I didn't know I will like him so much...

[ShatteredLady]

"He didn't want me to think he's a player because of that dating site, and he actually never met anyone after he got married and it was only me."

 

Come on let's stop this....He met you on a dating site & you started with each-other a couple of weeks after he got married!!! He's NOT a player BUT he was on a dating site & getting it on with you that fast!!! Do you really think that the fact he didn't cheat with anyone else during the first WEEKS after his marriage makes him some great loyal guy????

 

 

"Apparently he's not out hunting for women while she's pregnant... They got married last year (we reunited a few weeks after). He made her pregnant while we were together."

 

....so much better!!

Edited August 17, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[whichwayisup]

Wow, I hope you didn't fall for his victim act?! He certainly poured it on and made himself seem so innocent. This guy IS a player. Not in a mean way but in a selfish way. He loves knowing you're into him and will be there for him anytime, any place all the meanwhile he gets to stay married and live life with his wife, then call you up when he feels he wants attention. He is leading you on and you're allowing him to do so.

 

He couldn't care less that this is hurting you, if he did, he would respect your wishes and leave you alone, or at best apologize and give you some closure, wish you well and end it in a mature way..But nope! He is hanging on because he's so used to having two women meet his needs now. He's selfish and puts himself first.

[olivkazp]

He is married now and his wife is pregnant with his child.

 

It still doesn't stop me from wanting him...

 

He was on a dating site while married.

Yup that's strange

 

If you don't cave and still insist on him sorting his situation out before you have sex with him again, he will get mad, pout, give you the silent treatment to punish you and if any of those don't bully you into having sex with him he will eventually ghost on you.

Don't believe me! No matter how much he throws the 'I Love Yous' don't sleep with him and watch your prince charming disappear.

I will not have sex with him no more, unless he is single AND he knows that. I will stay in the background and observe. For now, we still keep in touch but I don't try too hard. Maybe this is gonna help me to understand why I like him so much. Overall, he is a good person, maybe I was a mistake, we'll see.

[Ana-Iva]

Well, not really. Apparently he's not out hunting for women while she's pregnant... They got married last year (we reunited a few weeks after). He made her pregnant while we were together. He's deleted that account almost straight away we've met. I never asked him about it, we never talked about it either, I think there is something wrong with his marriage and he just doesn't want to tell me. There must be a reason why he doesn't act as a proper husband. Another thing what shocked me is the fact he remember all the details from our meetings, he remember what I was wearing at our first meeting, he remember what I was saying, when we kissed for the first time, all the details from our first sexual intercourse (I do remember it all too). We both remember it like it was yesterday. Do you think he'd remember all this stuff (after 4 years) if he was haunting for other women? My ex bf didn't remember when we've met for the first time (so do I, that's why he became an EX). Anyway, I don't think he's as bad as you presented him. He's actually a very genuine man. When I confronted him about his wife he hasn't denied, he just wanted to know what my thoughts are and if I'm gonna stay or not. I don't think he will look for other woman when I leave, because he has not planned to have an affair! I'm sure he loves his wife and cares for me. That's all I know.

 

And please don't judge or hate, not every affair is the same. Guys cheat on their wives for many different reasons.

 

My MM told me a very similar story. He is 56 now, with 21 year old "child" and twins that are 20 years old. He told me that when their first child was small he had an affair of 1,5 years with a woman from work. He said he loved her and when she told him she loved him, he would not say it back because that would mean something... And she asked him to leave his wife and he never did. They broke up. He said he recently ran into her and she asked him to rekindle and he did not want to because "he is not the same person he was 20 years ago when they were together."

 

The less you fantasize the better for you. See it for what it is. Whatever his reasons and motives are, whatever he is like with you, he is a rotten douchebag inside.

And he does not care about you. You know why? Because if he did, he would let you go. He would not drag you into something like this ever, if he were a decent man. But no, he is a selfish manipulative man, who made you believe that you are in control of what happens while at the same time did everything to hook you up so you cannot say no.

He probably felt that you were weak and knew how to use that.

That is what my MM did to me... He told me nothing will happen, unless I want it to (ta da), and that he cares for me, and he was coming over every other day just to talk and have coffee, and then in three month it turned into a physical affair. I kept telling him I will feel awful if we do something, and he still pursued me.

 

Whatever you do and feel always ALWAYS remember this: he will never leave his wife for you. In the "best case scenario" if he does leave her, will you ever be able to trust a man that has been that deceitful with the mother of his child? You will become a paranoid wreck with him. You are throwing your future away and every day you spend with him is a waste of your time. You are heading for the wall, its a road to nowhere...

 

This is what I keep telling to myself, just to keep my head cool. And my head is cool, but my emotions are not and many things are already getting the best out of me. It will all happen to you too eventually when you start seeing him for who he really is, when your hormones calm down and when he starts leaving you to be with his family.

Sorry you are going through all this. Better break up sooner than later.

[Ana-Iva]

I'm not sure if he was in a relationship at that time, he didn't know that I was but he was upset when I told him because he wanted to see me. He was disappointed but respected my decision.

 

Ok guys, I messaged him earlier today that we need to stop doing what we're doing and that I want him to leave me alone (of course I didn't want it, but it had to be done). He tried to call me a few times but I haven't answered. I bought myself a tones of sweets and shut myself at home watching comedy central... I called my sister and told her about everything, I had to vent, she asked if I want her to come but I preferred to stay all alone. Then I called my best friend (she knew about everything). We talked for almost an hour, then I heard a door knocking, I thought it's my sister so I opened the door without checking who it is and.... it was him. I was speechless, totally. He asked me what's going on, I just answered that I'm done and can't do it anymore. He was confused so I said that I think he's an ******* and using me for sex and that I'm not a toy, he just sat down looking upset and asked if I really think this way. We talked about it for almost an hour, he finally told me everything. He didn't want me to think he's a player because of that dating site, and he actually never met anyone after he got married and it was only me. He said he always liked me and he wanted to try with me but I disappeared. And when he found my profile he was so happy. And what about his wife... Basically, he does not love her that much he thought he did. It was his long term "on and off" girlfriend, they met in the high school. Also, he said he was forced to get married and have family already. He admitted if we were together before he married his girlfriend things would've been different. He tried to contact me but my number hasn't worked (well, I was abroad). And we both doesn't have Facebook. He wants to be with me now but things aren't so simple... And he doesn't know what to do. Should he divorce a pregnant wife to be with me? Well, theoretically yes, but it's not so nice is it?! We both agreed we should take a break from having sex for a while until he sorts his things out. I'm saying "from having sex" only because he still wants to talk to me and he wants to be in my life. I'm not sure what he's gonna do but I should back off a little. If he decides to stay with his wife I'll just move on. I know that our feelings are real... We clicked and we truly care about each other. And now, many of you guys mentioned I'm being selfish and you know what.... I realized I'm an extremely selfish person. Yes, I am and I don't know what to do about it. I don't like sharing, when I was a kid I never liked to share my sweets with other kids. When I was a teenager, the same situation occurred. And even now... I am selfish and not always care about other people's feelings... I know it's sad and wrong, very wrong but can I change it? Do I want to change it....it's the real question. It looks like I need to reevaluate my life.

 

OMG, this was like reading my own story. As soon as I pull back and tell him it is over, he is calling and calling and sending messages and when I switch off my phone and try to isolate myself from everything, he comes knocking on my door uninvited. I was thinking about what kind of character does it. You told him you don't want it anymore, that it is not what you need and want, and there he is calling and calling and coming over for a surprise visits. If someone told me to leave, I would leave... I would not have it in me to pester a person into submission, especially at the time I know they are weak and cannot resist me. I know I am not giving them what they need and want but I still want to be with them anyways because that is what I want and need right now... that is what they all think and that is the definition of selfish. My MM even went as far to say: I know you are right, but I don't want you to be...

 

As far as your description of yourself, perhaps you should look into some sort of personalities that you might fit in, to understand yourself better and why is it that you never cared about others.

[loveisanaction]

Humans by nature are selfish creatures, we look out for ourselves and our offspring alone. Humans who have empathy, sympathy, respect and discipline have to be taught those as a child and have it instilled in them as they age but naturally it’s each man for himself.

 

I have seen it happen many times where a married man (single men do it too) will treat his other woman like she’s the last priority in his life but the moment she tells him it’s over he shows up at her door step. Why is that? Is it because he’s in love? Is it because he can’t bear to live his life without her? Is it because of the sex? No, it’s much simpler than that, it’s his ego. Men in general do not take rejection well which is why they pester and pester and pester and even sometimes beg a woman for sex or for a date. Men do not handle rejection well which is why they sometimes may become aggressive or bully a woman who will not accept their advances; they don’t like it…period.

 

Women tend to take this (showing up at the door) as a romantic gesture when in fact it is a selfish one. If it isn’t, why is it then that as soon the woman has sex with the man he disappears and the push/pull continues on?

 

My only hope is that the other woman is able to get out of her affair and get out fast because married men have been known to waste the other woman’s life. Some women have been the other woman for 5, 6, 7, 10, and I’ve seen on here 8 (and on two other boards that I am a member of) 15 and 19 years with no hope of a commitment in sight.

 

It’s hard to see married man for what he is when you are clouded by your feelings for him but for those of looking on the outside we can see it very clearly.

[MadJackBird]

I am currently seeing a married man and I started wondering if I should back off.

 

I stopped reading after this. The answer is you should back off.

[olivkazp]

So I just ended up searching on the Internet HOW TO GET OVER A MARRIED MAN etc..... Ugh.

[anika99]

Oh that poor man! Forced to marry, forced to stick his penis in his wife and get her pregnant even after he started cheating on her. Oh the horror!

 

He is lying. What was he doing on that dating site? Looking for golfing buddies?

This man lies so much yet you still believe his stories.

[NTV]

I will not have sex with him no more, unless he is single AND he knows that. I will stay in the background and observe. For now, we still keep in touch but I don't try too hard. Maybe this is gonna help me to understand why I like him so much. Overall, he is a good person, maybe I was a mistake, we'll see.

 

While you're looking at him and observing, you won't notice who's looking at you.

[olivkazp]

While you're looking at him and observing, you won't notice who's looking at you.

 

I already mentioned if I find someone who is worth my attention, I'll go for it.

[BuddyX]

But in the meantime you'll enthralled with the MM. That is not fair to the next guy who comes along.

Clean slate. NC is the way to go

[loveisanaction]

Oh that poor man! Forced to marry, forced to stick his penis in his wife and get her pregnant even after he started cheating on her. Oh the horror! .

 

'Ain't that the truth. He was sleeping with the OP when he got his wife pregnant.

 

No way he can pull the 'My wife doesn't give me sex' card.

 

Pfftttt!

[cozycottagelg]

Where does his wife think he is when he is spending the night with you?

[olivkazp]

Where does his wife think he is when he is spending the night with you?

 

I have no idea.

[NTV]

I already mentioned if I find someone who is worth my attention, I'll go for it.

 

 

 

Sorry - You won't find anyone that's worth it if your focus is on him. Because anyone worth it will see you focused on another guy and move right along. If you want someone to see you are special and individual and love you for it, then you've got to be special and individual for them. Anything else is something else.

[olivkazp]

Sorry - You won't find anyone that's worth it if your focus is on him. Because anyone worth it will see you focused on another guy and move right along. If you want someone to see you are special and individual and love you for it, then you've got to be special and individual for them. Anything else is something else.

 

Right, I hear you. I need to think again about what I want. I still want him, I need time I guess. I fell for him real hard and I know it's not gonna be easy to get over this guy. Last time I was so into someone was at uni 7 years ago. I really haven't expected I'd catch such a strong feelings. I remember us talking casually, I was even rude to him at times... And now I am like "really"? I never thought we'd get so close.... I swear, I think I will always keep feelings for him. All those lies, I'm still into him. It's so true that people in love are blind.

[olivkazp]

This man lies so much yet you still believe his stories.

 

I don't know what to believe anymore.

[olivkazp]

I'd lie like that to you too if it meant we could keep shagging.

 

I hate that world is so over-sexualized... (Sorry, society is).

[NTV]

I like it lol.

[olivkazp]

Because you're a male I suppose. ;-) @NTV

[NTV]

Because you're a male I suppose. ;-) @NTV

 

Not sure that's a prerequisite lol.

[skywriter]

Also, he said he was forced to get married and have family already.

 

He was forced to get married and have a family?

[BuddyX]

Not sure what's bigger crock, that, or you believing it

Edited August 18, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar

[olivkazp]

Also, he said he was forced to get married and have family already.

 

He was forced to get married and have a family?

 

Ok maybe not exactly, he of course wanted to marry his girlfriend but he felt the pressure. He was like " oh, she's here, we're together for so long, my mum wants grandchildren already, I'm 26 years old in a long relationship, why not to marry".... Well, he loved her I guess, but I mean he wasn't fully ready for marriage just yet. You know what I mean, there's a lot of people getting married for a wrong reason.

Edited August 18, 2016 by olivkazp