sandylee1 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Cheryl, With all the other issues, can you really see yourselves in the future being happy? While it seems like a financial issue on the surface. .... I look at it a bit more deeply. I don't understand how a husband or wife would leave the other without health care, when they can easily afford it That's just plain wicked and that's the kind of thing that causes resentment to build up and you just start hating the other person. You reach the point where their very presence becomes an irritation and the love fades away Think how long you want to be in this situation for. That kind of stingyness is bordering on financial abuse. You having to use credit cards getting and struggling, while he's doing just fine .... that's not the kind of behaviour that would convice me I was loved and cherished by a long shot. Link to post Share on other sites
PeopleWatching Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 The money belongs to the partnership, not the partners, no matter who earns how much. I live in a community property state, so this is the law of the land. Even if it wasn't, my wife and I have always taken the view that we are working together to support our family, our lifestyle, and our retirement goals. My view is that we both take care of the family to the best of our abilities, including each other, but we each do that in different ways. I earned more money that she did when she was working but we had joint accounts. When she became ill to the point where she couldn't work, my income got us by. When I went back to school she spent much more time taking care of the kids so I could go to class and do homework. Money problems are often about control. The person who controls the money has most of the power in the relationship. Your husband seems to be treating you like a FWB more than a partner for life. He may simply (mistakenly) only equate contributions to the marriage with money. When I talk to engaged couples about money and how they will manage their finances together, I ask questions like what happens if one of you loses your job? Do you burn through personal savings or suddenly rack up a debt to the other person while you're looking for work? What happens when one of the kids gets sick and 1/2 the deductible costs more than one of you can afford? What happens in retirement when both of your incomes are reduced? How do you divide the equity in a house when you sell it? Link to post Share on other sites
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