What's one gender role that you cannot come to terms with?

[Hopeful30]

Gender roles differ depending where you're from and where you were raised, and I've noticed a lot of discussion about who pays, who calls or initiates etc.

 

I am fine with some gender roles, such as cleaning, for example. I'm a neat-freak, so if our place is messy, I will glady take 100% of the responsibility because a) I enjoy it and b) I will do a better job than he will.

 

One role I don't like is cooking. I don't like cooking and I'm not a big fan of food. This is a gender role that I'm not friends with.

 

Just curious which ones you resist or have an issue with. (Doesn't matter which, these 'roles' will vary depending on your culture and upbringing.)

[Lorenza]

Keeping the place clean, doing laundry, changing sheets. Shouldn't be entirely my job to go around picking up stuff. Also, it's unacceptable to just load your dirty socks in the laundry box and expect them to be magically done.

 

I can take on cooking though (most likely I'm the better cook anyway) and even cleaning up afterwards, if my partner can do the shopping and bring grosseries.

 

***This isn't a gender role, but I hate my emotions being discredited to "are pmsing or something?" as well.

[Toodaloo]

Ironing.

 

I don't like to see men ironing. Even if they do it better than me.

 

Mum once told me a story about a time she saw my Grandpa crying while ironing tea towels... My Dad also used to iron when Mum was working away and he was missing her...

 

I really do not like to see a man iron.

 

Money.

 

Personally I prefer it when a man earns more than me. Every time I have been the "financially dominant" one its not been good and money has ended up being an issue. Its as though they had less respect for me because I was the one paying the bills and sorting stuff out. Over time they started treating me like a surrogate mother (I would end up paying for absolutely everything regardless of them earning in most cases only slightly less than me) and being that I am naturally nurturing, I kind of slotted into that. Massive turn off to be a guys mother rather than his lover. I like to, and want to, contribute my fair share but I also want a man who likes to be the man of the house rather than have to shoulder everything on my own. I don't want to have to panic and stress because he has had a puncture on his car or it needs servicing at the same time as the council tax and electric bill... When I have lived with men who earn more it was never a problem and worked out just fine. I think they liked to "take care" of me in that way and I didn't feel constant pressure to cope with everything financial within the relationship on my own. So I understand how guys feel when women are money grabbing and just take, take, take from them but equally I also understand how easily it can emasculate a man to earn less.

 

So I prefer it if they earn more than me.

 

Other than that I am not bothered. It would be nice if it were traditionally based roles but not essential. I have been living on my own long enough to be able to sort most things out so I am not worried.

[preraph]

Cleaning and any structured requirement that means I have to do something at a certain time. Domesticity. Kids. I would never like someone keeping tabs on me beyond just what is considerate sharing to keep the other person from sitting around waiting or wondering. I would never want a partner trying to discourage me spending time with friends. When I was young, my career kept me out seeing bands a whole lot, and I knew a lot of couples had issues dealing with that, so once any question about that even came up, I'd peel off because it wouldn't have worked.

[jen1447]

I don't really abide by any gender roles, but I suppose culturally I'd have to say I don't like being assumed to be weak or incompetent or a damsel in distress, etc.

[BikerAccnt]

Ironing.

 

I don't like to see men ironing. Even if they do it better than me.

 

 

 

I really do not like to see a man iron.

 

.

 

 

I have plenty you can do for me!

[Eternal Sunshine]

Money.

 

I would be fine dating a man who is genuinely going through a temporary hard time. Like if he had a solid career and was made redundant but was really trying to find a new job. Anything other than that though, no thanks.

 

I have also had horrible experiences being with men that earn less. They always found subtle ways to put me down or grew resentful over time. I often had to find ways to cater to their egos while suppressing my own dissatisfaction that I couldn't be with someone who is more of my equal. It was a disaster on both sides so now I don't even try.

 

I know that generally when couples live together, people are supposed to contribute what's proportionate to their income. This was done when in like all the cases women earned less. I could never be with someone that was contributing less than a half of anything though...ever. That would be the biggest attraction killer

[Gaeta]

I am very liberal in my thinking and don't mind paying and all that stuff.

 

There is one thing though that I think is a man's job and it's heavy lifting. I should not be the one handling heavy equipment like lawn mower or electrical tools, or even shoveling, or anything I could hurt myself with.

 

I remember my ex-husband hating to see our lady neighbor mow their lawn. He always said only a lazy man would let his wife do that. He'd often go across the street and finished the lawn for her.

 

That has stick with me till this day.

[smackie9]

I can cook clean and sew, but I can also cut the lawn, do a tune up on my truck, fix a toilet and drink lots of beer. I refuse to adjust my gaunch or scratch my crotch tho lol.

[Shining One]

I'm not a fan of gender roles of any sort. I prefer roles based on the inclinations and aptitude of the two people in the relationship. The person with the higher amount of disposable income should pay more. The person who is both good at and enjoys cooking should be the primary cook in the relationship.

[Toodaloo]

I am very liberal in my thinking and don't mind paying and all that stuff.

 

Its not the money or the paying that bothered me.

 

It was the attitude that followed. That they didn't need to contribute because I did all of that. That if anything went wrong I would sort it all out. It was the slow transition from Partner to Mother that bothered me... The dumping of "joint" responsibilities onto my shoulders. The attitude of oh well I haven't got enough to pay any bills but I have to go off for a weekend with the lads because I "need" fun too you know... while I went with out to cover the bills...

 

Any guy who has been used this way by a woman will be able to explain it to you Gaeta.

 

It has only been in relationships where I have been the "provider" financially that this "transition" has happened. In those where I was contributing my share but not seen as the "main provider" it hasn't happened. That is why I say it.

[Toodaloo]

I have plenty you can do for me!

 

Why do people always say that!!!

 

I feel like sending out free clothes folders to everyone with a note this is how to keep your drawers neat and tidy!!!

 

I always have to rummage in the garage to find the iron at my best mates house... I get it out, sort all their washing and ironing and put it all away. Then as soon as I am gone it gets hidden again until I fly over again!!!

 

Nearly had a fit when her husband sprayed water on a shirt and chucked it in the dryer for 10 minutes to "iron" it... He will not be doing that in front of me again!!!

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm not a big fan of traditional gender roles as I think it inspires a lot of co-dependence. You don't see it as much in younger couples as the roles have evolved, but I know I have lots of older family where after a divorce it's clear that neither person is fully functional as an adult.

 

I'm not saying everyone has to do 50% of everything, but I'm sorry a woman should be able to change a light bulb or put a bag of garbage out to the curb, and a man should be able to cook a basic meal, fold a load of laundry and clean.

[smackie9]

Like my brother always said...I can cook and clean, but if there a woman around to do it, I don't.

[Woggle]

I dont like strict gender roles but I don't like hypocrites who demand others follow them but are quick to scream sexist when the opposite sex believes in them.

[SammySammy]

I love to cook. I understand it and it's something I can strive to perfect. Though I'm slim and trim, I love food and the process of making good food. Love exploring different cuisines.

 

I didn't cook for a long time because my ex thought a man cooking was "gay". To her, men singing is "gay". Men dancing is "gay". I don't sing or dance, but I've rekindled my love for cooking.

 

One expectation that I hate is car maintenance and repair. I'll put air in tires. Charge a battery. Change a tire, if necessary. But, I'm taking the car to someone to get it repaired, oil changed, washed and so forth. With no shame whatsoever.

 

Something else I hate is landscaping or gardening. I'll mow grass. Rake leaves. But, I detest planting stuff, pulling weeds, mulching and crap like that. My mother is very good at making landscapes look good, but she made us boys do all the work. Hated it with a passion from a very young age.

[preraph]

Its not the money or the paying that bothered me.

 

It was the attitude that followed. That they didn't need to contribute because I did all of that. That if anything went wrong I would sort it all out. It was the slow transition from Partner to Mother that bothered me... The dumping of "joint" responsibilities onto my shoulders. The attitude of oh well I haven't got enough to pay any bills but I have to go off for a weekend with the lads because I "need" fun too you know... while I went with out to cover the bills...

 

Any guy who has been used this way by a woman will be able to explain it to you Gaeta.

 

It has only been in relationships where I have been the "provider" financially that this "transition" has happened. In those where I was contributing my share but not seen as the "main provider" it hasn't happened. That is why I say it.

 

Some very good points. I guess it goes to holding someone to expectations especially at the beginning so they don't get into bad habits just because you were being nice.

[Toodaloo]

Men dancing is "gay".

 

Good God no, Just NO!

 

A man that can spin your round the dance floor and do all the catches and lifts? Oh my God they are so sooooooooo sexy!

 

Dancers also move in such a wonderful way. Do not tell me that men dancing a tango are not incredibly masculine and sexy... Because I will tell you now ANYONE who says men who can dance is "gay" or "feminine" is lying.

 

More men should dance... Nothing sexier than a man who can take control and take the lead and dance...

[seren]

We split roles depending on who does what better. I cook better, H does the garden, I can problem solve most car problems, H does the fixing as he is an engineer. I do all the electrics. He does his own washing and ironing, I do mine and we both do the house stuff. We both clean, I do more as I am now at home all day, before that it was more shared. I used to earn far more than him, but that didn't matter as we share all money, I manage all finances, correspondence etc as I am better at it, he does the heavy stuff and I help if I can.

 

We brought our son up to do the same, he does all the cooking and washes his and his wife's stuff, irons them too, she does it if she is home before him.

Just as it should be.

 

I hate assumptions that I cannot do something just because I am female. many moons ago I was a HGV1 lorry driver, also drove a vintage motorbike (an S7 Sunbeam) that I helped my dad to build. I was a petite young woman and in the 70's gender bias was rife, drove me nuts. I would never expect a man to do something I can do for myself, though H likes to open doors for me and carries all the shopping in. The little woman at home stereotype should be junked, though I have also known plenty of women who use the female card to get what they want and that drives me even more nuts.

[BikerAccnt]

Why do people always say that!!!

 

 

 

Nearly had a fit when her husband sprayed water on a shirt and chucked it in the dryer for 10 minutes to "iron" it... He will not be doing that in front of me again!!!

 

 

Umm.. I hate to admit to doing this on more than one occasion...man thing I guess.

[Toodaloo]

Umm.. I hate to admit to doing this on more than one occasion...man thing I guess.

 

Just don't...

 

My OCD will start playing havoc....

[GorillaTheater]

Umm.. I hate to admit to doing this on more than one occasion...man thing I guess.

 

 

When I went into the Navy, I'm not sure I'd even touched an iron before. I had no choice though other than get pretty good at it, and I'm a better ironer than my wife.

 

 

But since we both hate ironing, we pay to have it done.

[RecentChange]

.

 

There is one thing though that I think is a man's job and it's heavy lifting. I should not be the one handling heavy equipment like lawn mower or electrical tools, or even shoveling, or anything I could hurt myself with.

 

I remember my ex-husband hating to see our lady neighbor mow their lawn. He always said only a lazy man would let his wife do that. He'd often go across the street and finished the lawn for her.

 

That has stick with me till this day.

 

 

I hate that he judged the neighbors so much simply because they were not conforming to gender roles.

 

I enjoy physical work, "labor", working on cars, operating tools, and yes, mowing the lawn, trimming the trees etc.

 

I grew up in the country. I learned how to swing an ax to chop a cord of wood, to bring in the hay, to dig drainage ditches, and drive a front loader.

 

It makes me feel strong and capable that I can do these "man" things - and further I find physical work relaxing, a nice get away from my high pressure finical district job.

 

In addition, physical work like this won't so much make you prone to injury, rather it will make you resistant to it as using your body makes it strong.

 

So while he saw a lazy husband, I see a capable women.

 

I choose to have a man in my life, I certainly don't NEED one.

[Toodaloo]

When I went into the Navy, I'm not sure I'd even touched an iron before. I had no choice though other than get pretty good at it, and I'm a better ironer than my wife.

 

But since we both hate ironing, we pay to have it done.

 

I used to live with a guy who was fairly high up in the police force and he had to be well turned out...

 

After I ruined a few pairs of trousers and singed some bit of what ever it is they have on their shoulders he showed me how he did them because I refused to let him.

 

He would get up in the middle of the night when he thought I had fallen asleep to redo his work clothes... he knew I hated seeing him do it so he would hide it from me... Now thats love!!!

[road]

I don't really abide by any gender roles, but I suppose culturally I'd have to say I don't like being assumed to be weak or incompetent or a damsel in distress, etc.

 

So you admit to those things.

 

 

How refreshing, honesty.