Fiancee is wanting to leave (UPDATE)

[HeDestroyeth]

Wow. Looking back at everyone's posts is crazy. Literally almost every single post and reply was true. I didn't want to see it at the time or believe it, but now that I'm able to look at things through a different perspective everyone was right. It sucks to see how stupid and oblivious I was to my own situation. But I guess that love makes people blind, right?

 

Here's a link to my original thread if anyone is wanting to read it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/577404-fiancee-wanting-break-up

 

So an update to anyone that will take the time to read it.

 

I decided to take the road of going down swinging. Fought like hell to make her happy and change her mind. We ended up lasting until June 6th until I finally had enough and left her. It hurt like crazy to finally end it, but 2 months later I am happier. I still miss her a little bit and I still hurt somewhat, but I am for sure moving on and I am getting better with each sun rise.

 

Everyone was correct for the most part in the advice they were giving me. I have realized that she isn't girlfriend material at all. I spoke to her two weeks after we broke up and she told me that she sent nude pictures to a guy that she started talking to on Tinder a week before we broke up. She admitted that she done that one day after we broke up. The guy got nudes from her and stopped talking to her. She then told me to make her self feel better she went and got a new friends with benefits 5 days after we broke up and had sex with him 6 days in a row and was even spending the night with him. The day she told me that was when I was at my worst. I couldn't sleep much at all for probably two weeks. I would randomly wake up at 5-6 a.m. every single morning for no reason and immediately start thinking about that and it bothered me so much to the point where I would just get out of bed cause I couldn't go back to sleep.

 

We were in no contact up until two weeks ago. She sent me a text trying to be petty and piss me off. She told me that she's moving into a new apartment that is a minute driving distance from where I live. She was trying to jokingly say that I was probably going to constantly drive by her apartment to see who she was with. That bothers me, but I shook it off and told her I was happy for her and stopped talking to her again. It bothers me because I know she's probably going to have a different guy at her new apartment every weekend and the fact that it's all going to be happening just down the road from where I live makes it worse. But it just shows me that since she's going to be doing those things then I didn't lose much anyways so in a way that helps.

 

But I do 100% believe that nothing I did caused this. I'm sure my lack of actions towards being a great boyfriend/fiance probably hastened this. But just like one poster said this situation was probably going to happen later in life. So I am very thankful that she began going through this stage or phase in her life now instead of a year or two down the road.

 

And another poster said that in a way she was probably wanting to get married so bad cause she seen it as the fastest way for her to move out and finally have freedom away from her sheltering parents. I agree with that 100% as well. As soon as she got back from her trip in April she told me that she was moving out with her friend. Which I always thought that was odd. But it all makes sense now. She knew we probably weren't going to get married for at least another year and as soon as she seen another opportunity to move out that would be much sooner she pounced on it without thinking twice about it.

 

But like I said. I am happier now. I still miss her a little at times. It hurts to think about this girl that was once so special to me is out slutting around and having sex with every guy that shows her the slightest bit of attention, but I've learned to accept it and it doesn't bother me as near as bad as it did when I first found out. I still haven't been involved with another girl or even talked to anyone else at that. I'm trying to lose some weight and get my confidence back before I go back out into the dating life. I'm also trying to give myself some time to grow up and mature and get a job so I can be the best man I can be for the next one that comes along.

 

Thanks to everyone who originally replied and tried to help shed some light on my past situation. I didn't want to believe most of the stuff you all were saying, but now looking back at everything I see that you all were right. Much appreciated.

 

For anyone going through a breakup just stay strong and give it time. I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but it does for sure get better with time. At first it's extremely painful and you're left being miserable asking yourself why this happened and torturing yourself with thoughts of what you could have done differently. The why question probably will not ever be answered so don't think about it. Figure out what you could have done differently. Realize the things you could have done to be a better person. Realize the things you could have done to be a better boyfriend/girlfriend and use them as a learning lesson. Use those things as a learning lesson for the next person that comes along and be the best version of yourself for them. Give yourself some time to cry and be miserable. Don't try to keep it all in. Give yourself a day of the week to get it all out then use the rest of the days to get your life together. Work out, pick up a new hobby, focus on school, or get a new job. Do whatever you need to do to keep your ex off of your mind. And the most important thing you have to do is go no contact. Delete your exes number and even block it if you have to to keep yourself from contacting them. Block all of their social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. Everything. If you continue to use those things to check up on them and see what they're up to then you're only going to prolong your healing. At first it's ridiculously hard to do those things on a consistent bases. At first I was having a hard time with keeping no contact. I was checking my exes Twitter a few times a day for the first few weeks and I was only torturing myself. I was making myself much miserable than I needed to be. But continue to stay strong. Give everything time. It's been almost three months now since my fiancee and I broke up and I am doing so much better than I was at first. I'm still not completely over her like I want/need to be. I still miss her sometimes. I still think about her every day. I still hurt quite a bit at times, but I just remind myself that our relationship wasn't perfect. I remind myself she isn't as special that I sometimes like to think she was. I remind myself that I deserve better and that I CAN do better. I hope that helps anyone that's going through a breakup of some sort.

[bummer]

Wow. Looking back at everyone's posts is crazy. Literally almost every single post and reply was true.

 

 

But I do 100% believe that nothing I did caused this.

 

 

See? So many come here to LS then run away when they hear some ugly truths when the writing is clearly on the wall. Thanks for posting your update. Your advice is sound.

 

You can speculate for many more months why she wanted to marry, why she needed to tell you about sending nudes, why she got an apartment next to you, why she did this or that... but really, she sounds like she has no idea why she does anything herself. She has no clue what she wants. you'll always be second guessing someone who has no compass herself. Like driving a car blindfolded with a blind and mute navigator. Not only can she not see the road, but she cant relay directions either. You're gonna have a bad time.

 

Congrats on your freedom. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[preraph]

You came out the other end of the tunnel. Enjoy the light.

[Captivating]

It is a blessing that it is over!

She seems very immature emotionally.

If I have to guess because of low self-esteem, very unsure of herself.

"Slutting around" to feel a void, to feel wanted again, get attention mainly in a

self-destructive way. An immature way. She is very young.

She moved close to you possibly to irk you, she would feed off of your jealous/sad emotions. Don't let her.

She might be a narcissist.(might not) The need of constant reassurance....

No contact is the perfect way to faster healing.

 

There are so many nice girls out there. In a couple of months, when you feel in peace, get on a credible dating site and start inviting women out for a coffee date It might takes many dates, but it will worth it.

[CarrieT]

Thanks for coming back and checking in. A lot of us dole out the advice but never see the fruit of our efforts and I'm glad you decided to hunker down and stick to your guns.

 

Keep in mind - as I said before - a LOT is going to change for you as you approach your 30s... Don't worry about getting too serious with anyone for several years. Enjoy your freedom and learn who YOU are by yourself before considering a life-long relationship. It will be better for all involved in the long run.