8 years on...thinking about my first love

[Nikki Sahagin]

My first love and I broke up when we were 19. I'm 27 now. I am since with a new partner and we are married (we kind of had to get married to secure his visa...we were happy just being in a relationship.)

 

 

Over the last couple of weeks I have been obsessively thinking about my first love. He is not on FB so I can't stalk him but I have seen a few photos of him. He doesn't look as good anymore but I can still see what I fell in love with. Our relationship was very passionate. I was crazy in love with him. I have been in love since but never in quite that way. When we split, I nearly felt suicidal because the pain in my heart was so bad.

 

 

My question is, why after all this time am I thinking about him? Should I talk to him? Should I tell my partner about this? What does it mean? I feel like I want to talk to him so desperately but I don't know if it's a good idea or not. I feel like I'm 17 again and madly in love...with someone I haven't seen or heard from in 8 years.

[cucumber95]

You still have feelings for him, and you really loved him, and liked the time you spend with him, but it also could mean that you miss being 17 years old again, and because at the time you were 17 you were with him, this is why you think about him.

 

If you plan on doing something, like chatting with him, tell your partner before, be honest.

 

If you want to talk to him, make sure you really want it, do you want to risk your relationship? do you want to be in more pain if he doesn't even remember you?

 

Good luck.

[Marco Valerio]

Whatever you do, do not hurt the person who's right now beside you. Be honest to your partner, tell him what you feel, and let him decide too for his own good.

[Nikki Sahagin]

You still have feelings for him, and you really loved him, and liked the time you spend with him, but it also could mean that you miss being 17 years old again, and because at the time you were 17 you were with him, this is why you think about him.

 

If you plan on doing something, like chatting with him, tell your partner before, be honest.

 

If you want to talk to him, make sure you really want it, do you want to risk your relationship? do you want to be in more pain if he doesn't even remember you?

 

Good luck.

 

You raise a really good point about missing being 17 and him being part of that. I think I am missing his friendship. He had a whip sharp mind, was witty and made me laugh and I really connected with him mentally (at the start).

 

 

He was a big part of my teens and in forming my 'coming of age' and don't we all get nostalgic about that?

 

 

I don't know that I will act on it, but it is a very strong feeling. I am quite intuitive (last time I thought so much about him, I found out his mum had died) so part of me wonders if I am 'picking up on something.'

 

 

I don't know. So weird.

 

 

But the timing of feeling this when I have a very serious partner is a concern to me.

[Els]

How is your marriage going otherwise?

[Bialy]

You're in a nostalgic mood, thinking about young love. How is your present life going?

[Nikki Sahagin]

You're in a nostalgic mood, thinking about young love. How is your present life going?

 

Presently, I am in a job that I don't really enjoy but the money is good. I'm earning £30 grand. I am thinking of staying for a year and then going. I am married and I love my partner but our marriage was something forced because we needed a visa. We are very happy together but I would have been happy just being in the relationship without the marriage.

 

 

I keep looking back and thinking how clear life was in the past.

 

 

I feel like I am having a bit of a pre-mid life crisis.

 

 

I don't know if I am doing the right thing in ANYTHING? Should I be married? Single? Should I stay in this job for money or get the hell out coz life is too short and everyone here is miserable and depressed?

 

 

Life just felt easier in my teens oddly enough :/