steaknshake88 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Have been dating this girl for a few months and she brought uo the idea of an open relationship. She has been in one before, but I haven't I told her I would consider it but I'm not sure I would like some advice if anyone has been a open relationship Was there jealousy at all? Personally I feel it's way easier for girls to have sex than guys Part of me wants to try it out but part of me thinks there's no way I could handle it. If we didn't tell each other about it, anytime she said she was busy I would wonder if she was going to screw someone. If we did I just feel like it would drive me crazy I'd also be afraid if they had a connection I don't know I would just like to hear some examples
mortensorchid Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I for one never understood them, open relationships. I can kind of understand a certain principal behind them - You want to have sex with as many different people as possible yet stay with one. They say it's easier for women to find partners as opposed to men, and of this I agree on a certain level. One party always gets jealous of the other, and their jealousy is not warranted. They may say "But I'm his wife/gf!" or "I'm her bf/husband!" Why would they even think this way if they really were not jealous that the other party is with someone else? It's a double standard in so many ways - It's okay for me to screw around as much as possible but it's not okay for the other party. That's why they don't work. Traditional values win out over hippie nonsense anytime, I don't care what year you think think this is or where we are in terms of gender equality or whatever else, it fails.
JewelD Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 I wouldn't call it an open relationship but I was in a relationship with two people who knew about each other. It didn't work out. I ended up liking my gf better than my bf and my bf got jealous. Eventually, I broke up with both of them. Open relationships only work if both partners want it. Sounds like you don't. And that's perfectly fine. If she tries to pressure you into it, you may have to just end things with her. Some people are just not satisfied with having one partner.
central Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 It sounds like it would be difficult for you, so it's probably not a good choice. Yes, there certainly can be jealousy. If you work at it, you can probably get past it - but, it won't be easy. There are books that address it and discuss various kinds of non-monogamous relationships. I would suggest reading one or more before making any decision. The classic on this subject is "The Ethical Slvt". Yes, women CAN more easily find partners, but may have difficulty finding quality partners who are NOT out to just use them. You will have more difficulty finding partners, but have a better chance of finding someone compatible. You could make an agreement to ask that she waits until you've found someone, before she does - it will give you some experience and confidence, because she already has experience. I would suggest you consider an alternative: swinging. That's something you can do together with another couple, so there is no perceived unfairness or concern that she'll get somebody and you won't. It's a shared experience, so it builds your relationship, rather than going off separately which could hurt it. We've done both - occasionally - for 16 years, as well as had a polyamorous relationship or two, and it works very well for us. It really helps if your relationship is really solid and stable before trying this - or it can work if you don't care if you split up, and just see where it goes.
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 You are already here voicing your concerns....that should be your answer that this is not for you. 3
strawberryshortstack Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Have been dating this girl for a few months and she brought uo the idea of an open relationship. She has been in one before, but I haven't I told her I would consider it but I'm not sure I would like some advice if anyone has been a open relationship Was there jealousy at all? Personally I feel it's way easier for girls to have sex than guys Part of me wants to try it out but part of me thinks there's no way I could handle it. If we didn't tell each other about it, anytime she said she was busy I would wonder if she was going to screw someone. If we did I just feel like it would drive me crazy I'd also be afraid if they had a connection I don't know I would just like to hear some examples It's not for everyone. Jealousy can certainly happen, it's human nature. You have to find a way to manage it. It does help if the relationship is strong to begin with, and it sounds like yours might be too new to be able to withstand it. My concern in your situation would be why is she bringing it up now? Is it something she wanted from the beginning, but didn't mention? No one can tell you what's best for you except you, but make sure it's what you want before you say yes to it. Discuss it with her, ask questions, then make your decision. Don't say yes just to keep her, because you won't ultimately be happy with the decision, and you may grow to resent her.
jen1447 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 1. part of me thinks there's no way I could handle it. 2. anytime she said she was busy I would wonder if she was going to screw someone. 3. I just feel like it would drive me crazy 4. I'd also be afraid if they had a connection 5. I don't know ^ 5 good reasons why ORs are NOT for you. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Have been dating this girl for a few months and she brought uo the idea of an open relationship. She has been in one before, but I haven't I told her I would consider it but I'm not sure I would like some advice if anyone has been a open relationship Was there jealousy at all? Personally I feel it's way easier for girls to have sex than guys Part of me wants to try it out but part of me thinks there's no way I could handle it. If we didn't tell each other about it, anytime she said she was busy I would wonder if she was going to screw someone. If we did I just feel like it would drive me crazy I'd also be afraid if they had a connection I don't know I would just like to hear some examples Ha. These are all of the reasons why people don't do it or it doesn't go well. It's not for you. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 There's something you didn't mention that people who have been or are engaged in seem not to mention as openly....safe sex and the idea that you may be sharing body fluids from total strangers....gross. Yeah, yeah, they claim that they are all practicing safe and clean sex, but they don't know for certain....and oh, what about BJs?! I hope people know that you can contract VD via oral sex...how does one perform safe sex with that? Do they place a new, clean plastic cover or condom before re-engaging in coitus or anal? Gross.
Methodical Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 You've listed several compelling reasons to not agree to an open relationship; therefore, you should refrain. Unwavering trust is imperative for these arrangements to go smoothly. To add to the unrest, keep this in mind. Sometimes life happens and stumbling blocks have the potential to halt extracurricular activities, all together or in part. If/when that happens, it can wreak havoc on the mainstay relationship unless side relationships are compartmentalized as such, without marginalizing their importance or impact. That's more easily said than done.
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