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[Do single women see divorced men as a red flag or turnoff?]


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I could use some input on people view of divorced singles. For whatever reason, I view myself as used or "tainted," etc...now that I am. Is this something that is generally a huge issue when starting relationships again? Do single women see this as a red flag or turnoff? In this instance it was a cut and dry end to the marriage. No kids, no house, no shared property, it only lasted a few months and she just left. I am just always so reluctant to tell people or bring it up because I feel as though it comes across as negative and makes others look at me differently.

 

Thoughts and or help to make it easier would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

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Tainted?

 

Wow.

 

Some of us come out the other side of our experiences better than we were before. Tried by fire. Refined, if you will.

 

It's important to learn and grow from every experience. To use it to make yourself better. Maybe this experience will help you to be more conscientious in your next relationship and therefore a better partner for someone who deserves you.

 

Never let other people define who you are. People in your past. People who don't know you. Heck, people who do know you. What you think of yourself is most important and that should be that you're better for having gone through whatever you went through. Then make that true every day of your life.

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I could use some input on people view of divorced singles. For whatever reason, I view myself as used or "tainted," etc...

 

Do single women see this as a red flag or turnoff? In this instance it was a cut and dry end to the marriage. No kids, no house, no shared property, it only lasted a few months and she just left. I am just always so reluctant to tell people or bring it up because I feel as though it comes across as negative and makes others look at me differently.

 

Human beings are inherently flawed. Every single freaking one of us. Take this site for instance MILLIONS of threads and participants. Is everyone on this site “tainted” or flawed because they have baggage, made mistakes, made incorrect choices, didn’t follow logic or simple reasoning, let the heart get in the way of our heads?

 

Any woman who would judge you based on your past and not look in the mirror at their own flaws and mistakes is a fool.

 

Just put your best foot forward and seek out people who are reasonable enough to view you with a clean slate. If they don’t or can’t screw them and don’t waste your time.

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startingagain15

It depends on your age. I dated a guy in my early 20's and broke up with him when I found out he was already married and divorced at 23 years old (also the fact that he did not tell me and I found out on my own caused the break-up).

 

At 40 now though I am of the expectation the man I date will be divorced or widowed. A man who has never been married at this age I'd wonder about. And yes my current bf is divorced, doesn't bother me at all.

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It depends on your age. I dated a guy in my early 20's and broke up with him when I found out he was already married and divorced at 23 years old (also the fact that he did not tell me and I found out on my own caused the break-up).

 

At 40 now though I am of the expectation the man I date will be divorced or widowed. A man who has never been married at this age I'd wonder about. And yes my current bf is divorced, doesn't bother me at all.

 

Did you bother asking him why he got divorced or what happened? I'm sure him not saying something to you made it that much more shocking but to assume someone is bad at a relationship or not a good person because they went through something like that at a young age seems a little presumptuous. Everyone handles things differently and is allowed their own preference and opinion, I was just curious.

 

In my case I was 26 when it happened but it was completely out of my control. I came home to a letter on the counter-top basically explaining that she wanted to "try" being married and see if she liked it, but decided after months that it wasn't for her. Can you honestly fault someone for being put through that situation? Mind you it was out of the blue, one minute happy the next gone.

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startingagain15

He told me they just decided they were better as friends and weren't meant to be married.

 

I didn't think he was a bad person for being divorced, but I had a few options at the time so went with a more truthful, never been married guy.

 

I'm sure the right girl will be able to look past you being divorced, especially given your story.

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Not sure your age but being divorced per se is no big deal IMO. I am too. I would learn to get over your embarrassment on this.

 

Just as with any major relationship ending I would have some questions like what happened, did you see your role in this, did you learn anything from it, etc. I would also want to be sure we were on the same page with marriage, commitment, family, etc. If those all lined up the divorce per se wouldn't bother me unless it was a pattern of multiple marriage and divorces like Elizabeth Taylor.

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Nothing to feel embarrassed about. She owns the decision she made. In truth, you made a poor choice and hopefully, you will learn from the experience and make a better decision for your next relationship. I think any woman would be understanding of your story...

 

I'm dating a man who is divorced and in his early 40's. It doesn't bother me at all. I haven't asked many questions about his ex wife or marriage because, it's not really any of my business. He has shared a little and he tells me that I can ask whatever I would like, he will answer any questions that I have. But, the marriage was clearly not a good one and I would prefer to focus on the relationship we are building.

 

When you meet the right person, it will not matter to her at all... It will only matter if you let it matter - by thinking that you are used and not feeling proud of who you are and what you can bring to a new relationship. Take care.

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