basil67 Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 She just didn't tackle the conversation well. We had discussed beforehand, if you want to leave early we will get you a cab. That way, there is no resentment on my end and she still gets to go home. When you discussed it beforehand, did she wholeheartedly agreed it was a good solution? Or did she quietly/grudgingly accept it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExposedBrick Posted September 29, 2016 Author Share Posted September 29, 2016 You can't control what someone else does, but you can control what you do. Speak in a polite and civilized manner. Be respectful. Tell them you that although you don't agree with their opinion, you respect it and you respect them. Is this like saying I agree to disagree? In our worst argument, she refused to see my point of view which really hurt me, despite me accepting her point of view. What if something your partner says offends you highly? If I get angry initially, is it best just to wait until I calm down to confront the matter?(sounds like a yes now that I'm writing it out) Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 Is this like saying I agree to disagree? In our worst argument, she refused to see my point of view which really hurt me, despite me accepting her point of view. What if something your partner says offends you highly? If I get angry initially, is it best just to wait until I calm down to confront the matter?(sounds like a yes now that I'm writing it out) I think it depends on how they offend you. Some causes of offence should be viewed as dealbreakers if they show enough incompatibility. And yes, when you go back and address the issues after it's calmed down, make sure to use those 'I feel' statements. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExposedBrick Posted September 29, 2016 Author Share Posted September 29, 2016 When you discussed it beforehand, did she wholeheartedly agreed it was a good solution? Or did she quietly/grudgingly accept it? I just felt that crying in public was highly embarrassing for a 31 yo woman who couldn't express herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ExposedBrick Posted September 29, 2016 Author Share Posted September 29, 2016 Honestly, she did tell me many times about how the arguments were hard on her. I feel like maybe I didn't really listen because I was too upset myself during the arguments. Maybe my effort towards the relationship had diminished due to my doubts about her. Ultimately, I'm just trying to improve myself if needed. Although I'm not a sensitive person myself, I don't know that I really did anything all that horrible. Is fighting an ideal thing? NO Do most couples fight at times? YES Should I try to improve my conflict resolution skills and deal with frustration/anger better? Yes From my point of view, I had had doubts about the relationship for quite some time. Her anxiety was not improving or possibly even getting worse. Despite my efforts to try understand and support her, she was unwilling to consider alternative treatments other than talking to a counselor/therapist 1-2x/week after 2 years. Her anxiety was interfering with our lives together at times and frequently in her own life. I tried as hard as I could to make things work, but it just didn't. I appreciate any additional advice on how to resolve conflicts peacefully and constructively. I do believe this is a good skill to have, that I was never exposed to with my parents, a hot head and a button masher. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 Ultimately, I'm just trying to improve myself if needed. I appreciate any additional advice on how to resolve conflicts peacefully and constructively. I do believe this is a good skill to have, that I was never exposed to with my parents, a hot head and a button masher. That's how you improve. Understand what you did to make her feel the way she did to an extent and apply it for future reference. Don't 'improve yourself', simply improve the way you tend to be during arguments with a partner. You go on an awful lot about her traits that make her who she is... have you thought for a second about yours and what you do? You're 32, therefore you should be able to know how to resolve conflict within a relationship. Or atleast be able to handle it maturely enough w/o having to raise your voice or argue abruptly, over small unnecessary things. Below is a link to a nice video in relation to conflicts in a R/S. You may or may not relate to it but it's a nice, small lecture nevertheless: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 Satu, you are awesome. Thank you for being you. You're awesome yourself, I always love your posts 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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