Guy on OLD, asking me out in first message, weird?

[NIGHT1985]

Dating is a numbers game, especially for men. Especially with online dating where the radio is like 10 guys for every girl. I send as many messages I can to attractive women to get a hit. Of course I read profiles and weed out the ones that I'm not compatible with, but online dating has gotten extremely competitive over the years.

[leogirl876]

Well an update. I ignored his first message, and about 4-5 hours later he messaged me again but next time saying something about my profile on what I said in my summary, so he did read my profile. So I sent something back quick & flirty, we exchanged a few more messages, and he's supposed to call on the phone tonight. So we'll see if he calls and what goes down....

[Gr8fuln2020]

He has probably copy and pasted his message to loads of women.

 

Was there anything in it that made it personal to you?

 

Just because he is good looking in his picture doesn't mean that a. he is in real life or b. that he is a decent person.

 

Here's another reality...it doesn't matter. If a guy is good looking enough, a "how are you" is enough for many women. If it comes with a decent (sometimes copied profile), even better.

 

I did test a few years back. I used to send out thoughtful messages. Now, not so much. Anyway, after a while, I would email simply saying to check out my profile and if you would like to chat, let me know. Similar results. Nothing personal, nothing thought-provoking....the rate of response was about the same.

 

Oh, I get simple "how are you?" messages from women more often than not. Go figure...

[Shining One]

Bad Message/Good Messenger will generally fare better than Good Message/Bad Messenger.

[Philosopher]

Haha, that' so true! Too long of messaging and we lose interest, too soon and you're a weirdo. Poor guys, they can't seem to win no matter what they do!

 

As I guy I have always found knowing when to ask a women out as possibly the trickiest aspect of OLD. Ask them out early and you run the risk that you have suggested meeting up before they are comfortable to do so. In this situation some women may say they would rather continuing messaging first, but others may stop replying completely.

 

Asking them out later however leads to the risk they will lose interest as they will assume you are only interested in being pen pals. As a result they stop replying to your messages.

 

Everyone is different and will have their own preference on how much messaging they would like to do on the site before meeting up. However there is often no way of telling what someone's preference is on when they like to meet up. A few women will give hints in their profile, such as saying they are up for drink in their profile. Also OkCupid did have a useful question which asked when you were comfortable meeting up, so their answer to this question was pretty helpful. However generally I find these clues are pretty rare, leaving you having to guess when is best to suggest meeting up.

[leogirl876]

As I guy I have always found knowing when to ask a women out as possibly the trickiest aspect of OLD. Ask them out early and you run the risk that you have suggested meeting up before they are comfortable to do so. In this situation some women may say they would rather continuing messaging first, but others may stop replying completely.

 

Asking them out later however leads to the risk they will lose interest as they will assume you are only interested in being pen pals. As a result they stop replying to your messages.

 

Everyone is different and will have their own preference on how much messaging they would like to do on the site before meeting up. However there is often no way of telling what someone's preference is on when they like to meet up. A few women will give hints in their profile, such as saying they are up for drink in their profile. Also OkCupid did have a useful question which asked when you were comfortable meeting up, so their answer to this question was pretty helpful. However generally I find these clues are pretty rare, leaving you having to guess when is best to suggest meeting up.

 

I would have to say, if you both have written 2 messages each, it's time to ask to meet up for a drink. Anything that goes longer than that and I lose interest because I think the guy is either wasting my time or looking for a pen pal. There's been a few guys I quit responding to because they drug it out way too long, either ask me out or I'm out of here. Even though in my first post I was a little weirded out by the guy who asked me out in the first message, it's better than waiting too long IMO.

[Majormisstep]

Nope, don't think it's weird. I've had several offers of dinners, movies and drinks right from the first email.

 

Had my first 'let's meet for the first time at his place' offer tonight. Err...no thanks dude, a public place would be preferable.

[Larryville]

I would email simply saying to check out my profile and if you would like to chat, let me know. Similar results. Nothing personal, nothing thought-provoking....the rate of response was about the same.

 

Oh, I get simple "how are you?" messages from women more often than not. Go figure..

 

Exactly! The very women complain that dudes do, “cookie cutter intros” I get that all the freaking time.

 

Bad Message/Good Messenger will generally fare better than Good Message/Bad Messenger.

 

Bingo!

 

online dating has gotten extremely competitive over the years.

 

Yes because…

 

There is a combination of “marginal” women that can get a fair amount of attention.

 

Unless she is missing teeth, is 437 pounds, filled with neck and breast tattoos… look revolting less than stellar women CAN get attention because dudes get desperate...

 

The result, even they will have an attitude and become picky.

 

If you are in population centers where the available numbers are lower (Midwest USA for example) a really hot woman gets boatloads of messages from dudes from all over the globe so they become complacent and maybe even bored.

 

However what too many people fail to realize is just because someone is on a dating site means that they are actually looking for someone.

 

It is frankly a video game evening entertainment for most and exactly why you can’t take the process too seriously, not the good, not the bad, not the ghosting, not the fading, not the "great" first dates, not the bad first dates, not the instant love… NONE of it.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Here's another reality...it doesn't matter. If a guy is good looking enough, a "how are you" is enough for many women. If it comes with a decent (sometimes copied profile), even better.

 

 

Newsflash. Average men HAVE TO send a ton of messages just to get a few responses. Most of the time, it doesn't even matter if their opening message is unique & creative, or lazy & boring. It's really not efficient for average men to make all of their messages deeply personalized.

 

 

It is worth it to put minimal effort because attractive women get inundated with messages, "hi" and "wow you are so beautiful" messages sound like all the other messages she is sifting through. So here's why we expect a little more:

 

Because I took my time to give you two paragraphs worth of info about me to comment on plus a list of interests you could bounce off and compare to yours and you can't come up with a one line sentence in reference to ONE thing I said in the entire two paragraphs?

 

For the amount it takes to type in "hi" or "you are beautiful" you can add in 7 more words and actually peak a woman's interest.

 

A guy sent me the line "baby don't hurt me.... no more!" in a message, I thought it was hilarious. So I responded in kind with another one liner from some douchey 90's pop song. We had some witty banter back and forth for a few more messages.

 

If I wanted to spend my time trolling through messages of guys swiping right, I'd be on Tinder.

 

The second worst thing a guy can do, which is also an utter waste of time, is the "wow you are beautiful message"

 

It's not that women don't appreciate compliments, we do, but with OLD we get 100's of those three word messages, there is absolutely NOTHING distinguishable about your message from the other 99 ones that say the exact same thing.

 

Not to mention it's a given you think we are attractive THAT"s why you are reaching out in the first place, it's not because I mentioned "in my spare time I like to crochet puppy scarves."

 

And here is a huge one you need to accept guys, women online have HUGE expectations, their egos are SO big from all the attention that they too have very unrealistic expectations because they can. So for the egomaniacs, that you are not aware of, but you message based on the hot pic alone their expectations will be so out of whack that not even an Adriana Lima in real life would have half the attitude of these mediocre looking women online. So you HAVE to compete.

 

But for those of us women who are just people looking for love just like you are, sending a one sentence effort towards something that could potentially peak our interest to 30 women and getting us talking to you because we value that you took the time to see more than just our pics, isn't that worth more than sending out a 100 "hi" messages falling flat on your faces?

 

Here is another reality, a guy in real life would not be hitting on 100 women a week because there is absolutely NO WAY he would find 100 women a week that were attractive and compatible the odds of that are simply non-existent. So why is your expectation that sending out 100 half-assed messages is going to find you love? It will find you sex...well then go on Tinder, plenty of sex there.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio