Unfortunately I am going through this again . . .

[merrmeade]

She said he was relentless to the point where she felt overwhelmed and it progressed to having sex with him on more than one occasion; she was so upset when she told me she couldn’t remember how many times. She feels very distraught and terrible about what happened. As far as I know she has never done anything like this before. I had no idea any of this was going on but apparently she confided to her sisters who strongly told her to stop. If only she had listened to them and me when I suggested a few months ago he was a threat to our marriage and therefore she should block contact with him.

 

I thought my wife was too strong to allow this to happen.

So strange. You talk about her as if she were a victim. You never call it an affair - just "this" and "what happened." The closest you come is to say she had sex with him on more than one occasion, as if you're describing one of many symptoms to a doctor. Has it not sunk in what was done TO YOU??

 

I say this, but I understand and have been there, too. Mine didn't even ask to for the excuses and understanding I gave.

 

It's actually more like this:

...She took his calls, accepted the contact and attention from him. She didn't block contact from him when OP asked her to do so. By her accepting the contact and not cutting it off, she invited him to continue. He didn't drug her and have his way with her. She willingly did this a ****load of times which is why she said the stress of the situation is making her not remember. She wasn't taken advantage of.

EXXXXXXXACTLY.

[Mr. Lucky]

She said he was relentless to the point where she felt overwhelmed and it progressed to having sex with him on more than one occasion; she was so upset when she told me she couldn’t remember how many times. She feels very distraught and terrible about what happened.

 

I say this, but I understand and have been there, too. Mine didn't even ask to for the excuses and understanding I gave.

 

Yep, it's a win/win for the WS if they are seen as the victim. Not only are they closer to forgiveness but now the AP is the bad guy and the focus of BS anger.

 

Magicians use misdirection in the same way - while you're looking here, you're not aware of what's happening there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[merrmeade]

Yep, it's a win/win for the WS if they are seen as the victim. Not only are they closer to forgiveness but now the AP is the bad guy and the focus of BS anger.

 

Magicians use misdirection in the same way - while you're looking here, you're not aware of what's happening there...

 

Mr. Lucky

Yes, it takes years of practice and collusion in a dysfunctional relationship for them to bring it off.

 

When he can't escape blame and has no more excuses, my H actually gets sick - honest to goodness real symptoms go-to-the-hospital sick. One time it was shingles, pneumonia a couple of other times, or at the very least throwing up/diarrhea. It may sound coincidental but it's happened too many times. I think it's just part and parcel of the condition we're not going to name because we're not really mental healthcare professionals.

[Jersey born raised]

As a BS it is hard to say this: an out of control thyroid gland creates monsters. I read decades ago in an science magazine that a couple of ounces of some of the hormones if they where a black dye would turn the water in a 20 x 40 in ground pool pitch black.

 

Again while it is fair to point out the possibility to OP, any advice is worthless until you get a medical evaluation.