he left the wife then went back

[spideywoman]

The logic is so flawed. Actually either of you have little to no true intentions/interest in protecting the husbands. Your protecting yourself, from his changes opinion, from the fallout of people knowing that you are actually "the bad guy". Interest and in protecting your husband would have meant giving him a say in the direction of the marriage or what kind of woman he was spending his life with. You hide who you really are, now your hiding the true reason behind the dissolution of the marriage.

 

Claiming your not in love with your husband is a cop-out, big time, it only makes you feel less crappy. The truth is it doesn't matter does it? You don't have romantic feelings for you siblings so by that logic is ok to bang your sisters husband.

 

This knowledge in s helpful, more helpful then harmful, but it will be both. Hurtful because he can see he really had no idea who he has been sharing his home a life with, hurtful because his life with you would have been a lie, hurtful because this will cause him to doubt your entire relationship, this includes any children that is a product of the marriage... helpful in many of the same ways...knowing you were unfaithful, not loyal and not the woman he thought will make it easier to move on to the next stage, it will free him from ponderwhat he did wrong and how he could have done it differently or better. The truth is the mistake was made on his wedding day with i do. Cheating is never a isolated incident, it's always a result of a lifetime of bad and/or selfish behavior.

 

Set them free, take the off the mask and reveal your true self, so he can move on to better things in life are the less doubt about himself.

 

As with all the members here I respect your opinion and take the time to read what you took the time to write. But you have made sweeping assumptions on what caused the demise of my marriage and the "true" reasons behind it and on what kind of a person i am. cheating is always a result of a lifetime of bad and selfish behavior? what? i don't think so.

 

Acknowledging and admitting to my husband _ before I had an affair _ that i was no longer in love with him and that i felt our relationship was dying i don't think is a cop-out, nor did it make me feel less crappy. it made both of us feel even crappier, if anything. he did have a say in the beginning, we both did. and we both chose to not fight for our marriage. no, that does not justify my affair nor did i ever say it did. you weren't there, i was and i remember how it all developed. your logic unfortunately doesn't make any sense, i wish it did. that would make things easier.

 

i left my husband several months ago and we are in the process of getting a divorce. we talk a lot about us and what went wrong. why should he be freed of having to ponder what he "did wrong" and what he could have done differently? we can all benefit from some introspection and self awareness. i wasn't married to myself, i was married to another adult who was an active participant not just in the marriage itself but it's demise. he should think about it. it can only help him and his future relationships.

 

it's always tempting to categorize people, easy even, to dismiss them as bad and problematic because they had affairs and cheated. put them in a box and wrap 'em up with a big red bow. we're not authentic, we'll always cheat, we'll always have problems. it really limits one's ability to obtain the larger picture. it promotes near-sightedness.

 

all of the above being said, i do have issues and like many others here, i am working on them. i have never claimed moral superiority and haven't justified anything in my mind or to anyone else. i see you point, it just doesn't make any sense to me and mine doesn't make sense to you. regardless, i appreciate your taking the time. it's why we're on here, i would venture. but in this case, we're too far apart on the spectrum and i feel like your tone is more detrimental than it is helpful.

 

respectfully.

Edited October 9, 2016 by spideywoman
fix grammatical errors

[cloche]

Cyra, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

 

I wonder, do these descriptions of what Dr Emily Brown calls the 'Split Self Affair' resonate for you at all?

 

[]

 

cloche

Edited October 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted URLs ~6

[Cyra]

Thank you, insightful read, it defines him and me well!

[cloche]

...if by some miracle he decides to contact me.

 

NC absolutely, that is not going to be a problem after the way things ended.

 

With all due respect, Cyra, I suggest that you let go of this idea that your state of NC is due to the way your final encounter went down - that he now 'hates you', that you somehow let yourself down - etc. This thinking is not at all helpful to you; nor, I suspect, does it in any way reflect the truth.

 

i) It hands him power he does not deserve - in fact, has shown himself to be utterly incapable of wielding.

 

ii) No, you have chosen to go NC - a solid decision decision, by the way - which is why it will succeed, whether he likes it or not. It's no longer up to him.

 

Your decision to go NC is for your benefit - not as a maneuver to to elicit some kind of response from him - but rather because it facilitates your ability to heal, and to avoid being sucked back into the fog once again, because...

 

iii) He will try to reconnect with you, you can be absolutely sure of it. His position at this point is far worse than your own, and he is already miserably regretting having flip-flopped on you.

 

I've been where you are now. I'm now two years in...

 

- cloche

[Cyra]

ii) No, you have chosen to go NC - a solid decision decision, by the way - which is why it will succeed, whether he likes it or not. It's no longer up to him.

 

Do you mean i should believe that it was my decision? Because it wasnt, not then. In fact the reason i went nuts at him was because he asked for NC. It wasnt what i wanted then and it was the most painful thing, to be cut off as if i was nothing.

 

but that was then and i do want it now. I am not lying when i say i dont want to see or hear from him ever again. But im also not lying when i say it went down very badly and that i think he made a scapegoat out of me, blames me and hates me for what happened.

 

the difference is, it used to upset me but it doesnt now. Id rather he hated me because that will make him stay away from me and not attempt to break NC.

 

What about you, did your ex break NC with you?

Edited October 19, 2016 by Cyra

[aileD]

I didn't read it all because my internet connection stinks!

 

I have been with my H 25 years (married 17) two kids, and he had a 1.5 year affair (off and on --I found out 6 mos or so into it) with a girl 29 years younger than him and I took him back, I wanted him back and I fought for him and our marriage.

 

For him- the reality probably wasn't as great as the fantasy because in reality you have to deal with people outside your affair bubble. You realized the pain you caused by being selfish, you realize that what you had may not have been that bad had you just worked on it, and you look at starting your life all over again at an advanced age it. Sounds good in theory but reality usually comes crashing in.

 

I took my H back after the lies and deception because I believe in marriage and working through things and believe if we are both willing to put the work on then we can get over this and have a better marriage. We were madly in love once and I believe we can be there again.

 

So yes. For personal reasons a lot of times they do get taken back....

[Cyra]

To each their own, i will not pretend to understand something that defies my logic, but i respect different views. With him, im just done. Done analyzing, moping, caring etc. He made his choice and i can see now that he did me a favor and set me free.

Edited October 19, 2016 by Cyra

[eye of the storm]

Cyra, just remember to take care of yourself thru this. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, get fresh air, and exercise. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our emotions we forget to tend to our body.

 

I hope things get easier for you.

[cloche]

Do you mean i should believe that it was my decision? Because it wasnt, not then....

 

I stand corrected - I should have read the final paragraphs of your original post more carefully before spouting off unsolicited advice from the peanut gallery.

 

And yet my basic point still holds, I think. What matters more? The exact circumstances of how you came to end it - who said what, who hurt who the most, who walked away from who, who got the last word in - or actually staying in NC now that you are in it?

 

I am not lying when i say i dont want to see or hear from him ever again.

 

Yes, I hear you. Shifting your thinking from "NC thrust upon me" to "No, I *choose* NC" takes away his power to hurt you further. It's no longer up to him whether you stay in NC - it's what *you* are choosing.

 

What about you, did your ex break NC with you?

 

Yes, and with increasing drama each time. But then I let her.

 

It was only when, 2 years ago, I had this epiphany - that if she truly wanted to be with me, well, then,..., she *would* be - that I was ready to let go. I finally understood that, contrary to all she had be telling me for the previous 5 years, she was simply never going to leave him - she is the quintessential split-self - and at long last I knew what I had to do:

 

NC, and mean it.

[Cyra]

Cyra, just remember to take care of yourself thru this. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, get fresh air, and exercise. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our emotions we forget to tend to our body.

 

I hope things get easier for you.

 

Uff I am doing exactly the opposite, being totally self-destructive. Drinking too much, eating too much, smoking too much. No exercise at all, just drive to and from work thats it.

It is really hard to get motivated to do anything or to live healthy at the moment, my vices are like my feeble props.

[Cyra]

And yet my basic point still holds, I think. What matters more? The exact circumstances of how you came to end it - who said what, who hurt who the most, who walked away from who, who got the last word in - or actually staying in NC now that you are in it?

 

At first, those things mattered. Eg. my ego was hurt, I wish it was ME who walked away and deleted/blocked him everywhere. Now it doesnt really matter. I hated myself for the way I acted on the day of the break-up, but now - even though I still regret it because it was wrong - I am also glad because I know it will stop him from contacting me ever again. And that does make things easier. Yes I dont want to speak to him or see him again. But that is much more easily done when there is no temptation. I know if he contacted me it would mess with my head, so I prefer it if he stays away forever.

 

I read more about split-self and it is so completely him. Shame I did not read it few months later

 

Good on you for getting out of it. I think you made the right decision, 5 years is a very long time! How long has it been?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Uff I am doing exactly the opposite, being totally self-destructive. Drinking too much, eating too much, smoking too much. No exercise at all, just drive to and from work thats it.

It is really hard to get motivated to do anything or to live healthy at the moment, my vices are like my feeble props.

 

This makes it worse because now you are creating possible problems where there are none and eating like crap makes you feel like crap. It's when times are at their worst that is so important to stick to your routines so you brain starts to feel better. Its too easy to spiral downward.

 

Start small and just walk with music. Whatever you want. Angry music, sad music, youtube self help videos. Running helps too, as does lifting weights.

[Cyra]

This makes it worse because now you are creating possible problems where there are none and eating like crap makes you feel like crap. It's when times are at their worst that is so important to stick to your routines so you brain starts to feel better. Its too easy to spiral downward.

 

Start small and just walk with music. Whatever you want. Angry music, sad music, youtube self help videos. Running helps too, as does lifting weights.

 

The truth is I have been in this routine for some time, for a few months at least as things were getting really stressful with xMM towards the end.

 

Now I am just using a different excuse that I am heartbroken and depressed, so I can justify overindulging in the vices described above to compensate.

 

I have tried a couple of times to drink less, stop smoking, eat healthy, but I just feel like crap and feel like i need something to 'cheer me up'. So I get a bottle of wine or a pizza or something. And yes the next day when I wake up hungover and fat I feel horrible, but at night I do the same thing because the pain and anxiety is too much to bear.

 

It feels like, I am getting out of one addiction by cold turkey (xMM), and giving up all my other vices feels like too much of a task right now, if that makes any sense?

[Cyra]

So this weekend I 'celebrate' the first month mark of my 18 month affair ending.

 

There has been no contact at all, which I welcome with relief. My feelings have changed a lot since the first week after. I was devastated, hated myself, longed for him, hoped he would get in touch, tell me he loved me and it was all a mistake and he wanted to be with me... blabla.

 

Now the silence is desired. I have lost any wish to talk to him, I actually feel so strongly that it even surprises me that I do not want to see him or hear from him ever again.

 

I have spent a lot of time looking back at our relationship and realized that no day had passed during the A when I had not felt somehow anxious or worried or insecure. I would worry if he didnt text me, if he didnt make arrangements to see me, I would feel anxious that perhaps he changed his mind, that he no longer wanted to be with me... day after day. That was a lot of stress, a lot of mental energy expended.

 

Now that it is over the pain and anxiety have been there but they are burning themselves out, as the constant stimulus has been removed there is nothing to refuel them. I can now enjoy a night in with a glass of wine and a book or a film, alone and at peace, not worrying whether he is going to text me or not, whether he still 'loves' me or not. At first, this peace was disturbing and discomforting as I was so used to the turmoil, the drama of it all. Now it is welcome.

 

When we were together my whole world revolved around him. The way I felt depended on him. If he was attentive, I was happy. If he was distant, I was depressed.

 

Now with him gone, I am forced to look at that aspect of myself that depended on him for validation, for feeling good enough, for feeling anything. I am forced to examine my underlying issues and fears, to open a Pandora's box that completely terrifies me, which is why I was trying so hard to divert my attention elsewhere.

 

And compared to that task, the loss of him seems insignificant. I know now he never really loved me. I have known all along but chose to ignore, to convince myself otherwise. Now I have to face the WHY. Now I have to look within. That I find to be the hardest part.

 

I want to thank all of you, for being here, for listening to my rants, for offering advice, support, even criticism. You opened my eyes and mind in many ways and I appreciate all the new perspective that I failed to see before. I am not in a good place yet but I would have been much worse off alone.

Edited October 22, 2016 by Cyra

[DKT3]

Anger is still showing interest and giving energy to the beast.

 

I read your initial posts but haven't followed your journey here, so my questions maybe repetitive. Have you ended your primary relationship?

[Cyra]

Anger is still showing interest and giving energy to the beast.

 

I read your initial posts but haven't followed your journey here, so my questions maybe repetitive. Have you ended your primary relationship?

 

I wont deny I still have some anger towards him, but I dont feel like it is showing interest. I am not interested in contacting him to tell him I am angry, nor do I want him to contact me so I can tell him I am angry. I am angry at him for the things that he has done, but I am more angry at myself for letting him.

 

I have not ended my relationship yet but I am taking steps towards it and logistics thereof. To do so, I have to first save funds for deposit for an apartment. I know, I brace myself for a stream of judgement of using my partner as a financial prop and that I am making excuses, but it is not the case, it is mere self-preservation. One of the things that I have realized is that there is no future in this relationship and staying would be damaging to us both. Even to be honest about the A and try to fix things would be pointless, because there is not enough to fight for. Both of us are going to be better off when it is over. Honesty and authenticity to self and others are high values and ones that I intend to learn how to live by. However in practical terms right now, if I was honest in this very moment, I would be putting myself on the street with nowhere to live and I dont see that as sensible or noble.

Edited October 22, 2016 by Cyra

[DKT3]

Yet part of the consequences for your actions.....I'm not trying to be an azzhole here, but I'm not buying it. You've had plenty of time while your affair was going to prep to leave. I think there is more then what your admitting to yourself. It's common to not want to face the fallout. It been almost two years, if you wanted it ended and your own place it would be ended and you would be in your own place.

 

But you've got off to a good start by attempting to be done with the affair, just remember anger is caring, as long az you care mm can and most likely will try to pull you back in.

Edited October 22, 2016 by DKT3

[Cyra]

Yet part of the consequences for your actions.....I'm not trying to be an azzhole here, but I'm not buying it. You've had plenty of time while your affair was going to prep to leave. I think there is more then what your admitting to yourself. It's common to not want to face the fallout. It been almost two years, if you wanted it ended and your own place it would be ended and you would be in your own place.

 

Yes that is true, but to be honest I have not realized this until it was over. During the A, it was like my mind was split in a thousand different directions. I did not see anything clearly. Future with xMM, future with BF, future with myself, it was all just constant blur, confusion, stress. I had no idea where I was coming or going.

 

It is only now that it is over and I actually had to shift the focus back to myself and not on external parties, that I can see things clearly. And even if that is the only good thing to come out of this, I am grateful for it. I am not going to lie of course I am not looking forward to breaking up with my partner, to having that conversation. I know it is going to be awful. But I know it has to be done for the best for both of us. And THIS alone is a progress from previous 'it has to be done because of MM'.

Edited October 22, 2016 by Cyra

[jenkins95]

Yes that is true, but to be honest I have not realized this until it was over. During the A, it was like my mind was split in a thousand different directions. I did not see anything clearly. Future with xMM, future with BF, future with myself, it was all just constant blur, confusion, stress. I had no idea where I was coming or going.

 

It is only now that it is over and I actually had to shift the focus back to myself and not on external parties, that I can see things clearly. And even if that is the only good thing to come out of this, I am grateful for it. I am not going to lie of course I am not looking forward to breaking up with my partner, to having that conversation. I know it is going to be awful. But I know it has to be done for the best for both of us. And THIS alone is a progress from previous 'it has to be done because of MM'.

 

Great to see positive progress Cyra! Well done. As I'm sure you know, it is likely to be a bumpy ride for a while, the odd step back amongst the forward steps, but unquestionably heading in the right direction. Even though it sounds like you are doing amazingly well, it may take six months or so before you start to feel genuine recovery kick in, and of course it will live with you long after that. Sorry! Not trying to be a doom merchant. Just being realistic, but I'm sure you know this anyway!

 

But well done! Excellent start. You got through what was, i imagine, one of the hardest months of your life. Proud of you. Keep going! Imagine how great you'll feel when he's totally behind you - very, very likely you'll be so glad that you are rid of him...... and all that drama! Great stuff

Edited October 22, 2016 by jenkins95

[Cyra]

Great to see positive progress Cyra! Well done. As I'm sure you know, it is likely to be a bumpy ride for a while, the odd step back amongst the forward steps, but unquestionably heading in the right direction. Even though it sounds like you are doing amazingly well, it may take six months or so before you start to feel genuine recovery kick in, and of course it will live with you long after that. Sorry! Not trying to be a doom merchant. Just being realistic, but I'm sure you know this anyway!

 

But well done! Excellent start. You got through what was, i imagine, one of the hardest months of your life. Proud of you. Keep going! Imagine how great you'll feel when he's totally behind you - very, very likely you'll be so glad that you are rid of him...... and all that drama! Great stuff

 

Thank you Jenkins You have been so kind and your posts full of insight and perspective.

 

It is not easy of course, part of me still misses him. Things like kissing, the scent of his skin, the familiarity of his touch.

But those things have nothing to do with rational thinking.

 

Do I miss the inconsistency, the lies, the dilly dallying? NOT at all.

 

And truthfully I can say, the NON CONTACT helped so much. I cannot even imagine how hard it would be if we were still talking, or attempting to be 'friends' or whatever BS like that. NC really is the way forward, if one wants to move on.

[confusingme]

Hi Cyra,

 

I just read your story. I have kids so I don't want to use the computer or phone too much, I already feel very guilty for not having been paying enough attention due to my A. So I'm basically just using the internet whenever kids are in school, or sleeping.

 

Anyway, First I want to thank you again for being positively support me.

And I'm soooo proud of you that you have gone out of it. You are so young compare to him, he was moody and would not give you a peace of mind. (He's got 6 kids, it would easily effect his emotion. )

Sorry to mention him again when you already have get it over, but I just want to say that he didn't deserve you.

I hope you don't need to see him again, (so cruel to say when I want to see my own OM so much. hahah) since you are/were his student. (sorry I didn't read every single post in this thread so excuse me if I miss any details)

 

I have learned a lot from your words. Thank you again. I truly believe I can get over my own A too and later live a brighter future.

 

I know you still miss him, sometimes you will still feel miserable, we are at the similar age, I'm 30. My OM is 36, his mind was always set, he never wanted to leave his family, he always wanted me, he always was there to comfort me when I acted moody. He always told me positive things to keep me smile. Darn!! this is the most difficult part to get over.

 

I'm like your xMM in someway, my mood could go high and low so easily in a short time. From my own perspective, I would say that it's because I feel insecure, so I always want to have some attention. But for a 50 year old man acting like this, it's a bit too crazy. What do you think ?

 

However, I have been feeling much calmer during these days.

[Cyra]

Hi Cyra,

 

I just read your story. I have kids so I don't want to use the computer or phone too much, I already feel very guilty for not having been paying enough attention due to my A. So I'm basically just using the internet whenever kids are in school, or sleeping.

 

Anyway, First I want to thank you again for being positively support me.

And I'm soooo proud of you that you have gone out of it. You are so young compare to him, he was moody and would not give you a peace of mind. (He's got 6 kids, it would easily effect his emotion. )

Sorry to mention him again when you already have get it over, but I just want to say that he didn't deserve you.

I hope you don't need to see him again, (so cruel to say when I want to see my own OM so much. hahah) since you are/were his student. (sorry I didn't read every single post in this thread so excuse me if I miss any details)

 

I have learned a lot from your words. Thank you again. I truly believe I can get over my own A too and later live a brighter future.

 

I know you still miss him, sometimes you will still feel miserable, we are at the similar age, I'm 30. My OM is 36, his mind was always set, he never wanted to leave his family, he always wanted me, he always was there to comfort me when I acted moody. He always told me positive things to keep me smile. Darn!! this is the most difficult part to get over.

 

I'm like your xMM in someway, my mood could go high and low so easily in a short time. From my own perspective, I would say that it's because I feel insecure, so I always want to have some attention. But for a 50 year old man acting like this, it's a bit too crazy. What do you think ?

 

However, I have been feeling much calmer during these days.

 

 

Hi CM. It's ok to mention him I am not over it yet, I think about it and him every day still. But I am just a bit more distanced from it now. Fortunately I dont have to see him again, I graduated in July and now I am working, so unless the irony of life makes us accidentally meet somewhere, which i really hope not.

 

Btw, I was the same with my moods when i was with him. It was always up and down, emotional rollercoaster. I would often have an emotional outburst at him when he did something inconsistent with what he said, or he didnt do what he said he would, or didnt treat me the way i expected. Now i know those were just my insecurities and mistrust talking.

 

We were two psychologically unhealthy people engaged in a familiar dance. Im able to see it now and im determined to get better by any means possible. Sadly i dont think that is the case for him, he blames me for everything and so the underlying issues wont get addressed and his cycle will continue. Luckily without me!

[Cyra]

Sorry guys for sounding like a broken record. One would think, a month and so later, I would be wiser. There has been NC since he dumped me, but I cannot stop obsessing about him.

 

What is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he thinking of me? Has his wife forgiven him? Is he happy? Is he miserable? Why did he choose her? Why did he lie to me saying he loved me? Was I not good enough? Was I not rich enough?

 

Seriously it is doing my head in. I wish I could have a lobotomy and erase him from my mind.

 

It is such a cognitive dissonance because I realize perfectly well after seeing his true colors that even if he didnt go back to his wife in 2 days, it wouldnt have worked. He could have gone back in a week or a month, so I would have been living in constant anxiety and stress and insecurity. Yet I am devastated that he is gone. So what am I really missing? The lies, the deception, the drama? Being with a coward who dumped me over text? Logically it makes no sense.

 

But I cannot stop obsessing and replaying past scenarios or imaginary scenarios (what would have happened if I'd done this or that differently, what would I do/say if he contacted me etc.) Everywhere I go there is some reminder of him. Places we have been together mostly, but it could be as benign as a road sign, a song, a smell, a phrase. Whenever I get triggered I get overwhelmed by intense sorrow, feeling sorry for myself and missing him.

 

Part of me wishes to never see or hear from him again, part of me wishes he would talk to me. I vacillate between being angry at him and being in love with him.

 

Has anyone experienced the same and have any practical tips how to put a stop to these neverending obsessive thoughts for good?

Edited October 30, 2016 by Cyra

[Midlifecrisis1]

Sorry guys for sounding like a broken record. One would think, a month and so later, I would be wiser. There has been NC since he dumped me, but I cannot stop obsessing about him.

 

What is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he thinking of me? Has his wife forgiven him? Is he happy? Is he miserable? Why did he choose her? Why did he lie to me saying he loved me? Was I not good enough? Was I not rich enough?

 

Seriously it is doing my head in. I wish I could have a lobotomy and erase him from my mind.

 

It is such a cognitive dissonance because I realize perfectly well after seeing his true colors that even if he didnt go back to his wife in 2 days, it wouldnt have worked. He could have gone back in a week or a month, so I would have been living in constant anxiety and stress and insecurity. Yet I am devastated that he is gone. So what am I really missing? The lies, the deception, the drama? Being with a coward who dumped me over text? Logically it makes no sense.

 

But I cannot stop obsessing and replaying past scenarios or imaginary scenarios (what would have happened if I'd done this or that differently, what would I do/say if he contacted me etc.) Everywhere I go there is some reminder of him. Places we have been together mostly, but it could be as benign as a road sign, a song, a smell, a phrase. Whenever I get triggered I get overwhelmed by intense sorrow, feeling sorry for myself and missing him.

 

Part of me wishes to never see or hear from him again, part of me wishes he would talk to me. I vacillate between being angry at him and being in love with him.

 

Has anyone experienced the same and have any practical tips how to put a stop to these neverending obsessive thoughts for good?

 

I could have written this myself, maybe I did, a month or so ago. I still have some of those obsessive thoughts but they don't hold the same emotional response for me as they did. I think that's the lexapro though. It's been 3 months since it ended and I still wonder about a lot of things and what his family life is like now. Does he miss me, think about me, were his feelings true? It's just going to take time and distance (and therapy and medication).

[Cyra]

I could have written this myself, maybe I did, a month or so ago. I still have some of those obsessive thoughts but they don't hold the same emotional response for me as they did. I think that's the lexapro though. It's been 3 months since it ended and I still wonder about a lot of things and what his family life is like now. Does he miss me, think about me, were his feelings true? It's just going to take time and distance (and therapy and medication).

 

Thank you, I wish I was at that stage now! I dont break down and cry or anything like that, but just keep obsessing and it renders me unable to do anything else.

I am starting therapy next week, but I am not so sure about medication? I heard a lot of negative feedback, like it numbs your feelings, you dont feel 'yourself' etc, and I also feel like going down that route, would be like admitting he has so much power over me to drive me to drug myself to forget him! I would like to be strong enough to do it myself, if that makes sense?