LB2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 So I met this guy on Tinder and we were dating for about 6 weeks. He and I are both divorced. He told me he had an emotional affair in his marriage and that was part of the reason for the divorce. I didn't judge him for it bc everyone makes bad choices and he knows he did wrong. I just ended it with him last week because I was growing tired of his shady ways and habits. First of all, we HARDLY talked on the phone. We mostly talked via text. For the past 2-3 weekends, we would have a few text exchanges and then come like 3pm on Friday, I wouldn't hear from him at all the rest of the night until the next morning. That exchange would then be brief too. Also keep in mind, when we'd leave off our conversations on Friday sometimes, he would say he's going to call me or text me later and wouldn't. The same things would happen on Saturday. One night I was over and I noticed him keeping his cell on top of the fridge. When I asked him about it, he said he did it to be respectful and so there were no distractions. I also noticed he had an "In Style" magazine on his coffee table, with a woman's name on the label. When I asked him if he read In Style a lot, he said he did and that one of his co-workers gives them to him so he can get ideas for his house. When I went back on Thursday, the magazine was gone. He also had a some reality wedding show on his DVR. Last week was his birthday and we were suppose to go out to dinner the following day. When he pulled the SAME nonsense of disappearing for the whole rest of the night after we spoke at 3pm on his birthday and he really didn't have "any plans" and he was suppose to CALL ME AGAIN!, I texted him the next day and said I had to cancel. He called me later to ask to make plans for the weekend and I told him it wasn't a good idea. And that's when it ended. He insists he's not dating anyone else but something is not sitting right with me. I told him I feel like he's not being honest with me. He said he hopes I find what I'm looking for and that I deserved the best. I wished him well. So of course now I regret ending it and am questioning my decision wondering if I was too much, or expected too much from him. A big part of me though was feeling disrespected and like a fool because you're sleeping with ME but all this shady behavior is going on. What's your take? ANY advice or input will be so much appreciated!
smackie9 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 You did the right thing....your gut was telling you there was too much not right. 7
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Yep, your spidey senses were tingling for a reason. This guy screams shady and I would have done the exact same thing. NEXT! 5
JDPT Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 What a waste of your time that was. And yes super shady with a little extra shady on the side. 2
Searching4Love Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Yea i think it was a good move. Those feelings do not settle very well and it isn't worth it, especially that early. Ive actually had terrible luck on tinder. Always shady things going on when someone actually gives me the time of day. 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Yeah, he definitely already has a gf. Yes it's very possible he has a gf or is dating other people. He had a dvr or a wedding reality show and on style magazine says there could be a woman in his life or he happens to enjoy that stuff. 1
Author LB2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 Well, here's the thing....the magazine had a label. The name on the label matched someone he DOES work with that fits the description of the woman he told me he had the emotional affair with when he was married (she's divorced with kids). How do I know this? Because I researched a lot of **** online! lol Is that a coincidence that the description matches? I suppose. But add in all the other signs and it's enough to convict- don't you agree?? I'm thinking I overreacted but then I think I reacted just right. My mind is racing bc I find it hard to believe and SO disappointing that this guy can get THAT full of ****. 1
CarrieT Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 He probably ended the marriage to be with the AP. She is the one looking at wedding shows because she believes he left his wife for her. But now that he is "single," he wants to play around and explore single life so he entangled you. Sorry, OP, looks like you got played... Best to stay NC. 5
Author LB2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 First of all, thank you for ALL the replies! I can't tell you how validating it is to hear! I wanted to mention though that the thing that's confusing is he seemed like he wanted more with me. Making plans for the following month to go overnight somewhere, saying how the days we spent together were practically perfect. He even asked me to meet his parents!! I said no though bc I didn't want to meet them for the first time without a "gift" of some sort as respect. So, if you want me to meet your parents, doesn't that say something?? I feel like he knows the relationship with the other woman is a dead end and is looking for something serious but doesn't want to let go of "her" until he has something promising. That's my take...
leogirl876 Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 First of all, thank you for ALL the replies! I can't tell you how validating it is to hear! I wanted to mention though that the thing that's confusing is he seemed like he wanted more with me. Making plans for the following month to go overnight somewhere, saying how the days we spent together were practically perfect. He even asked me to meet his parents!! I said no though bc I didn't want to meet them for the first time without a "gift" of some sort as respect. So, if you want me to meet your parents, doesn't that say something?? I feel like he knows the relationship with the other woman is a dead end and is looking for something serious but doesn't want to let go of "her" until he has something promising. That's my take... Stay away from this guy. This guy sounds like the guy my friend was with. She was engaged with this guy and just found out he's also engaged to someone else and they're getting married in a month!!!
Grapesofwrath Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 If you were dating someone you cared about and he told you he felt you weren't being honest with him, would you tell him that you wish him the best and hope he finds what he's looking for? Probably not. More likely you would offer to be transparent and try to help him feel more trusting toward you. He didn't do that because he knows he's not being honest and he doesn't plan to change. You are a very observant person and that skill has served you well. I agree with the others...shady. Your mind will deceive you, but your body never lies. Believe your gut. 1
Gaeta Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 You did the right thing. I have a brother that brings a new girl to xmas table each year so no it means nothing for some. It means a lot to me and he is my brother we were raise the same but to him it's nothing. As a last note. In my 3 years on here l have never read a happy ending story with tinder
Lois_Griffin Posted August 19, 2016 Posted August 19, 2016 He insists he's not dating anyone else but something is not sitting right with me. What a sleaze. That's CLASSIC married/committed garbage when they suddenly disappear on the weekends and you get the odd random text from them. Just because he acted like he wanted you to meet his parents doesn't mean he intended to do it. It just sounds like Romeo was giving you a LOT of lip service to keep you hanging around, thinking there was an actual relationship to be had with him. About the only thing this fool DIDN'T do was pick you up for a date in a mini van with child seats in it. Douche-nozzles like him are a dime a dozen. 1
Author LB2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 Well, the thing that is making me crazy too is his behaviors are also ALL classic signs of someone who is emotionally unavailable. The disappearing, the hot and cold, etc. Not that that makes it any better, but at least it wouldn't be an issue of trust and dishonesty and I would be able to understand him a bit more. But then again, that magazine still throws me off!! I might also add that due to some of your input about Tinder, I just took my profile off! haha. I didn't know it was full of shady men.
Author LB2016 Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 (edited) If you were dating someone you cared about and he told you he felt you weren't being honest with him, would you tell him that you wish him the best and hope he finds what he's looking for? Probably not. More likely you would offer to be transparent and try to help him feel more trusting toward you. He didn't do that because he knows he's not being honest and he doesn't plan to change. You are a very observant person and that skill has served you well. I agree with the others...shady. Your mind will deceive you, but your body never lies. Believe your gut. Grapes, I understand 100% what you're saying but to be honest, if I was only dating a guy for one month and he had questioned me about this a few times (bc I have asked him about it a few times) and I really wasn't, I would maybe get to the point where I'd say "I told you I wasn't, and I'm done explaining myself." I go back and forth with this guy wondering if he is dating someone else or has a gf or is this just HIM and he doesn't even get or understand his own actions. You're absolutely right though...my mind could definitely deceive me! I just wish I knew things for a FACT. It would make my life so much easier..lol Edited August 19, 2016 by LB2016
JewelD Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Grapes, I understand 100% what you're saying but to be honest, if I was only dating a guy for one month and he had questioned me about this a few times (bc I have asked him about it a few times) and I really wasn't, I would maybe get to the point where I'd say "I told you I wasn't, and I'm done explaining myself." I go back and forth with this guy wondering if he is dating someone else or has a gf or is this just HIM and he doesn't even get or understand his own actions. You're absolutely right though...my mind could definitely deceive me! I just wish I knew things for a FACT. It would make my life so much easier..lol He is definitely seeing someone else. and that's why he doesn't really care that you're suspicious. The magazine and the wedding show is pretty good proof unless you want to walk in on them doing the nasty, which would not make your life easier. 2
LadyLike30 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 You met this jerk on Tinder? Ok, that's all I needed to hear. Dump him already.
aileD Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 First- yeah there's a name on the label....usually there is an address under the name..... Is it his address?' Second. He had an affair with someone, it broke his marriage and he's now NOT with the affair partner. Are you sure she's divorced? Maybe she's still seeing him but not leaving her husband. That would explain the weird things regarding her and maybe he's realizing she will never leave so he's playing the field, but still hooking up with the other woman
Author LB2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 AileD... No, the address on the label is NOT his. It has a different address that's about 40 minutes from where he lives. You said he's not with the woman that he had the affair with...that's who I DO think he's still involved with. I'm pretty certain the woman on the label is the woman he had the affair with so he's still involved with her in some way aside from the fact that she still does work with him. I'm also pretty certain she is divorced as the address is solely under her name, and not with a man's name, when I Googled her. Yes, I Googled her too..lol.
Author LB2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Ugh...I'm so disappointed in this. Although it's "over", I can't stop thinking about him or all of this. I wish I didn't become so into him like I did.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Anything that already starts with "Ok I met him on Tinder..." my gut reaction: SHADY! Ok, Sunkissed be objective and don't get too judgy about that part and give the story a chance... But when he volunteered that he had an emotional affair with a co-worker and that was partially to blame for his divorce, well... that sealed it: SUPER SHADY. This guy has become so comfortable with lying that he volunteers his immoralities to potential new suitors because in his head he has completely normalized his actions. Don't regret ending things you did the absolute right thing! Good for you!! And thank him for being upfront about his infidelity he actually saved you a mountain of despair down the road. You think it hurst now....? On his pathetic lies alone: InStyle is predominantly a fashion mag so unless he is thinking of dressing up his living room in palazzo pants and a crepe Chloe jacket, he might as well be looking for home design ideas in National Geographic mag. What a boob. 1
Author LB2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 Sunkissed, I loved your post! Not only did it make me laugh but it validated my feelings even more. I didn't even THINK about the type of magazine it is...makes it even worse. I wish I would thought of that when he told me that night. I'm surprised that nobody else that I've told (the number is quite high lol) has mentioned that along with myself. Great point though. I suppose him opening up about him confiding in another woman while married and essentially having an emotional affair (although he didn't use those words) was his idea of trying to make himself look honest. I'm sure that's his approach. I am happy with my decision and do know it was the right one. I just hate that it does hurt. It makes me question every word that came out of his mouth too. Its such a bittersweet feeling I have right now. Thanks so much to everyone for their input! It's certainly reassuring to see EVERY response was the same....nothing but shady!
Dis Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Wow, your post actually reminds me of something I just went through...pls listen to the others when they tell you to trust your gut! I dated a guy for 2 months, broke up, got back together for 2 weeks. The whole time I was in the relationship with him I had terrible anxiety, my stomach was always in a knot, I felt weak in the knees (not in a good way) He never ever gave me any indication he was anything but a good hearted guy....I ended up walking in on him with another woman a week or two ago It doesnt matter what we see or hear....what matter is what we feel. Your gut was screaming at you to get out! Pls keep listening to it and stay away from him hun 1
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