Still thinking about him...should I even try?

[JewelD]

I didn't post this topic to debate back and forth about the song being written about me, it was.

 

There is a difference between a love song that goes like this

 

"Hey girl,

You're the best,

When I looked into your eyes,

I knew you were the one"

 

And a song like this:

 

"Hey girl

Remember that moment around such and such time

When we were at said place

When you told me such and such

And I replied blah blah blah (the exact words of our conversation)

Then I said I love you

And waited for your response

Well I never felt for someone that way,

Shouldn't have let you get away.."

 

I can understand why people want to say he is just a womanizer and I must be "delusional" as you say. That makes things a lot easier and simpler to understand. But I came here for advice because it's complicated, for me at least, still having feelings and hearing something like that said in a song.

 

 

 

I just want to talk with him. I don't expect anything or claim to know what he feels - especially now that he is with someone. I just know as of a year ago he posted a song about me.

 

 

 

Mmk.

 

I understand if you have the opinion that he still isn't worth me getting hurt again, and I respect everyone's opinion. However, if someone just uses it as an opportunity to tell me all musician's are sleazeballs or that I don'the have enough discretion to know when something is written about me, then I just don't find it to be that helpful for me, personally. But at the end of the day - it's just an Internet forum, not the end all be all of my decision or the authority on the matter.

 

 

People are just trying to be helpful and honest with you. The song may sound like an experience you had with this man, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's real.

 

I'm a writer and I pull from my own experiences with people all the time. It's not necessarily autobiographical though. I'm trying to entertain, so I could write about an experience with an ex and that character rides off into the sunset with the main character. They're not necessarily MY real feelings about my ex.

 

People are discussing the song because that seems to be the only reason you think he wants anything to do with you (even though it was a year ago anyway).

 

You're also being disrespectful to his relationship by trying to insert yourself for apparently no reason. How would you feel if a girl approached your boyfriend in the same manner, knowing full well he's already taken? Besides getting your feelings hurt, you could get caught up in some drama with his girlfriend if she finds out you've been trying to contact him.

 

Honestly, sounds like your dating life isn't going well and now you're bored and going back to the last time you really liked a guy.

[Guttergurl]

So I went out on a limb and messaged him on facebook (at 1AM). Didn't spare anytime and jumped straight into my feelings. Two guys from my past have messaged me this week so that gave me the courage to make the step. As of now he has seen the message. I may get a reply tomorrow, maybe not ever. Tbh, I am just so glad to get it off my chest after all this time it's been nagging me so much.

[Guttergurl]

The message:

 

"Hey Jesse,

 

I have been debating for quite a while whether I should ever speak to you again. Recently, I have been getting some blasts from the past on Facebook (even an ex who had a bone to pick with me), so I just said **** it...I still have some things to say.

 

I think it goes without saying that despite us having a lot of chemistry, you acted pretty ****ed up. I'd already been through a lot and had my reasons for being skeptical about love, but I still made a solid effort to be there for you and be honest and fair, expecting, at the very least, the same in return.

 

When I tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together, you made me feel as if you couldn't have cared less about my existence. I didn't understand how someone could kiss me and supposedly love me one day and the next day treat me like a complete stranger. I don't think you could ever know how badly you hurt me and most of the time, I doubt you'll ever care.

 

Sometimes, I'd like to believe we did have something really special. But I could never get too happy or comfortable with that idea without you going out of your way to give me reasons to hate and mistrust you.

 

I'm embarrassed to admit that to this day I still wonder how things would have been "if only..." but really - how many times should I have called you, chased you down, or tried to figure out your feelings for you? I foolishly wanted to express my feelings for you at the right moment and never got the chance.

 

The only expression of consideration I got was a song a year later, talking about how sad and romantic it all was, by that time I was like "cool thanks bro, well I've already given up everything I have here to move to Kauai in hopes of getting a fresh start and some peace of mind with a coconut on the ****ing beach..." So I thought that was that.

 

On a side note - before that I took a few trips locally to get out into nature and when I was in my car blasting (band name) driving through the mountains looking at the forest I thought, damn, Jesse would have loved this right now. But I was too ****ing scared to even call you! Would you be Dr.Jekyll or Mister Hyde that day? Or...would you be too busy chasing the dream or some other girl to even call me back? Yeah, sure, everything was fire at one point - but **** all that mess!

 

Obviously, this could all mean absolutely nothing to you now. But it still effects me in one way or another and I thought you should be aware.

 

If you have anything at all, now is a great time. Otherwise, I'm ready to leave this in the past."

 

Bam!

[Toodaloo]

Gutter stop. Just stop...

 

There is no dignity or grace in what you are doing.

 

The guy screws about and has these little flings all the time. It means nothing.

 

Get on with your life and quit trying to be his "one"... He has a ton of "muses"...

 

Your message was rambling, you seem addicted to drama... Just stop. For the love of small goats just stop.

[Zahara]

I was cringing. If anything, you've just sealed the deal. No guy wants to deal with this type of drama/rambling, especially after this much time has passed. It only speaks of your mindset in that a year later you're still grousing about the past.

 

Toodaloo said it best. There is no dignity or grace in what you're doing. It's highly unattractive, almost to the point of obsession.

 

Please don't send him anymore emails. If he responds, just accept whatever he says and move on from this.

[Guttergurl]

That is the last message I will send.

 

I doubt I will hear back and at this point as far as dignity or grace or being his...I didn't have any of these things in mind. I just had to get those feelings off my chest for me.

 

I just got a message from an ex from a few months ago (granted a shorter one). I know I really hurt this person. His message wasn't graceful or anything nice, but I womaned up and apologized to him for mistakes I made. Not because I want him back, but because I respect him and would like to call him a friend.

 

So now, if this one can't or won't man up and take any kind of responsibility for himself.I know it's really just dead, and that helps me move on.

[Zahara]

So now, if this one can't or won't man up and take any kind of responsibility for himself.I know it's really just dead, and that helps me move on.

 

If after a year, you had to go chasing for a person to do the right thing, then that should have been the very thing to push you to move on.

 

And you don't force someone to take responsibility. They do it because they want to -- sending someone an email to guilt them into understanding their wrong is a wasted effort.

[Mkn1010]

Have to say that I also cringed reading your message to him, after all this time it could have been A LOT more emotionally neutral and brief! In my opinion, I think you could just been casual and asked how he was doing if you really felt the need to gauge his present interest/care factor, and then progress the convo accordingly.

 

 

I don't think people in general deal well with confronting slabs of info like that, at least not in my experience.

[hippychick3]

That was a message you should have just sent to yourself only.

 

In the future when you feel the need to unload all of your feelings to a man who has rejected you, it is best to write it out and then delete it WITHOUT EVER actually sending it.

[Toodaloo]

That is the last message I will send.

 

I doubt I will hear back and at this point as far as dignity or grace or being his...I didn't have any of these things in mind. I just had to get those feelings off my chest for me.

 

I just got a message from an ex from a few months ago (granted a shorter one). I know I really hurt this person. His message wasn't graceful or anything nice, but I womaned up and apologized to him for mistakes I made. Not because I want him back, but because I respect him and would like to call him a friend.

 

So now, if this one can't or won't man up and take any kind of responsibility for himself.I know it's really just dead, and that helps me move on.

 

Quit over romanticizing all of this... The way you write about this "Jessie" is as though you are biging him up as a character in a Mills and Boon novel.

 

Leave Jessie and any other exes alone.

 

Think about how you want your future to look and what you are going to do to get there - for yourself...