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How do you talk to your friends about liking someone?

MightyHeracross

By MightyHeracross
in General Relationship Discussion

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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So I (23, M) am incredibly shy whenever it comes to girls-- so much so that I've never had a girlfriend and even talking to girls is tough for me. Just talking about girls is kind of hard for me.

 

How do guys bring up a girl they like to their other guy friends? And how do they get advice from them? I'm not talking about a comment here or there about a hot girl walking around... I'm talking about a girl you really like. It seems like every guy my age just likes to talk about the hot girl they saw at the bar or whatever (and I like to as well), but I need help talking about the meaningful girls.

 

I think if I get better at acknowledging and talking about girls I like, I will become more confident around the girls themselves. Plus, my guy friends will be able to help me in person and everything.

 

Thanks

 

Also, please don't think I mean to tell my friends that I like them... I want to talk to them about liking someone else.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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Just start by saying "hey guys, I've met this girl I really like and want to make her my gf." They may laugh at first but then start to tell them about her and how you would like them to meet her. Trust me, they would like a gf too but don't want to admit it.

Romantic Gentleman Member

Romantic Gentleman

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"There's this girl that I really like guys, but I always chicken out when I want to say something to her" Don't be so stressed about it, because they're your bros, and they'll help you with some tips on what to say or do.

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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Lol you guys make it seem so easy... Thing is I freak out when talking about her or to her. For example, if I send her a snapchat (even a mass snap that I send to all my friends), all I think about from that moment onwards is if she has opened it and if she will respond. I may be obsessing a bit but idk how not to, and I think my obsession for her is stopping me from even talking to the people close to me about her

dusk86 Member

dusk86

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I understand where you are coming from, I was shy as well and my first girlfriends was when I was 19. I had a really hard time talking to girls and I didn't want to talk to my buddies about it because I wanted to avoid questions that would put me in an uncomfortable situation. What I did was this..I went up to a stranger first, and opened up....you can talk to a stranger and express yourself and they wouldn't even criticize you....but your friends and family will often have the intention to change you and tell you what you should do for some reason.

 

I went and spoke to an older man, he was about 60. And I remember what he had told me, I'll never forget it, he said : "son, the pain you're going through from resisting is bigger than the actual pain of rejection". See I was afraid of embarrassment and rejection...and I was getting so insecure it was bothering me every day of my life.

 

Your thread is about speaking to your boys and not the actual girl. So it should be easier than approaching the girl. If you don't want to talk to a stranger (which I understand) go and speak to your closest friend OR the friend who would be more comprehensive about your situation. Once you did this first step, you would have made some progress and hopefully, soon you would be willing to chat with that girl you like. After all, what is the worst thing that could ever happen?

 

I hope this helps you brother, all the best!

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smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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I reckon you should skip the whole worrying about talking this through with your friends and just jump straight to the worrying about talking to the actual girl in question. That's the hard part. However, as stated above, the more you think about it, the more you worry about it. Life, sadly, is about rejection and mistakes and learning from them. If you don't experience that, you'll never understand the sheer joy and happy feeling that comes from the moment a girl says "yes". Just remember too that the nerves and worry you have is exactly the same for girls too. Yes the pressure is usually on the guy to make that first move, but the pressure is also on the girl in how she responds. Let me ask, do you have any problems talking to girls who you don't want to ask out or are attracted to? If so, then it's the hormones controlling you there. Nothing you can do about it. Sometimes in life, you just got to jump into the pool rather than dipping your toe in.

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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I understand where you are coming from, I was shy as well and my first girlfriends was when I was 19. I had a really hard time talking to girls and I didn't want to talk to my buddies about it because I wanted to avoid questions that would put me in an uncomfortable situation. What I did was this..I went up to a stranger first, and opened up....you can talk to a stranger and express yourself and they wouldn't even criticize you....but your friends and family will often have the intention to change you and tell you what you should do for some reason.

 

I went and spoke to an older man, he was about 60. And I remember what he had told me, I'll never forget it, he said : "son, the pain you're going through from resisting is bigger than the actual pain of rejection". See I was afraid of embarrassment and rejection...and I was getting so insecure it was bothering me every day of my life.

 

Your thread is about speaking to your boys and not the actual girl. So it should be easier than approaching the girl. If you don't want to talk to a stranger (which I understand) go and speak to your closest friend OR the friend who would be more comprehensive about your situation. Once you did this first step, you would have made some progress and hopefully, soon you would be willing to chat with that girl you like. After all, what is the worst thing that could ever happen?

 

I hope this helps you brother, all the best!

 

 

 

Ive gone to family (sister and cousin) but I'm sick of bothering them about it cause I worry that they're judging me since I can't go a day without thinking about her and freaking out. Thats part of the reason I don't want to go to a friend.

 

I met this guy in an online class and I've talked to him about it... about as much of a stranger as you can get. Still, its tough for me to bring it up to him too much.

 

Maybe I feel like I need more help/advice than Im willing to ask for, which also hurts me in my normal life in terms of school work and work experience.

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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I reckon you should skip the whole worrying about talking this through with your friends and just jump straight to the worrying about talking to the actual girl in question. That's the hard part. However, as stated above, the more you think about it, the more you worry about it. Life, sadly, is about rejection and mistakes and learning from them. If you don't experience that, you'll never understand the sheer joy and happy feeling that comes from the moment a girl says "yes". Just remember too that the nerves and worry you have is exactly the same for girls too. Yes the pressure is usually on the guy to make that first move, but the pressure is also on the girl in how she responds. Let me ask, do you have any problems talking to girls who you don't want to ask out or are attracted to? If so, then it's the hormones controlling you there. Nothing you can do about it. Sometimes in life, you just got to jump into the pool rather than dipping your toe in.

 

Actually, yes, I have trouble talking to everyone... from close friends to complete strangers; from girls I am attracted to to girls I don't want to ask out.

 

So basically you're saying to just talk to her and not talk to my friends first?

dusk86 Member

dusk86

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Ive gone to family (sister and cousin) but I'm sick of bothering them about it cause I worry that they're judging me since I can't go a day without thinking about her and freaking out. Thats part of the reason I don't want to go to a friend.

 

I met this guy in an online class and I've talked to him about it... about as much of a stranger as you can get. Still, its tough for me to bring it up to him too much.

 

Maybe I feel like I need more help/advice than Im willing to ask for, which also hurts me in my normal life in terms of school work and work experience.

Since you are having trouble speaking to everyone, you might have social anxiety. Nothing to be ashamed of, if it's the case. I'm starting to think that your situation might be bigger than speaking to your friends about a girl you like, this could just be the surface.

-Do you fear embarassement? Do you have sweaty palms in a social situation? Do you panic and have trouble finding the right words to say, socially? .

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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Actually, yes, I have trouble talking to everyone... from close friends to complete strangers; from girls I am attracted to to girls I don't want to ask out.

 

So basically you're saying to just talk to her and not talk to my friends first?

 

Do both. Your problem is worrying over the unknown. You build it up in your mind to be terrible and so talk yourself out of doing it. The worse that can ever happen when asking a girl out is for her to say no. That's it. Well, her boyfriend could punch you, but try to take note of that before you move in. Only through experience do we learn, and the experience of being rejected will make you able to deal with it better. We all have the same fears, but every now and then just have to suck it up and go for it.

 

Put it another way - you can have one of two conversations with your friends. One is about asking them how to ask a girl out. The other is you telling them how you asked this girl out, and the outcome. Which do you think makes the better conversation?

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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With my friends I usually come right out with it... in my case a little like a bull in a china shop...

 

"Phrawwww would you look at the thighs on that! I feel the need for squirty cream and stawberries!!!"

 

You can be more subtle. Ask if they know anything about the girl you like. Tell them you though she looked cute or something...

 

Warning. Do this and they may well tell her because that is what friends do.

 

Don't panic though. Embarrassment never harmed anyone and even sometimes gets you a date! ;)

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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Since you are having trouble speaking to everyone, you might have social anxiety. Nothing to be ashamed of, if it's the case. I'm starting to think that your situation might be bigger than speaking to your friends about a girl you like, this could just be the surface.

-Do you fear embarassement? Do you have sweaty palms in a social situation? Do you panic and have trouble finding the right words to say, socially? .

 

Honestly, no, not really. Im great at public speaking, but I do get nervous (sweaty palms, etc.) when I have to-- but I do it anyways. I usually say the right things and don't really panic. I always wonder "should I have done this?" or "should I have said that?" after the fact, but I feel like its normal to think about things like that. I do tend to overthink things, which could be a problem, but I kind of feel that thinking and overthinking is good because it keeps you in the know of whats going on around you.

 

What I find more difficult, is talking to people that I don't know. I have trouble talking to strangers, even if its just a waiter or waitress at a restaurant. However, this girl is someone I've known for 10 or more years. We were never super close, but our families are. We used to talk relatively often, but have drifted apart since we both went off to different universities. Now, I find it incredible difficult to talk to her (probably because I keep overthinking everything-- "if I text her will it bother her?," "what is she going to be doing when I text her?," "has she seen the text yet?"). Ive thought Ive gotten signs she likes me when we are in person, but she is much more reserved over text which has made me think she doesn't like me. As of now, texting is basically the only type of conversation we are able to have.

 

Thats why Id like to talk to my friends about it. But it seems like I've obsessed with her for so long that even mentioning her brings up some sort of anxiety.

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

Posted
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Posted
Do both. Your problem is worrying over the unknown. You build it up in your mind to be terrible and so talk yourself out of doing it. The worse that can ever happen when asking a girl out is for her to say no. That's it. Well, her boyfriend could punch you, but try to take note of that before you move in. Only through experience do we learn, and the experience of being rejected will make you able to deal with it better. We all have the same fears, but every now and then just have to suck it up and go for it.

 

Put it another way - you can have one of two conversations with your friends. One is about asking them how to ask a girl out. The other is you telling them how you asked this girl out, and the outcome. Which do you think makes the better conversation?

 

Well obviously the latter is the better conversation... if the outcome is positive. If its a bad outcome, I would've rather spoken to my friends about it first to get their advice.

 

In response to the first part of your post, I recommend checking my most recent post (right above this one) in response to Dusk86. That should give some insight as to my current situation with her without me needing to retype it.

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MightyHeracross Established Member

MightyHeracross

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With my friends I usually come right out with it... in my case a little like a bull in a china shop...

 

"Phrawwww would you look at the thighs on that! I feel the need for squirty cream and stawberries!!!"

 

You can be more subtle. Ask if they know anything about the girl you like. Tell them you though she looked cute or something...

 

Warning. Do this and they may well tell her because that is what friends do.

 

Don't panic though. Embarrassment never harmed anyone and even sometimes gets you a date! ;)

 

I have no problem saying stuff like that!! But I only say that stuff when its just some hot girl that I have ZERO connection to. If I know her like I know this girl, I am way more subtle.

 

My friends know her (not well or anything), but don't know her friends, so Im not worried about them saying anything.

 

I recommend checking my most recent post (two above this one) in response to Dusk86. That should give some insight as to my current situation with her without me needing to retype it.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted
I have no problem saying stuff like that!! But I only say that stuff when its just some hot girl that I have ZERO connection to. If I know her like I know this girl, I am way more subtle.

 

My friends know her (not well or anything), but don't know her friends, so Im not worried about them saying anything.

 

I recommend checking my most recent post (two above this one) in response to Dusk86. That should give some insight as to my current situation with her without me needing to retype it.

 

Ahhh so you have put her on a pedal stool instead fo holding her hand... Dangerous that...

 

Why don't you just say to one of your friends something along the lines of "have you ever noticed how cute XXX is... wish I could figure a way of asking her out".

 

I am sure they will help you.

 

Or how about you pick up the phone and say Hi - how are you? Not spoken to you for a while so thought I would ring and find out how you are. Whats your news? how are you getting on?

 

Keep asking her questions and she will keep talking... then you can figure it out from there.

 

Breathe and relax. The worst that can happen is that she doesn't fancy you and I am sure there are other girls who do so quit fretting!

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