Finding myself in a tight spot [update: no desire for wife]

[piano1962]

You can read my backstory if you want.

 

I want to give a one last try in saving the marriage before I call it quits. So towards that endeavor I had a talk with wife on Saturday. As usual TV was on in the evening. But during an advert I asked her to turn it off as I had something to say. So I asked her was she happy with me? She seemed confused. So I reiterated. Still "acting" confused. Then was also not directly getting to the point. So point blank "do you want to be married to me anymore?"

She completely flipped that sentence on me by asking that was I asking for a divorce. Truth be told I also wasn't sure if I would have said "No I don't want a divorce". But again I circumvented and said "its not what I want but....". Laid out the way she was living with me, the TV, all the way to arguments we had but never really resolved. This was barely 2 min of my speaking when she cut me and started herself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I promised myself as soon as she started, I just listened. Not a word. She went on about:

 

1) this is how most married lives but I was the one never to be satisfied with anything.

 

2) how I make things uncomfortable between her and her friends

 

3) how I always remind her (non verbally) of her failure as a wife because of her health issue

 

4) how I am proud and stubborn and never look at things from her viewpoint

 

Etc etc

 

I was totally going against my nature by only listening. At the end of her talk (which I am very inclined to say was a diatribe) I just asked her that I understood she needed me to lower my expectation. I was also on board on ways she feels I should act that doesn't make her feel like a failure as a wife (this extremely painful for us both). Other than that what can I do?

 

So she starts crying and mumbling "I don't know" "I don't know". Although now typing this I feel sad she was crying helpless but at the time, I was not feeling comfortable because I took all without giving anything back (not my nature)

 

I thought some resolution or atleast the path towards a resolution will come out. But totally confused what to take from this.

 

I am so sorry to hear what you and your wife both are going through. It must be hard! It's always easier to quit than to keep going. I know you are trying really hard; and may be your wife is too in her own way. I can see you have love for her still but just don't know how to proceed. Believe me, until you figure out what's wrong in this relationship and learn from it; even if you were to get a divorce and start a new one; it might end up the same or even worse. Truth is, we are all imperfect people and marriages go through peaks and valleys just like everything else in life. Love is a choice, not a feeling. If we choose to love someone and not give up, the relationship may eventually turn around even though the feeling is not there now. However, we are not professionals here so are not equipped to provide you with the "how to"s. We are here to listen to you and offer support. I hope you will be able to seek professional help. As long as you both love one another, this is just the "season" of life; and if you both could survive through it, you might find out that you love can one another deeper than before. Hope that's the case with you!! Wish you all the best!!

[Mr. Lucky]

This sounds interesting. What do you mean?

 

According you, here's her issues with the marriage:

 

1) this is how most married lives but I was the one never to be satisfied with anything.

 

2) how I make things uncomfortable between her and her friends

 

3) how I always remind her (non verbally) of her failure as a wife because of her health issue

 

4) how I am proud and stubborn and never look at things from her viewpoint

 

Etc etc

 

So what do you think she'd like you to do more of?

 

Mr. Lucky

[ChickiePops]

What has your wife done that is worth of you having this affair? Anything?

 

How about trying to starve me for a week (which I may add is physical abuse) and I had to apologize to get her back to cooking for me?

 

Or the numerous times she blew up on me in public to the delight of the onlookers?

 

Or how she tolerates disparaging remarks from her friends about me and agreeing with them?

 

Could it be that both of you want a little strange and are just hooking up for that reason? Really think about that.

 

No not really. I still find her physically attractive and my lover is single.

 

But are you willing to lose your marriage on a chance that the OW really loves you? I would not.

 

My wife earns around 40% less than me. My gf earns around 20% more than me. I'm only 28. I have no children. Readymade apartment of coworker to move into. But still I'm choosing to give one last try.

 

And I think I have made that clear that I lost my loving feeling for my wife for sometime (that doesn't mean I hate her, I still care for her as a friend)

 

So..you earn more than your wife but you cannot afford to go get food and cook it for yourself? Are you physically disabled in a way that does not allow you to cook?

Edited November 1, 2016 by ChickiePops

[S2B]

You're a grown man... YOU can cook!

 

Just divorce! Your wife loves herself some tv. You love yourself another woman.

 

It's not marriage - it's a sham... grow up and do somethings to change. Change yourself. Change your status or change the marriage. One thing is for certain = having an affair and complaining about your marriage isn't going to make this marriage work.

 

Just make it stop already.

 

And learn to cook!

[40somethingGuy]

No, right now I don't. I used to. But not now. In the future maybe?

 

I will give you a day to day of our lives. I get up at 5:30am. I make myself breakfast, get ready for office and leave by 7am. My office starts at 8am. My wife gets up at 6:30am. In those half an hour, I am either in the bathroom or eating. My wife office starts at 9:30.

 

I get home by 5:30pm. I take a nap. My wife return by 7:30pm. I get up when she returns. Instead of taking the time to say a few words, she immediately turns on the TV and gets hooked to whatever drama crap that is playing on. I start doing some chores. She also does them WHILE WATCHING TV. I'm sometimes amazed at her finger muscle conditioning - her eyes are glued to the TV and her fingers are peeling potatoes or cutting vegetables. How in the hell she never cuts her finger?

 

If I try to start a conversation, her immediate reaction is to feel irritated. For example, few days ago I noticed something interesting on the paper. I started to have a talk about that. After badgering her for sometime, she puts the TV on the mute (but doesn't shut it off) and talks. When she hears what I say her immediate reaction "Can't you tell this tomorrow? You know I won't be able to watch the repeat telecast in the morning?"

 

This goes on till 10 o'clock. After that either she makes the call or her friend calls and they start gossiping about the latest episode. And thats it. She talks on the phone. I have my dinner. And I go to bed

 

Repeat again the next day till the weekend.

 

And yes, we do have some sex on Fridays and Saturdays but she never initiates.

It sounds like the problem was that you both got wrapped up in the day to day lulls of life and it wasn't until you met and got involved with the OW did you finally take a moment to think- 'what is this?' However, once the newness wears off with the new one you will probably be in the same place in a few years. Your wife is likely reacting to you not being present for her. You stopped making time for each other. I feel, and I feel into this trap, you lost sight of the fact that just bc you have a wife doesn't mean you stop courting. To have a healthy long term relationship you have to court. Have you talked to your wife about what you can do together to bring the spark back? Don't worry about the initiating of sex right now. With things the way they are there is 0 chance she will. Instead, realize that at least you are not always being shot down when you do. Can you live with the guilt of what you did if you decide to move forward with your wife?

[Lion Heart]

Hii guys

 

Anyways, recently we were together at her apartment and thats when we had sex and it confirms that she also has feelings for me. But I am suddenly in a panic. Not because I feel guilt but HR purposes and social fallout. Although our company doesn't sack people for getting in relationships, it does have strict rules on sexual harrassment. And this panic is mainly about that. What if she feels now I have slept with her and need to say to my wife that I'm leaving? And if I don't agree will she slap me with a sexual harassment charge?

 

I hope they do sack you.

 

Indeed it IS sexual harassment.

Worse. You've used your POSITION at work to ellicit sex from a vulnerable, INJURED woman.

Yep. WRONG.

 

Whether you're married or not.

 

WAY worse since you are married. Morally wrong.

 

ExWH was sacked because of his affair.

And he carried on merry hell at the bosses.

They didn't tell him WHY he was sacked.

It was an hour after exOW REPORTED him.

 

OW was sacked from her volunteer job because of her affair with a married man.

 

So you're not afraid of your betrayed wife finding out?

 

Give your BW her D Day now.

 

Pretty soon you may just be the exWH from here..

Homeless

Unemployed

Divorced.

 

At 28yo this could be the lesson of your life time.

I hope it all goes against you so you LEARN some moral behaviour.

 

The BEST thing you can do now is to hand your BW her D Day. Which is coming anyway, mind you. If BW finds out you tried to COVER this all up. Chances are you're done with her.

 

She's young and can move on from you fairly easily from my personal experience. Let her go find someone who deserves her.

It isn't you.

 

Lion Heart

[Lion Heart]

Omg what??? Lol.

 

You're COMPLAINING your BW watches a soap opera "drama" on TV and cooks your dinner?

 

MAN YOU are creating your OWN IRL drama AT WORK lol how entitled and clueless can 1 person be?

You can't be serious. Lol.

 

I spot read your posts. I can't believe your attitude tbh.

 

You have made your BW feel deficient obviously.

You're blaming HER.

 

You get 2 hours nap per day (texting OW too no doubt lol). Then your BW comes home to cook for you. What? Or you'll "starve"? Rofl.

 

It's NOT your wife's DUTY to cook for you. Or if you BELIEVE it is let's apply your Rule to her. She's doing MAN'S work. Working full time. In your outdated mode of thinking it goes to show you that you can't apply the same rules to BOTH your BW and yourself. Can you?

BW is doing the MAN'S and the "woman's work" too and you're still not happy because she watches TV.

Whilst you have affairs.

 

So first you blame your BW.

Next you're blaming OW for not wanting you anymore.

Last you'll blame your mother at 28yo during IC or MC which is typical.

 

Sorry buddy the women in your life don't have you on remote control.

You're OLD ENOUGH to know WAY better than this.

 

And if you don't because you're behaving in an infantile manner. You need IC.

 

Ofcourse the OW is keeping you stringing along.

Good for her lol.

If she isn't hankering after you. Yep. A dud.

I'm still laughing.

I can't believe all this rot.

 

LH

[kiyoma]

I hope they do sack you.

 

Indeed it IS sexual harassment.

Worse. You've used your POSITION at work to ellicit sex from a vulnerable, INJURED woman.

Yep. WRONG.

 

Vulnerable injured woman? F@*k me bloody!

 

Just to set you straight she is in a different department and on a higher salary band than me.

 

And this is how it all started - We were scheduled to meet a client one day. Generally I go on my bike. But that day my bike was in service. So we were to take a taxi. We were crossing the road when she was hit by an errant car that broke signal. A big commotion happened. The car tried to flee. But it was caught by guards. Anyways, her left patella was fractured. I carried her on my arm and place her on a seat. I called a taxi and and took her to the nearest hospital. I informed her parents, the client and office about what happened. And I sat there till the visiting hours.

 

2 days later she was let go. That night was the first night she messaged me on anything other than work. It was a "Thank you :)" (hospitals don't allow mobile to patients here, hence the delay in the message). And this got us talking. All friendly. Still not feelings of affection expressed. But one day another message and I knew she had feelings for me too. It was "Why haven't you visited me yet? I'm angry at you". I told her straight I didn't know she wanted me to visit, if I had known I would "come everyday".

 

And I went to her house the very next day with my hand full of a gift basket and a "get well soon" card. HER PARENTS KNEW ME! Apparently she had been talking about me! But they did not know I was married. (now really think I wanted this alone?)

 

Whether you're married or not.

 

WAY worse since you are married. Morally wrong.

 

So you're not afraid of your betrayed wife finding out?

 

Give your BW her D Day now.

 

Pretty soon you may just be the exWH from here..

Homeless

Unemployed

Divorced.

 

At 28yo this could be the lesson of your life time.

I hope it all goes against you so you LEARN some moral behaviour.

 

 

Nothing of this sort will happen to me i.e jobless, homeless. I was always invited to join my uncle's business. And as for the apartment, she can't kick me out legally because we co-own it.

 

Anyways, I see as a man I am getting more crueller comments than cheating women. Yep, MAN=PIG, DOG. Cheating women=VICTIM

 

As for you, I have never seen you so harsh on the cheating women here. Why?

 

You know what? Rhetorical question. Don't even answer. I already know.

[kiyoma]

Omg what??? Lol.

 

You're COMPLAINING your BW watches a soap opera "drama" on TV and cooks your dinner?

 

MAN YOU are creating your OWN IRL drama AT WORK lol how entitled and clueless can 1 person be?

You can't be serious. Lol.

 

I spot read your posts. I can't believe your attitude tbh.

 

You have made your BW feel deficient obviously.

You're blaming HER.

 

You get 2 hours nap per day (texting OW too no doubt lol). Then your BW comes home to cook for you. What? Or you'll "starve"? Rofl.

 

It's NOT your wife's DUTY to cook for you. Or if you BELIEVE it is let's apply your Rule to her. She's doing MAN'S work. Working full time. In your outdated mode of thinking it goes to show you that you can't apply the same rules to BOTH your BW and yourself. Can you?

BW is doing the MAN'S and the "woman's work" too and you're still not happy because she watches TV.

Whilst you have affairs.

 

So first you blame your BW.

Next you're blaming OW for not wanting you anymore.

Last you'll blame your mother at 28yo during IC or MC which is typical.

 

Sorry buddy the women in your life don't have you on remote control.

You're OLD ENOUGH to know WAY better than this.

 

And if you don't because you're behaving in an infantile manner. You need IC.

 

Ofcourse the OW is keeping you stringing along.

Good for her lol.

If she isn't hankering after you. Yep. A dud.

I'm still laughing.

I can't believe all this rot.

 

LH

 

Total diatribe

[kiyoma]

So..you earn more than your wife but you cannot afford to go get food and cook it for yourself? Are you physically disabled in a way that does not allow you to cook?

 

I know how to cook now. Learned my lesson and learnt how to cook from a friend.

 

Actually I should thank my wife, her abuse made me learn a new skill.

[kiyoma]

According you, here's her issues with the marriage:

 

 

 

So what do you think she'd like you to do more of?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I thought you knew when you said she wanted me to "step up". Okay.

[kiyoma]

It sounds like the problem was that you both got wrapped up in the day to day lulls of life and it wasn't until you met and got involved with the OW did you finally take a moment to think- 'what is this?'

 

Now thats not what happened. We met at an university convention. She was a student of litarature. I was a textile engineering undergrad. I was an amateur writer for university magazine. I used to give her my articles for corrections and better presentations and we connected.

 

As a couple we had small fights here and there that evolved to big fights and at one point we both were really ready to break up.

 

Then she got this really cool job as a content writer and for 6-7 months we were on an up. Thats when we decided to get married and we did. And then the downwards spiral and coupled with the thing we found out about her health - stalemate

 

What happened between us is classic "Familiarity breeds contempt".

 

However, once the newness wears off with the new one you will probably be in the same place in a few years.

 

Thats always a possiblity.

 

Your wife is likely reacting to you not being present for her.

What about her being present for me and not watching TV the whole evening?

 

I feel, and I feel into this trap, you lost sight of the fact that just bc you have a wife doesn't mean you stop courting. To have a healthy long term relationship you have to court.

 

if by courting you mean kiss my wife's arse all the time, then I'm not that kind of man. Sure, we go out together and I ask her but I will never withstand her giving me hell without giving back.

 

Have you talked to your wife about what you can do together to bring the spark back? Don't worry about the initiating of sex right now. With things the way they are there is 0 chance she will. Instead, realize that at least you are not always being shot down when you do.

 

Wise suggestion about not worrying about her initiating sex. Yes we have been talking. We have discussed going to MC and the search for one is on. Hope to find a good one soon. But the strange thing is, and this is my introspection, I am feeling a slightly uncomfortable feeling with this slightly more intimacy. Although our intimacy is nowhere near but even then after a prolonged distanced time I am getting a strange vibe within myself. Like you are sitting in a bus and a stranger starts talking personal things. You are not sure if you want to continue with the conversation but out of politeness you either agree or give tidbit of your person to keep the conversation going.

 

Can you live with the guilt of what you did if you decide to move forward with your wife?

 

Right now I'm not feeling any guilt

[wmacbride]

Now thats not what happened. We met at an university convention. She was a student of litarature. I was a textile engineering undergrad. I was an amateur writer for university magazine. I used to give her my articles for corrections and better presentations and we connected.

 

As a couple we had small fights here and there that evolved to big fights and at one point we both were really ready to break up.

 

Then she got this really cool job as a content writer and for 6-7 months we were on an up. Thats when we decided to get married and we did. And then the downwards spiral and coupled with the thing we found out about her health - stalemate

 

What happened between us is classic "Familiarity breeds contempt".

 

 

 

Thats always a possiblity.

 

 

What about her being present for me and not watching TV the whole evening?

 

 

 

if by courting you mean kiss my wife's arse all the time, then I'm not that kind of man. Sure, we go out together and I ask her but I will never withstand her giving me hell without giving back.

 

 

 

Wise suggestion about not worrying about her initiating sex. Yes we have been talking. We have discussed going to MC and the search for one is on. Hope to find a good one soon. But the strange thing is, and this is my introspection, I am feeling a slightly uncomfortable feeling with this slightly more intimacy. Although our intimacy is nowhere near but even then after a prolonged distanced time I am getting a strange vibe within myself. Like you are sitting in a bus and a stranger starts talking personal things. You are not sure if you want to continue with the conversation but out of politeness you either agree or give tidbit of your person to keep the conversation going.

 

 

 

Right now I'm not feeling any guilt

 

 

If your wife makes you this unhappy, and if you have zero belief that you own any of the problems in your marriage, it is never going to work. If you think that going to a marriage counselor will mean that you get to sit there,unload on your wife and that the counselor will be okay with that, you are mistaken. He or she will hold your feet tot the fire as well,and expect you to be honest, that includes the A.

 

I'm big on reconciling,if at all possible and if it is the right choice for a husband and wife. right now,you simply aren't in that position. You see everyone else as being responsible for your actions, and until you stop doing that,it won't work.

 

You also seem to have some views about a woman's role. She works outside them home,just as you do, yet you expect her to do her job, come home and do far more than a even split of the housework. You complain where you are expected to prepare your own meals.

 

Right now,you want her to:

- work full time outside the home

=do all the cooking ( except for sometime spending vegetables and cooking a fish every once in a while)

-do all the housework,except maybe for mopping the floors every so often

- purchase the groceries and do all the rest of the household chores

 

In other words you want the workload to be split the work she does far more and holds down a full time job. It's no wonder she is unhappy.

 

before you bite my head of or make some snarky remark,how about trying to see the situation from her point of view. Put yourself in her place, and see it from her side. If Someone asked her to describe you and your personality, attitude towards her, and your source of your marriage troubles,what would she say? If she was asked what you do that upsets her,what would she say? Why?

 

From what a can tell, a huge part of the problem is that you want a traditional wife, while she has a more modern outlook. I can't see how you can change that. I would suggest you divorce and find a woman who will be more tolerant of your views.

 

btw,a wife expecting he husband to cook is not "abuse" .While there certainly are abusive wives, including yourself in that category is ridiculous.

Also,before you blow me off as someone who couldn't possibly understand your situation,I was a stay at home mother for many years who did 99 percent of the housework,, all of the cooking,shopping, yard work,bill paying, child care, etc. because my husband was working or away. Now that my kids are older and I'm working again, I would never be asked to do all of the work,my husband and I split it equally,because that is what's fair. He is every bit a man,and could kick your @ss up and down the street. WE treat each other well because we love each other, not bcause it's, as you so charmingly put it " kissing @ss"

Edited November 4, 2016 by wmacbride

[waterwoman]

Do you ever treat your wife as well as you treat the OW? And don't start up with the 'she's treats me worse' because it's pointless and irrelevant. I think your wife sounds depressed and unappreciated. You seem to expect her to do things for you while you are busy doing things for the OW and treating your wife with barely-concealed contempt and resentment.

[heartwhole]

Resentment will build up in any relationship if you don't have the tools to address and resolve conflict. You've let a lot of molehills build into mountains, and you don't seem to have much sense of how that happened, other than to say it can't be your fault.

 

Having a healthy relationship begins with being a healthy person. It also requires a conscious choice to participate in a virtuous cycle -- to choose to see your partner in a positive light. Instead of being so angry at your wife for watching tv, you could start by being at least neutral about it -- you take a nap, and it's pretty much the same thing. The next step would be to be positive about it -- my wife needs down time just like me, and it's something we can do together. See if you can find a show that you both enjoy, or get into the ones that she does.

 

When she didn't like your coffee, that made you angry. I suppose you felt rejected because you had tried to do something nice for her. You could have been neutral about it -- kind of weird that she didn't pretend to like it but no big deal in the grand scheme of things. You could have been positive about it -- make a joke with her about trying to poison her with disgusting coffee and let it be something you laugh about together. Instead, you went negative, and made a point to throw out cooking that spent a lot longer than the 30 seconds it takes to grind some beans and turn on a coffee pot. You fed a vicious cycle. That was a conscious choice that you made.

 

This is not to say that your wife is some perfect being or that your marriage should be saved. I'm neutral on that one. But I believe firmly that you will continue to have unhealthy relationships until you learn how to work through conflict in a way that doesn't let resentment build up. Every relationship has conflict -- all you can do is change how you respond to it. Try giving your wife the benefit of the doubt -- she doesn't despise you, she doesn't disrespect you, she doesn't abuse you. Try to imagine that it's not all about you, but instead that maybe she's tired or stressed about work or any number of other things. Choose to be positive when you interact with her. Choose to focus on what you are giving instead of what you are getting, and check back in a week later . . . I bet you will find that you received a lot more in return than you would have gotten if you sat around angrily counting all the things she did for you.

[ChickiePops]

I know how to cook now. Learned my lesson and learnt how to cook from a friend.

 

Actually I should thank my wife, her abuse made me learn a new skill.

 

Wow. Not cooking for you is not abuse. Not even the teeniest, tiniest bit.

 

Cheaters are cheaters, male or female, it's never ok. People most definitely are just as hard on female cheaters as they are on you. The issue people have with you is that you have an intense sense of entitlement, you appear to have zero remorse for the affair, and you clearly have no respect for women - you treat your wife like a slave and then whine about her.

 

There are male cheaters on here who are beloved and respected because they've owned up to their mistakes and have become better people. If you actually show that you've made some progress instead of being whiny, defensive, and argumentative all the time you'll get more positive responses too.

 

You are not a victim. Not in any way, shape or form.

[heartwhole]

OP, I will suggest that you get something out of viewing yourself as a victim. Because it's quite a logical pretzel to say that your wife not cooking for you (after you threw out her cooking in admitted retaliation for not liking your coffee) is abuse.

 

What do you get out of feeling put upon and done wrong? Why did it upset you so much that she didn't like your coffee? Why do you view her vices so negatively but give a pass to your own?

[kiyoma]

[]I'm trying to get back a footing with my wife. Very personal info. Only sharing this here because this is an anonymous forum. I haven't even shared this with anyone in real life. Not parents. Not in laws. Not cousins. Not friends. My wife has Turner's Syndrome. Her ovaries are dead because of it. We will never have children. Generally Turner's is found out in childhood. But it only manifested itself 2 years after our marriage. Thats when we found out.

 

If I wanted to leave, I would have. But you know what conscience does? It makes me think my wife will only blame herself. God knows what she will do! She was already inconsolably crying I don't know for how long. Who would think that an outside healthy looking woman would have such a big physical issue? I just can't imagine leaving her like that. I can't do that to her.

 

I wanted children. My wife wanted children. But now those dreams are dead.

Edited November 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of deleted material

[aileD]

What?

 

There are plenty of children out there needing foster homes and adoptive homes. If you both want to be parents you CAN BE!

 

Of course the is mourning that she can't carry a child or genes aren't the same but trust me, once the kid is in your life and you fall in love with him/her, it doesn't matter who's genes they are.

[kiyoma]

What?

 

There are plenty of children out there needing foster homes and adoptive homes. If you both want to be parents you CAN BE!

 

Of course the is mourning that she can't carry a child or genes aren't the same but trust me, once the kid is in your life and you fall in love with him/her, it doesn't matter who's genes they are.

 

I guess you have children. Its not the same. You won't understand.

[ChickiePops]

[]I'm trying to get back a footing with my wife. Very personal info. Only sharing this here because this is an anonymous forum. I haven't even shared this with anyone in real life. Not parents. Not in laws. Not cousins. Not friends. My wife has Turner's Syndrome. Her ovaries are dead because of it. We will never have children. Generally Turner's is found out in childhood. But it only manifested itself 2 years after our marriage. Thats when we found out.

 

If I wanted to leave, I would have. But you know what conscience does? It makes me think my wife will only blame herself. God knows what she will do! She was already inconsolably crying I don't know for how long. Who would think that an outside healthy looking woman would have such a big physical issue? I just can't imagine leaving her like that. I can't do that to her.

 

I wanted children. My wife wanted children. But now those dreams are dead.

 

1. Good, because you're clearly not ready to be a father any time soon if someone not cooking for you means that you'll starve in the streets.

 

2. There are millions of kids in the world who need homes. It's called adoption.

 

3. It doesn't matter that you didn't cheat for a few years. You're cheating now (or you were not too long ago). And not only are you cheating now, but you're not even sorry about how much this will hurt your wife. You're justifying cheating by whining about how she likes to watch TV and how, after you threw the food she made for you away because she didn't like your coffee, she wouldn't cook for you for a week. AND YOU CALLED IT ABUSE!

 

Have you never heard of a microwave? Have you never heard of take out? What happens if your wife is sick? Is she abusing you if she can't get out of bed and make you food? I mean..that's just the stupidest thing I've ever heard..what grown man isn't intelligent enough to figure out how to get some dinner for himself???

 

You sound about as mature and self sufficient as my 2 year old godson. GROW UP!!!

Edited November 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit quote

[Noideanow]

what is important here is that it matters to YOU, not what anybody else`s opinion is on the matter:cool: be true to yourself:) wish you all the best, and dont be scared to hurt anybody if thats what you have to do, they will survive and get stronger in the end too&

[aileD]

I guess you have children. Its not the same. You won't understand.

 

I also have adopted relatives and I don't feel any differently towards them. I have also been a foster parent.

 

You can't change her body. But it doesn't exile you to being childless.

[kiyoma]

I also have adopted relatives and I don't feel any differently towards them. I have also been a foster parent.

 

You can't change her body. But it doesn't exile you to being childless.

 

As I said you won't understand. I know the names of my 6 direct ancestor. And there will be no one to carry the bloodline forward.

[heartwhole]

You can be a biological father with an egg donor and surrogate.

 

Again, your reactions are fitting with the pattern of needing to blame and play the victim.

 

Life is about figuring out what your needs are and what you can reasonably expect from others, and working out solutions that suit everyone. The particulars of the cooking stand-off or your wife's health matters or your suddenly overlooked infidelity don't really matter. Every marriage has conflict and obstacles. What matters is how you cope and communicate when you have conflict. You can work to develop resilience and empathy if you choose to. You will need professional help in my opinion.