smackie9 Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Even months of NC dont always do the trick. This type of guy will keep on trying and trying until the woman really shows him his place. I suggested NC so it will give her time to come to her senses and gain the emotional strength to send him flying to the curb where he belongs. I have a suspicion our warnings are falling on deaf ears. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 I suggested NC so it will give her time to come to her senses and gain the emotional strength to send him flying to the curb where he belongs. I have a suspicion our warnings are falling on deaf ears. Sadly some people need to be smacked in the face quite a few times before they learn their lessons. I just hope they don't bring children into this toxic environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Its a process. She is still in denial. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) Honestly, hoping to hear of others who may have been in a similar situation having successfully made it work. Where love was worth it. I know of a situation that worked out. She was super in love and invested in her, he liked her but was disrespectful. She wanted to live together, he didn't but finally agreed when he realized she wouldn't stop coming over and rearranging his furniture anyway. She wanted to get married, he was lukewarm but did it anyway. She wanted kids, I'm not sure how he felt about that but they had a son. He travels for work and she takes care of the packing, unpacking and laundry. He spends weeks at a time overseas and she ignores the condoms in his suitcase. She wanted a house, kid and new last name so I guess she was successful as long as she ignores the cheating. Was the love worth it? I don't know. Your guy didn't want to move in, didn't want to get married, doesn't want more kids and is only doing it all as an attempt to placate you. Give him some time, enough time to legally bind himself to you so you can't leave, and he'll be boinking behind your back again. You were an OW for two years so you know he'll have no trouble cheating on you just like he did his ex. Edited October 11, 2016 by PinkElephants Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 Honestly, hoping to hear of others who may have been in a similar situation having successfully made it work. Where love was worth it. You may find a smattering of them here on LS, but they are few and far between. Having read this thread thus far, I think OP you just want somebody here to tell you something, in fact, anything, that will give you a reason to put your blinders back on and rugsweep the shenanigans this dude is acting out. That is natural of course. All of us want to believe the best in someone that professes to love us. Many of us regulars who inhabit this sub forum wanted to believe it too, once upon a time. The a little inconvenient thing called The Truth showed up on our doorsteps. I imagine you want to forget the fact that this guy not only did not suffer any real consequences for his actions, but that by allowing him to move in with all the Engagement Song and Dance, you have given him a soft place to land as well as a pass for 2 years of Bullschnit. Cheaters can change if they not only have the motivation, but also if they do the hard work necessary to become someone safe to be around. This process does not take a visit to Disney, it entails YEARS and YEARS of someone working on themselves. And even then there are no guarantees. The work involved is daunting and not for the faint of heart, so more times than not, the cheater never really becomes a safe partner, because they just can't or won't do the work. I'll be honest with you...this guy has got it good . He has you on the side, and he has his ex...if you really think he has totally gone NC with this ex I have some Oceanfront Property in Iowa to sell you. He has absolutely NO INTENTION of ever being anything but a life sucker. He showed you who he was once, you should have believed him. He is little more than a Snake Oil Salesman and you are opening your heart, and your house, to said Snake Oil Salesman. You deserve so much more than this. I sure hope the scales fall from your eyes before he rips your heart out and stomps on it like spiking a football in the end zone. This guy is Ninety Miles of Bad Road. But alas, some of us have to learn our lessons the hard way. I wish you the best of luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
breakfortheborder Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 I'm sorry this has happened to you, Feel free to read my thread, I had the same thing happen to me basically. My husband led a double life for two years, and when it was all discovered, he didn't want the other woman, ( who didn't know he was married, he told her he was single) and I didn't want him. We got back together. He begged, cried, pleaded, etc etc etc We tried, we took holidays together, weekends away, nights out, but I can assure you, it will never ever, be the same again. I loved this man, unconditionally, but it still wasn't enough, I had enough, enough of wondering who was texting and ringing him, even if it was totally innocent, I had enough of second guessing, I deserved better, and so do you. Run, don't turn around, don't look back, don't take him back! This time next year you will thank yourself for what you did today! Good luck with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 ^Exactly. One year ago I found out too and now I dont even care anymore.. Im glad he is gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 14, 2016 Share Posted October 14, 2016 If you don't leave you will ruin your life. He will definitely cheat again esp since you put up with it. The years will go by you'll age more and he still won't love you. You'll be old and un happy. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU it's so clear. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 OP I'm more concerned that you seem more focused on trying to get married to this creep, instead of how he's basically deceived and lied to you for your entire relationship. Do you have self-esteem or insecurity issues?? I only ask because it's hard to imagine many self-respecting individuals being treated like that and STILL trying to marry the person who committed the offense. Your boyfriend is a scumbag. You found out what he did and now he's moved in with you???? And from what you say, it doesn't even sound like he respects marriage much on top of all that. You need to kick that guy to the curb otherwise you are setting yourself up for ALOT of heartbreak and pain in the future. And it will be even worse if you bring any more children into a relationship as dysfunctional as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I had a bf like this. Cheating on me since day #1. Never admitted anything, just gaslighted the hell out of me. When I broke up with him, he begged for me to give him another chance. Which I did. Twice. Each and every time, I found out he was cheating again by looking at his phone. He knew I knew the code to the phone and just left all of it there for me to find. Final straw came when I was staying with him to take care of him after a back surgery. Because that's what girlfriends do, right? I could see his phone on the night stand and texts from a woman he had been with the NIGHT BEFORE his operation. Seriously. She offered to come over and check on how he was doing, and he told her he was at his parents' house and they were taking care of him. There I was, in his big, fancy house, cooking, cleaning up, dressing changes, playing nurse, and he was still lying to chase some extra tail. People show you who they are. Pay attention and believe them the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 This is like walking into a building on fire and wondering if you'll get burnt. Of course you will and of course the cheating toerag will cheat again. It's a no brainer. • You were the OW. • His GF found out. • She dumped him • She kindly told you • Now you're engaged I just don't understand why you'd even speak to him anymore, let alone marry him. He knows you will accept anything now, given youve taken him back when you have no kids, no marriage and after a long term affair (whole relationship). What would be a dealbreaker for you in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2016 Share Posted October 23, 2016 OP is long long gone since the 9th.........obviously she will try to stick with the rat bastard to make it work. Fools rush in........ Link to post Share on other sites
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