Wife got caught in a emotional relationship. Where do we go now.

[Alltohim]

I see several things here, but the standout is that there is definitely no confidence in your relationship. Commitment is usually at the top of the list, that of which there was NO setting of that boundary (marriage) to start with.

My first and top-most action would be to go to the counselor again for more than just one session. Remember you have a child in your family and he should be considered foremost as a part of this family.

[Alltohim]

I see several things here, but the standout is that there is definitely no confidence in your relationship. Commitment is usually at the top of the list, that of which there was NO setting of that boundary (marriage) to start with.

My first and top-most action would be to go to the counselor again for more than just one session. Remember you have a child in your family and he should be considered foremost as a part of this family.

[merrmeade]

A couple of months ago I caught My wife having drinks with a coworker during work time at hooters. I confronted her she tried to lie and say they where just friends. My wife didn't know I had access to her what app and saw thru her talking to one of her friends "her assistant at work , talking about how the guy wasn't interested in her even though she would like him to be very interested in her. I told her if she wanted to be with me she had to discontinue this relationship, she promised she would. 3 week later I checked her phone she was flirting with the guy again , I confronted her and she said it was harmless flirting. I have access to all her social media phone etc but Ive decided not to look and just check text phone logs obviously they work together so there is going to be text's ' of what content I don't know. I had us go to a relationship coach for 1 session 2 hours , it helped out a bit but I still feel paranoid and don't see our relationship moving anywhere. She doesn't seem to be interested in having any intimacy and I always feel like I'm running after her. We have a son 2 years old , we are not married and been together 8 years. I having a hard time not bringing things up because she is still working with the guy and I even got drunk yesterday and threatened to report them to the company. I don't know where to go from here as I now Ive made things worse and I'm still hurt and suspicious. I wonder if they found another way to communicate are has she really kept up her part of keeping her word.

Insist that she read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass with consequences if she doesn't do it in a certain amount of time. You read it, too, and make sure she knows you've read it.

 

It will eliminate the need to argue about the line "we're just friends" because she won't be able to use it after reading this and knowing you've read it.

 

She's just thinking about the excitement and turn-on of being desirable to someone. In fact, she's blinded by it. So much so that she'll lie and hide whatever she has to for you not to get in the way.

 

What are you going to do about it?

[spanz1]

we are not married and been together 8 years.

 

well, maybe that is not enough for her. Why are you not married? espcially if you have a kid together.

[BetrayedH]

Stop confronting her. Play stupid and compliant. Go into investigative mode and get to the truth. Even when you get to "the truth," shut up about it. You'll likely know about 10%. Commit yourself to getting the full truth on your own so you can then make an informed decision. By the way, that doesn't involve any conversations with her about it. It's your personal decision and one which might involve your attorney. But avoid the temptation to confront her. It serves NO purpose and just reveals to her that she needs to button things up while it's all still deniable.

 

Get a voice activated recorder. Velcro it under the steering column. Cover any lights that might inadvertently illuminate the cabin of the car at night. Affair partners frequently talk on the way to work and on the way home.

 

While you're at it, get a GPS device for her car. Cheaper versions require you to fetch the device and plug it into your computer to download the data. More expensive ones will provide you with real-time data. I caught my wife at a hotel from 10pm to midnight when she was supposed to be working. But they spent most of their time together at hotels during the workday under the guise of being at a meeting. It helps when one of them is the boss.

 

In the meantime, keep looking at whatever you can find via the computer: phone and text records, financial records, her calendar, her email (inbox, sent items, deleted items, folders, etc), her contacts, her internet and search history. Find out WTF is really going on. Keep in mind that cheaters lie, deny, minimize, gaslight, and repeat. They only admit to what you already know (and maybe one tidbit more so you think you know everything). Then they delete everything, lay low for a while, find much more covert ways to communicate, and then take the affair underground while lecturing you about how your paranoia is ruining the relationship.

 

She's playing you for a fool. Are you a fool? Or are you actually smart enough to figure out what's going on?

[merrmeade]

Stop confronting her. Play stupid and compliant. Go into investigative mode and get to the truth. Even when you get to "the truth," shut up about it. You'll likely know about 10%. Commit yourself to getting the full truth on your own so you can then make an informed decision. By the way, that doesn't involve any conversations with her about it. It's your personal decision and one which might involve your attorney. But avoid the temptation to confront her. It serves NO purpose and just reveals to her that she needs to button things up while it's all still deniable.

 

Get a voice activated recorder. Velcro it under the steering column. Cover any lights that might inadvertently illuminate the cabin of the car at night. Affair partners frequently talk on the way to work and on the way home.

 

While you're at it, get a GPS device for her car. Cheaper versions require you to fetch the device and plug it into your computer to download the data. More expensive ones will provide you with real-time data. I caught my wife at a hotel from 10pm to midnight when she was supposed to be working. But they spent most of their time together at hotels during the workday under the guise of being at a meeting. It helps when one of them is the boss.

 

In the meantime, keep looking at whatever you can find via the computer: phone and text records, financial records, her calendar, her email (inbox, sent items, deleted items, folders, etc), her contacts, her internet and search history. Find out WTF is really going on. Keep in mind that cheaters lie, deny, minimize, gaslight, and repeat. They only admit to what you already know (and maybe one tidbit more so you think you know everything). Then they delete everything, lay low for a while, find much more covert ways to communicate, and then take the affair underground while lecturing you about how your paranoia is ruining the relationship.

 

She's playing you for a fool. Are you a fool? Or are you actually smart enough to figure out what's going on?

This is basically everything but just want to reinforce the importance of not being taken in by, well, anything she says. You do not know your wife as well as you thought. Realize that yet? It's hard at first to believe that your spouse will do all those things ^^^ (lie, deny, minimize, gaslight, and repeat). When she denies and minimizes you will want to believe her. She knows how to play you and make you believe her. She will convince you that you didn't really see what you think you saw (whatever they were doing or looked like) because you're clearly trying to see it there, etc. etc.

 

You should pretend to believe her, however. You need to become a cynic real fast and find smart ways of bringing yourself up to speed without her knowing you have done so.