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What are your views on this?

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
in Dating

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LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
again, really easy to answer. The line is drawn on consent. If the other person is not consenting, one should not start, or should stop, touching them.

 

Location is incidental. Status of relationship is incidental. If a woman tells a stranger or her husband to stop touching her, he must stop.

 

e.....................................

Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Posted
Posted
Say you went out with a guy a couple of times.

 

He invites you to a dinner at his place. You clearly tell him that you are happy to come but are not ready for anything physical at this point and that you want to get to know him better first. He says that's perfectly OK and he is happy for me to come and just eat and hang out.

 

BTW I can't tell you how sick I am of sexual aggressiveness of men today :sick::sick::sick:

 

Anyway, you go there and he attempts to make out and more. You stop him and go back to talking and hanging out. He tries making out and taking it further the second time; as in taking your top off. You stop him and at this point just go home. He continues to text and so on as if everything is fine.

 

This guy is clearly not respecting your boundaries right? Or is this kind of thing just to be expected in dating?

 

Why can't I go to a guy's place without it turning into a wrestling match?

 

If I am interested in having sex with you, you will know.

 

If there is any doubt it's a NO :mad:

 

I think too, OP, that no matter how much you've stated a " no sex" policy but invite that person back to yours for a movie or dinner or whatever, of course that person is going to try and have sex with you. I have asked guys to " hang out" on numerous occasions with NO intention of sex at all, and a lot of them have tried it, or i decided I wanted it after all.

 

Men want sex and I want sex sometimes too. I would love to say that if you hold out then he's going to respect you, but if a guy wants to have sex with you, he's already decided ( most of the time) where he sees you and the potential. If he likes you and has sex with you early, it means that possibly he could continue seeing you and date you and have an LTR. If he doesn't see any future but still wants sex, he'll definitely sweet talk you to get sex, and if he succeeds he'll hump and dump, meaning he never saw an LTR in the first place with you, but he definitely saw an opportunity for sex,and so he did all that he could to get it until he got it, and once he got the sex, he continued to get out there in the dating world to see if there were other ( or better) options for an LTR. Once I gave sex to man, next day " I'm not ready for a relationship" that's code for " I don't want a relationship with you". Woman can detect lies pretty swiftly. Just say you don't want a relationship with me for pete's sake! I can handle it!

 

In my experience, I have been either treated ( or have treated men) like a truck stop. I have a goal and a destination in mind, I know what I want, but if there is an opportunity to rest, refuel, take shelter, recover and have fun until I get there, I take the opportunity or men take the opportunity. I don't know how long it will take to get what I want, but I'm not going to twiddle my thumbs in the mean time. I would think in some ways a lot of men, feel the same way, as much as woman do.

 

Sad inallegery but unforunately most of the time, true.

 

Next time, if you're dating just keep suggesting resturants until you are ready for him to come back to yours, and perhaps if your ready, if sex does happen and your ready for it, then it won't matter, you'll feel secure and ready for it. Only YOU know you're boundaries and what you're comfortable with.

longjohn Established Member

longjohn

Posted
Posted

This guy is clearly not respecting your boundaries right? Or is this kind of thing just to be expected in dating?

 

Why can't I go to a guy's place without it turning into a wrestling match?

 

If I am interested in having sex with you, you will know.

 

If there is any doubt it's a NO :mad:

 

You said it he isn't respecting boundaries and he's being an arsehole showing he only wanted sex regardless of what you wanted. He had his chance and blew it. If he actually had any respect for you and any inclination of getting to know you he'd never had done that.

 

As a guy when a lady says she doesn't want sex I respect that. Honestly that shocks some ladies as you said they are all too used to guys trying to man handle them like cavemen then act like "what's wrong".

  • Like 1
longjohn Established Member

longjohn

Posted
Posted
I think too, OP, that no matter how much you've stated a " no sex" policy but invite that person back to yours for a movie or dinner or whatever, of course that person is going to try and have sex with you.

 

I've been invited back by a lady to her place before for dinner. Same lady said she didn't want sex just dinner, movie and a talk. I said ok and respected the no sex policy. Hours later collapsed in a sweaty heap I'm thinking she said no but it turned into yes because i respected the no sex policy :laugh:?

  • Like 2
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

Women can philosophize about consent and respecting women all they want. The fact is a man's primal nature drives him to mate with a woman he's attracted to, and all the philosophizing in the world isn't going to change that. You put yourself ALONE with a man who WANTS YOU, especially on HIS TURF, and you might as well wave a red flag in front of a bull.

bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted (edited)
Women can philosophize about consent and respecting women all they want. The fact is a man's primal nature drives him to mate with a woman he's attracted to, and all the philosophizing in the world isn't going to change that. You put yourself ALONE with a man who WANTS YOU, especially on HIS TURF, and you might as well wave a red flag in front of a bull.

 

I think this view of men, that we some sort of slave to our primal instincts, nothing more then cavemen with our knuckles dragging on the ground, who are better off being neutered like our pet fighto, is pretty degrading I think. Men are people, not animals!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)
Women can philosophize about consent and respecting women all they want. The fact is a man's primal nature drives him to mate with a woman he's attracted to, and all the philosophizing in the world isn't going to change that. You put yourself ALONE with a man who WANTS YOU, especially on HIS TURF, and you might as well wave a red flag in front of a bull.

 

Some men are sufficiently intelligent to be able to override their testicles with their cerebral cortex.

 

I personally agree with the others that it's probably not a good idea to go to a man's house when you've only met him twice (though my concern is more for safety than anything else) - but this comment is just degrading to men. Men are humans, not bulls, and are capable of exercising self control. If you put a carcass in front of a lion, his 'primal nature' will drive him to gorge until he's excessively satiated and then sleep, but that's not an excuse for a human to pig out to that extent every time food is put in front of them, either. We'd all be obese if we did that. Ditto with pooping in public, killing our competition, etc. Why are we expected to behave like humans and not animals for all of the above, but sex is the exception and lack of self-control is completely acceptable there?

Edited by Elswyth
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Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted
Hours later collapsed in a sweaty heap I'm thinking she said no but it turned into yes because i respected the no sex policy :laugh:?
I think she just changed her mind. I've never heard of a woman "rewarding" a man for honoring her request to not make any moves. I've certainly never experienced it with the dozen or so women I took at their word.
  • Like 2
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
I think she just changed her mind. I've never heard of a woman "rewarding" a man for honoring her request to not make any moves. I've certainly never experienced it with the dozen or so women I took at their word.

 

Oh I get it. Except it's not exactly rewarding.

 

She just needed to know sex wasn't all he was after, and once she knew that.... she felt free to have sex with him!

 

It makes perfect sense to me! LOL :p

  • Like 2
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Women can philosophize about consent and respecting women all they want. The fact is a man's primal nature drives him to mate with a woman he's attracted to, and all the philosophizing in the world isn't going to change that. You put yourself ALONE with a man who WANTS YOU, especially on HIS TURF, and you might as well wave a red flag in front of a bull.

 

This can explain him initiating....giving it a shot. I think any woman in this situation should expect that, especially if there has been making out involved. As a woman, I love and appreciate that sexual desire in men :bunny:

 

But to push beyond consent? No way. I can understand confusion, disappointment, and even frustration, but there is no defense for pushing yourself onto an unwilling woman. None.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
This can explain him initiating....giving it a shot. I think any woman in this situation should expect that, especially if there has been making out involved.

 

Wait, so she did make out with him on her own accord? I can never keep up with these threads... :laugh:

bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted
Wait, so she did make out with him on her own accord? I can never keep up with these threads... :laugh:

 

I don't think so. The OP didn't say that. Correct?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Wait, so she did make out with him on her own accord? I can never keep up with these threads... :laugh:

 

It wasn't clear to me in the OP. I asked, but I don't think there was any clarification.

 

Anyway, you go there and he attempts to make out and more. You stop him and go back to talking and hanging out. He tries making out and taking it further the second time; as in taking your top off. You stop him and at this point just go home. He continues to text and so on as if everything is fine.

 

I don't know how you try to make out?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
I don't think so. The OP didn't say that. Correct?

 

Anyway, you go there and he attempts to make out and more. You stop him and go back to talking and hanging out. He tries making out and taking it further the second time; as in taking your top off. You stop him and at this point just go home. He continues to text and so on as if everything is fine.

 

I read that as HE attempted to make out with her but she stopped him (ergo didn't make out with him). Then he attempts the second makeout and tries to take her top off despite lack of reciprocation.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

She told him before she even went to his house that she didn't want to be physical. She gave him a pass on the first attempt. I think she should have left right after the first attempt. That would have been enforcing the boundary she set up with him. She stayed. If you are going to set up a boundary regarding physical interaction, it should be zero tolerance.

 

It sounds to me that he was pretty aggressive with the first attempt. Not like, he just came in for a kiss, so I guess I don't really understand why she let him get away with that first attempt. Since he was so aggressive the first time, I wouldn't have stuck around. It just kinda says that's where his head is at already and so why possibly tempt fate. She had a clue then that his motives didn't match up with their discussion before she came there. She couldn't trust him. He was wrong the second time and he was wrong the first time.

  • Like 1
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Some men are sufficiently intelligent to be able to override their testicles with their cerebral cortex.

 

We all have urges, not just men. (And sometimes the power of our urges puts men's to shame, haha.) Anyway there are times when I can barely stop myself from diving between a woman's legs but I still do when it's not appropriate ....like seeing a hot random stranger on the street. ;)

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
We all have urges, not just men. (And sometimes the power of our urges puts men's to shame, haha.) Anyway there are times when I can barely stop myself from diving between a woman's legs but I still do when it's not appropriate ....like seeing a hot random stranger on the street. ;)

 

This kind of reminds me of a discussion of a friend. He said, "Wouldn't it be funny if we could just do it in public like dogs?" It would be so random. lol Broad daylight waiting for a bus or waiting on coffee at a coffee shop. lol I bet the dogs would look at us like wtf?! Get a room!

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
This kind of reminds me of a discussion of a friend. He said, "Wouldn't it be funny if we could just do it in public like dogs?" It would be so random. lol Broad daylight waiting for a bus or waiting on coffee at a coffee shop. lol I bet the dogs would look at us like wtf?! Get a room!

 

Well there's public sexual 'impropriety' (which is variable :cool:) and personal conduct impropriety, which is black and white. Point being that knowing you're not supposed to accost someone sexually is enough for any capable human being w social intelligence to not do it.

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