the person you're emotionally vulnerable to, tries to make you feel guilty and **** around with your feelings... trying to blame me for not letting her see the ex and I needed to talk with somebody... -- That is classic gaslighting, she's doing something wrong and trying to make you feel like there's something wrong with YOU!!!! Move on. 1
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 The fact she brought this up as a serious proposition to you would be reason enough to realise it is all over. Your gf is still hung up on her ex, at the very least. What do you actually know about this woman? Maybe he is her husband and he is just working away in another country?
VeveCakes Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 leave a note under the toilet seat for the guy....see what happens..lol 3
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 leave a note under the toilet seat for the guy....see what happens..lol Love this idea... How about - I have been living with this girl for 2 months and she wanted me to move out for a week so she could "see" you. I just do not want to move back in again. Good luck have fun I am off to the STD clinic to get checked! 1
Author John25 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 What do you actually know about this woman? Maybe he is her husband and he is just working away in another country? Ex-husband. When they were together, they had a rented house and lived there. Now he still lives there. Sometimes she complains that she can't go and stay with him at her old house. Also, when we had the discussion about him coming over, she was also upset because she said she wants to be able to travel with him from time to time, going on holidays and all of that (just with him, I mean)... when I told her it was the craziest thing I've heard, she looked shocked and said "so... I can't travel with him anymore?". Like I was doing something bad.
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 In every other situations, I'd have closed the conversation immediatley, but it's hard when the person you're emotionally vulnerable to, tries to make you feel guilty and **** around with your feelings... This conversation should have not been long enough to allow her to make you feel guilty. At the moment she said she wished you moved out to spend a week alone with her ex it should have been the last words pronounced in this relationship. You should have terminate this relationship right there and then with no further words. Why would you even debate over something like this? This is one of those moments where you don't say anything back and just move out permanently. 2
Erik30 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Seems like the only reason she's not with him right now is because he lives abroad. Maybe they're even in a LDR, or at least that's what he thinks. (since he doesn't know about you)
BluesPower Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 This thread is a joke Right? It has to be... No one is that stupid are they? 2
JewelD Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Ex-husband. When they were together, they had a rented house and lived there. Now he still lives there. Sometimes she complains that she can't go and stay with him at her old house. Also, when we had the discussion about him coming over, she was also upset because she said she wants to be able to travel with him from time to time, going on holidays and all of that (just with him, I mean)... when I told her it was the craziest thing I've heard, she looked shocked and said "so... I can't travel with him anymore?". Like I was doing something bad. I think you need to stop dating for awhile and take a long hard look at yourself. Why would you ever entertain this nonsense? 2
VeveCakes Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Ex-husband. When they were together, they had a rented house and lived there. Now he still lives there. Sometimes she complains that she can't go and stay with him at her old house. Also, when we had the discussion about him coming over, she was also upset because she said she wants to be able to travel with him from time to time, going on holidays and all of that (just with him, I mean)... when I told her it was the craziest thing I've heard, she looked shocked and said "so... I can't travel with him anymore?". Like I was doing something bad. omg..... just stop already. 4
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Ex-husband. When they were together, they had a rented house and lived there. Now he still lives there. Sometimes she complains that she can't go and stay with him at her old house. Also, when we had the discussion about him coming over, she was also upset because she said she wants to be able to travel with him from time to time, going on holidays and all of that (just with him, I mean)... when I told her it was the craziest thing I've heard, she looked shocked and said "so... I can't travel with him anymore?". Like I was doing something bad. Oh this is so wrong. Why on earth did you even bother to move in? 1
Author John25 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Oh this is so wrong. Why on earth did you even bother to move in? I don't know, man. First relationship for me. I loved her like crazy and completley dedicated myself to her and our relationship. I don't know how to feel about it now...
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I don't know, man. First relationship for me. I loved her like crazy and completley dedicated myself to her and our relationship. I don't know how to feel about it now... She has big boobs doesn't she... John. This girl is as dysfunctional as it gets... Learn to read the warning signs earlier and save yourself the packing and unpacking. Go home and cut her off. 5
DKT3 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) I don't know, man. First relationship for me. I loved her like crazy and completley dedicated myself to her and our relationship. I don't know how to feel about it now... End it so you can feel of like you dodged a bullet and go on to lead a happy life with a wonderful woman who may or may not already be in a relationship like your current girlfriend. She is being extremely deceitful and sneaky while playing the role of honest and loyal. You will find yourself objecting to increasingly outrageous demands and being called jealous and controlling in the process. Run run run run run run run Edited October 11, 2016 by DKT3 1
bummer Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I don't know how to feel about it now... Uh, even the blindest of us all on LS can tell you quite bluntly you should feel sad, betrayed, and hurt--even if you should have seen this coming. I'm sorry for your loss, but it really should be treated as such. 1
Author John25 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 She is being extremely deceitful and sneaky while playing the role of honest and loyal. You will find yourself objecting to increasingly outrageous demands and being called jealous and controlling in the process. Run run run run run run run I think you nailed it. That's what I fear. She'll go from here to other things that will be even worse than this. It's simply her behaviour. It has nothing to do with this particular situation. It's simply the fact that she doesn't respect me enough and she doesn't have empathy. I find her incredibly selfish and with a lack of empathy even in smaller things. I think I'll cut loose... 6
LostOnes05 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Bro, she is full of crap. Completely off the reservation. Tell her if she misses her ex, she can Skype him and you all can meet like that (don't do it, just see what she says). If she still gets upset move out immediately and let her travel, stay with the ex or whatever she wants. In fact, I'd probably move out anyway. Be thankful you didn't give up your apartment for this lunatic. I had a woman gaslight me before. It's the weirdest feeling to know you're not crazy or at fault, but to have someone insist that everything you do is wrong. And old family member once told me, "You never move in with a woman and give up your place to stay unless you're married. And even then, keep some money separate in case you need to make a break for it." This just solidifies what they told me. When she is at work, pack up your things and move back to your apartment. Leave her a note that says she can have sleepovers now without worrying about you being there. Take a massive crap in the toilet and don't flush...if she's lucky she'll get it to go down the drain just like she did the relationship. But seriously, leave. At worst she is actually crazy and manipulative, at best she is plain stupid. She's the type to call you controlling because you wouldn't leave so she and the ex could sleep and shower together.
lolablue17 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Let's see what you've got here... She is constantly lying to her Ex, not telling him you're even exist, because she's afraid he won't talk to her if he knows about you. Oh, what a great way to establish honesty between two people. Now, let me re-write this sentence with almost no changes: She is constantly lying to you, not telling you she's sleeping with him in his visits, because she's afraid you won't talk to her if you knew. She is trying to create a relationship with you, based on lies, deception, manipulations, and still asking you to cooperate? I would dump her even only for her stupidity. Tell her that lies and deception are not the way to build trust, and if she wants you to trust her, she better start changing her attitude because a person's character is shown by her\his daily behavior. Right now her evasive sneaky behavior tells you a lot who she really is. Do you really want this kind of a gf? I didn't even start to mention her other shining star qualities like 'throwing you out of your present home', 'disrespecting you at the lowest level', her complete indifference to your pain', ect.... 2
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I think I'll cut loose... I am very glad to hear it. Next time, do not get involved with anyone who has "unfinished business" with their ex.
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I don't know, man. First relationship for me. You don't need experience in dating to know this is wrong. Honesty, respect, consideration, loyalty, transparency, are universal qualities you should find in any types of relationships. When in an unsure relationship ask yourself if this was right for your mom? or your brother? or your best friend? if the answer is no, than it's not right for you either. What would you think if your mom asked your dad to get away a week so she can spend that time alone with her ex, under their roof? Wouldn't that seem appalling? Well then from now on, if it's not good enough for those you love, it's not good enough for you either. 1
TooRational Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Her ex doesn't know she has another man in her life. She always feared he'd never speak to her again if she comes to know something like this. Wow, just wow. Your initial post was bad enough. Now with this on top of that?? You already have your answers. You said yourself that she doesn't consider your feelings in this whole situation. That's the biggest issue. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she started gaslighting you and calling you jealous. You could always leave a lovey big picture of your grinning face taped to the bedroom ceiling just for effect... LOL, that would be awesome. she was also upset because she said she wants to be able to travel with him from time to time, going on holidays and all of that (just with him, I mean)... Unbelievable. This has to be a joke. 1
eightytwenty Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Glad you're considering leaving her... If I went up and brought up this question I would get laughed at and thrown out, and I would do the same to him if he asked the same.. She's sleeping with him, it's a ex-husband, and she wants to be alone with him... Not just no, but over my dead body no. Ex's are in the past when you get a new relationship, you don't go on holidays or vacations with them.. what the heck!
Space Ritual Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Hi guys, I need some help here. I'm 25 and she's 27. We're dating for a year now. The other day she started asking me if it would be possible to let her ex come over to her house and stay for a week (he lives in a different country now from me and her). I basically moved to her apartment a couple of months ago (even though I'm still paying the rent in another house), so what she's asking me to do is to grab my stuff, go to my apartment for a week so that she can stay with her ex. The reason is because she misses him. They remained like friends of some sort and she always wants to see him from time to time. I said I'm not okay with this situation and she started to accuse me that I don't care about her happiness, because she's suffering by missing her ex and I'm the one who's not agreeing to let her stay with him just for a week (what about me suffering for her desire to stay with her ex for a week?) I also want to clarify that I'm not worried about her cheating on me, because I trust her enough to know she won't do it, even if she sleeps in the same bed with her ex for a week. But that's not the point. I don't know why I should agree on something like this. Also, I don't know why she's trying to make me feel bad about saying no to her. She's the one who wants to stay with another man for a week, not me. What do you guys think? Thanks! If you want to really know what we think, take a look at your initial post. Let me ask you young man, If your best friend told you the story you wrote here what would you advise him to do? She is trying to make you feel bad because she wants to bang another guy and have you leave like a schlepp, and then come back after he has had sex with her. I have read some crazy assed stories in the Seven years I've been here. Your's ranks right up there. Here is what you do. 1. Inform her that she is more than welcome to have this guy stay at her place, just not as your girlfriend 2. Find the nearest curb and kick her to it, like NOW. 3. Get an STD test as soon as possible. Love may not be forever, but Herpes sure as hell is. 4. Get into therapy and try to determine how you allow people to treat you in such a fashion. I don't even need to read the rest of the thread. If you have't gotten rid of this woman before the sun sets this day, you will regret it. It's a no brainer..EJECT! 3
courtney_kay Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I have to echo the other posters and say pack your bags and GET THE HELL OUT. This girl is completely off her rocker if she thinks this kind of behavior is acceptable. I understand you are emotionally tied to this girl and love her, but don't you think you deserve someone who isn't still hooking up and wanting to travel with her ex husband? This is ridiculous. You know what you need to do. Cut ties immediately! 1
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