leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I consider myself to be an OLD newbie and not very experienced with it. I've gotten better and have learned a lot, but wondering what you all think about this. This guy on OLD sent me a message asking me if I'd like to grab a drink with him, he asked me this in the very first message. I thought it seemed kinda weird and forward, he didn't say "hi how are you, what's your name or anything". Wondering if you all think this is weird or red flag? He was by his pictures very good looking, otherwise I'd probably not even think twice about it. Thoughts please!
TXGuy Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 If he is very good looking, it probably works for him. But if he is comfortable enough to invite you out for drinks on the first message, he might be the type to move on quickly as well.
Author leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 If he is very good looking, it probably works for him. But if he is comfortable enough to invite you out for drinks on the first message, he might be the type to move on quickly as well. Yeah, you're probably right on that. Didn't think of that!
NIGHT1985 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Well the point of OLD is to go on dates. You can text and talk on the phone for weeks, but that'll never live up to the actual chemistry you need in person. I say go for it 9
sc0316 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 When I was doing OLD, I had quite a few seemingly weirdos who asked to meet in the first message; obviously, I ignored them. But there were also a few seemingly good/normal guys who asked to meet after only 1–2 text-like quick messages. I was cautious and asked to chat more online first. Looking back, though, I should have been more receptive to the second situation. I personally feel that chatting too long online is a waste of time—why not just meet for a quick coffee or drink or smoothie if you like his profile? 2
normal person Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've done OLD a lot and I've lost patience for the back and forth small talk. If she's interested, I ask her for her number in my first response. Has never not worked. If you're interested in the guy and he seems well-adjusted, do whatever you're comfortable with. At some point soon you'll probably get his number and then you can learn his name, and anything else you want to know before agreeing to meet him. 2
Author leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Well the point of OLD is to go on dates. You can text and talk on the phone for weeks, but that'll never live up to the actual chemistry you need in person. I say go for it That is also true. There have been guys that seemed to want to message or talk on the phone way too long in which I wound up losing interest because they took too long. I guess I'm afraid because the guy is quite nice looking and afraid he'll be a player/douche.
sc0316 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I've done OLD a lot and I've lost patience for the back and forth small talk. If she's interested, I ask her for her number in my first response. Has never not worked. If you're interested in the guy and he seems well-adjusted, do whatever you're comfortable with. At some point soon you'll probably get his number and then you can learn his name, and anything else you want to know before agreeing to meet him. Good point. I notice that those guys who are interested would offer to give you his number and full name very soon. I'm not sure what people's take on this, but it seems that the dating advice out there tends to think women should do a bit of google search (even background search) on the guy you are dating from OLD.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I think it's funny how so many ladies on OLD complain that there is too much texting, emailing and not enough meeting, but when you ask them to meet within the first couple of message...you are looked at as a weirdo. Ha ha... I have asked some ladies out on the first message and received no replies. The reason I did it was b/c of their complaint that no one seems to want to actually meet... Really, I feel two weeks of texting, messaging is too much. A single week should be enough UNLESS it's a stalling act to hope for a better offer... 1
Author leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 I think it's funny how so many ladies on OLD complain that there is too much texting, emailing and not enough meeting, but when you ask them to meet within the first couple of message...you are looked at as a weirdo. Ha ha... I have asked some ladies out on the first message and received no replies. The reason I did it was b/c of their complaint that no one seems to want to actually meet... Really, I feel two weeks of texting, messaging is too much. A single week should be enough UNLESS it's a stalling act to hope for a better offer... Haha, that' so true! Too long of messaging and we lose interest, too soon and you're a weirdo. Poor guys, they can't seem to win no matter what they do! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I screen carefully before meeting a complete stranger from the internet, so this approach doesn't work for me. If the guy tries it, I just tell him I need to get to know him a little better before agreeing to meet up. I don't like to drag it out and communicate too long before meeting, but at least enough messages to get a feel for common interests and direction, and then a phone call to get a better sense of vibe and compatibility. I recommend you screen the really good-looking guys just as carefully as you do anybody else. If anything, it's the hotties you need to be the most careful about. 2
sc0316 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I think it's funny how so many ladies on OLD complain that there is too much texting, emailing and not enough meeting, but when you ask them to meet within the first couple of message...you are looked at as a weirdo. Ha ha... I have asked some ladies out on the first message and received no replies. The reason I did it was b/c of their complaint that no one seems to want to actually meet... Really, I feel two weeks of texting, messaging is too much. A single week should be enough UNLESS it's a stalling act to hope for a better offer... I got the impression that women who don't belong to the very young group tend to think chatting too much online before meeting up is a waste of time. I now think it's best to just have 3-4 short and light messages before asking her to meet.
Author leogirl876 Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 I got the impression that women who don't belong to the very young group tend to think chatting too much online before meeting up is a waste of time. I now think it's best to just have 3-4 short and light messages before asking her to meet. I agree, I like about 4 messages and at least one phone call.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 It's too fast and forward even for a really good looking guy it wreaks of "let's skip the small talk jump to the main attraction" and then when you meet him it will be" let's skip the drink and just go home with me" Sounds like "Tinder" style of interacting. I'm not a fan either. if you think about meeting someone at a bar or a social event would you go to dinner or to drinks with a man that just walks up to and says "give me your number I want to take you out" and then walks away? No, really. You would at least want to hear them form a sentence or two to see if there is any mental chemistry beyond what you see. Sure, spending countless weeks getting to know someone inside out on OLD over email or text is counter intuitive and a royal waste of time but a few messages to establish that mental connection can and will enhance potential physical in-person chemistry. 1
mbee Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 (edited) If you'd asked this question a few months ago my response might be different. I think sometimes you got to throw out your own rules based on the profile. For instance, I used to never respond to a guy who said "hi, how are you?" it was off putting and felt like a copy/paste response. I use OkCupid and there's a like you back feature. I noticed two guys who liked me back sent me a "how are you?" message with no other content. I was slightly turned off but looked at their profiles (nice photos and thoughtful profile) and figured why not, I'll respond. First guy who did this I met last Saturday. Time FLEW when we met. We talked for hours and he only left cause I had plans Saturday night with my friends. We had a great connection and another date scheduled for the weekend. Even if things don't work out, he's a really inspiring dude. Seriously if I'd followed my rules, I would have missed out. Second guy sent me a "how are you" message. We haven't met yet but since then we've been exchanging lengthy and thoughtful messages and will probably meet up sometime in the next week or so. A few guys have asked to meet straight away and instead of assuming it's weird, maybe write them back saying you'd love to meet after you exchange a few messages. A guy asked me to meet up in his first message, and we did meet, but I told him let's get to know each other a bit. He sent his first message on a Sunday and we met on a Friday so he wasn't waiting for long. As tough as it is sometimes, treat people on OLD sites as individual people who have feelings, emotions, their own expectations and their own history with OLD dating. You might realize that some guys are frustrated at not meeting women and want to put it out there to eliminate the women who aren't interested in meeting or are tired of constructing a thoughtful message with no response. Seriously some of the good guys I've met on OLD sites have all been from me throwing out my expectations on how I wish a guy would initiate a message to me. Obviously don't reply to this guy if his profile doesn't interest you but give it a shot and let him know you want to exchange a few messages first. You never know Edited August 18, 2016 by mbee 4
mizunomead Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 As a guy. I always asked to meet or put the idea of meeting up in the initial message. That's just who I am. I am not good at messaging or texting strangers, I need to meet someone to get a feel for them. If a lady came back with wanting to talk or message a bit first I would be ok with that. But if I couldn't lock down a meeting within a few days I would next her. My experience was if a woman wouldn't lock in a meet quickly, then it was never going to happen. I was not online for text buddies. I was there to date and hopefully find someone to have a relationship with. The woman I am currently dating responded to my initial message with how about coffee tomorrow night after work. That was over 3 months ago. So far so good. Having said that, I am extroverted, outgoing, assertive, confident and shy is not in my vocabulary. That's what works for me, and the type of woman who responds to me is the same way. You may be different, and alot of men are different also. Ultimately you have to do what is comfortable for you.
Toodaloo Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 He has probably copy and pasted his message to loads of women. Was there anything in it that made it personal to you? Just because he is good looking in his picture doesn't mean that a. he is in real life or b. that he is a decent person. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 He has probably copy and pasted his message to loads of women. Was there anything in it that made it personal to you? Just because he is good looking in his picture doesn't mean that a. he is in real life or b. that he is a decent person. That is EXACTLY what I think of when I see that. Someone desperately throwing as much mud against the wall to see what sticks. Makes you feel "real special" 2
Toodaloo Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 That is EXACTLY what I think of when I see that. Someone desperately throwing as much mud against the wall to see what sticks. Makes you feel "real special" But that is OK because they are good looking... 1
angel.eyes Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Leogirl, my boyfriend asked to take me to dinner as his intro message. Rather than jump to conclusions about his motivation, I suggested we chat on the phone first. He sent me his phone number. Great phone conversation and then one of my best dates. The point of OLD is to go on dates. That's ultimately how you will figure out if someone is right for you. Endlessly messaging, emailing, or texting with someone is not an effective or efficient way to determine if someone is right for you. 1
salparadise Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Haha, that' so true! Too long of messaging and we lose interest, too soon and you're a weirdo. Poor guys, they can't seem to win no matter what they do! Not necessarily. After you've done OLD awhile you realize that extended communication before meeting is a waste of time. Some women are proactive and realistic, and some are indulging a fantasy involving knights in shining armor, glass slippers and various fairy tales. The latter require extended messaging, phone calls, are wary are reticent. They're trying to decide if you're their prince charming before agreeing to meet, which of course is ludicrous and a total wast of time. The former realize the you can only get a feel for who someone is, whether there is attraction and chemistry, by meeting in person. They're grounded in reality and are no more inclined to invest hours and hours trying to predetermine compatibility than we are. They're there to meet people––why make it complicated? How I met my wonderful girlfriend... she was incognito on OKC. She liked my profile which enabled me to see her profile, and see that she was interested. I asked her out in the first message. It was about three sentences long. Sort of like, "howdy-do, would you like to meet?" In her first message to me she accepted and we exchanged a few more only to arrange the time and place. We met and drank margaritas and had some Mexican food. Afterward she texted me and said she enjoyed it and to let her know if I'd like to go out again. I texted back that I enjoyed it too and I'd definitely like to do it again. That was a year ago as of early next month. I got lucky, finally, after remaining single and not getting laid for nearly a year. We don't play games with each other, no bull**** or manipulation. If we have something we need to talk about we put it out there respectfully. These are the type of women who don't expect a guy to endure some lengthy process to qualify for an actual date! 2
PogoStick Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I don't think it's weird. If something about a girl's profile really interests me I might message: He I'd love to hear about your funny story when traveling to Japan, but I'd prefer to chat over a drink. Are you free for happy hour this week? 1
SwordofFlame Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I've done this occasionally when the woman has a very informative profile and even states in their profile that they're up for getting drinks.
SwordofFlame Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 That is EXACTLY what I think of when I see that. Someone desperately throwing as much mud against the wall to see what sticks. Makes you feel "real special" Newsflash. Average men HAVE TO send a ton of messages just to get a few responses. Most of the time, it doesn't even matter if their opening message is unique & creative, or lazy & boring. It's really not efficient for average men to make all of their messages deeply personalized. 2
Larryville Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Newsflash. Average men HAVE TO send a ton of messages just to get a few responses. Most of the time, it doesn't even matter if their opening message is unique & creative, or lazy & boring. This is a good point and too many women simply don’t get that. Why I wonder if roles were reversed and MEN got 30 emails a day would dudes be on here complaining? For me my profile is more “life philosophy” and not so much “hey I like, dogs, go to the beach, volunteer at a soup kitchen…bla, bla bla…” Hell I’m wordy here, good for venting and mind occupation. I fundamentally know only a certain type of woman is going to read AND LIKE my type of profile. The serial dating, party un-serious types won’t. I’m like if you read my profile… (Assuming I pass their looks test) hit me back. All of that creative first message crap you see on dating advice columns are BS. A typical “average” dude can send a Shakespearean intro message to 100 woman and will likely only get ONE response. As said in a recent thread if the typical fairly attractive woman is getting 20-30 messages a day it’s full time job to decipher. Dude sends a “hey lets meet” right away, why the hell not? 1
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