Recent breakup

[Sassylassy]

Hey all,

 

I've been reading these forums for a few days and they help a lot to know I'm not alone in this, so I decided to join. Hopefully telling my story to strangers and getting an outside opinion will help me move on.

 

Around a month ago, my boyfriend decided that he didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore and it really blindsided me. We had been together for almost two years and we were living together for about a year. At first he told me that he wasn't in love with me at all anymore and that we weren't good for each other, but later on he told me that he just doesn't want a relationship with any one right now and that he needs space to focus on himself and his future. I sort of understand where he's coming from because we're both young and in college still and have a long and hard road ahead, but like an idiot I thought that we had a future and that it would be a journey we made together, so at the same time, I don't understand at all. I feel so hurt and ridiculous because even though I'm doing a bit better than when it first happened, I can't stop feeling so upset about all of this. Especially because he seems so happy without me. Any one else going through something similar or have advice to give?? I'm having a really rough time

Edited September 10, 2016 by Sassylassy

[DarrenB]

On a somewhat similar note my own ex said somethings relatively similar, but maybe abit more harshly haha. So I believe I'm able to relate.

 

Firstly, I'll start off by saying do not take this as something you have personally either done to draw him to this decision or something you have been doing wrong to ultimately lead to it. It sounds as if he either 1. simply wants time to decide what he wants, wants to do and who he wants to be with 2. is trying to let you go on a more respectable but cowardly note without giving any genuine reason or explanation as to why.

 

Secondly, I will suggest going 'no contact' This means not getting in contact with him on any networking or contactable way. This process is normally done for people who decide to keep their ex a permanent thing out their life, or a way of dealing with breakups. He is the one who has decided to end it, and bring up things for future reference such as focusing on himself etc, all that mallarkey. Doing this, will give you both some time to think about whether being together suited both of your needs? whether some time away from each other is valuable on your end decision?

 

It's hard to hear that they don't love you anymore and things like that, as it does stick to you and makes you think 'was I the problem?' and making you feel on some sort of note worthless and unlovable. This is not the case like I have stated, it isn't always something from your own behalf.

 

I suggest, take some time and let him be. If he wishes to return into your life, he will do so. If he chooses not to, then he won't. Don't make the same mistake I had previously made and over-think the entire situation, because in doing so you will rid of any resolve or reconcilliation so to speak.

 

Focus on you, do the things you want to do. Motivate yourself as you would have before meeting him. If there is a chance for you to be together again, then that time will come. But spending time grieving over something that is completely out of your hands is not something worth spending time on, and will ruin your self-esteem and your way of living for some time.

 

Prevent this, be the person you love because at the end of the day no-one will truly love you like yourself will. You will get over this, maybe find someone new, maybe be with him in future. But neglect all of that in the meantime and focus on you

Edited September 10, 2016 by DarrenB

[smudge21]

I'm guessing you still see him around so total no contact is not possible right now. Healing won't be easy because of this, like those who start relationships at work. What you have to do is understand that none of this is your fault nor is any of it down to you or in anyway possible for you to change. His decision is his alone.

 

Sadly when we're dumped, we question every little detail about everything and often blame ourselves in some way. That makes us feel even worse. The fact is, a dumper dumps for any number of reasons. Your ex's reasons may be perfectly honest, as you are both still young. Sadly, sometimes we all simply change our minds, and hearts. You can't force love to come, or even go. It just happens.

 

Now as for him seeming okay, yeah, probably he is. For a dumper, they mentally go through the break up long before they actually leave us. By the time they end it, they've moved on completely. To them, it's something that has been building up for a while. For the dumpees, it's all sudden, so we see them as if they never cared. They did care, but just not anymore.

 

Just focus on you and whatever it takes to feel better. This won't be an easy journey for you, but it is one we all need to take in our lives. It makes us stronger, but also makes us more aware of how people feel - so hopefully we don't subject others to that pain. You'll get through this as we all do... it will just take time.