risjurad Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 I got set up with the daughter of my dad's, friend's daughter. She's roughly a 5 hour drive away, but I figured if we hit it off, I'll consider moving there. Otherwise, this'll be practice for talking to people over the phone (let alone talking to women). We played phone tag for a bit, but did manage to connect twice. First conversation lasted 8 minutes... I didn't want it to go too long for fear of dragging it out. Next one lasted 27 minutes. Talked about what she did, what she does for fun, line of work, where she's lived, and more Except for the phone tag portion, I've always been the one to call her. Last 2 times, she didn't pick up. I'm thinking it's a lost cause at this point, as she'd at least make the effort to call me back, but wondering if there was something I should've done differently. Perhaps gone back to emailing her as well. I got suggestions to email her a few pics of recent family vacation photos, including of myself, but I didn't want to send such stuff unsolicited. Probably would be more fair if she knew what I looked like too (at least I'm assuming the photo in for her Google+ account is her). I've also called her every 3 to 5 days (except when following days she didn't pick up... then I'd call back 2 days later). Calling every day or every other day seemed too "spammy".
Shanex Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 You are trying too hard and she doesn't even answer your calls, are you sure she's really interested? You are clearly pursuing her intensely for almost no results. Next time it's up to her to call you, the ball is in her court now. Sure, women like to be valued and pursued to a degree by men, but when say lady don't dignify you with a response I'd also lose interest in her and move on.
JewelD Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 You need to set up a date. Like, a physical in person date. If you're just calling and talking about random stuff with no immediate plans to see each other, she probably realized it was pointless. Plus its awk to talk on the phone that often with someone you don't really know. Of course, this is all only relevant if she contacts you again. 3
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Did she want to be set up with someone? Sounds like she agreed to talk to you but was not too keen on being set up with someone. 1
leogirl876 Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Did you just call or leave a message? Also try setting up a date, a woman doesn't wanna just talk and talk to a guy without going out. Not saying you did that, just make sure you don't.
gaius Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 To be honest it sounds like you ended up being a little too rational, uptight and boring. You're setting a whole bunch of rules for yourself instead of just going on what feels right to you. I don't think anyone would have recommended I moved to be near my girlfriend a week after I met her in person for the first time but it felt right so I did and it worked out. Also as the guy you need to find something a little more interesting to talk about than just plain interview questions. Entertain and stimulate her verbally if you want her. Come up with a list of interesting things to talk about before you call her each time if you have to. But make the excitement happen.
Author risjurad Posted September 17, 2016 Author Posted September 17, 2016 To be honest it sounds like you ended up being a little too rational, uptight and boring. You're setting a whole bunch of rules for yourself instead of just going on what feels right to you. I don't think anyone would have recommended I moved to be near my girlfriend a week after I met her in person for the first time but it felt right so I did and it worked out. Also as the guy you need to find something a little more interesting to talk about than just plain interview questions. Entertain and stimulate her verbally if you want her. Come up with a list of interesting things to talk about before you call her each time if you have to. But make the excitement happen. Well, that was supposed to be the 3rd time I called her, but that's probably off now. I understand rules aren't absolute, but some guidelines would be nice to know. Last time I met somebody IRL, but who also lives very far away, I waited 8 months to contact her, and that ended up being far too long.
Author risjurad Posted September 17, 2016 Author Posted September 17, 2016 Did she want to be set up with someone? Sounds like she agreed to talk to you but was not too keen on being set up with someone. Don't know. It is probable just so she could say she "checked off the boxes". You need to set up a date. Like, a physical in person date. If you're just calling and talking about random stuff with no immediate plans to see each other, she probably realized it was pointless. Plus its awk to talk on the phone that often with someone you don't really know. Of course, this is all only relevant if she contacts you again. Did you just call or leave a message? Also try setting up a date, a woman doesn't wanna just talk and talk to a guy without going out. Not saying you did that, just make sure you don't. I was thinking of setting up a date by the 3rd to 5th call. It would have to be a weekend of course. AFAIK, it would've been too eager and quick to do so after the 1st or 2nd phone call.
JewelD Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Don't know. It is probable just so she could say she "checked off the boxes". I was thinking of setting up a date by the 3rd to 5th call. It would have to be a weekend of course. AFAIK, it would've been too eager and quick to do so after the 1st or 2nd phone call. That's waaaaayyy too long. You need to meet dates in real life ASAP. She doesn't even know what you look like. I'm assuming you don't know what she looks like either. Why waste time on 3-5 phone calls with someone who you might not even be remotely attracted to in real life? 2
Author risjurad Posted September 18, 2016 Author Posted September 18, 2016 That's waaaaayyy too long. You need to meet dates in real life ASAP. She doesn't even know what you look like. I'm assuming you don't know what she looks like either. Why waste time on 3-5 phone calls with someone who you might not even be remotely attracted to in real life? I didn't know 3 to 5 phone calls was too long. I don't even know if this is a rhetorical question. It sounds like it may not work out anyways, as most of it will be phone calls, texts, and emails if we ever get serious, as a 5 hour drive may be what kills this in its tracks anyways.
Author risjurad Posted September 18, 2016 Author Posted September 18, 2016 That's waaaaayyy too long. You need to meet dates in real life ASAP. She doesn't even know what you look like. I'm assuming you don't know what she looks like either. Why waste time on 3-5 phone calls with someone who you might not even be remotely attracted to in real life? I take it I should've offered to send a pic of myself sooner than later? On the 1st or 2nd call?
ThisOverThat Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Wait, wait, wait... You're doing this much worrying about someone you've never even seen a picture of? So what is it you're attracted to exactly? And there's no other women closer to you than a five hour drive? 2
Author risjurad Posted September 18, 2016 Author Posted September 18, 2016 Wait, wait, wait... You're doing this much worrying about someone you've never even seen a picture of? So what is it you're attracted to exactly? And there's no other women closer to you than a five hour drive? As I mentioned in the OP, we got set up by our parents. I'm reaching out to see if there's a connection. I did see a picture of her, what I'm assuming is on her Google+ photo. I was going to offer to send her some of my recent, family vacation pics, which included myself. I've been trying to date locally, but I'm in a small, remote town. I can increase the dating pool to 300 thousand plus people, but the next closest town over is now 1.5 hours away. I am aware folks have mentioned that LDR is very difficult or doesn't work, but I'm simply keeping all my options open.
JewelD Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 I honestly think you should let it go because this entire setup is just strange. Being set up by a friend with someone you can actually meet in person is an entirely different thing. When your parents try to play matchmaker, things tend to be awkward, especially when you don't actually know the other person. It's possible she was never really into the idea in the first place but didn't want to offend you or your parents. Or her parents may have coerced her into it. In any case, you can only learn so much about a person without meeting them. So the excessive phone calls from a stranger probably turned her off. And according to you, those conversations did not include plans for a date so you were just asking her a bunch of questions. Next time, (I mean with the next girl because I truly think you may have blown it with this one), cut the chase and get to the point. Ask her out on a date as soon as possible.
normal person Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 As I mentioned in the OP, we got set up by our parents. I'm reaching out to see if there's a connection. Odds are she won't be any more of a worthy candidate than anyone else just because your parents know each other. It's purely coincidental. I wouldn't become too invested in this if you have the same odds of liking each other with everyone else, especially people who live closer. I did see a picture of her, what I'm assuming is on her Google+ photo. I was going to offer to send her some of my recent, family vacation pics, which included myself. Just going off of how you've described it, she sounds pretty ambivalent about all this. I wouldn't be interested in someone merely because our parents know each other -- you don't become attracted to people based on that. Therefore she's probably not dying to see a picture of you so there's no sense in "offering," you're just some faceless stranger for all she knows. I say just send it. If she likes what she sees, great. If she doesn't, oh well, just move on. Or, easier solution -- just FaceTime. Talking to someone and seeing how they act in person is something that just can't be captured through text or descriptions. It will save you a lot of time one way or the other. I've been trying to date locally, but I'm in a small, remote town. Given these circumstances it's highly unlikely that you'll find a great person there. There just aren't any people, period. You can't catch a fish where there are no fish to catch. If you want to have more success, you need to move out to a city, the larger/denser the population, the better your odds. No one wants to "date" someone who lives 5 hours away if they can date someone 5 minutes away. There's an acronym people here in NYC use: "GU" short for "geographically undesirable." It describes someone who lives so far away or somewhere so inconvenient that seeing them is a bigger pain in the ass than it's worth. And this is where people are only separated by a few miles -- now think about that when considering a girl's inclination to date someone 5 hours away. I can increase the dating pool to 300 thousand plus people, but the next closest town over is now 1.5 hours away. I am aware folks have mentioned that LDR is very difficult or doesn't work, but I'm simply keeping all my options open. There's certainly no shame in keeping your options open, but still, being so far removed puts you at a marked disadvantage. If I were you I would move out ASAP, then you won't have to deal with the phone tag and the 5 hour drives to meet girls you're not even sure you like or not. What an unnecessary expenditure of time an effort that must be.
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 I agree 5 hours away is too far. There must be dances or social events happening in your town, that you could go to, to meet single ladies.
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