Unwanted Advances at Work

[jen1447]

Totally agree. They do seem to be taking it seriously and have told me some of the things they plan to do. The good news is previously he has gone to other places like to work gym or when I go to lunch. I didn't see him this time.

 

The coworker who reported him this morning told me 'he looked like he was hunting' so I'll continue to keep my eyes open and go in populated areas as much as possible.

 

Is it possible to be w other ppl at most times, at least in the office area? Work should offer an escort in and out if need be, or accommodate you if you ask for one. Otherwise good job - sounds like whatever's gonna happen is in process. That's way better than just hoping for the best.

[Miss Peach]

I've come across a lot of your posts and my perception of you is that you're an amazing GF. You seem extremely nice. You accomodate your BF and are very considerate of his feelings. You not only consider his feelings but seem to put effort in to understanding where he comes from on certain matters even though his views may not totally align with yours. It's really disappointing to read that he has not shown you as much care as you might have anticipated with regard to this issue you're having at work.

 

I'd probably talk to him about it. If it's going to bother you, it'd be better to not bottle up. I'm almost certain he'd get defensive, but know that people can get like that even when they realize they screwed up somewhere. So don't think that just because he gets defensive it does not mean he won't reflect on it after the discussion and realize he came up short here. I think the key is to express that you felt that his level of concern did not match up with how scared you felt. If you do talk to him about it, I'd probably leave the fact that your coworkers expressed more concern out of it. He probably won't respond well to being compared. Just make it about you and him. I know you did not ask for this advice, but bottling it up may not be the best thing.

 

Thank you for the kind words S_A. It did happen to come up last night. He really shut me out last night over something pretty small. Then he got more defensive because he thought I didn't care. When I asked he told me about a work issue so I tried to not take it personally. As we discussed this I had a good opportunity to bring up. I told him it was disappointing to me not to take more of an interest in what happened to me and how I want to feel like we are a team. I also brought up a few things he did recently but he typically doesn't do that made me feel more like part of his daily life. The team part isn't the first time I've brought that up. He seems to hear it but now we'll see what he does.

 

Is it possible to be w other ppl at most times, at least in the office area? Work should offer an escort in and out if need be, or accommodate you if you ask for one.

 

I don't worry too much about work since he doesn't have access to my area. It's when leaving my area. Some of my coworkers have offered to escort me and I have the number to security so I have some options there. Even though I'm not a huge fan of working out while the gym is busy I've been doing that too.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Miss Peach

[jen1447]

I don't worry too much about work since he doesn't have access to my area. It's when leaving my area. Some of my coworkers have offered to escort me and I have the number to security so I have some options there. Even though I'm not a huge fan of working out while the gym is busy I've been doing that too.

 

If there's a security service there they should def escort you. I mean that's what they're there for.

[Standard-Fare]

I think what you're describing does qualify as stalking - as in the crime of stalking. You're taking the right steps with your workplace but I think you should go beyond that to consider the police level.

 

I'm not saying you should go to police just yet, but try to document everything you can remember that's happened with this guy - dates, descriptions of what he did/said, etc. Continue to do so if things continue (I hope they don't but have a feeling they might.)

 

Also, assuming this guy probably knows your name, I would keep your social media presence on lockdown for a while. Make all your accounts super private, if not disable them for a bit.

 

This is an issue of your personal security. You need layers of protection beyond your workplace.

[Miss Peach]

BF was upset at me for a bunch of really small things. I had asked him what was wrong and he told me work. When he continued to be upset with me I told him how disappointed I was at him and how I want someone I can be a team with and feel like I have a partner. I told him I've been dealing with a ton of stuff including a guy who has been trying to stalk and assault me and he hasn't expressed any concerns about it or my safety. He can't even ask about my day. I have to impose this stuff into the conversation. He admitted he's been selfish and he seems to be stepping up a lot more than I've seen him. Something has really been bothering me with him and I was having trouble putting my finger on it because all the normal motions were there but I think that's it. I'm glad I put it out there.

 

This is an issue of your personal security. You need layers of protection beyond your workplace.

 

Good suggestion. I've never seen him outside of my workplace but I have been keeping my eyes open for people following me and such. I have no idea what car he drives. He does know mine but other than getting information from my plates I don't see how he could get my information. The people I'm close to at work all know what is going on and who he is. He doesn't work at my company so has no access to our systems or my work area; just common areas. I also started carrying my pepper spray with me (even to work) so that's something too.

 

He only knows my first name. Even looking up my name and workplace wouldn't give him any hits but it is possible. I don't use my workplace name anywhere with my name. My first name is common enough and I have things vague enough and locked down I really doubt he could find me on social media. I don't even post pictures of myself on my social media accounts.

 

The thing is security is I haven't found them too interested or reliable. When I do see them around they just watch videos on their phones. I do have their number on my phone if I need them. I've been more reliant on my coworkers most of the time.

 

The good news is I've been looking and I haven't even seen a glimpse of him after that last incident. But I don't put it past him to be pissed that it went to his employer.

Edited August 25, 2016 by Miss Peach

[jen1447]

Are you in Canada Peaches?

[Miss Peach]

If there's a security service there they should def escort you. I mean that's what they're there for.

 

I'm actually a bit uncomfortable using the security services. Two of my (male) coworkers who have been very protective of me through this and I were talking. In some cases he was waiting for me but in others he seemed to rush somewhere when I was there. We were wondering if he was using the security cameras in order to do this which would probably mean he's friendly with the security staff. The oddest one is he always knew when I was in the gym and when I was alone. He would typically come through the door within minutes of me being alone. There were no windows from that direction so he didn't see me passing by or something like that. I had some similar experiences elsewhere on the campus where he appeared out of no where even though it was an unusual time for me to be somewhere. My coworkers have asked to be my escorts since we find that fishy.

 

Are you in Canada Peaches?

 

No, US.

[Miss Peach]

Today I saw someone at the other end of the parking structure but they ran away when I got off the elevator so I couldn't get a good look. I don't know if it was him or someone else in that department. I know it was someone who works for that vendor though. I had never seen him in the area when I leave work so I really don't know if it was him or not but found it creepy it just happened to be when I got there. I made sure no one was following me just in case.

[jen1447]

The good news is I've been looking and I haven't even seen a glimpse of him after that last incident. But I don't put it past him to be pissed that it went to his employer.

 

He can be pissed all he wants, not your problem. (But yeah it's good for you to be vigilant.) And coworker escorts are fine, as long as you have escorts.

 

Please keep us informed.