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What's usually the reason someone dates a lot of people within a short time period?

NJ123

By NJ123
in General Relationship Discussion

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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If someone dates a lot of people within a year or so, what's mainly the reason for it? I just know of someone that dated a few dozen people within a year & I'm just wondering what's usually the reason for dating that many people?

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

They are easily bored.

 

Not good at forming relationships.

 

The women/men they meet don't like them.

 

They have some sort of fetish and as soon as it is revealed they get dumped.

 

They are mean and it only becomes apparently after a couple of dates.

 

They don't trust anyone.

 

They constantly seek novelty.

 

They always cheat.

 

They are searching for a past love and of course no-one can be that person exactly.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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They are easily bored.

 

Not good at forming relationships.

 

The women/men they meet don't like them.

 

They have some sort of fetish and as soon as it is revealed they get dumped.

 

They are mean and it only becomes apparently after a couple of dates.

 

They don't trust anyone.

 

They constantly seek novelty.

 

They always cheat.

 

They are searching for a past love and of course no-one can be that person exactly.

 

Wow, it's usually always a negative reason?

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Well, not necessarily, I just came up with negative reasons :confused:

 

Positive ones:

 

They love meeting new people.

 

They like casual sex.

 

They are searching hard for someone special but haven't found them yet.

 

They have got some sort of bet on.

 

They are attractive and find dates easily.

 

They are charming and find dates easily.

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gorf Established Member

gorf

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Posted
Wow, it's usually always a negative reason?

Usually. Can you think of a list this size of positives? I know the last guy did, but it depends if you would consider them all positive

kwhita1 Member

kwhita1

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Posted

It could be several things. They are young and want to see what's out there. They get bored easily. They are not the type to settle down and just want to have fun. They are trying to get over someone and can't. They like variety. They don't want to be serious with anyone. They are a narcissist. They haven't found the right person for them yet. People are breaking up with them because there is something wrong with them. Actually the list goes on and on.

central Established Member

central

Posted
Posted

I did it to find someone truly compatible, who would be suitable for a lasting relationship. Most would last from 1 to 5 dates, a few would last a few months, and very few would be serious candidates for long term. Even with extensive screening and communication before meeting, few would be suitable beyond a few dates, unfortunately.

 

I met/dated about 50 women in about 18 months, before finding the one I eventually married.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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It could be several things. They are young and want to see what's out there. They get bored easily. They are not the type to settle down and just want to have fun. They are trying to get over someone and can't. They like variety. They don't want to be serious with anyone. They are a narcissist. They haven't found the right person for them yet. People are breaking up with them because there is something wrong with them. Actually the list goes on and on.

 

I was mainly asking because someone I could have went on a date with in the past said they dated a lot of people over the past year. For a few reasons we never did go on a date though. I'm just curious what the reason could be for why they dated so many. They said a lot of them were first dates as well.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

They are kissing frogs hoping to find their prince.

They are easily bored.

They seek exploration and enjoy meeting new people.

They are social and popular and take advantage of opportunities.

They can be looking for a distraction from something, like someone they're hung up on.

They can just enjoy finding attractive people and finding out what they're like and seeing where it goes.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

They are fortunate enough to have a lot of options and want to try them all.

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BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

Posted
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If someone dates a lot of people within a year or so, what's mainly the reason for it? I just know of someone that dated a few dozen people within a year & I'm just wondering what's usually the reason for dating that many people?

 

I think it's usually to find a partner. Some people give lots of people of chance and don't eliminate prospects until after meeting or having a few dates.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
I did it to find someone truly compatible, who would be suitable for a lasting relationship. Most would last from 1 to 5 dates, a few would last a few months, and very few would be serious candidates for long term. Even with extensive screening and communication before meeting, few would be suitable beyond a few dates, unfortunately.

 

I met/dated about 50 women in about 18 months, before finding the one I eventually married.

 

Same for me only I haven't found someone special yet.

 

Most of the reasons listed are false for me. I am looking for a genuine connection for a long term relationship and not just another warm body. It's hard to find for me because I am a bit eccentric and don't connect to many people in general. I usually go on 1-4 dates (without sex) and when I go to more than 1 date it's most likely because I am trying to give someone a chance even though I am not feeling it.

 

I my past, with both LTRs I knew that we clicked on the first date. I never had to force myself to get them to grow on me. It just felt natural and I was always excited to see them again.

 

I am actually really loyal, hate novelty, casual sex and find dating very tedious. However, I would so much rather be single than partnered with someone I don't click with. Even if it takes 10 years of searching.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Same for me only I haven't found someone special yet.

 

Most of the reasons listed are false for me. I am looking for a genuine connection for a long term relationship and not just another warm body. It's hard to find for me because I am a bit eccentric and don't connect to many people in general. I usually go on 1-4 dates (without sex) and when I go to more than 1 date it's most likely because I am trying to give someone a chance even though I am not feeling it.

 

I my past, with both LTRs I knew that we clicked on the first date. I never had to force myself to get them to grow on me. It just felt natural and I was always excited to see them again.

 

I am actually really loyal, hate novelty, casual sex and find dating very tedious. However, I would so much rather be single than partnered with someone I don't click with. Even if it takes 10 years of searching.

 

If you find dating so tedious why do you do it so much in such a small time frame? Just would think you would rather spread the dates out more. The woman I was supposed to go on a date with said she dated over 30 guys in the past year & I considered that a lot. That wasn't the reason I didn't want to go out with her though it was something else but it was a bit shocking since I was thinking that was a lot of dates but maybe today it's not considered a lot anymore? I'm so out of the loop due to not having any experience in this whole dating stuff so maybe a lot of people are dating a lot of people to have a better chance of finding a partner?

Edited by NJ123
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

I don't think it's hard for women to find dates. I could have had hundreds of dates from online over the past year (and I'm not even beautiful) but very few appealed beyond even a couple of messages. Maybe your friend took a different approach and decided to try most who contacted her?

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted
If someone dates a lot of people within a year or so, what's mainly the reason for it? I just know of someone that dated a few dozen people within a year & I'm just wondering what's usually the reason for dating that many people?

 

Maybe they had bad luck with selecting dates? Or tried to overcome their anxiety by lining up dates with different people (I.e. If one rejects, next one is coming?)

 

I personally dated ~10 people, 3 led to LTRs... Hope current one is the last one. So I find it hard to imagine why people can't find match after dating 10s of people... I'm also VERY introverted though so I'd hate dating around... Maybe some people (extroverts) just enjoy the process?

JustGettingBy Established Member

JustGettingBy

Posted
Posted
They are kissing frogs hoping to find their prince.

They are easily bored.

They seek exploration and enjoy meeting new people.

They are social and popular and take advantage of opportunities.

They can be looking for a distraction from something, like someone they're hung up on.

They can just enjoy finding attractive people and finding out what they're like and seeing where it goes.

 

This is actually a pretty realistic mix of good, bad and neutral reasons.

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted

Fickle dating...

 

We called it being a player...

 

Reason: ego

 

Even some of my guy friends can not handle too many dates in a years time...maybe three different opportunities ..budget and time are something they value. Plus ppl from my generation don't need excessive variety...we can be fascinated with one or two different dates. Quantity is over rated....

dusk86 Member

dusk86

Posted
Posted

Well there could be many reasons, it really depends, but from my opinion dating several times within a year means this:

1. Does not know what they want.

2. Is desperatly looking for love.

3. Wants multiple partners.

4. Is looking for something specific out of someone. Could be money, a certain sexual compability, etc.

5. Or just to have sex and skip to the next date.

 

Wtv the reason is, I can't see it as a positive thing. I mean you could be dating a few times and your date could not be a good match for you. But then again how really did you get to know that person? Was that person maybe nervous on the first few dates before actually being themselves? Did you give a real chance to your date to show who they really are? If you are dating someone, your intention is to meet and to get to know that person and it can take time. :)

dusk86 Member

dusk86

Posted
Posted

Well there could be many reasons, it depends, but from my opinion dating several times within a year means this:

1. Does not know what they want.

2. Is desperately looking for love.

3. Wants multiple partners.

4. Is looking for something specific out of someone. Could be money, a certain sexual compatibility, etc.

5. Or just to have sex and skip to the next date.

 

Wtv the reason is, I can't see it as a positive thing. I mean you could be dating a few times and your date could not be a good match for you. But then again how really did you get to know that person? Was that person nervous on the first few dates before actually being themselves? Did you give a real chance to your date to show who they really are? If you are dating someone, your intention is to meet and to get to know that person and it can take time. :)

Fair Established Member

Fair

Posted
Posted (edited)
Well, not necessarily, I just came up with negative reasons :confused:

 

Positive ones:

 

They love meeting new people.

 

They like casual sex.

 

They are searching hard for someone special but haven't found them yet.

 

They have got some sort of bet on.

 

They are attractive and find dates easily.

 

They are charming and find dates easily.

 

I wouldn't put "casual sex" on the list of positives... you might as well say they like "playing Russian roulette." And personally I would never count it as a good sign if I saw someone through relationships like toilet paper. Sorry.

Edited by Fair
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