Would anyone accept a date with someone who has previously rejected them?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Yeah but he was a 26-year-old man not a Jnr in high school ( when he first rejected me) now he's 30. He could be getting clucky and thinking I need to settle down, and Daisy isn't that bad after all.

 

 

Anyway, I think what others have posted; it's important to let a guy SHOW a girl he's serious this time. Wine and dine her, no more fruitless and repetitive 'hangouts' and grow up and be a man about it.

 

I think if you get rejected you have every right to act suspiciously, not interrogate someone but at least have a serious audience with him and ask him seriously why he's chosen to take you seriously this time and not the time before when he could have and probably should have.

 

Plus I have been single for a-longer-than-most-time, four years is not that long to me in the dating world or lack thereof. I would want him to prove to me that he was serious about me, I don't think I would want to waste time only to learn that his intentions were less than honourable only learning after the fact, that this whole time he was feeling lonely, and I just happened to be there.

[leogirl876]

I hate guys that ask me if I wanna hang out or meet up. Tell him no, you don't hang out or meet up with guys, that if he wants to take you out on date, then you'll say yes.

[JustGettingBy]

I wouldn't date someone who recently rejected me.

 

If it was a while ago, I'd consider it, however.

[Versacehottie]

Yeah but he was a 26-year-old man not a Jnr in high school ( when he first rejected me) now he's 30. He could be getting clucky and thinking I need to settle down, and Daisy isn't that bad after all.

 

 

Anyway, I think what others have posted; it's important to let a guy SHOW a girl he's serious this time. Wine and dine her, no more fruitless and repetitive 'hangouts' and grow up and be a man about it.

 

I think if you get rejected you have every right to act suspiciously, not interrogate someone but at least have a serious audience with him and ask him seriously why he's chosen to take you seriously this time and not the time before when he could have and probably should have.

 

Plus I have been single for a-longer-than-most-time, four years is not that long to me in the dating world or lack thereof. I would want him to prove to me that he was serious about me, I don't think I would want to waste time only to learn that his intentions were less than honourable only learning after the fact, that this whole time he was feeling lonely, and I just happened to be there.

 

Daisy!!! Wow, you sure are overthinking this. Just have a gut instinct. I think part of the reason you have stayed single is that you are trying to eliminate all risk by strategizing the perfect partner out of the opportunities in front of you. Don't you have a gut feeling on this guy if you'd want to go on ONE date with him. If so, go. If not, don't. Don't think beyond that. You are trying to determine all the things which are out of our control: if he will hurt you, if he is serious about you, what your worth is. It's too much which is probably why you paralyze yourself.

 

And btw about that "what your worth is". You should have a higher opinion of yourself. In other words, when someone is showing interest, your mind is going to all the suspicious and malicious and negative reasons why he would like you. Ugh. Most guys are not that complicated. He is interested because he's interested. And the likely reason is the POSITIVE reasons about you that create interest. Very small percentage chance that it's the negative ones (he just wants to use you, etc). Which way you choose to believe is a reflection of what you think about yourself and how others view you. Take a risk and have better self worth. And you are doing so much better about being hung up on not having dated for such a long time. But you are still a little stuck on that AND stuck on the past! You can't get past his "rejection" reasons and they don't even apply anymore--that was years ago. It was years ago and now it's 2016. You should evaluate most heavily on what you think of him and his intentions now. I hate even recommending that you evaluate anything. Less thinking, more doing!!! Go or decide not to go.

 

As someone said, he may have rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Aka maybe it was just because he was 26!! Lots of 26 year old guys have no mind on having a gf. Nothing to do with you, just a general stance!

[WomenWubber]

Not me... I have my pride.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Daisy!!! Wow, you sure are overthinking this. Just have a gut instinct. I think part of the reason you have stayed single is that you are trying to eliminate all risk by strategizing the perfect partner out of the opportunities in front of you. Don't you have a gut feeling on this guy if you'd want to go on ONE date with him. If so, go. If not, don't. Don't think beyond that. You are trying to determine all the things which are out of our control: if he will hurt you, if he is serious about you, what your worth is. It's too much which is probably why you paralyze yourself.

 

And btw about that "what your worth is". You should have a higher opinion of yourself. In other words, when someone is showing interest, your mind is going to all the suspicious and malicious and negative reasons why he would like you. Ugh. Most guys are not that complicated. He is interested because he's interested. And the likely reason is the POSITIVE reasons about you that create interest. Very small percentage chance that it's the negative ones (he just wants to use you, etc). Which way you choose to believe is a reflection of what you think about yourself and how others view you. Take a risk and have better self worth. And you are doing so much better about being hung up on not having dated for such a long time. But you are still a little stuck on that AND stuck on the past! You can't get past his "rejection" reasons and they don't even apply anymore--that was years ago. It was years ago and now it's 2016. You should evaluate most heavily on what you think of him and his intentions now. I hate even recommending that you evaluate anything. Less thinking, more doing!!! Go or decide not to go.

 

As someone said, he may have rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Aka maybe it was just because he was 26!! Lots of 26-year-old guys have no mind of having a GF. Nothing to do with you, just a general stance!

 

Alright, I like him. Much to my annoyance. I never like going back for seconds. I have a healthy amount of pride, and whether or not it was 15 minutes ago or 15 years ago. I remember he didn't like me, so I am curious to figure him out and to see what has changed his mind.

 

 

One guy that once rejected me came back a few years later told me I had " grown on him" and tried to have sex with me, then telling me he was just horny and looking for an eff buddy. So needless to say, I am a little suspicious of men who have sudden turnarounds in behaviour or affection.

 

And I do have a gut feeling that it could be okay and worth the risk. I like his company. I like playing battleship with him. I like walking his dog with him. But I still want an answer. I feel like I deserve one. He wasn't interested, and now he is? What gives? What has changed? I'm curious as to what he will tell me. Suddenly I'm bamboozled with attention from someone who previously gave me a microscopic amount before, Admittedly, I do have an incredulous smirk on my face, I'm a little in shock, and I want answers. I'm curious.

 

 

One thing I will say is, I do want dates, no hang-outs. Hanging out is meaningless- that's what teenagers do in their parent's basement. I want a dinner date. As someone stated before, let's see if he can put his money where his mouth is. If he asks me to hang out again, should I say, " perhaps asking me on a date, this time, would be a better fit for two adults rather than asking to " hang out" like a teenager."

 

Then a lol and a winky face or something to soften the slight passive aggressive tone lol.

[Leigh 87]

It means you didn't knock his socks off.

 

He didn't feel anything when you met

 

You were nothing special and after years of chasing the women he fell harder for, he has discovered that the girls he falls for aren't necessarily going to return his feelings or be good people or good partners for him.

 

So basically, you have either " grown on him". It wasn't lust at first site and he didn't think you were anything special to begin with, but over years you have in fact, " grown on him".

 

Or else, worst case scenario: he has given up on the women he is into and wants to " settle" for the girl who is good on paper.

 

Now personally, I have met women who can fall hard for men who they didn't initially feel instant sparks with. On the other hand.... I have yet to hear of a man who started out lukewarm and ended up falling head over heels.

 

Sorry.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

It means you didn't knock his socks off.

 

He didn't feel anything when you met

 

You were nothing special and after years of chasing the women he fell harder for, he has discovered that the girls he falls for aren't necessarily going to return his feelings or be good people or good partners for him.

 

So basically, you have either " grown on him". It wasn't lust at first site and he didn't think you were anything special to begin with, but over years you have in fact, " grown on him".

 

Or else, worst case scenario: he has given up on the women he is into and wants to " settle" for the girl who is good on paper.

 

Now personally, I have met women who can fall hard for men who they didn't initially feel instant sparks with. On the other hand.... I have yet to hear of a man who started out lukewarm and ended up falling head over heels.

 

Sorry.

 

I've always wondered about that too

[Leigh 87]

No everyone needs amazing chemistry or sparks.

 

It also comes down to the kind of person you are.

 

I have heard of loads of men... including famous dating coaches... who admitted that they weren't infatuated or instantly " into" their wife. Many men claim that they had never been happier with any of their prior exes, the girls they went all giddy over.

 

Many men want long term stability and actively feel good about their decision to seek out parters based on compatability first, and let the chemistry develop second. These men know what they want, and it really doesn't bother them ( the fact that they never fell head over heels or felt enamoured by their wives).

 

There is a risk that this guy would PREFER that the women he got the most excited about would reciprocate his feelings. Or maybe he is attracted to wrong type, and so he is trying a different approach and going against his heart and well.. what gives him a boner. Yet feels happy enough with " great sex" in place of the extra sizzle he felt with the women he was naturally into?

 

Look, the short of it is; sometimes, the people we are naturally " into" are no good for us, so we have to let people who we are not " naturally into" grow on us!

 

This method is perfectly common, acceptable and leads to more long term, happy marriages and relationships than the instant fireworks always lead to.

 

There are two types of people you need to consider; people who would feep satisfied without the sky illuminating fireworks and who WILL SHUN a person who comes along and who Does Truly spark their soul.

 

What you outa be mindful is....of person 2: the type of man who will ditch you when the woman who he does truly fall harelder for, comes along.

 

The latter type are highly prone to affairs.

 

Why don't you ask him what the deal is?

 

I would. You need to know if he is a solid character who is self aware enough to know what he wants and to not up and leave if a woman he feels the instant spark with starts flirting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There have been a few stories on here if men like your current guy; where the guy thought he was happy with a woman and eveb had kids together and got married to her.....

 

Only for his partner to come on here and vent: their partner had met someone else, fell in love and cited " instant connection" as the reason why they " just couldnt help themselves". I have also read a story or two from the mans perspective.

 

Actually in one womans case, the guy married her in the end. Despite falling hard for a co worker who returned his feelings but felt she could never trust him after the fact he was emotionally cheating on his partner.

 

Another dude ended up proposing to a poster on here who claims the dude was online whilst they were dating, wasnt that into hee at first and ended up marrying her.

 

So evidentally not all men need the wow factor. But the ones who do deep down believe in instant magic and soul mates will only end up breaking your heart when miss fireworks comes along and rocks the boat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For your own good, please just determine what type of man he is. He may really eschew the instant fireworks in favour if stability and long term compatability.

 

 

 

Men in his positon never become head over heels with you but they can be very satified with good sex and 10/10 compatability.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

No everyone needs amazing chemistry or sparks.

 

It also comes down to the kind of person you are.

 

I have heard of loads of men... including famous dating coaches... who admitted that they weren't infatuated or instantly " into" their wife. Many men claim that they had never been happier with any of their prior exes, the girls they went all giddy over.

 

Many men want long term stability and actively feel good about their decision to seek out parters based on compatability first, and let the chemistry develop second. These men know what they want, and it really doesn't bother them ( the fact that they never fell head over heels or felt enamoured by their wives).

 

There is a risk that this guy would PREFER that the women he got the most excited about would reciprocate his feelings. Or maybe he is attracted to wrong type, and so he is trying a different approach and going against his heart and well.. what gives him a boner. Yet feels happy enough with " great sex" in place of the extra sizzle he felt with the women he was naturally into?

 

Look, the short of it is; sometimes, the people we are naturally " into" are no good for us, so we have to let people who we are not " naturally into" grow on us!

 

This method is perfectly common, acceptable and leads to more long term, happy marriages and relationships than the instant fireworks always lead to.

 

There are two types of people you need to consider; people who would feep satisfied without the sky illuminating fireworks and who WILL SHUN a person who comes along and who Does Truly spark their soul.

 

What you outa be mindful is....of person 2: the type of man who will ditch you when the woman who he does truly fall harelder for, comes along.

 

The latter type are highly prone to affairs.

 

Why don't you ask him what the deal is?

 

I would. You need to know if he is a solid character who is self aware enough to know what he wants and to not up and leave if a woman he feels the instant spark with starts flirting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There have been a few stories on here if men like your current guy; where the guy thought he was happy with a woman and eveb had kids together and got married to her.....

 

Only for his partner to come on here and vent: their partner had met someone else, fell in love and cited " instant connection" as the reason why they " just couldnt help themselves". I have also read a story or two from the mans perspective.

 

Actually in one womans case, the guy married her in the end. Despite falling hard for a co worker who returned his feelings but felt she could never trust him after the fact he was emotionally cheating on his partner.

 

Another dude ended up proposing to a poster on here who claims the dude was online whilst they were dating, wasnt that into hee at first and ended up marrying her.

 

So evidentally not all men need the wow factor. But the ones who do deep down believe in instant magic and soul mates will only end up breaking your heart when miss fireworks comes along and rocks the boat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For your own good, please just determine what type of man he is. He may really eschew the instant fireworks in favour if stability and long term compatability.

 

 

 

Men in his positon never become head over heels with you but they can be very satified with good sex and 10/10 compatability.

 

 

 

It begs to differ then, is settling is as bad as people make it. I'm the same about instant connection. No one starts with immediate chemistry anyway ( well some do, but very rare) But I would rather have compatibility than a lustful chemistry that fizzles out eventually.

 

To get back on topic, I intend to ask him. We are meeting this weekend.

[Toodaloo]

To get back on topic, I intend to ask him. We are meeting this weekend.

 

I shall just say about time and good luck.