m57 Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I'm a man in my late 50s. Something my SO said a few years ago still bothers me. I slightly resemble a male celebrity who is about my age and whose appearance has changed a fair amount with time. I resemble the current version of this guy. We were watching him on TV one night and she said, almost to herself "Can you believe he used to be a heart throb?" What she said registered with me but I'm not sure she made the connection that she was pretty harshly disparaging the looks of a man we talk about as my doppelganger. I didn't comment or react at the time and we went on with the evening. I did say something a few days later, along the lines of asking if she was aware of what she had said and she said she was. I said that it struck me as a bit cruel or thoughtless of her to say that, and she added that she only realized the implications of what she said after. So she slipped up, but I said it was pretty uncomplimentary regardless of intent. She didn't really respond and I didn't push too hard for a response. Our relationship is and was pretty good, so I felt like maybe I was looking for drama where there was none, and so I let it go. Almost. It still bugs me. I have no illusions about my physical attractiveness, tending to take solace in being quite ordinary looking for a man at an age when ordinary isn't all that great. Still, hearing that from her hurt and it still does. I'm a bit ashamed that I'm still hurting this long after it happened, and I can't imagine bringing it up again. I mean, toward what end? No talking will unring that bell. Yet I still feel the sting of it, and a little doubt about what she sees in me. Any ideas on how I might better deal with this? Thanks for reading.
GorillaTheater Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 If it was years ago, I sure wouldn't bring it up. And I'd try not to dwell on it, either. We all step in it at some point or another. That comment aside, do you feel desired by her?
Author m57 Posted September 20, 2016 Author Posted September 20, 2016 If it was years ago, I sure wouldn't bring it up. And I'd try not to dwell on it, either. We all step in it at some point or another. That comment aside, do you feel desired by her? Yes, I do, but not as much as I once did. We've been together 20 years and we're both laten50s, so age and familiarity are the most painless explanations for her reduced but still present interest. That's what I tell myself, until other thoughts creep in.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Well the next time you see a woman on TV whose really built, you could say, "Gee you used to look like that, what happened?" Now after you come home from the hospital and all the swelling goes down and your off the crutches and have the stitches taken out, then you can say you got even.................or, just chalk it up to her talking out of her ass which we have all done at one time. Your taking it way too serious friend. Leave it go before you make a mountain out of a mole hill.
preraph Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Apparently she didn't see the resemblance. Maybe she thinks you're attractive because of what she found inside and she simply doesn't know that celeb, so she doesn't see it. Please don't worry about it as long as you two are having a good life.
Toodaloo Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Yes, I do, but not as much as I once did. We've been together 20 years and we're both laten50s, so age and familiarity are the most painless explanations for her reduced but still present interest. That's what I tell myself, until other thoughts creep in. You have been together 20 years. You are feeling a bit low about stuff. Why not talk to her about it? That celeb may have been your doppleganger but have you not considered that perhaps she is thinking that you have aged far better and are far sexier? Give her the chance to tell you these things. After 20 years its easy to forget to say stuff like this even though you still think it!
Recommended Posts