I think I will always be a single guy for the rest of my life

[Blanco]

One key flaw in your logic: You have no idea whether or not this works for you. You've never lived abroad or met any of these women you assume will like you so much more than the women America has to offer.

 

You're basing these assumptions on nothing more than having a glorified pen pal.

[logan415]

One key flaw in your logic: You have no idea whether or not this works for you. You've never lived abroad or met any of these women you assume will like you so much more than the women America has to offer.

 

You're basing these assumptions on nothing more than having a glorified pen pal.

 

True. But I do see the potential. If I find a girl overseas I like I will go visit her.

Most American women not all likes the bad boy rype of guy. Most women in countries such as Ukraine just want the family man. I can be that guy. I feel that I do not measure up with American women standards so I have go elsewhere where I do. I'm on a site called Fdating which is a international dating site. I got lot more views and replies there. I even get some Slavic women messaging me first. Now I'm not saying this will work for sure but again its the potential because I get replies and views.

 

I did reopen my OkCupid profile yesterday and I got one lady from San Francisco views and liked my profile. I viewed her profile but did not send hera message since I do have doubts that she would be interested.

[RecentChange]

Look, I have argued about this with you in the past.

 

It's not your ethnicity, it's not your looks, it's not a curse, it's not god against you, it's not that Russian women you talk to online that are looking for American grooms are more "simple"

 

It's your attitude. ATTITUDE AFFECTS EVERYTHING

 

And you have a piss poor one.

 

Have you ever sought counseling? Life coach? Looked hard at what is holding you back? (Hint, it's not women).

 

Ugly guys, dumb guys, broke guys, lazy guys - all sorts of guys manage to find their "partner" - if you can't find anyone who wants to give you the time of day, time for some introspection.

 

And I am still calling shenanigans on the Russian women are different angle. I KNOW a number of Russians, living right here in the bay. One is my good friend (and she is 30, and single!), I have been invited to parties, and cultural events etc.

 

Only thing I would generalize about Russian women is the ones I have met are straight shooters. Blunt and sarcastic and wont suffer fools.

 

Course the ones I know have masters degrees, careers, and certainly aren't desperate for a visa. Maybe try connecting with Russian women who have made the move here, that way you can eliminate other motives (how many Russian women are really looking for an American to move to Russia?)

[RecentChange]

. I viewed her profile but did not send hera message since I do have doubts that she would be interested.

 

Women love confidence - you have none.

 

Even if they are looking for a family man, a family man is a confident leader.

[logan415]

Women love confidence - you have none.

 

Even if they are looking for a family man, a family man is a confident leader.

 

How could you make such judgement even you don't know me? How can you tell?

Edited September 27, 2016 by logan415

[Blanco]

Most American women not all likes the bad boy rype of guy.

 

This is a lazy, generalized statement that conveniently frees you from taking any sort of responsibility for your obvious social issues. Unfortunately, I've been getting into too many "discussions" with such guys on here lately, so I have neither the energy nor interest to go much further than that.

 

I'll just say that you're setting yourself for more disappointment if you thinking running away to another country is going to "fix" your problems.

[Blanco]

How could you make such judgement even you don't know me? How can you tell?

 

I would assume he's read your posts, most of which give off this clear message. I could pick just about any of the threads you've started and find statements where your choice of words and interpretation of the world around you "give you up."

 

For instance, I just read a thread you started where mentioned that you wouldn't even think about approaching an American woman because they wouldn't want you. You wrote off an entire country of women!

[ZA Dater]

Women love confidence - you have none.

 

Even if they are looking for a family man, a family man is a confident leader.

 

As someone who himself has no confidence or low levels of it, I agree with the above poster.

 

Your posts radiate

: frustration

: irritation

: lack of confidence.

 

All things I experience, I am 32 and like you have had no success at all, the closest I have to a gf is a lady in California I have been chatting to for nearly 6 years.

[JuneJulySeptember]

True. But I do see the potential. If I find a girl overseas I like I will go visit her.

Most American women not all likes the bad boy rype of guy. Most women in countries such as Ukraine just want the family man. I can be that guy. I feel that I do not measure up with American women standards so I have go elsewhere where I do. I'm on a site called Fdating which is a international dating site. I got lot more views and replies there. I even get some Slavic women messaging me first. Now I'm not saying this will work for sure but again its the potential because I get replies and views.

 

I did reopen my OkCupid profile yesterday and I got one lady from San Francisco views and liked my profile. I viewed her profile but did not send hera message since I do have doubts that she would be interested.

 

I actually agree that US women have higher 'standards', if you want to call them that.

 

All of the women I have dated have been foreign, though I am incredibly American in culture. Part of it also has to do with me being asian I suspect.

 

I think foreign women do cut men more slack in certain areas.

 

Example. I have a masters degree and am pretty articulate. However, at lunch time conversations at work, others dominate the conversation with their anecdotes, jokes, and stories. I cannot do that. US women love guys who can 'work a room'.

 

My girlfriend wouldn't expect me to do that because she can't do that either. English is not her first language so she doesn't just pull jokes and stories out of a hat like that. Foreign women in the US might expect to learn from you as opposed to getting Mr. Charisma.

 

I really cannot pinpoint exactly what it is, but I can only say from my own experiences that foreign women cut less 'socially smooth' men slack and asian men slack. I follow US sports, have watched every episode of Seinfeld, and when I go karaoke, I know or have heard every song in the book. I'm as American as Aerosmith, yet no US women have ever wanted me.

Edited September 27, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[LookAtThisPOst]

I really cannot pinpoint exactly what it is, but I can only say from my own experiences that foreign women cut less 'socially smooth' men slack and asian men slack.

 

Right...you don't necessarily have to put on a front of being "joe cool" for a lot foreign woman, you can simply be yourself around them. There's no need to impress.

 

Some of them even thought I was funny organically, even though I wasn't trying to work a room. They actually appreciate nice guys.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Right...you don't necessarily have to put on a front of being "joe cool" for a lot foreign woman, you can simply be yourself around them. There's no need to impress.

 

Some of them even thought I was funny organically, even though I wasn't trying to work a room. They actually appreciate nice guys.

 

I would say they are easier to impress in certain instances.

 

Of course, it will be easier to impress a woman who is from Slovakia and came here at age 19 than a woman from France who came here at age 12.

 

I'm not saying that US women aren't good women, just that their screening process is sometimes impossibly strict. You grow up the richest country in the world, it makes sense I guess. Also, you get a leg up for being US for a lot of foreign women. For US women, you get jack...

 

For guys who are looking for a good hearted woman (or even a fling), foreign might be the way to go. I can only say it because I lived it.

Edited September 27, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[alphamale]

God doesn't hate you. Please don't jump off a bridge.

[logan415]

I would say they are easier to impress in certain instances.

 

Of course, it will be easier to impress a woman who is from Slovakia and came here at age 19 than a woman from France who came here at age 12.

 

I'm not saying that US women aren't good women, just that their screening process is sometimes impossibly strict. You grow up the richest country in the world, it makes sense I guess. Also, you get a leg up for being US for a lot of foreign women. For US women, you get jack...

 

For guys who are looking for a good hearted woman (or even a fling), foreign might be the way to go. I can only say it because I lived it.

 

I agree with this post. This is what I been trying to say but could not piece it together but someone else has. I definitely agree what you say about American women screening process. They are too tough and yes this is why I want to try foreign women.

[Blanco]

These threads get frustrating, because even if the OP is just looking to vent, the very act of putting it on a public discussion forum encourages comments and feedback.

 

So it's hard to not feel like these threads are a complete waste of time when the only feedback the OP seems receptive to is the type that only echos his sentiments.

 

Refusing to entertain the possibility that there's anything you could be doing to yield different results is exactly the stubborn, head-in-the-sand mentality that has got people like this living the type of life they do.

[JuneJulySeptember]

These threads get frustrating, because even if the OP is just looking to vent, the very act of putting it on a public discussion forum encourages comments and feedback.

 

So it's hard to not feel like these threads are a complete waste of time when the only feedback the OP seems receptive to is the type that only echos his sentiments.

 

Refusing to entertain the possibility that there's anything you could be doing to yield different results is exactly the stubborn, head-in-the-sand mentality that has got people like this living the type of life they do.

 

Frustrating to you why? Who are you?

 

At the end of the day, this forum is for entertainment. There's something curiously (and perhaps morbidly) entertaining about arguing about dating inequities, and telling people their life would be better if they only listed to you.

 

If you're a woman, and you want to make the world a better place for a lonely man, go find one and deflower him. You might recoil, but it's been done.

[Blanco]

Frustrating to you why? Who are you?

 

At the end of the day, this forum is for entertainment. There's something curiously (and perhaps morbidly) entertaining about arguing about dating inequities, and telling people their life would be better if they only listed to you.

 

If you're a woman, and you want to make the world a better place for a lonely man, go find one and deflower him. You might recoil, but it's been done.

 

I'm not a woman, which is why I'm well aware of the hurdles that men face in the dating game.

 

But I'm also aware of the hurdles women face. And you know what? I'm empathetic to both, which is partially why these threads almost make my eyes glaze over.

 

They blameshift all of their trials and tribulations over to the opposite sex, as if it's anyone else's job but their own to cultivate a healthy sense of self.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm not a woman, which is why I'm well aware of the hurdles that men face in the dating game.

 

But I'm also aware of the hurdles women face. And you know what? I'm empathetic to both, which is partially why these threads almost make my eyes glaze over.

 

They blameshift all of their trials and tribulations over to the opposite sex, as if it's anyone else's job but their own to cultivate a healthy sense of self.

 

*shrugs*

 

Whiners come and go.

 

In one of the last threads, over 600+ posts were made despite the OP offering no other information except that 1) he has some vague health issues, 2) has a tough time in OLD, and 3) won't settle to date somebody unattractive.

 

If they're serious about wanting help, they'll give more details.

[Blanco]

*shrugs*

 

Whiners come and go.

 

In one of the last threads, over 600+ posts were made despite the OP offering no other information except that 1) he has some vague health issues, 2) has a tough time in OLD, and 3) won't settle to date somebody unattractive.

 

If they're serious about wanting help, they'll give more details.

 

That's my point. Usually, they aren't serious. They just want to bemoan their awful luck and cast the blame entirely on the shoulders of the female gender.

 

I'm all for threads where someone is struggling and ready and willing to take feedback, tough as some of it may be, and work toward improving their situation.

 

I don't see that happening a lot, though. Usually, it's like the thread you cited, where the OP has an excuse for why they can't explore any of the advice they get if it doesn't align with their preconceived notions that it's everyone's fault but their own.

[Asenok baby]

Hi friend,

Just reading you message,made me sad for you.

You problem is universal, do you think having partner made you feel better,being married made you feel loved. It will if you a whole and complete by yourself. No one can make you fulfilled. Besides, ask youself did you feel support from this lady? I understand being lonely is killed sometimes, however lots my friends are married and they live unsatisfied and lonely, just stay together because of responsibility or kids. There is no joy between them.

I guess when you stop feeling joy and happiness just because you are alive, that makes a big problem.

Don't look for girl friend who can save you. Move on,friend.

[ZA Dater]

That's my point. Usually, they aren't serious. They just want to bemoan their awful luck and cast the blame entirely on the shoulders of the female gender.

 

I'm all for threads where someone is struggling and ready and willing to take feedback, tough as some of it may be, and work toward improving their situation.

 

I don't see that happening a lot, though. Usually, it's like the thread you cited, where the OP has an excuse for why they can't explore any of the advice they get if it doesn't align with their preconceived notions that it's everyone's fault but their own.

 

I agree with much of this however how do you define improvement?

 

Most of us know what we are good and what we are not good at. Speaking for myself I do take advice given here to heart as often impractical as some it seems.

 

My feeling is 95% of these sort of threads (mine included) are the result of people who have fundamentally missed something in life during their formative years.

 

A total lack of success is not normal, nor are the feelings the OP is projecting. Generally speaking when you look around the world isn't a friendly place at all, people are all much the same fundamentally, how often to you really see someone else going out of their way to help a stranger, pretty much never. Its the same with dating, some of us need significant help with this, a friendly understanding person would realise that and at least give some of us a chance.

 

I have put the boot on the other foot and gone out on dates with people I didn't find attractive to simply give them a chance and I wanted to see and meet the person behind the name. Chances are generally not given in this dating game, the net result are people like the OP, myself and millions of others.

 

Much is made of improvement, improve what and how? Someone who doesn't fit in isn't going to magically start fitting in, someone can make themselves look better, they can improve their dress sense but the hardest thing to improve is an outlook. I'd say that's probably 90% of the problem people who have no success face.

 

Outlook is experience driven and when you have had really bad experiences the result is a really bad outlook. Sure, you can look past it to an extent and try change it and perhaps it can be changed but speaking for myself the hurt I feel from dating is profound to the extent I simply built walls so nobody really see much of my personality so they cant critique me, they still do anyway.

 

Rejection is like making a mistake, you want to correct it and you cant because you don't know what is wrong, in a perfect world people would actually be able to say "hey you are just not attractive to me" and I'd respect someone far more if they told me that to my face than simply ignored me or made up some BS excuse.

 

Bottom line some guys can do dating, for others it goes catastrophically wrong, seemingly all the time.

 

Find something happy in your life of find something that fundamentally distracts you.

[Blanco]

In this context, I would define improvement as honestly assessing yourself and looking to identify possible reasons for a lack of success with the opposite sex. Before I delve too deep into this, I will preface this by saying that, yes, some people just seem to have a harder time with dating than others and for seemingly imperceptible reasons. I'm not really talking about those people, because my original posts weren't about those people.

 

The type of thread I mentioned in my earlier post is usually the kind I foolishly will get sucked into by virtue of nothing other than the OP's clear lousy, bitter attitude about dating and the opposite sex. Around these parts, it often seems to be guys making these threads.

 

In most instances, it's not hard to infer what possible reasons behind their lack of success.

 

For instance, in that 600+ post thread mentioned earlier, it's clear that the OP had some serious issues with being far behind even the typical mediocre adult his age; he also gave a sense of poor social skills and a generally defeatist mentality. Those are all possible reasons for his lack of success with women. Instead of absorbing any of the suggestions, he churned out excuse after excuse to basically stay the course he's been on all these years.

 

In this thread, we have an OP who has some severe self-image issues, which he has projected onto American women. I believe he's even expressed interest in bleaching his skin. I feel sorry for anyone who has such a poor image of self, but that doesn't mean I think these things shouldn't be worked on, be it through therapy or other means. Instead, his solution is to flee the country.

[ZA Dater]

In this context, I would define improvement as honestly assessing yourself and looking to identify possible reasons for a lack of success with the opposite sex. Before I delve too deep into this, I will preface this by saying that, yes, some people just seem to have a harder time with dating than others and for seemingly imperceptible reasons. I'm not really talking about those people, because my original posts weren't about those people.

 

The type of thread I mentioned in my earlier post is usually the kind I foolishly will get sucked into by virtue of nothing other than the OP's clear lousy, bitter attitude about dating and the opposite sex. Around these parts, it often seems to be guys making these threads.

 

In most instances, it's not hard to infer what possible reasons behind their lack of success.

 

For instance, in that 600+ post thread mentioned earlier, it's clear that the OP had some serious issues with being far behind even the typical mediocre adult his age; he also gave a sense of poor social skills and a generally defeatist mentality. Those are all possible reasons for his lack of success with women. Instead of absorbing any of the suggestions, he churned out excuse after excuse to basically stay the course he's been on all these years.

 

In this thread, we have an OP who has some severe self-image issues, which he has projected onto American women. I believe he's even expressed interest in bleaching his skin. I feel sorry for anyone who has such a poor image of self, but that doesn't mean I think these things shouldn't be worked on, be it through therapy or other means. Instead, his solution is to flee the country.

 

My thinking is somewhat different, if you can isolate the causes for the result then you are better placed at fixing the result.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I haven't written off, like the OP, that "I'll be single for the rest of my life.", I have HAD girlfriends of course, but....they were spread years apart and...my dates are probably at best and at most 3 times a year...where there are some men that garner 3 dates a week...sometimes I think it's a lie and that they could be bragging...if they aren't lying...then how are they even managing to have the time to get out and mingle so much and to encounter so many women.

 

Of course, if men knew this of the latter guy, then they'd be turned off, but that's for another post.

 

Anyhow, though I can garner dates....they are few and far between per year, but can I brag and say, "Hey, at least I got a handful of dates, right?"

 

I'm sure there had been a ton of women that had looked at me, thought I was, "funny, charming, great personality, kind, great sense of humor, romantic, gentlemen,etc."

 

But..."I just don't see you in that way," which is a nice way of saying, "I'm not physically attracted."

 

Be it height, baldness (yes, I am bald) or certain facial features that can't be fixed that may turn off women. I have a narrow face...and not the broad chin/jawline that falls into the category of a hunk.

 

I work out, stay toned, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong, I have some female friends that like me a lot, but when I first met them I was attempting to date them, they'd be like, "You're a great guy...but...I'm just not attracted, sorry..."

 

There's this one female friend I know, still friends with her...she's over 50, and she's had A LOT of guys ask her out...and she liked them...."as friends", nothing more...why ? She told me she wasn't physically attracted.

 

From her dating patterns...she's into lean guys with jerry curled mullet haircuts...lol...don't ask me why...but there's a particular "sleazy" look she's into. I think she's attracted to a certain "look" and it isn't fashion either.

 

They aren't necessarily in shape either, just thin/lean. Think Michael Richards/Kramer from Seinfeld's body. I think she's into a lot of hair on a guy, too.

 

ANyhow, just saying...she's too picky...she's focused in on some kind of "look" that's been ingrained in her psyche and doesn't go outside that box.

 

But....but, believe it or not, she dated a deaf/mute guy...so his disability didn't stop her from how attracted she was to him...physically.

[Nox]

Regarding Eastern European dating, well I am a woman from Eastern Europe and dating here sucks as well

 

Maybe it's just easier to get along with people online because you get straight to the point and actually get to meet the person. And OP if you've been using dating website that are aimed at Eastern European or more particularly Russian girls, well no wonder you got along with Russian girls online.

 

Also I think your lack of experience with girls could be a turn off, sorry. I once had a boyfriend who had really low self esteem and after I helped him boost his self esteem he broke up with me and soon enough started dating another girl. Generally I saw similar things happen in my friends' lives. On the other hand I have yet to see a scenario where it didn't play out this way.

 

I know you'll say now that you would never stop loving a girl with whom

you'd have an amazing relationship and so on. And who knows, maybe you wouldn't. But if I were to date guy my age (I'm 29) who didn't have much experience with girls, honestly I couldn't relax because of this.

I'm not saying you should be Hugh Hefner or something, but still..

 

On the other hand there are also girls our age who don't have that much experience, due to being too shy or whatever, so maybe instead of targeting girls who live accross the ocean, you should target girls with the same level of experience?

 

Oh and btw, I also feel like I'm gonna end up alone, so... I can't even blame the lack of experience.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But if I were to date guy my age (I'm 29) who didn't have much experience with girls, honestly I couldn't relax because of this.

I'm not saying you should be Hugh Hefner or something, but still..

 

In the man's defense, some women can be blamed for perpetuating his lack of success by playing games, flaking, standing him up, friend zoning, etc. on him.

 

A lot of single women have made it much harder for a man to romance/date her. It's getting worse, esp. in America. This is why you see so posts from mid-20s men lacking success in dating...the women haven't made it easy on them, esp. in such a superficial society.

 

Also I think your lack of experience with girls could be a turn off, sorry.

 

It seems everything can be a turn off to someone when it comes to dating these days. People seem to LOOK for a reason not to date someone.

Edited September 28, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst