My Girlfriend Dumped me to party and be carefree...

[kphoenix87]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm new to this forum and you all seem really friendly and nice, so I thought I'd take the step to post my story and get your thoughts.

 

So I'm 29 years old. I met a girl in January 2016 (I was 28 then) who I fell head over heals for. Lets call her Jane. Jane was 25 and had been single for 4 years. She was looking for a man to spend the rest of her life with. She'd been partying and told me she almost gave up on men as she found them to be so stupid and never were able to tick all her boxes. When I met her we hit it off straight away. She was sadly quite heartbroken herself, had very low self esteem and never experienced what its like to be loved by a gentleman.

 

So fast forward, we went from very close friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. We fell in love with one another and would spend every single day in each others company. She would talk about the future she looks forward to spending with me. How many kids, where we'll live, what we'll do..etc. I happily shared the vision and really got excited at the prospect of sharing my life with her. I met her family and they loved me and her mum was really happy I was in her life as I was making her daughter happy again. Giving her self belief and showing her how great she is. I really felt a bond and connection with Jane. We were such a good couple an there were no cracks at all. Any problems, we always talked through and came out stronger.

 

Then after 7 happy months together. She wentout for a "girls night" and met a guy who looked just like a ex boyfriend of hers. They became facebook friends and would message constantly throughout the next few weeks. It went from texting to going out for coffee, cocktails, nights out....I of course was never invitied and got very jealous. I'd never experienced jealousy like I did in this situation. We agued and she felt I was trying to be controlling. I assured her that wasn't the problem. I just was uncomfortable at how fast this new "friendship" is going. I've not met this guy and his intentions to me are unknown as she is in a happy relationship and he is trying to take my girlfriend away from me.

 

Being understanding and not "controlling" I didn't say she couldn't see this guy. I tried to be flexible and adjust. So of course you guessed it....I found out that she kissed him one night after leaving out home we shared to "clear her head". I went crazy, confronted her and she admitted it. She begged for forgiveness and I don't know if I was the big person or plain stupid...I forgave her.

 

We still were not 100% by this stage. Over this experience I believe it opened up a case of Grass is greener on the other side syndrome. She seemed to long for the carefree, free spirit and single life again. The life which screwed her up, turned her into a self doubting, unhappy and low self belief person.

 

So through hours or talking and working this out, we agreed to have a break. All of which I really didn't want to have. I loved her with all my heart and didn't want to lose her. She was my life and I was incredibly happy with her in every sense.

 

So, we had a break. I flew to Thailand to clear my head. Sadly I was so heartbroken and depressed about the situation. I ended up flying back home to the UK after just days. (Due to stay for a month) for mental support from my family. I was so down I'd walk the streets in tears.

 

So I'm still home in the UK and due to fly back to where we live in a couple of weeks to packup my stuff and move out. I've kept a distance but she keeps messaging me on whatsapp. She'd said the whole time we were together, if we were to breakup, she would want me to still be in her life. She needs me and would struggle not to have me in her life. I guess she doesn't have many genuine people in her life and real positive people. She compared me to the love she has for her mum (which she is very very close to). She's very attractive an gets a lot of male attention. But its all so empty. They don't care about her, they just want to sleep with her and use her. She sadly is to naive to see this. I feel she is looking to go down the road that hurt and screwed her up once before.

 

The day I arrived back from Thailand, I was jetlagged, depressed and so sad, I called her up and said "F*£K IT, you don't want a relationship! lets call it off" She very quickly and happily agreed.

 

So I've been depressped, heartbroken, struggling to move forward in life, whilst friends have told me she is off out partying, having the time of her life. Enjoying life and moving forward with ease.

 

I guess she is just 26 years old and needs to get that out of her system. She told a mutual friend, she'll never find a man like me again an that the thought of such a perfect future at this stage in her life scared her. I can understand that, I was there myself with a previous girlfriend. Just suck and is painful to be dumped after you pick someone up, raise their self belief and give them the best love they've ever experienced. But that's life.

 

After I pickup my stuff, I'm going to not contact her or respond to any messages. I just want her to miss me and really feel how empty and false the party life can be. All the plastic people who just want to use her and not actually care for her. I just want her to one day come back and say "I messed up..." I'm not holding out any hope. But would be nice.

 

Sorry to ramble, any input or answers will be great as I'm open to other angles on this situation. Sadly suffering a lot right now

 

Piece and Love

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly, OP.

 

One thing that struck me is how quickly you two moved. You said you just met her in January, and you're now going to move your stuff out of where you live. So, if understand correctly, you went from strangers to living together in the span of a few months. Is that accurate? Unfortunately, time and again, relationships that ignite quickly tend to burn out quickly too.

 

The fact is that she cheated and crossed some major boundaries before doing so. You should never have been "understanding" while she was essentially going on dates with a guy you'd never met. You would have had every right to put your foot down and refuse to tolerate that kind of disrespect. I don't necessarily think that would have prevented the final outcome, but in the future, don't be afraid to draw and enforce your own boundaries. Being understanding does not mean you should allow yourself to be disrespected.

 

I think you phrased it best when you said she doesn't want a relationship. You were right - she doesn't. Her behaviour indicates she's not ready for a commitment and had little consideration for your feelings. This will hurt for a little while, but believe me when I see it's for the best. She is not the woman you thought she was. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

 

Oh, and go No Contact. She has a lot of nerve assuming you will still be in her life after what she did. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that anymore.

[kphoenix87]

Hey ExpatInItaly,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply! Really means a lot to me

 

We did move rather quickly into the relationship. We started out as friends, then by about 4 months we lived so close together, we decided to move in to her place. The odd thing is, she initiated and was really keen on the idea of it all. Its funny because it does seem so fast, but it felt so natural and everything worked so well. We adjusted to have each other lives and we worked and lived so well together. Everything was perfect. We never argued and if we did, we would talk about adjusting to each other and would move forward. It was just that one night she went out, met this scumbag...then boom! All changed. The GIGS syndrome came into full effect. That night everything changed. We fit together so perfectly up to that point. I think you're right when you said, it would happen sooner or later. Luckily it was sooner.

 

You are right! I most likey was to understanding. She'd told me she had a previous ex boyfriend who was very very controlling and he sadly messed her up. He would tell her that she can't wear certain clothes, see certain people and do certain things. He really messsed her up. She promised herself she'll never allow someone to take her freedom away. So with this in mind, I was conscience of not being too controlling. I mean a girl is allowed to have male friends. I guess there is a line and she was way over it. Then of course went that tiny bit further and kissed him one evening which was it for me. Eventually she saw where I was coming from, and blocked all contact with him. I guess by that time it was too late.

 

You are absolutely right! I did have every right to get annoyed and I think in the future I will not tolerate that again. She did disrespect me and like a fool blinded by love, I allowed it. Its frustrating because I really gave her my heart and soul and she unintentioally used them and chucked the.

 

She isn't the girl I once thought she was. I'm here at home on my computer back in my parents house halfway across the world from where I was living (Bali) depressed, sad, heartbroken and a little lost. Whilst she is most likey off out, hooking up with guys, back on Tinder and having the time of her life. That hurts. How can someone do that to another person. Someone who really showed them happiness and love! I just hope she matures one day and see's what she has done to me. I just hope.

 

Sadly I have to see her in two weeks or so. I'm not to sure how to play it? Should I be angry, should I pretent to not give a **** or should I just be cold? My gut tells me to be very distant. Usually I am very friendly, chatty and fun but I really want her to feel bad for all she has put me through.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hey ExpatInItaly,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply! Really means a lot to me

 

We did move rather quickly into the relationship. We started out as friends, then by about 4 months we lived so close together, we decided to move in to her place. The odd thing is, she initiated and was really keen on the idea of it all. Its funny because it does seem so fast, but it felt so natural and everything worked so well. We adjusted to have each other lives and we worked and lived so well together. Everything was perfect. We never argued and if we did, we would talk about adjusting to each other and would move forward. It was just that one night she went out, met this scumbag...then boom! All changed. The GIGS syndrome came into full effect. That night everything changed. We fit together so perfectly up to that point. I think you're right when you said, it would happen sooner or later. Luckily it was sooner.

 

You are right! I most likey was to understanding. She'd told me she had a previous ex boyfriend who was very very controlling and he sadly messed her up. He would tell her that she can't wear certain clothes, see certain people and do certain things. He really messsed her up. She promised herself she'll never allow someone to take her freedom away. So with this in mind, I was conscience of not being too controlling. I mean a girl is allowed to have male friends. I guess there is a line and she was way over it. Then of course went that tiny bit further and kissed him one evening which was it for me. Eventually she saw where I was coming from, and blocked all contact with him. I guess by that time it was too late.

 

You are absolutely right! I did have every right to get annoyed and I think in the future I will not tolerate that again. She did disrespect me and like a fool blinded by love, I allowed it. Its frustrating because I really gave her my heart and soul and she unintentioally used them and chucked the.

 

She isn't the girl I once thought she was. I'm here at home on my computer back in my parents house halfway across the world from where I was living (Bali) depressed, sad, heartbroken and a little lost. Whilst she is most likey off out, hooking up with guys, back on Tinder and having the time of her life. That hurts. How can someone do that to another person. Someone who really showed them happiness and love! I just hope she matures one day and see's what she has done to me. I just hope.

 

Sadly I have to see her in two weeks or so. I'm not to sure how to play it? Should I be angry, should I pretent to not give a **** or should I just be cold? My gut tells me to be very distant. Usually I am very friendly, chatty and fun but I really want her to feel bad for all she has put me through.

 

The language you use to describe this situation is interesting. Your speak very tentatively, as though you weren't'/aren't confident enough to set your boundary and say "NO!" loudly and clearly. She didn't go a "tiny bit" further and it wasn't "unintentional" - she knowingly took a huge proverbial dump all over you and your relationship. Don't be afraid to have a voice, OP. Strengthen up that backbone of yours and stand up for yourself.

 

She may have had a controlling ex, but I have to wonder if her behaviour played a role. Look how inappropriately she behaved with you. If she did the same with her ex, it is little wonder he might not have wanted her around male friends. She has poor boundaries and little respect for her partner.

 

People who do these things are able to because they're just not as invested or committed as we thought. I have been betrayed too, and believe me, I've asked myself the same questions. It has zero to do with how much love we showed them, and everything to do with them not wanting to commit and being too immature and selfish to be honest with us. Think about it: a person who is truly in love would not be capable of dating and kissing someone else while already in a relationship. She was already checked out when that happened.

 

As for how you should act, see her as little as possible when you go to move your belongings. If at all possible, do so when she is not at home. If you have to face her, I would suggest keeping your distance and not engaging in any talk about the relationship. No need for friendly chatting. She is not your friend, not by a long shot. Get in, collect your items, and get out.

[kphoenix87]

You are bang on the money! I'm sitting here reading your response and think "Where has my voice been!...She has taken the piss and I'm allowing it to happen". You're totally right and my backbone has been really weak. I've totally let her walk all over me and I'm now viewing my situation with more anger and how dare she!

 

I have so much respect for myself and I've let that slip! I've decided that I'll tell her NOT to be there when I pickup my stuff. Why would I make it easy for her. Why would I allow her to see me and make her feel better for all I've gone through. She will hate the fact I ask her not to be around. But good! This is the decision she has made.

 

Good point! Why did her ex become so controling. In some situations, she obviously doesn't know the boundaries. She never displayed this before with other guys, but she's obviously got an achilles heel for a type of guy. But that's no excuse. In a relationship you respect your partner.

 

I read a really interesting piece on this site which sums her up to a T!

 

" Many people who end relationships this way very likely suffered from emotional neglect as a child and never emotionally matured into an adult. It’s like dating someone with the mind of a 5 year old child. They have the body and mental capacity of an adult but the emotional level of a child. They were emotionally neglected by their parents and never learned how to mature. Imagine a little girl playing with a toy. She throws it down for the new toy and never looks back, without any thought or compassion for the old toy. Would you expect a five year old to sit down and rationally discuss a relationship? Of course not. They are not capable and nether is your ex. They typically can not handle any type of responsibility and go through life attaching and detaching to people, never being able to truly maintain a functional long lasting mature relationship. When they hurt people, they can’t even comprehend what they have done. Does a child feel bad when they say, “I hate you?” It’s a psyche that normal functioning people can’t even understand. Many go from job to job never being able to keep one for any long period of time. Drug and alcohol abuse or other such issues are common. The sudden dumping usually occurs when some dynamic within the realtionship changes. (getting married, moving in together, being confronted about the drugs or alcohol, demanding they find a job, making a committment, etc). They run scared because their partner has asked them to grow up and it terrifies them because they never learned how to grow up. So they sabotage the relationship. They close the door on you and never look back. And cruelly leave you without any answers. When someone treats you like this, it is some of the worst pain and suffering a human being can ever experience. And you have done nothing to deserve this and remember, it has nothing to do with you. Their problems are completely independent of you. Sadly, they will repeat this pattern throughout their life and never achieve true happiness with anyone. The person after you is not gonna get a better deal, trust me! You are better off without this person in your life and being a mature adult, you will be able to heal from your pain and go on and find true happiness with. "

 

Again, thank you so much for your time and help you've put into this. You've no idea how much in your resonses how much you've made me think. I'm now feeling angry towards her and considering how much I gave and what she did in return! She does not deserve my love, attention nor friendship!

 

Thank you again, you speak the truth! The truth isn't east to hear but needs to be heard!

[DKT3]

Bullet dodged...

 

I read an interesting opinion about women who quickly scream controller.....when many women say her guy is controlling what she really means is he has a backbone and won't happily accept the sh¶t she's shoveling down your throat. I think it's the very case in your situation.

[fromheart]

As soon as a partner or someone your close with, starts going to nightclubs and spending time with men who look like their ex, just end it and leave. To stay put means you're quite simply tolerating abuse. And you have been abused here! She's treated you badly. Very probable more stuff has happened which you don't know about.

 

People like this will often have a very sweet side that you love, and a devil in them that will kick you to the kerb. That's because she's imbalanced, and not relationship material. Look at her behavior, only someone with problems would act this way.

 

Get over this, you've lost nothing. And now you know what to look for and what to avoid in an intimate relationship.

[preraph]

Well, first of all, make it clear you are not up for "just being friends" so she can make you into her second mother. Yikes. That comment makes me wonder if she was feeling more like the child to you, you being a parent figure. You don't want to have a parent/child relationship with a love interest because it totally kills the romance and sex. So think about that and see if the shoe fits.

 

She is young and she saw a guy that excited her. Of course, he won't be like her ex as she hopes he will be only a better version. But if she's really hot, he may hold on to her as long as possible.

 

I don't know why she's talking about marriage and kids if she's still feeling the drive to go out and party. I mean, I understand that drive as I had it for a good 20 years past when most people do, but I didn't have the nesting drive at the same time, so I don't get it. It's probably because she has NO idea what it takes to have a marriage and kids but is just idealizing it from afar and isn't prepared for it.

 

You should try to just block her and move on. Sorry this happened to you. Don't coddle her by agreeing to be friends or she'll just cry on your shoulder about every new guy that comes along. Plus it's too parental in your instance.

[aloneinaz]

As a guy, if I was you and she started hanging out with a new guy who she openly shared looked like her ex, I'd of kicked her A$$ to the curb. She simply screams massively immature. 25-26 is still young and she clearly wants to continue to be single and sow her oats.

 

I know it hurts my friend, but you should really read the NC thread, heal and move on to someone close to your age IS ready to settle down for the long term. This last girl demonstrated so many deal breakers to me that should of made you run for the hills, away from her.

 

The good news is you can do this now. DON'T wrap your mind around the fact that "she so hot" or the lines of BS she fed you about kids, where to live, blah, blah, blah.. It's all a moot point.

 

Realize there are MILLIONS of other hot girls out there who want what you do. You'll meet her and forget all about this one.

[MetalGearSolid]

Wow, your situation is so similar to mine that it's kinda scary. In my case, my very beautiful ex told me at the start that she was done with the partying, loveless life, and wanted to be actually taken care of by a guy. She had low self-esteem, and it was obvious at the time that she wanted to change. So I picked her up and built her up. Throughout the months we were together, I showered her with love she never got before. Discovered she cheated on me a month ago. She's with the other guy currently.

 

Sure, I was super depressed at first. But after a while, I realised my sadness turned mostly into pity. Just like you, I knew that no guy in the future would actually truly love her the way I did, and would only love her body. The only thing I can say is, it's totally not your fault this happened. This is a path she chose to take, and there was nothing you could have done to have prevented this from happening. You can't help those that don't want to help themselves. At one point of her life, your ex is definitely going to look back and regret big-time letting you go.

 

Take some time to grief, and remove her from all forms of social media. You will definitely feel better after a while. I know it's harder to move on when your ex is a very physically attractive lady, but trust me, there are more beautiful women around, you just gotta start looking.

[kphoenix87]

Hey everyone,

 

Thank you all for your great support and replies! Really nice to know that there are good people out there who offer support to strangers.

 

Its a funny thing because reading all your words gives me such clarity on what she did to me. Its a double edged sword, because on the one hand, I have great memories of times, holidays and moments we shared and the love for one another was so strong. I really really felt it. I could feel that she genuinely loved me and needed me. I'm struggle to let go. I am taking steps to move forward, but I am grieving what we have lost.

 

But then on the other hand, with all that said, she stabbed me in the back for no good reason rather then for her own selfish needs. I liturally couldn't find any fault in anything I did. I knowingly treated her like a princess and made her the happiest she's been in years. I was the one good guy in her life that looked beyond the fickle nature of looks and accepted her for who she is. We started out as friends as that was her request. She said I just need a friend. I put my feelings and attractions aside and said, I can give you a friendship. For a good while I respected the friendzone and we would share a bed and I never pushed the boundaries. Not once was I inapropriate. That came from her and I went with the flow and we naturally built a stable foundation and grew into a strong couple. All the rubbish and headaches and heartbreak caused by other guys in the past, I picked up the pieces, helped her standup, then she didn't just push me away, she kicked me away!

 

From what I hear, she is moving forward with a smile and almost as though she is blocking out what we had. It hurts to think that. I don't know 100% for sure what's going on in her head, but I know she is out living the "care free life". I've not made any contact with her. I'm telling her not to be there when I pickup my things from our home. I really want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I know it will bother her, me asking her not to be there. Good! I've had the last two months of suffering, what's she had? Her cake and now she's eating it.

 

Its sad to think that the phrase "Nice guys finish last" is so true. But I may be nice but I'm not stupid. I'll meet that right women who appreciate what I can provide. Maybe one day Jane will realize her mistake but that's when she'll finish last. I'll be well gone.

 

I woke up this morning and I don't quite know what emotion I am feeling for once. I guess I feel angry towards her (which is good) but I also feel hugely disapointed. As "ThatsSean" said, I pity her. She is locking out good genuine people in her life and seeking destruction, heartbreak and headaches. Men who will feed her rubbish to get their leg over and will toss her aside. Pathetic. Sadly I will always have a love for her as I can't switch that off, an that Love see's what she is doing and where she is going. Its not my job anymore to help, but its frustrating to see someone shoot themselves in the foot. I guess its still so new right now, but would be interesting if anyone who shared a similar experience, had the girl come crawling back?

 

Onwards and upwords for me at least! Hard but not impossible

[fromheart]

Hey everyone,

 

Thank you all for your great support and replies! Really nice to know that there are good people out there who offer support to strangers.

 

Its a funny thing because reading all your words gives me such clarity on what she did to me. Its a double edged sword, because on the one hand, I have great memories of times, holidays and moments we shared and the love for one another was so strong. I really really felt it. I could feel that she genuinely loved me and needed me. I'm struggle to let go. I am taking steps to move forward, but I am grieving what we have lost.

 

But then on the other hand, with all that said, she stabbed me in the back for no good reason rather then for her own selfish needs. I liturally couldn't find any fault in anything I did. I knowingly treated her like a princess and made her the happiest she's been in years. I was the one good guy in her life that looked beyond the fickle nature of looks and accepted her for who she is. We started out as friends as that was her request. She said I just need a friend. I put my feelings and attractions aside and said, I can give you a friendship. For a good while I respected the friendzone and we would share a bed and I never pushed the boundaries. Not once was I inapropriate. That came from her and I went with the flow and we naturally built a stable foundation and grew into a strong couple. All the rubbish and headaches and heartbreak caused by other guys in the past, I picked up the pieces, helped her standup, then she didn't just push me away, she kicked me away!

 

From what I hear, she is moving forward with a smile and almost as though she is blocking out what we had. It hurts to think that. I don't know 100% for sure what's going on in her head, but I know she is out living the "care free life". I've not made any contact with her. I'm telling her not to be there when I pickup my things from our home. I really want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I know it will bother her, me asking her not to be there. Good! I've had the last two months of suffering, what's she had? Her cake and now she's eating it.

 

Its sad to think that the phrase "Nice guys finish last" is so true. But I may be nice but I'm not stupid. I'll meet that right women who appreciate what I can provide. Maybe one day Jane will realize her mistake but that's when she'll finish last. I'll be well gone.

 

I woke up this morning and I don't quite know what emotion I am feeling for once. I guess I feel angry towards her (which is good) but I also feel hugely disapointed. As "ThatsSean" said, I pity her. She is locking out good genuine people in her life and seeking destruction, heartbreak and headaches. Men who will feed her rubbish to get their leg over and will toss her aside. Pathetic. Sadly I will always have a love for her as I can't switch that off, an that Love see's what she is doing and where she is going. Its not my job anymore to help, but its frustrating to see someone shoot themselves in the foot. I guess its still so new right now, but would be interesting if anyone who shared a similar experience, had the girl come crawling back?

 

Onwards and upwords for me at least! Hard but not impossible

 

 

She'll go for the bad men who treat her badly, or treat the men badly who treat her well. Such a woman is to be avoided, for their sake and yours.

 

Don't ever allow yourself to get friend zoned if you don't feel the same way. She will never respect you for it, it's saying that you will take crumbs from the table. Always be willing and ready to walk away if you're not getting the deal you deserve.

 

Its great that you have been willing to pick up the pieces for another person you care about. But that doesn't work in romance, she must pick up the pieces herself. Yes you will help her if she falls, but you're her boyfriend and not her councilor. She must get the help she needs herself.

 

Yes the girl did come crawling back after I walked away. But I said no as she wasn't ready for a relationship, and I couldn't see any signs of her getting better in the near future. And remember, sometimes they come crawling back to just spit you out again.

 

 

You've always got to look into a person and see their health and stability. That IMO is the most important criteria for a relationship.

[HumanMachine]

Get back out to thailand mate.. Block delete her off of everything, she doesn't care about you.

[elaine567]

She was in a bad place when you met her, she was heartbroken and shell shocked from being with her controlling ex bf.

You became friends then bf/gf, she got her old self back whilst being in the relationship with you.

YOU were the safe pair of hands, after all the trauma she went through, you were a nice, cosy and warm place to be in and she loved it. She adopted the role of being your gf, she enjoyed all that talking about the future stuff.

 

However, whilst you were already galloping off into the sunset with her, she was just rebounding. The role of gf was just a role she undertook and she slotted you into the bf slot too, she maybe even convinced herself that that was what she wanted. She was happy she was secure...

BUT...

One night out and she meets a guy who is "real" bf stuff to her. The scales fell from her eyes, she realised she was not "in love" with you, she didn't want to be tied down with someone who although nice and who loved her, she didn't love back.

 

You dumped her, but she essentially set you up to do it. She is acting like she hasn't a care in the world, because my guess is that she is relieved that it is over. Yes, you are husband material, but she is in no place to want a husband at the moment.

 

YOU thought that you were the better option than the ex and that she would choose you, as that would have been the right thing for her to do. However glad she may have been that you swooped in and saved her, she is not obliged to spend the rest of her days with you.

When she realised she had just re bounded onto you and that you were not the man for her, then it all went pear shaped.

It is not that she doesn't want a relationship, it is just that she doesn't want a relationship with you. Sorry!

 

It is never a good idea to get in between two people who have unfinished business, she was in no place to date anyone when she started up with you. She clung onto you and you mistook that for real feelings when all it was, was a hurt woman looking desperately for love and attention. Once she sorted herself out, she looked around with clearer eyes and decided she no longer needed a saviour. The guy in the club was more the type of man she was attracted too and she then realised that she needed to keep looking and not tie herself down with you.

 

You need to find a woman who doesn't need saving, one who wants you for you.

 

Once you mend its broken wing, the wild bird flies away and never looks back. A lesson learnt.

Edited September 18, 2016 by elaine567

[lolablue17]

I just want her to one day come back and say "I messed up..." I'm not holding out any hope. But would be nice.

 

No you don't! If she comes one day, you might be tempted to take her back. Don't do that.

 

You're angry because your ego is hurt. But don't blame her, blame yourself for staying with her after the first time she started calling you "controlling". You should have left the same day. You haven't. You could have left many times since then. You haven't. Don't blame other people for your mistakes.

 

Be strong. This is how life goes, It's very easy to give advise from the side, I know.

[preraph]

Hey everyone,

 

Thank you all for your great support and replies! Really nice to know that there are good people out there who offer support to strangers.

 

Its a funny thing because reading all your words gives me such clarity on what she did to me. Its a double edged sword, because on the one hand, I have great memories of times, holidays and moments we shared and the love for one another was so strong. I really really felt it. I could feel that she genuinely loved me and needed me. I'm struggle to let go. I am taking steps to move forward, but I am grieving what we have lost.

 

But then on the other hand, with all that said, she stabbed me in the back for no good reason rather then for her own selfish needs. I liturally couldn't find any fault in anything I did. I knowingly treated her like a princess and made her the happiest she's been in years. I was the one good guy in her life that looked beyond the fickle nature of looks and accepted her for who she is. We started out as friends as that was her request. She said I just need a friend. I put my feelings and attractions aside and said, I can give you a friendship. For a good while I respected the friendzone and we would share a bed and I never pushed the boundaries. Not once was I inapropriate. That came from her and I went with the flow and we naturally built a stable foundation and grew into a strong couple. All the rubbish and headaches and heartbreak caused by other guys in the past, I picked up the pieces, helped her standup, then she didn't just push me away, she kicked me away!

 

From what I hear, she is moving forward with a smile and almost as though she is blocking out what we had. It hurts to think that. I don't know 100% for sure what's going on in her head, but I know she is out living the "care free life". I've not made any contact with her. I'm telling her not to be there when I pickup my things from our home. I really want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I know it will bother her, me asking her not to be there. Good! I've had the last two months of suffering, what's she had? Her cake and now she's eating it.

 

Its sad to think that the phrase "Nice guys finish last" is so true. But I may be nice but I'm not stupid. I'll meet that right women who appreciate what I can provide. Maybe one day Jane will realize her mistake but that's when she'll finish last. I'll be well gone.

 

I woke up this morning and I don't quite know what emotion I am feeling for once. I guess I feel angry towards her (which is good) but I also feel hugely disapointed. As "ThatsSean" said, I pity her. She is locking out good genuine people in her life and seeking destruction, heartbreak and headaches. Men who will feed her rubbish to get their leg over and will toss her aside. Pathetic. Sadly I will always have a love for her as I can't switch that off, an that Love see's what she is doing and where she is going. Its not my job anymore to help, but its frustrating to see someone shoot themselves in the foot. I guess its still so new right now, but would be interesting if anyone who shared a similar experience, had the girl come crawling back?

 

Onwards and upwords for me at least! Hard but not impossible

 

As for "nice guys finish last," stop pouting and getting bitter. We have all been dumped, all of us, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

[Bufo]

Just one point that I don't think the other posters have addressed. Your plan is to go to her place and move your stuff out. That's great but do you have to meet with her alone? I'm asking because you still seem ambivilant about whether you still want her or not. Can you bring someone along to help you move?

 

She will be very nice as she wants you in the friend zone. A Beta orbiter if you will. That is no place you want to be.

 

Are these goods worth the risk? That's why I think you would,be well served by a helper who knows the story and isn't a cheerleader for " relationship at any cost".

[somegu]

I don't think she's young and "needs to get it out of her system" I think you picked the wrong type of woman to commit to. Read this article.

 

Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink | Girls Chase

[kphoenix87]

Yeh I've decided to tell her to leave the key and for her not to be there. I really don't want to see her at all. I don't want to give her the oppertunity of trying to friendzone me or for me to have to put on a brave face and pretend I am doing great when really I'm depressed and heartbroken, whilst she is happy as can be! So I'll make sure she is not there, pickup my stuff and that will be the end of our contact.

 

I think I am at the angry stage and moving into the acceptance stage. Painful dealing with heartbreak! I never felt these strong emotions before. You tune into music more on the radio, and all the songs you hear are all surrounding heartbreak. Learn and grow everyday

[MetalGearSolid]

Good for you man. The pain will go away day by day. Your lady is some other poor guy's problem now, I guarantee you will find someone even better really soon. Just continue focusing on her negatives; once she realises how badly she screwed up, she's gonna come back crawling to you.

[Chi townD]

"Then after 7 happy months together. She wentout for a "girls night" and met a guy who looked just like a ex boyfriend of hers. They became facebook friends and would message constantly throughout the next few weeks. It went from texting to going out for coffee, cocktails, nights out....I of course was never invitied and got very jealous. I'd never experienced jealousy like I did in this situation. We agued and she felt I was trying to be controlling. I assured her that wasn't the problem. I just was uncomfortable at how fast this new "friendship" is going. I've not met this guy and his intentions to me are unknown as she is in a happy relationship and he is trying to take my girlfriend away from me."

 

 

That's a quote from you. Make no mistake, she was dating...she just didn't let you know.

 

Time for you to start living a life that (if she heard) SHE could be jealous of. Live a damn good life! Have fun! Travel! Go see something new! Do something different. A big world is outside your door. Go see it!

[kphoenix87]

Hey everyone,

 

Sorry to post again. I've got all these pent up emotions and feelings that I really need to let out. The support here really helps!

 

So long story short, a girl I was dating for a good 8 months, cheated kissing another guy and then decided to dump me. Just a week before my Birthday. Nice gift huh!

 

We lived together and before all of this, she was so concrete on our future. She had such a troubled past with guys and when we met she seemed to be so happy with our relationship! She told me I was "The One". We made so many future plans, moved in together, met the families etc. Then all of a sudden, she met some punk who looked like her ex, started seeing more and more of this guy. Then boom kissed him one night. I found out, flipped out, she begged me not to leave her. I stayed, then she decides she's maybe not ready for a relationship.

 

She dumps me, breaks my heart and now she's off happy as larry! I feel so angry with her for giving me false hope for our future. I understand these things happen, but I've tried not to contact her for a good 30 days. But she keeps getting in touch. Everyday sending a message.

 

Stupidly I said "We'll always be friends" but today I feel so F*%cked Off with her for completely dropping me after I invested so much into making her happy. Now she's got all these idiot guys back in her life, who only want to sleep with her an then treat her like Sh*t! She's so stupid and insecure that she can't see the reality of the world she wants again. The world which she told me at the start, that completely messed her up.

 

What hurts is she said she'll stop all communication with this guy. Then I see a picture on facebook of him at a venue I follow and she's liking the picture! She says one thing and does another.

 

Aaaarrh I'm so so angry! I feel used and annoyed with her for putting me through so much. Two straight months of pain, finicial loss and depression.