Confusedovo Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I've been talking with a man from OLD for the last couple of weeks. We live a little distance but planned to meet tomorrow (however I'm not 100% sure if it's still happening as he hasn't mentioned it again) anyway there's been a few things the last few days that has made me question if maybe he's not such a good guy?! When I first text him his profile was a list of what kind of women should not text him. "Don't text if your personality is princess" and so on. With the statement"I guess I'm a bit of an ahole" I just took it as a joke and actually found it interesting. He has since deleted it and has just put"lol no" ! A couple of nights ago, he text me out of the blue "are you ready for me to call you?" He had mentioned earlier he would like to call me. I was in a real life conversation with my mother. So I told him that and told him I'll text when I'm finished. He said "alright" and no word of a lie, my phone started playing up! I lost connection. The next day his texts come through. Less than an hour after I said I would text when I'm finished he text "???" This kinda annoyed me! Then about half an hour after that he text "ffs babe" I text apologising and told him I had to get my phone fixed that morning (100% true) I asked if he could call me that day. He said "what so you can just let me down? Lol" I apologised again and said I'll explain when we talk. He didn't end up calling. I realise that it may have seemed like an excuse not to talk on my part, so I took it with a pinch of salt. We both go to the gym, and we were chatting and joking around. I can't remember now what I said exactly, but he ended up saying "are you secret fatty? Are you gonna turn up and be 300 lbs?" I sent him a pic of a severely obese cartoon woman saying "Yeah that's me" (please don't judge) and he said "if you turn up like that, I will punch you no lie. How would you even be able to wash your vagina? Uggh I'll never get an erection again" no emoji or lol or anything. I was kinda taken aback, but I not sure if it's just his soh? He said he's a great cook and I will be in good hands . I said "Hehe I'll be the judfe of that" and he said "well no I'm the judge of that, and I'm Telling you" Yesterday I told him I was being naughty and eating junk food (McDonald's) and he ws like "naughty girl, I should spank you for that" and "don't get fat" I said "I won't!" And he asked if I was going to the gym the next day. Last night we were textin and he was saying hiw he can't wait to see me. I was feeling unwell and he asked if my mother was looking after me? I joked that I'm a grown woman and can look after myself. He said "if I was there you'd have no choice, I'd be looking after you" Does he sound a bit "off" to you? I'm just not sure if I'm being over sensitive or not...
bummer Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 He's got a bit of a bro complex. No shame in that. Go on the date and see if he asks you genuine questions and listens. If no, he's an ahole.
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Sounds like a guy who has been messed about by women on OLD. If I were you I would send something to confirm the date, make sure it is public, and see what he is like in person. I don't think he has much confidence to be honest... Tread carefully and keep your eyes WIDE OPEN and your ears WIDE OPEN. Watch and listen to this one carefully. Do not go anywhere away from the crowds with this man unless you feel absolutely 100% safe when you meet him. Keep people around you. Do not go to his house. Do not have him to yours. You meet him there, have your date, then you go home with out him. Do not tell him where you live yet. Wait until you know him better. I have a feeling he is either a. struggling to date and has been reading PUA books who is basically a decent guy and faking it b. an a-hole that needs to be ditched faster than your full doggie do bags
Larryville Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 what kind of women should not text him. "Don't text if your personality is princess" and so on. We both go to the gym, and we were chatting and joking around. (not understanding this, were you talking on phone or texting? I’m assuming..) I can't remember now what I said exactly, but he ended up saying "are you secret fatty? Are you gonna turn up and be 300 lbs?" I sent him a pic of a severely obese cartoon woman saying "Yeah that's me" (please don't judge) and he said "if you turn up like that, I will punch you no lie. How would you even be able to wash your vagina? That's just F'ing crude... Uggh I'll never get an erection again" no emoji or lol or anything. I was kinda taken aback, but I not sure if it's just his soh? No you are not being over sensitive, dude is a jackass. He does not even know you and speaking to you like an idiot. Once he gets to know you (and you tolerate his conversation tone) it will only escalate. If you decide to pursue you will find out real quick the kind of dude he is. At least pretend you are a reasonable gentleman until you get to know a woman, but acting like an idiot right off the bat, big red flag. PS: the guys who put in their profiles (list of things they DON’T want in a woman)… same goes for women you should avoid. Angry, frustrated OLD types… how do I know, in my darker days pissed at perceived OLD failures that was MY profile. Get a better attitude, get better results. Damm Too, you beat me to it LOL! 10
Author Confusedovo Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 He's got a bit of a bro complex. No shame in that. Go on the date and see if he asks you genuine questions and listens. If no, he's an ahole. Sorry what is a bro complex?
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Bro complex or not, agree with LV, he sounds like an ****, I would take a pass. Surely he is not your only option?
LostOnes05 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 A testament of how some women are drawn to aholes...because that's exactly what he is. I'm someone that will laugh at most things and don't mind a jab here and there in fun, but he was kinda rude and just seeing how far he could push...and you let him. Guess I should take notes though because he's going on a date and I'm not lol. He's acting like this now and you're intrigued because you don't know him that well. The say what I want, whenever, wherever is cool until you get embarrassed or insulted in public. Four or five months down the road you'll get tired of it and tell him it bothers you. Rightfully so, he'll say "well I was like this when you met me". 4
kendahke Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) For me, those are red flags. I don't do negging. The first whiff of it and he goes on block. I'm too old for that mess. OP, you have let him know that he can say this mess to you. It's going to get worse once he sees you--even if you are fit and cute---this isn't about how much you weigh: this is about him hating women or what women represent to him. Edited September 9, 2016 by kendahke 3
Author Confusedovo Posted September 9, 2016 Author Posted September 9, 2016 Toodalo, one of the things that I found attractive abut him (as much as you can before you meet) is he does seem very confident. I think he know he's hot (I just get that impression via his pics/attitude. No he's not got those gym selfies or anything like that it's more subtle ) but of course that could be an act! I imagine he has a lot of women attracted to him. If I meet him, I will definitely stay in public! My mom is visiting friends in his city tomorrow so I said I'd drive her there and then go to meet him. I'm not sure if I should ask him if he's still up for it or if it'll be too needy? Wait for him to ask? Larryville, yes that was texting. I understand being frustrated with old, which is why I wasn't appaled by his profile and I actually found it very honest. Katiegirl, he's not my only option no. I'm still open to dating others, still talking to a couple of other guys. Of course it was the punching thing that bothers me the most. I mean has a man ever said that to anyone here??? Would the men here ever say that as a joke?
katiegrl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) Toodalo, one of the things that I found attractive abut him (as much as you can before you meet) is he does seem very confident. I think he know he's hot (I just get that impression via his pics/attitude. No he's not got those gym selfies or anything like that it's more subtle ) but of course that could be an act! I imagine he has a lot of women attracted to him. If I meet him, I will definitely stay in public! My mom is visiting friends in his city tomorrow so I said I'd drive her there and then go to meet him. I'm not sure if I should ask him if he's still up for it or if it'll be too needy? Wait for him to ask? Larryville, yes that was texting. I understand being frustrated with old, which is why I wasn't appaled by his profile and I actually found it very honest. Katiegirl, he's not my only option no. I'm still open to dating others, still talking to a couple of other guys. Of course it was the punching thing that bothers me the most. I mean has a man ever said that to anyone here??? Would the men here ever say that as a joke? Yeah confident is good, along with a bit of cocky, funny and I'm in! At last for a first date. But his remarks, specifically the ones LV pointed out about being fat, were over the top and rude imo. As another poster said, negging which I am not a fan of, and find them and the man who said, a turn off. But you know what? Obviously *you* are intrigued... why not go meet him and check it out? He could have been nervous or reading too much PUA (negging, over the top tease), who knows. Meet for coffee and see how it goes. As I said, I would take a pass but you do what YOU want to do. Just keep eyes open and pay attention. Edited September 9, 2016 by katiegrl
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Just me but a guy talking to me like that would make my stomach churn. 11
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Toodalo, one of the things that I found attractive abut him (as much as you can before you meet) is he does seem very confident. I think he know he's hot (I just get that impression via his pics/attitude. No he's not got those gym selfies or anything like that it's more subtle ) but of course that could be an act! I imagine he has a lot of women attracted to him. If I meet him, I will definitely stay in public! My mom is visiting friends in his city tomorrow so I said I'd drive her there and then go to meet him. I'm not sure if I should ask him if he's still up for it or if it'll be too needy? Wait for him to ask? Larryville, yes that was texting. I understand being frustrated with old, which is why I wasn't appaled by his profile and I actually found it very honest. Katiegirl, he's not my only option no. I'm still open to dating others, still talking to a couple of other guys. Of course it was the punching thing that bothers me the most. I mean has a man ever said that to anyone here??? Would the men here ever say that as a joke? The problem with this one is that there is a distinct possibility that the "cocky and confident" is actually an excuse for total and utter barstweard... Be very careful here. Leopards do not change their spots and if he can joke about punching you in the stomach before you have met... yeah... I get how guys can be a bit brusque but that is a warning to you. I know guys who are perfectly lovely who just have no clue how to speak to women who have said stuff like this and I have also know some very dangerous men who are vile and unstable and highly abusive say things like this. If this guy continues to insult you in any way on your date or if he is any way aggressive or rude I am telling you now, WALK AWAY. Its far too dangerous and easy to be sucked in by good looks and a guy saying that they are confident. Keep your phone on at all times, Make sure your Mum knows where you are meeting this guy and in this instance I would also print off a copy of his profile and leave it at home just in case. Cover your ass. Then relax and watch and listen. DO NOT RISK YOUR SAFETY AT ANY POINT. Sadly I have a feeling that this guy is a prize prat. But he could be a rough diamond who just has no clue how to talk to women. He can learn that if he is one of those but if he is a prat WALK. 1
VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 This guy sounds like a dick head. I wouldn't waste your time. 5
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Some would call it a type of negging, I call it passive aggressiveness....hidden messages ie: "I hope you are not going to get fat on me...." 3
RecentChange Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I wouldn't give a guy like this the time of day. He sounds like a jerk - I can't understand why you would want to meet him. 7
Zapbasket Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I would also print off a copy of his profile and leave it at home just in case. Cover your ass. Then relax and watch and listen. DO NOT RISK YOUR SAFETY AT ANY POINT. This is a great idea for the first meetings off OLD sites. Everyone should do this, not just on the first meeting, but the first several dates. And also to verbally let someone in your life in on whom you are meeting, and fill them in on the details as they arise--person's name, what kind of vehicle they're driving, what work they say they do, etc. OP, I hope you are not going to this guy's house for dinner? Most definitely meet him in a public spot. And I agree that this guy sounds like an idiot at BEST and that if he says anything in person to you like what he was so "bold" [read: dumb] as to text you, stand up and LEAVE.
ChickiePops Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 He's got a bit of a bro complex. No shame in that. Go on the date and see if he asks you genuine questions and listens. If no, he's an ahole. This is more than 'a bit of a bro complex'..this is a nasty, self-obsessed moron who thinks it's ok to threaten violence and talk about dirty vaginas to a woman he's never met. OP, he's a pig. I wouldn't even meet him if I were you. 10
GemmaUK Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I wouldn't give a guy like this the time of day. He sounds like a jerk - I can't understand why you would want to meet him. Ditto to that! Before now I would have quietly dropped the conversation and blocked him. 4
Miss Peach Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 I agree with the others. I wouldn't even meet this guy for coffee. It sounds to me that the best case scenario is that he's insecure with quite a bit of baggage. FWIW if I see things like 'Don't text me if you are a princess' I always pass on those guys. That's code for 'I have a lot of baggage and will probably paint you with the same brush as all the other women who wronged me on OLD'. 4
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Omg bye! You know where I'd tell someone to go who spoke to me like that? His negging bullsht might work on some weak women but others see through it. Best part is you show up and they are the ones who lie and you have a RooshV show up that is more disgusting than anyone. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to not misrepresent themselves in OLD and to want to meet someone who is as fit as their picture, that's a pretty standard expectation. It is the manner in which he discusses things that is a huge red flag. Hi profile sounded way too negative for my liking as well, I wouldn't accept contact no matter how hot the pictures looked. 4
leogirl876 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Sounds like a douche to me, and probably not even a good looking douche which is ten times worse than ones that are hot! 1
spiderowl Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 (edited) Yes, he's rude, insensitive, has a thing about weight (so don't ever put any on) and he's already said in his profile he can be an a***ole. I don't think it's his sense of humour. I think that is what he is like. He is the kind of guy who will knock your confidence bit by bit. Proceed at your peril! Edited September 9, 2016 by spiderowl 1
emerald86 Posted September 9, 2016 Posted September 9, 2016 Ew, what kind of person says those things?! Yes, he definitely seems "off" to me. Those comments are weird enough that I would never have any interest in someone like him in the first place, no matter how "hot" he is. But that's just me. If you still really want to, you could go ahead and meet him in a crowded public place, but pay attention to how you feel when you're with him. If something seems even slightly off or if he makes you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable...run away.
Author Confusedovo Posted September 10, 2016 Author Posted September 10, 2016 His new nickname for me is now "fatass" I'm thinking he's a little immature and doesn't realise he can be offensive. And maybe he is a bit of a "lad" or "bro" I will go on one date and see how he is on the date. It will be in public, so I feel like I might as well give it one chance. If not I'd be wondering what if. He is really funny usually and always joking around. Therefore I think it could just be his soh.
kendahke Posted September 10, 2016 Posted September 10, 2016 Of course it was the punching thing that bothers me the most. I mean has a man ever said that to anyone here??? Would the men here ever say that as a joke? Yes. I've had it said to me on a first meeting when I was trying to find the word to describe a shoe I was talking about. For the life of me, I couldn't think of the word "Hiking shoe" to describe the type of material used that won't show a lot of scuffing (he was looking at shoes and wanted to buy a pair of sneakers/trainers, but didn't want a pair that would scuff easily). When I saw the material on a different style of shoe, I picked it up and said "this is what I mean". The shoe was clearly not one for a guy in his 60's-it was a youthful design. He said "what? Are you kidding me? I"m not going to wear that shoe. I ought to knock you out for suggesting it". I said "eff you" and walked away, blocking his number before I got to the car. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. 2
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