Quokka Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 (edited) Okay so, I've [been] seeing this new girl. We've been hooking up and hanging out for the past week [and] she's really into me, from what she says, and is always trying to get to know what's on my mind. I'm very much into her, but due to past experiences, I never tend to text a girl first. I always wait to see if they're interested enough to come to me. She has to manage[d] to text me first every day except yesterday and now today. I've been working for the past couple days so we haven't had a chance to see each other either. Before I left for work she tell me she was going to miss me, then we hug and kiss goodbye. She knows why I don't text her first because I've told her that I just want to know that she's interested and it makes me feel a lot better about the situation. I'm very much into this girl but I don't want to let her know how into her I am and I don't want to come off clingy. I need advice as to what to do. Thank you Edited August 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for paragraphs and punctuation ~ V
VeveCakes Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Just text her. No girl wants to always be the one doing it first all the time. Enough with the games. 1
dpass Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 People who play games are too immature to be in relationships. If you want to text or call someone, just f*cking do it! There is no reason, at all, to wait X amount of days or wait for them to initiate contact. 1
Author Quokka Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 People who play games are too immature to be in relationships. If you want to text or call someone, just f*cking do it! There is no reason, at all, to wait X amount of days or wait for them to initiate contact. Well my reasoning seems justified in my head. I went through a break up 2 months ago, and got ghosted about a couple weeks ago. Me and this girl now have history together and I've liked her ever since I was 15 and I'm now 20. I want to go after her but I'm scared I'll just smother her. We spent four days together. Hooking up and talking. I figured space was appropriate.
dpass Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Well my reasoning seems justified in my head. I went through a break up 2 months ago, and got ghosted about a couple weeks ago. Me and this girl now have history together and I've liked her ever since I was 15 and I'm now 20. I want to go after her but I'm scared I'll just smother her. We spent four days together. Hooking up and talking. I figured space was appropriate. It's more likely she is going to think you aren't interested because you never initiate talking. 2
katiegrl Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 (edited) It's more likely she is going to think you aren't interested because you never initiate talking. Exactly. By NOT texting, you will actually perpetuate the very thing you are most afraid of -- that she will leave you. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Edited August 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix typo - 'but' to 'By' 1
Author Quokka Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 It's more likely she is going to think you aren't interested because you never initiate talking. That's a possibility I suppose. Trust me though, she knows I'm interested. We got drunk one night and she asked me why I seem distant with her and I told her because we hooked up once when I was 17 about 2-3 years ago and it never went anywhere because the timing wasn't right. So we remained friends because we were always close before we hooked up. So up until this point she has had other lovers besides me and I would be at her house some nights and I'd have to watch as she flirted and took other people to her bedroom and it killed me to have to watch that. And thats why I'm distant. And thats what I told her. She held me close and apologized and assured me that her feelings were different for me now in a good way. But yeah you can see why I'm cautious with her.
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Well my reasoning seems justified in my head. I went through a break up 2 months ago, and got ghosted about a couple weeks ago. Me and this girl now have history together and I've liked her ever since I was 15 and I'm now 20. I want to go after her but I'm scared I'll just smother her. We spent four days together. Hooking up and talking. I figured space was appropriate. Who cares what you went through? She definitely won't. All she will take from this is that you never text HER first, and that is not going to go down well with her. She will soon find some guy who will prioritise her. As dpass says If you want to text or call someone, just f*cking do it!
Bialy Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You're 20. As you get older, you'll wonder why you wasted time with dating games. You'll grow out of this at some point and you will realize it really doesn't help at all to set up these rules on contact.
soyou Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I would never date a guy like you. Extremely insecure! Thats a huge turn off. 2
Miss Peach Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I would never date a guy like you. Extremely insecure! Thats a huge turn off. Same here. Carrying the relationship like that would make me feel you're not that interested in me and I would move on to better prospects.
leogirl876 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I'd lose interest in a guy really quick who I had to initiate conversation all the time. Unless you wanna lose her, I suggest you step up to the plate. What's the big deal? It's only texting and talking! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I would never date a guy like you. Extremely insecure! Thats a huge turn off. Bingo. If you're too insecure to send a freaking text message first, you're not ready for a relationship. It will get old fast, OP, and she will move on to another guy who isn't so afraid to take the bull by the horns. We ladies like men who are confident - your behaviour will turn her off, sooner or later.
Amelie1980 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 The difficulty I would have with this, is not knowing if my contact is wanted or not. If I always have to make the effort, I would wonder if I was being a nuisance.
Redhead14 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 (edited) Okay so, I've seeing this new girl we've been hooking up and hanging out for the past week she's really into me from what she says and is always trying to get to know what's on my mind I'm very much into her but due to past experiences I never tend to text a girl first I always wait to see if they're interested enough to come to me. She has to manage to text me first every day except yesterday and now today I've been working for the past couple days so we haven't had a chance to see each other either before I left for work she tell me she was going to miss me then we hugged and kissed goodbye. She knows why I don't text her first because I've told her that I just want to know that she's interested and it makes me feel a lot better about the situation because I'm very much into this girl but I don't want to let her know how enter I am and I don't want to come off clingy I need advice as to what to do. thank you The development of a relationship needs to be balanced in terms of effort and demonstration of interest. You want her to text you first so you're more confident of her interest. Don't you think that she would want to have that from you? If you're not at least matching her in terms of demonstrating interest, she's gonna feel like you're not as interested in her as she is in you. If one party is doing all the work, they start questioning things. Texting her first isn't going to make you come off as clingy. Texting her 15 times in a row without giving her a chance to respond or is she's slower to respond, would make you look clingy. Edited August 18, 2016 by Redhead14 1
sc0316 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 You are too much work. I was amazed at how patient this girl had been until 2 days ago; many would have run the moment you told them you would never text first. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I would never date a guy like you. Extremely insecure! Thats a huge turn off. Sorry, OP I agree. It's a huge mistake to have given her your reasons for why she should text first. The explanation is one of the most insecure things a guy could say to a girl. Nope, that would not fly. You texting her PRESUMES of course she would like you and that you have confidence in your ability to get this girl (or if it doesn't work out you will survive). This is why guys who do initiate are 10 steps ahead of guys who claim they won't because they need to reassured by her texts to you first that she is interested (ugh, promise me you will never say that again!). I can't really say that I agree with you DOING what you do (letting a girl text first) but for your own sake NEVER say that explanation of why you won't do it to another girl again (or bring it up as an explanation to this one again)!!!! Pretend you never said it. And see you are in a predicament due to your own insecurity. Now since you were not the confident leader with her you are sitting there waiting for her texts instead of being able to initiate your own. You could change the tide and just text her though. But yeah, never say this sh*t again. Good luck
summertitparadise Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I would never date a guy like you. Extremely insecure! Thats a huge turn off. That's true. You should make your first move.
Popsicle Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Just text the girl, man. Don't let your past keep ruining your life.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Well my reasoning seems justified in my head. I went through a break up 2 months ago, and got ghosted about a couple weeks ago. Me and this girl now have history together and I've liked her ever since I was 15 and I'm now 20. I want to go after her but I'm scared I'll just smother her. We spent four days together. Hooking up and talking. I figured space was appropriate. Stop making YOUR problems her burden. You're all of 20 years old and already carrying around baggage. Pull your own weight and stop acting like a skirt, expecting her to do all the heavy lifting. Jeez. 1
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